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First of all, great to see everybody. I just want to share something I've been thinking about. I hope it'll be meaningful to you. I know it's something that's very meaningful to me. It's what I'm working on these days. There's a Rabenu Yona. I'm gonna read to you the Rabenu Yona, the words of the Rabenu Yona in English. The Rabenu Yona writes Realize that the penalty of the sinner. Who defers tshuva greatly intensifies each day. Why? For he knows that anger has gone forth upon him And there is a sanctuary to which he can flee. The sanctuary of tshuva. And he still persists in his rebellion and continues in his evil Though it is within his power to emerge from the turmoil. Still, he does not fear the scorn and the wrath. His evil, therefore, is great. And the Rabeinu Yona brings the marshal in Shari Tshuva that many of the Balay Musar quote at this time And he writes based on the Medrash and Kohelas Raba about a group of people that were in prison, and they dug a tunnel underneath the jail, and they all left.
And this one person stayed And when the jailer comes along and he sees the tunnel and he sees the one remaining criminal So he strikes and beats the remaining criminal. And he says to him, "Fool, the tunnel is open before you" And you didn't avail yourself of the tunnel and rush to freedom. And the idea is that the sinner who has the opportunity through tshuva to escape the jail and doesn't It's an indication that he doesn't have an appreciation of the fear of what he's done wrong. Because if he truly appreciated what he did wrong, then he would. You would leave. But there is something else in the Shabenu Yona that doesn't get spoken about enough And it's what I'd like to focus on today. Which is the idea that tshuva is not something that only happens in time, but also in space. That, according to the Shabenu Yona, tshuva is a sanctuary; it's an er mikla that one can run away to in the times when they've done something wrong.
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That they have what to fear, so to speak, of Hakadosh Baruch Hu And they could run away to this sanctuary, to this place called Tshuva. I'd like to take a couple of minutes to explore the space called Tshuva. Tshuva is not just a movement; it's not something we do, but it's a place that we go. What is the nature of this place that we go? In order to understand this, we have to go back to the very foundation of the creation of the world. Hakadosh Baruch Hu desires to have a dwelling place in the world down below. Which means as follows: Hakadosh Baruch Hu wants to be in every aspect of our lives. Not only the highest points of our lives, but the lowest points of our lives. And what does that mean? Some people think that we're with Hakadosh Baruch Hu when we're davening. We're with Hakadosh Baruch Hu when we're in the beis medrash.
We're with Hakadosh Baruch Hu when we're doing chesed. But that's the equivalent of a person being married. But only telling his wife Or a woman only telling her husband about the success. I had a great day at work. I had a great day here. I had a great day there. What we want most in a marriage is a deep sense of belonging. And belonging means that we get to tell the other person about our lowest moments. And know that they will hold those lowest moments with us in a non-judgmental, compassionate way. Unconditional positive regard. And we want another person to share those moments with us. There's nothing that feels better than when somebody you love Telling you about their failures and the things that haven't gone well. And being able to say to them, "It's okay, and I'm with you in this space." When Hakadosh Baruch Hu says I want a dwelling place in the world down below Of course that means that Hakadosh Baruch Hu wants us to invite Him into every aspect of our lives And very often that's the lives of kedusha that we lead.
He wants to be invited into our shuls, into our base medreses. He wants to be invited to our Shabbos tables. But Hakadosh Baruch Hu wants to be invited into the lowest aspects of our lives. Hakadosh Baruch Hu wants us to sit down with Him and to say to Him, in an honest way, this is what I'm struggling with. This is where I'm not doing so well. And I share this with you because I don't want any part of me to be hiding in this relationship. Very often you'll have a husband who will wonder Why are things not going well in my marriage? And the answer is because your wife doesn't know you; she only knows eighty percent of you. But if you don't share with your wife the other twenty percent, the harder twenty percent The vulnerable twenty percent So then a person could very easily say "She knows me, but she really doesn't." You think she knows you because you've told her all the good things, and maybe you've told her some hard things.
But really, to know another person means to know all of us. I struggle with this. I messed up here. I messed up there. To be able to say these things, because we know that we're not defined by them. There's a difference between shame and guilt. Guilt is when I, a good person, do something, a behavior that is unbecoming of who I am. And shame is I'm unworthy of love and connection because of what I've done. Our relationship with Hakadosh Baruch Hu should have a healthy amount of guilt and regret. Which is, of course, to say, like the bumps on the side of the highway, like Rabbi Abraham J. Twersky explained. The bumps on the side of the highway. We want to be able to share with Hakadosh Baruch Hu who we truly are. Because we know that we don't need to be ashamed in front of Hashem. We know that we can come to Him and be honest.
So Hakadosh Baruch Hu says I know you daven, but can you talk to me about the averas that you've done this year? Can we build a space A sanctuary? Where instead of living in fear of our averes Instead of saying God is going to punish me for what I've done Can we use these averes as an opportunity to come closer to Hakadosh Baruch Hu? Because if a husband and a wife had a fight And a husband says to his wife I want to share with you that I know I said some things that were really hurtful in this fight that we just had. But I want to share with you what was going on for me. It was really triggering when this happened And it was triggering for me because when I was a child, this is something that I went through. And the story that I was telling myself when you were doing this was that you were pulling back or whatever was going on And that's why I reacted as strongly as I did.
If we can come and be honest about what we're going through We give our spouses the opportunity to hold space for us. So then our spouse has the opportunity to say back, "Wow, I didn't realize that when I said that thing or did that thing" That's how you interpreted it. I thought I was just doing this. I didn't realize it meant so much more to you. And because of that, she can come closer to her husband because then she could say, "Oh I when you said that thing to me that really hurt me, you didn't really mean it. You were just protecting yourself in that moment because you were so scared. And that's how a husband and a wife build what's called the space in between. When a marriage therapist meets with a husband and wife, he's not speaking to the husband or the wife.
He's speaking to the space in between the husband and the wife. The space in between the husband and the wife is where the marriage occurs. We think marriage occurs inside of us or marriage occurs inside of our spouse. It's not true. Marriage is a space that we create. It's the space in between you and I. It's the same thing when it comes to Hakadosh Baruch Hu. There's a space in between us and God. And the question is, what are we contributing to that space? Are we coming courageously to Hashem and saying I messed up. This is what was going on for me. I feel uncomfortable with what I did. I feel a deep sense of regret. Or do we literally not have the capacity to say to Hashem, "I'm sorry," because we've created this narrative around Hashem that Hashem is out to get us That now it's my time to beat my chest and to say, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," because obviously I'm a pathetic human being who did a terrible thing. This is not a space that's healthy. This is not a space that's a sanctuary. This is what the Rabeinu Yona is saying.
You're in jail. And what that really means is the space that we live in is a space that holds us captive. We're held captive by our own averas. It's a very serious thing to think about that we're held captive by our own averas. In a certain sense, it's like an addict. We're all addicted to our averas. An addict is a captive to his addiction. The addict that doesn't want to be drinking or smoking or eating or doing whatever they're doing, the addict doesn't want to be doing these things. The addict feels compelled to do these things to the degree that they feel that they've lost all choice. So they're literally a captive. They're in jail. And the Kadosh Baruch Hu is coming along and he's saying to us, in this zman of Elul Where I come out into the field, the Alter Rebbe's marshal of the King comes out into the field.
I'm offering you a way out. What does it mean? It means you don't have to be in this space. You can be in a different space. You don't have to be in a space where you're held captive by your averos. You have to be in a space where your averos become grist for the mill. Where the average itself becomes the opportunity for us to draw closer. And the fact that a person would waste this opportunity, Hakadosh Baruch Hu wants to smack us upside our head. He says, "I'm giving you the opportunity." To come clean. There is no greater feeling in the world than the feeling of innocence. The feeling of innocence is such an important feeling because when a person feels innocent, they can go back to square one. When a person feels innocent, they can say It's okay It's okay. I don't have to beat myself up anymore. I don't have to say that I am a terrible person. I am good.
Innocence is what gives us access to rebuild our relationship. A person has to come clean. If you've ever had the opportunity to do that, then you know exactly what I'm talking about. If you had someone that you deeply hurt Or that you felt you needed to apologize I don't know if y'all are laughing because of what I'm saying. But the But I know that y'all for sure is somebody because he's such a tremendous person. I know that y'all for sure has had the opportunity. Y'all, you're driving. Focus on driving, y'all. Don't worry about the phone. But I know that Yehosh had the opportunity in his life to make amends. I'm looking around, so many of you. I know, Baruch Hashem, we're sitting here with people who I so admire. People I know have been courageous who have admitted to other people what they've done wrong.
When you do that afterwards, the feeling you have is like That's good. I feel clean again. I don't have to worry about that anymore. So when we come to Hakadosh Baruch Hu, and we say, 'Salachti, forgive me. I did the wrong thing.' Hatasi avisi pashati. We're not chas v'shalom beating ourselves. We're saying lefanecha, lefanecha. We're standing in front of you, and other rabba. We're coming close to you through this vehicle. So Hakadosh Baruch Hu gets so frustrated at us because he says, "You think I'm out to get you?" I'm not out to get you. You could feel innocent if you're honest about what's actually happening. That's the avoda. To this, we should feel innocent. That's what we want to feel. By the time Sukkot comes along, we want to be able to enter into a new dwelling place of Hakadosh Baruch Hu, a sanctuary. The sukkah that we build at the end of this is the sanctuary that the Rabeinu Yonah is speaking about.
That tshuva is what builds a sukkah. And that we could sit b'tzalabdam nusa. We could sit under the shade of the sukkah, and we could say, Hakadosh Baruch Hu, I could sit with you here because I feel innocent again. I'm sitting with the shpies and I'm sitting with the tzedikim in my sukkah, and I just feel like. I'm comfortable again. How many of us feel uncomfortable with Hashem? Hashem, this year I didn't daven with kavanah. Again, I promised myself I was going to daven with kavanah this year, and I didn't daven with kavanah. I promised myself that this year was going to be the year where I worked on my shmiras einayim, and there were times where I did and times where I didn't. But mostly I failed. And a person who comes like that, they're rolling around in the mud, and then they wonder why they feel dirty. That's not a way of coming to Hakadosh Baruch Hu. We're coming to Hakadosh Baruch Hu and saying, I know that you're as compassionate as anyone could possibly be. You're infinitely compassionate, Hakadosh Baruch Hu. I know you've created a safe space called Tshuva, where I could come and be myself, and I share these things with you because I don't want any part of my life to be devoid of you. This is a healthy approach to Tshuva.
I heard last night from Rav Yai Jacobson. He said a very beautiful thing. He said the Lubavitcher Rebbe says that we start Slichos on a Motzei Shabbos because it has to come from a place of menucha. We have to start saying 'I'm sorry' from a place of menucha. Shabbos menucha, and then after on Motzei Shabbos, we could start saying 'I'm sorry.' So many people have such a difficult time with tshuva because we're coming from this impoverished mentality of 'I'm a terrible person.' We don't come from a place of serenity. Serenity is a very big word. What does it mean to be serene? What does it mean to be calm? And today we. Mistakes, serenity, and comfort. A person could get high. They could smoke a lot of weed, and they think, "No, I'm very relaxed. I'm very serene." That's not called serenity. That's comfortable. You smoked away your anxiety. That's not what we mean.
Serenity means that you know you're essentially good, and you're living from that place of goodness. You're not worried about what's happening in life because you know, no matter what happens in life. I'm not defined by my lowest moments. I'll be good. I'll be less good. I'll have ups and I'll have downs, but I'm okay. That's what it means to be serene. I'm enough. I'm okay. On Shabbos, a person doesn't have to build this world. The rest of the week, we're saying, I'm contending with whatever life throws at me. On Shabbos, we return to our essential goodness and we enjoy the world as it is. It doesn't need to be better. It can't be worse. It's exactly what it's supposed to be. That's the perspective that a yid has to have on Shabbos, and it's from that perspective that a person has to start doing tshuva.
Be'etzem, I'm okay as I am. The Rebbeinu Shlom loves me and is compassionate to me right now as I am. Because of that I want to bring Hakadosh Baruch Hu into my life. That's what Carl Rogers says. The curious paradox is that only once I began to accept myself as I am, could I actually truly grow. We think that tshuva is the process of changing who we fundamentally are. It's not true. Tshuva is the process of coming in contact with who we essentially are. There's a story with the Lubavitcher Rebbe, a very beautiful story, that a yid came to the Lubavitcher Rebbe and he said, "Rebbe, I'm not going to go to shul on Yom Kippur this year. It's ridiculous. 364 days a year, I don't go to shul. I'm going to go to shul on Yom Kippur. I'm tired of being a faker." The Rebbe said, "I agree with you. I'm tired of you being a faker."
Also, three hundred and sixty-four days a year, you're a faker. And on Yom Kippur, you come in contact with the person you really are. So you should come to shul on Yom Kippur. And because Hashem, you'll come to shul the rest of the year. Also, we see this. We see that Jews on Yom Kippur come in contact with who they really are. When I was growing up There were these Russians that would only come to the Young Israel for Akway on Rosh Hashanah Yom Kippur. And being a chutzpah dick little kid, I asked one of these little Russian kids, beautiful Russian kid Who would come to groups and hang out with us, and they would only come twice a year. I knew they lived right across the street. I knew they lived down Seagret Boulevard. So I asked these kids where they were the rest of the year. Why don't you come? And I remember this Russian kid got very angry and he grabbed me and he threw me up against the wall of Yungizov Rakway, and he said, 'What you think you're more Jewish than I am?' Only like an eight year old Russian kid
Could feel like threatened by what I had said. I didn't mean to say a not nice thing. I was just saying, 'Where are you the rest of the year?' And the way he took it was, 'How dare you tell me that I'm not Jewish?' A yid comes in contact with their essential self because we're coming from a place of serenity. We can invite Hakadosh Baruch Hu into our lowest moments because we know Hakadosh Baruch Hu is not trying to hurt us. The Rebbeinu Shlom was trying to tell us, 'I'm with you in this. I'm with you.' Tshuva is a sanctuary. It's not just something we do. It's a place that we build. We have the relationship. That we build. Person wants to know why is my marriage like this? What home did you build? We, you can't act your way out. So you can't talk your way out of a problem that you acted your way into. If we have a certain relationship with our spouse, it's because we built that relationship. If we have a relationship with our Kadosh Baruch Hu that's angry and uncomfortable and it's not serene. Adarab is the opposite of serene. It's a place of shame. It's a place of I'm not good enough. It's because we built that.
It's not because we can't blame that angara. Baruch Hu didn't want that from us. Baruch Hu wanted us with him. So this slichos period The avoda is very simply to say to Baruch Hu, Hashem I'm with you. I want to invite you into the lowest places of my life. I know that I'm good enough. I know that you care about me. I know there's unconditional positive regard. I want to build a new relationship with you. Hakadosh Baruch Hu, I know that you dug the tunnel out of this jail. The jailer—that's the crazy part about the Marshal of the Arba'iniyone. The Arba'iniyone doesn't say this, but it's Muvan who built that tunnel. Who dug that tunnel? Hakadosh Baruch Hu dug the tunnel. That's why we see, for example, by Menashe Melch Yisrael. Menashe was a tremendous rasha for 55 years. He did despicable things. He brought terrible idolatry to Klal Yisrael.
We don't understand how evil idolatry was. Menashe did this. And Hakadosh Baruch Hu himself dug under the kisei akvod. And he made a place for Menasheh to return. It means that the jailer is the one who says, "Here is the way out of jail." Hakadosh Baruch Hu is saying, "Stop it! Stop living in this space. I am not interested in being in this space with you, and you are not interested in being in this space with me." Let's listen to the words of the Rabbeinu Yona. Tshuva is not a thing we do; it's a place. It's a sanctuary that we go to. But as Hashem, we should be zeicher to a kind and compassionate din, one that accesses the essential self of who we truly are. Rabbeinu Yona, it's awesome to see you. Without further ado, I will bid you ado. So without further ado, you could hear beautiful דבר חיסא from Rividei Yeshleta.
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