Rosh Hashana - I Am God's Child

2:17 That's the story of Alicia Ben Avuya. Alicia Ben Avuya, we can't even imagine who he was, and yet he went off the derech. A woman saw him; he was doing something inappropriate. And she said to him, 'You.' Elisha ben Avuyah, you're doing this. This is before people knew that he went off the derech. It was Shabbos. He bent down and picked a flower, which is also to do. And she said Achir, you can't be Elisha ben Avuyah. You must be somebody else. The story goes about Elisha ben Avuyah, and this is the story I want to talk to you about tonight. The story goes that he was riding his horse on Shabbos, which of course you're not allowed to do. Elisha ben Avuya had a Talmud. You all know this Talmud. His name was R' Meir. And R' Meir did not stop learning from Elisha ben Avuya, even though Elisha ben Avuya had gone off the derech. He continued to learn Torah from him. Shabbos afternoon, they're on their horse. He's on his horse going for a stroll. Who's walking next to him learning Torah? The Haligataner R' Meir.

3:17 And they get to the Tchum Shabbos, and Elisha ben Avuya says to his Talmud R' Meir, even though he wasn't from at all. He says, "Mayor" I've been counting this entire time. We're now 2,000. Almost. You have to turn back. Rav Mayor was very clever. Rav Mayor was very smart. So he said to his rebbe You have to turn back. And he didn't just mean turn around your horse. He meant, 'Rebbe, it's time to turn around your life.' And Eliezer ben Avuya said I would if I could, but I can't. Why? Let me tell you a story. After I went off the derech, one Shabbos And it was a special Shabbos because that Shabbos was Yom Kippur. What do we call Yom Kippur, girls? Shabbos, Shabboson, right? Double Shabbos. So this was triple Shabbos because it was Yom Kippur, which is Shabbos Shabboson on Shabbos. And I'm riding my horse on Yom Kippur on Shabbos, and where do I find myself? In the Kodesh Hakadosh.

4:19 The Beit Hamikdash, of course, was destroyed. I find myself in the Kodesh Hakadosh, and a baskel. A heavenly voice comes out of Shamayim and says, 'Shuvu banum shayvavim' Return my wayward sons. " Chutzme Except for, and now it's a machlokas. There's a girsah of the Talmud Bavli and a girsah of the Talmud Yerushalmi. In the Bavli it says Chutzme Achir Because his name was Achir, everybody knew him as Achir. And in the Yerushalmi it says Chutz me Elisha ben Avuya, except for Elisha ben Avuya. So he says to his Talmud, Rav Meir, I would turn back, but a heavenly voice has already decreed that my tshuva will not be accepted. Question number two. It's going to have a couple of parts. Why would we call him Acher? That's such a strange nickname. Somebody calls it, "Who are you? You're the other one." " It stuck. A woman saw him on Shabbos. She sees him picking a flower. Now his name is Acher forever.

5:20 Such a strange nickname. That's question number one. Question number two. What kind of baskal comes out of Shamayim and says no tshuva for you? That's the least inspiring baskal I've ever heard in my entire life. Usually, you would imagine if a heavenly voice comes out, what would it say? You can return. You can always do tshuva. It would be beautiful. It would be loving. This baskal comes out and says, "I'll tell you a story." I know it's true because it happened to me. I'm not good in mass. I married a woman who's an actuary. You know what it means to be an actuary? It's like the highest level of statistical mathematics that you can learn. I'm so bad at math. Is anyone here from New York? Take Regents? I failed the math three Regents twice. My wife never went to college. She taught herself actuarial mathematics and became an actuary. So I literally married my wife so that my children have a shot at being good at math.

6:20 And Baruch Hashem All my kids are good at math, except for the one that's like me. She's pretty good at math too. So I'll never forget. My principal called me in after I failed the math three regions for the second time. And he looked at me and he said Matt, because my English name is Matt. I grew up as Matt Bird. Said, "Matt" I think we're beating a dead horse here. I was 16 years old and I looked at him. That's the least inspiring thing anybody's ever said to me. Because my whole life, I grew up. I was the kid that they said He has a lot of potential. Potential means you're the biggest lo yutslak in the world. This kid has done nothing, right? Say that I can handle the potential because I was like, he's got potential. If any of you are potential people, yeah, you're potential. But you know what I'm talking about. This is my move.

7:12 I'm sure you had this move also. This is my move. When your parents come home from parent-teacher conferences, what's the move? Act like you're sleeping. Act like you're sleeping. You can tell me all about my potential in the morning, and then it's only like 15 minutes until I get out of the house. If 24 hours have passed, I'm probably in a better position, right? I was used to people saying to me, "Matt, you have so much potential." This was the first time a teacher and a principal, no less, said to me, "I think we're beating a dead horse here. You're pretty brain damaged in math. It's very clear you're never going to pass this test. I think we should just quit while we're ahead." Maybe you should learn earth science. That's pretty terrible to hear. But this is much worse than that. This is God coming and saying Everybody in the world could do tshuva, not you. Doesn't that sound abusive? Everybody in the seminary is allowed to do this one thing, not you. That's terrible.

8:04 I'm sorry. I'm just meaning Not you Not her. I know one. It's just a joke. It's just a joke. The it's a terrible thing to say. Question number two. Question number three. What's the least inspiring name outside of Acher in the entire Torah? I'll tell you the least inspiring names. Who said they know? It's okay. Like, Ruth, when she had sons, their names were bad, yeah. That's bad, right? Let's say Moab is a bad name, right? Because that's after incest. Me Ab, that's my father's son, that's my father's child. There are some bad names, but none of those names are as bad as the one I'm about to tell you. If you just got that, it's like a whole new level of creepy. It is. Imagine talking to that kid. Come here, my father's son. It's like those jokes. Who is that? It's my uncle's nephew's grandfather's, your grandfather's, your dad.

9:17 Girls, I have to tell you, I have to tell you a story. Again, I know it's a true story because it happened to me. I have the least kavana when I say those brachas because I know that all of you are looking at me. I didn't think one thing. I have five girls. I have five daughters. I have five daughters. I love my daughters. Feel bad for you. But I see a little bit. Some of you, right? I'll tell you a true story. When I was a kid, high school, yeshiva, college I thought I was one of those guys, a man's man. And that means when you get married, what are you gonna have? You're gonna have little men. I thought I was gonna have an army of little ADHD men just like myself. And together we would terrorize the neighborhood. That's what I thought my life was going to be like.

10:08 So when my wife got pregnant for the first time, and they said, 'Do you want to know?' I said, 'I don't want to know. I already knew.' My daughter was born, and they said, "Congratulations, it's a girl." " No problem. Oh for one, I can handle it. I can handle it. Then my next daughter was born. They said, "Congratulations, it's a girl." I said, "Really?" True story. I said, "Really?" And that girl goes, "Yeah." I can handle it. Then my third daughter was born. And I was in the middle of saying to Hillary And they said, "Congratulations, it's a girl." And I didn't answer because I wanted to finish saying to Hillary. And the doctor looks at me and he goes, "Are you okay?" And my wife goes, "He's fine." Like I did all the hard work. Stop asking him if he's okay. Then my fourth daughter was born, and I'm like, this is a joke, and this where it gets really funny, because now Sfarati dads are coming over to me. Ashkenaz dads were okay with it, but the Sfarati dads in the neighborhood are like

11:13 Chaval, you should get a bracha from the tzadik. Chabad Hasidim are like, you need to be checking your mezuzas and your tefillah, and you need to be doing mitzvahim. Everybody's giving me every amulet. Some rebbe blessed this. I'm telling you, just keep it on your head at all times. Everyone's doing their own thing. I'll worship any religion at this point. And then my fifth daughter was born. I love all of my daughters. But now people are consoling me. I had a man. This is not a joke. He came over to me and he's like "Some people they just don't have sons, and it's okay. Daughters. They tell you daughters stay with you longer and they're more loyal." And I'm like, "Why don't you have five healthier children? What's wrong with you?" And then I had the one. My son. He's two and a half years old.

12:05 Cutest little kid. Mechal Shlomo, we call him Mikey. Mechal Shlomo Berg, a tiny little kid, upshering. He's my guy, right? And he said we have a thing that we do together all the time. Every morning I said to him, Mikey, who are you? He goes, Abba's boy. I said And who am I? He goes, Mechal Shlomo's Abba. And we are best friends forever. Because that's my son. And I love all of my children equally. I just love him more equally. And my daughters hate when I make these jokes because even though they know I'm joking a little bit, they know I'm not. Mechal Shlomo is a beautiful name. Could you imagine if I named him Yosef? It's not Because when Rachel named him Yosef This is true It meant Yosef li ben acher. I want another one. Could you imagine growing up with that name?

13:17 Come here. You weren't good enough. I'd like another one. That's not a great name. That's a name that will send you to therapy. And for all those people that I just offended, I mean you. It's okay. There's nothing wrong with going to therapy. Our parents, they say in psychology, if it's not one thing, it's your mother. His mother named him. I want another one. You weren't good enough. You know that. That thing we all have. That I don't know. I feel like I'm not good enough for my parents. That was his name. Come here. You're not good enough. Shafaleh, you're so cute. Am I not good enough? It doesn't really work. It's not really a great name. Don't worry. The Medrash makes it worse. If you thought that was bad, the Medrash makes it worse. The Medrash says, 'You know why she called him Yosef li ben acher? Yosef, I want another ben acher, because there was a descendant from Yosef who was going to have maisa macherim. He was going to act differently. Bad stuff this guy was going to do. His name was Yeravam ben Nevat' One of the worst people in the history of the world.

14:21 That's even worse. If we just go on a pshat level, your name is you're not really enough. If we look at the Medrash, it's because your descendants are going to act despicably. What a name. Question number three. What's with the name Yosef? Question number four. How are we doing so far, girls? Question number four. Ben Sorer Amora. Ben Sorer Amora. What's the halakha, girls? If a kid drinks too much wine, he eats too much meat, he's the rebellious, wayward son. What's the halakha? We kill him. Girls don't know the halacha. Shh. Now Historically, it never happened even once that we actually killed. But there's a fascinating halacha when it comes to the ben sorim. Are you ready for the halacha? The parents are the ones that bring in the child. Why? Because he's nidon alshem sofo. We know this kid because of his gluttonous, terrible, disgusting behavior is going to end up being a terrible person. We need to take this kid out of society now before he can become destructive. This is like if you knew little baby Hitler. If you knew the baby who was going to grow up to be Hitler, wouldn't you kill the child? Yeah.

15:39 What was that? You would have put him in art school. I think he went to art school. We could have put him in therapy; it would have been fine. The truth of the matter is, I hear you. And again, it never happened. It never happened. Not once in the history of the world. But there is a fascinating halacha. The halacha is that if the parents forgive the child, then the child doesn't get killed. Now that doesn't make any sense. Because you think about. This kid is going to be the worst kid, a terrible Russia. He's going to wreak havoc on the world. You got to kill the kid. So what does it matter if the parents forgive him? Whether the parents forgive him or not, what's going to happen? Because he has the potential. But either way, what's going to be? The kid's still going to become who he's going to become.

16:33 Question number four. That was question number four. Question number five. Last one. Just five questions. Just five questions. What do you need me to repeat? There was. So far, we covered the question of Thought I could do without looking. Question number four. Question number one was Shimon the Tzaddik. Question number two was Eliezer and Avuya. Question number three was Yosef. Question number four is: What doesn't matter if the parents forgive him? Last one. The halacha is strange. The halacha is as follows: the kohen gadol can only wear his outfit once. He doesn't get to wear it again the next Yom Kippur. Do you girls know that? So those priestly garments that the kohen gadol wears on Yom Kippur at the end of the year, they're gone. He's never allowed to wear them again. Why not? Why can't he recycle them and get to wear them again next year? It'll be his Yom Kippur. I have a Yom Kippur kit though. Why can't the Yom Kippur? Why can't the Cohen Gadol have a Yom Kippur garment?

17:45 Those are the questions. I want to tell you a story. I'm going to tell you two stories. The first story I can't tell you if it's true or not because I wasn't part of the story. And I heard it like 20th hand But it's an incredible story. And I did some research, and it's very possible, perhaps even likely, that it's true. And I'll tell you how I know as I tell you the story. There is a yeshiva in New Jersey. It's called Adelphia. How many people here have ever heard of a yeshiva called Adelphia? Many, many years ago, in Adelphia They used to take boys in that were like. A little rambunctious, a little wild. Not necessarily the most no story. Your cousin went there. I almost went there when I was a kid. Not necessarily the most religious, the most observant type of kids went to this yeshiva.

18:48 There was a boy 16 years old Doesn't have his license And the minhal of the yeshiva. His name was. He just passed away recently. His name was Rav David Shrank. Rav David Trank was a massive person. Huge. Some of you may have heard of his brother, who was the Menahel of Darchei, Rav Zevi Trank. Rav David Trank was a monster of a man, huge, physically very imposing. He used to leave his keys in his car. The Bachrim used to steal his car and go to the movies ten miles away. One Friday night, a 16-year-old kid who doesn't have a license decides that he is going to steal Rav David Trank's car on a Friday night. And drive to the movies on a Friday night. So he's planning on doing this when another bachur in the yeshiva sees him and says to him, "Where are you going?"

19:37 He goes, "I'm going to take Reb Chank's car and go to the movies Friday night." The kid says, "Are you crazy? You don't even have a license." He says, "Trust me, I drive better than half the seniors that are stealing Reb Chank's car that have a license." So the kid says, "Fine, I want to come with you." The guy says, "No, you're not coming with me. This is a journey I have to make alone." Guy says to him, "If you don't take me with you" I'm going to Rabbi Trink and telling him what you're doing. Kid goes, "I don't care." It's too late for me anyway. He gets in the car and drives to the movie theaters on a Friday night. And the snitch True to his word Walks over to Rabbi Trink's house and says, "I just want you to know that Ruvein just stole your car and he went to the movies."

20:28 Abba Cheng says, "Thank you very much for telling me." Puts on his hat Puts on his jacket. In the winter He puts on his coat. And he starts to walk. Levy, where are you going? I'm going to the movies. And he walks ten miles Two hours To the movie theater. What was that? Telling you the story. Maybe it was a two and a half hour movie. I had the same reaction, by the way. Except my reaction was I don't think I'd ever get up and walk the two hours. I like to be a good rebbe, but not that much. I'm not exactly an exercise man. You can't tell. I have the body of a god. Buddha. So I'm working on it. I'm working on it. He gets to the movie theater, and there's a woman there. She says What would you like? Which movie do you want to see?

21:31 He says, "Ma'am, as you can tell, I'm an Orthodox rabbi, big beard, big hat. I'm not here to see a movie. It's Friday night. It's not my thing to see movies on our Sabbath. But I have a student who's here. And I need to tell him something very important. She says, "Of course, sir. No problem. She trusts." But it's a multiplex So he's got to walk into every theater to try to find his student in the dark. So he's walking into theater after theater, trying to find his student, and finally he spots him. There's a seat open next to the kid. So Rabbi Trank walks down the aisle and plops himself down in the seat right next to Tom, who stole his car on a Friday night to go to the movies. The boy, sensing the imposing presence of the large man next to him, looks up and sees it's none other than Rabbi Trank.

22:27 He says, "Rabbi, what are you doing here?" Rabbi Trank says, "I came to tell you the popcorn in this movie theater is not kosher." The Talmud says Rabbi, you just walked two hours to tell me that the popcorn in this movie theater is not kosher? He said, "Yes." Just want you to know, you should eat the popcorn. And he got up and started to walk out. The Talmud runs after him. He goes, "That's it. That's it." And he's leaving. And the Talmud goes, "I can't stay." I'll walk back with you. So he walks back with his Rebbe for two hours. Two hours walking back with Rabbi Chank. Rabbi Chank didn't give him a mussar shmoos. Rabbi Chank didn't tell him what to do. They just shmoosed about life. Spoke about where Rabbi Chank comes from. They spoke about where this boy comes from. Anything the boy wanted to talk about.

23:30 Just two hours sitting in shmuza. At the end of the two hours, the boy said, "Never going to be mechalas Shabbos again." Rabbi Trank became his rebbe The person that he could trust no matter what. He never told the story of what happened until Rabbi Trank passed away. He passed away this year, and now the boy said to honor his rebbe's memory, he wants everybody to know the story. I can't tell you if it's true or not because I wasn't there. But this is the story that this young man is telling. Now there's a rebbe in our yeshiva who went to Adelphia last night 10:45 at night. We're driving home. And I told him this story of Reb David Trank. I said, "Is it possible that it's true?" And he says, "I never heard the story." But I can tell you it's very possible that it's true.

24:18 He said, "You have to understand who Reb Trank was." He was kulo positive with his talmidim. There was nothing you could do. To break the bond between Rebbe and Talmud, it didn't matter. You could steal his car on a Friday night, and he came. He knew what he was doing. Don't think he didn't know what he was doing. He knew exactly what he was doing. He showed up on that Friday night to let his Talmud know, "I know exactly where you are, and you are still worthy of keeping kosher. Just because you were mechalas Shabbos, just because you were aganis, doesn't mean you throw out the rest of it." Think about that, girls. Think about what an amazing lesson that is. That no matter how far you go It's never so far gone. And now I'll tell you a story that I know is true.

25:07 A young man 15 years old. He's never asked out a girl before. He's 15. He's a little baby chick. He's a little baby. He doesn't know anything. He's in camp. It's a coed camp, but not really. It's a co-ed camp in the sense that there are guys and girls in the camp, but they're supposed to be separate, so they're kept away from each other, except for the nurses' office, because there's only one nurse. Somehow that summer Everybody is in the nurses' office. A kid sneezes. I think he might be dehydrated. A kid bends his pinky back playing baseball. I think we need to put hatsala. Everything became exaggerated as this young 15-year-old man spent his summer in the nurses' office, just trying to meet a couple of girls. And one day, a girl came to camp. It was her first day in camp. She wasn't there for a step, and he sees her. He says, "I like that girl."

26:00 I like that girl. So he starts to schmooze with her and he starts to make his moves. And sure enough The last day of camp comes and he has not yet asked her out. And he really wants to ask her out because it's like Come on, you got to get up the courage to do it. Eventually, once in your life, you got to go Will you have a cup of coffee with me? Even though he's 15 years old, he can't say this. He doesn't have any lines. He doesn't know what to do. So he comes up with a great line in his head. Ready for the line? Terrible line. Great lines. He's so scared. The line is I'm scared for him too. Really. The line is, he goes over to the girl and he says to her, "This is what he wants to say. He wants to say, I had an amazing summer." I have no regrets. The summer was amazing. No regrets. But the only thing I would regret is if I didn't tell you that I really liked you and I wanted to ask you out. That's the line. That's the cheesy line that he's come up with. So it comes the last day of camp, and it comes the morning, and he sees the girl, and he goes over there, and he says to her, 'Good morning. How are you doing? What an amazing summer.'

27:00 No regrets. And then he chickens out and walks away. So the girl's just sitting there. "Okay. Two hours later, he sees the girl again. No regrets. She's like "Yeah. And then he walks away. Two hours later, he sees the girl again. He goes over and says, "No regrets." And she says, "I don't know what is wrong with me." He chickens out and walks away. He gets on the bus at the end of camp. And his bus driver, Bob the bus driver Bob the ex-cop bus driver Bob, who really liked this kid He was his bus counselor, and they spent all summer together. Every morning, every evening, taking care of those kids. Bob says to him, "Did you do it?" Because in the morning. This young, fifteen-year-old man said to Bob, "Today is the day. I'm going to ask this girl out. I never asked a girl out before." Bob wished me luck.

27:57 This is so sad. It's the saddest story ever. It gets much worse. You can't do this. Don't worry, it'll be okay. We're going to get through it together. Okay. He gets back on the bus and Bob is waiting with bated breath. Bob is like He's so excited for this 15-year-old kid. He's 65. He's mentoring this 15-year-old kid on how to ask this girl out. He goes, did you do it? The kid says, I kept chickening out. I kept just saying, no regrets. Bob's like, oh man, you gotta do it. You gotta do it, man. You gotta do it. He's like, I know. I don't know. And then he sees her. He sees her in the. They had a bus parking area where all the buses are, and there was a fence that enclosed the area where all the buses were. She's on the other side of the fence, and Bob says, "Go, go now, go do it!"

28:54 And without even thinking, because he's got the courage, he runs off the bus, runs over to the fence, calls her over and goes I had an amazing summer. Amazing summer. I have no regrets. The only thing I would regret is if I didn't tell you how much I liked you and if I didn't ask you out. And without waiting for her to answer, he turns right around. Runs right back on the bus, closes the door, and he says to Bob, "Go!" And Bob is driving. It's a Rivulet bus, so it goes two miles an hour. And he's like, "Come on, faster" Faster! And like all the kids, Jump! Let's move it faster together! And the bus takes off. I don't know if you know these Rivulet buses, but like you know Rivulet buses if you're in New York. It's like not going fast enough. He's just like, And Bob's like, "Did you do it?" He goes, "Yeah." He goes, "What's she saying?" He goes, "I have no idea."

29:44 And that night That night This guy's camp is over. He gets a call. Will you babysit? He's a family who needs a babysitter. Will you babysit? He goes, camp's over. I don't mind. I'll go babysit. I'll make a couple of bucks. So he's sitting and babysitting. I feel so bad for you. She's like, mom, you're suffering in the back over there. I promise you, it's gonna be okay. We're here, girl. I'm here for you. This poor guy. Everyone feels bad for this guy. Please console her. She needs to be taken care of. It's good. It's good. It's good. Good. So he's babysitting. And the phone rings. For some reason, he picks up the phone. He goes hello. The girl says What the heck was that? She saw him. She found out where he was babysitting and called him. What was that? You didn't even give me a chance to answer. But the boy doesn't want to hear the answer because maybe it's no. Even though she's on the phone Probably not a no. But the kid was so scared.

31:09 So that's the way my wife and I met. Did she say yes? She never said yes, and I never asked. Because even though you may see me as a confident man in front of you today Inside of me I'm still a 15-year-old little boy who's so scared And I didn't want to know the answer. The truth is, when we got married and we were under the chuppah, I never really asked. That's so cool. But the story has a second part to it. Before the happy ending. Before the happy ending There was a sad part. 16 years old, coming back to camp. I love this camp. This Simcha Dei Camp. This is where I grew up. I was a little kid. My mother was a counselor in the camp. She was a moira in the camp, and I was one of those little babies being wheeled around by the mother's helper. I lived and breathed Simcha Dei Camp. This was me. You understand?

32:21 So I'm 16 years old. I'm a big man on campus. I'm a junior now. Been around the block already. I'm going to be a senior in high school. I know what's what. I'm the man. I really want this girl to be allowed to come back to camp. And I found out she wasn't allowed back. And I was furious. I was furious because that was my whole summer. I was looking forward to hanging out the whole summer. I didn't have a license at that time. I could never really see her. And I found out that the head of the camp Somebody I loved dearly, the principal of my school and elementary school This guy was the man. Mr. Richie Altobee? This guy took care of me. He was the one that didn't let this girl come back to camp. I was furious at him. I walked into his office and didn't walk in respectfully. I walked into his office and said, "How could you do that to me? You knew I liked her. How could you do that to me?"

33:14 And he said to me And I'll never forget. He looked at me and he said It was her, you, and I who chose you. I stopped dead in my tracks. I was 16 years old. I was stupid, but I wasn't that stupid. And I realized exactly what he was saying And it was something that he had done for me many, many times before. Because what you may not know about me is that I was actually expelled from elementary school in fifth grade. And I'm sure you're wondering, as many of the talmidim have asked me over the course of the last couple of years when I tell this story. What could you have possibly done to be expelled in fifth grade? The answer is, you'll never know. But expelled from fifth grade Girls, do you know what it's like to get expelled in fifth grade? No. Why don't you tell me?

34:10 I'll tell you, but I'll tell you only if you're gonna really value the honesty here. It's the worst thing in the world. You know why? Because you become that kid. It's one thing if you're that kid in a school, and you're the misbehaving kid, you're the one that'll do anything, and you're the class clown, and you're going to make everyone crazy. It's one thing to be that kid, but when you're the rejected kid When you're the one that's told, no, you can't be here anymore. When you know that other schools in the neighborhood don't want to take you because you're that kid. That hurts. And in fifth grade There were two people who were willing to take me in: Mr. Richie Altobee, who was the principal of Darche. Rabbi Yaakov Benderchli was the Rashishi of that. They were the only people who would take me in.

34:58 Every other school in the community didn't want anything to do with me. There was one other school, South Shore. Rabbi Hertzberg, Al Rosh Hashanah, was a big tzaddik. He was willing to take me in. And in the end, I went to Darchei. And I didn't change my ways in Darchei But I want to tell you what changed. For the first time in my life, I knew that no matter how badly I messed up They would never get rid of me. 16 years old. I'm sitting in Richie Altavie's office, and he said to me, "It was her or you, and I chose you." 30 seconds earlier, I walked into that office like a maniac Ready to scream, ready to curse him out. 30 seconds later, I had one of the most powerful feelings of love I have ever felt in my entire life. It was her.

35:45 And I chose you. By my ufruf Mr. Richie Altavie spoke. And it was appropriate that he spoke in my Yiddish. You know why? Because he was the guy that was always there for me, even when he was telling me something I didn't want to hear. You know if you've had a teacher like that in your life Or a parent like that in your life, or a Rebbe like that in your life—somebody that no matter what, there's a line in the sand, and they are on your side of the line. Isn't that the greatest feeling in the world? And you also know the teachers in your life, the Rebbeim in your life, the Moras in your life. That were standing on the opposite side of that line. You know them. You felt the way they looked at you. They didn't really like you, or maybe at best they were ambivalent. And it's painful.

36:33 It's exceptionally painful. Let's go through those questions one more time and I want you to hear it deeply. Start in the beginning. Shimon HaTzaddik. Every year he goes into the Kodesh Hakodesh. Every year, he sees a man dressed in white. The man was Klal Yisrael. This is what Klal Yisrael looked like to him. Shimon HaTzaddik saw them and saw they were pure. Said, "I'll live another year as long as I'm the Rebbe of Klal Yisrael that sees them as beautiful, that sees them as a lokayn l'shamash and a satb bitahori that no matter what they've done throughout the year, they're still precious and loved." I'm their man. But one year, he walked in. And he saw they were all dressed. That this old man was dressed in black, and he knew. I've become cynical about Kallah Yisrael. I can't see their purity. I can't stand by them unconditionally anymore. He knew I'm going to die.

37:34 And that's what happened. Just a couple years later, he died. Let's go to the story of Eliezer ben Avuya. Girls, you know where a baskal comes from? It comes from on high, but it comes from within. Listen to the story again. Elisha ben Avuya goes off the derech, and everybody in Klal Yisrael says, "Acheru, it's not you." They called him Acher because they weren't trying to say, 'He's a nothing. He's whatever. He left.' They're saying, 'Acher, this is not you. You're behaving in a way that is not truly who you are. You're Acher.' That's why the name was picked up. And where does Acher find himself? On the holiest day of the year. In the holiest type of day, meaning not just Yom Kippur, but Yom Kippur that falls out on Shabbos, the essence of the essence. And where is he? In the holiest place on earth. Girls, is that an accident?

38:31 If you're going to be on Yom Kippur, being mechala Yom Kippur, where do you go? To the ruins of the Kodesh Hakadosh? He was drawn there by his soul. And he's riding on a horse. And what is he here? A Baskel comes out and says, 'Shuvu banim shayvafu, return.' Chutz mei. Now remember, it was machlokas. Acher, or Alisha Ben Avui. What did the Baskol actually say? The Baskol actually said Acher. Anyone can return. Just leave behind that other version of yourself. That's not truly who you are. But what did he hear? The pain of that comment. You know the pain of that person. What did he hear? I'm not enough. Anyone can return, but me. Go to Yosef. Yosef was the brother who was different. Yosef is the brother who's not like his brothers. His brothers are talmidei chachamim. His brothers are shepherds. But Yosef, his head is in astronomy and biology and science and finance. He's having dreams. Everyone's going to bow down to me. You know what they called him?

39:40 He's the acher. He's the one that's different than everybody else. He doesn't fit that mold. He doesn't look exactly like the rest of us. We should sell him down to Mitzrayim. You know what Rachel Imenu's tefila was for him? Yosef Levi ben Acher. He should feel that even when he's an Acher in his life, says the Semach Tzedek. Even when he's different, even when he doesn't fit the mold. He's my son. Yosef Levi ben. He should know that no matter where he goes, he's my son. And girls, when Yosef HaTzaddik is in the house of Potiphar, and he's about to do that avera, and he's in the middle of doing that avera with Eshtus Potiphar, who does he see in the window? He sees his father. Because Yosef had his mother's beautiful tefila embedded in his name. That no matter how far I fall, no matter how far I stray, I'm still a son.

40:26 And that's why the Medrash says, 'Yiravim ben Avot,' the one who acts so different, the one who's the worst idolater in the world, he's also my son. That's what it means to be Yosef. And that's why the Ben Sowerimora, if his parents will forgive him He's not going to become terrible. We said it before because he has the potential. When you have a parent that stands by you and says, 'No matter what you do, even if you're destined to be the greatest Russia in the world' If you have a parent that's standing right by you saying you're forgivable, you won't become that Russia. It's not possible to become that Russia. And that's why the Cohen Gadol has to get rid of his clothes after Yom Kippur. Because he's a new person. You have to shed your garments. You have to decide who you really are.

41:14 In the last two minutes left I just want to share with you one last thing, and it's very powerful. And really, we should blow this up and talk about this for an hour, but we're going to do it in two minutes or less. Everybody knows the story about Reish Lakish. Reish Lakish was the biggest bandit in the world. Every avera he had done—he stole, he pillaged, he plundered—and one day he sees a beautiful woman in the stream. He's all the way on top of the mountain. He's very powerful. Gemara says that he jumped from the top of the mountain and he lands in the river. His intent was to do bad things to this woman. He lands in the river. He comes down with Iron Man. He comes down with that superhero landing. And he sees it's not a man. It's not a woman. It's a man. It's Rav Yochanan. Uncomfortable.

42:04 And Rav Yochanan looks at him and he says It's wild Chel choloi raisa, which means you should sit and learn Torah. You're so powerful. And Rav Shlakish looks back at him and he says Shufrech lenoshim Your beauty is for women. This is a strange conversation, no? And then Rav Yochanan looks back at him and he says. And here's where it gets really strange. I have a sister who's even more beautiful than me. If you'll do tshuva, you could marry her. I just want to pause the story for a second. This is a man who, less than a couple of minutes earlier, jumped from the top of a mountain into a river with intent to do bad things. #MeToo Most relevant, Rabbi. Bad things. Girls, if you were Avyachanon's sister, how would you accept that shidduch? Imagine if Yochanan came home and went like this. Sis, met a guy today.

43:02 Very strong, like ripped. You know And he's great. He's maybe a little bit of a rapist, but other than that, he's like He's wonderful. I think you'll really like him. He told me he's going to become a bal tshuva. Marry him? And guess what? That's what happened. And then a bad thing happened. Rav Yochanan and Rav Shlakish became Chavrushas, and Rav Shlakish became the great Rav Shlakish. He's quoted all over Shas. One of the greatest siddurim of the generation. Until one day they were having a conversation. One day they're having a conversation. And they're talking and learning. And it's about when a certain vessel can become tame, and it's a vessel that's used for hurting people. So Rav Yochanan says to Rav Shlakish, he says, "I should follow you on this. You're the one that knows all this stuff." Reish Lakish says, "Was that like a dig?"

43:56 Reish Lakish says "I didn't become frum for the fame. I was already famous." Rabbi Yochanan says, "You don't appreciate the frumkeit that I've given you." We'll have nothing to do with each other ever again. And he leaves. Reish Lakish is so pained by this that he starts to get sick. He starts to die. His wife, Rabbi Yochanan's sister, comes and she says, 'Forgive my husband. You guys had a miscommunication.' He goes, 'No, I won't forgive him.' And Reish Lakish dies. And Rav Yochanan is so broken, he can't find the chavruta, and he misses his Reish Lakish. Heychaat bar Lakisha, where have you gone, Reish Lakish? Rav Yochanan dies. A tragic story. Girls, what's the story about? I'm going to give you the subtext of the story. You know who Reish Lakish was? Reish Lakish is every single person in this room who's ever had a teacher say to them If you'd only be like this.

44:47 And Reish Lachish to him it was toxic So he jumped down into the river. He was going to do a bad thing, and he heard a rebbe giving a musar shmuus. Classic musar shmuus. Chelcha lairaisa, you're in the wrong place. If only you would channel it for taira. So he said to him, "I'm in the wrong place. You're in the wrong place. Shufrech l'nasim, you should be a girl." So Reb Yochanan said back to him And this is exceptionally powerful, girls, and you have to open your hearts to hear this, especially before Rosh Hashanah. He said, "No, I mean it." I'm not just another rebbe giving you a mussar shnuz. If you would actually become the person that I see inside of you I would make you part of my family. It was the first time in Reish Lakish's life that he ever had a rebbe who spoke to him that way. So he became a bachuvah. But when his rebbe gave up hope And his rebbe thought maybe he wasn't authentic He couldn't bear to live like that, and neither could his rebbe.

45:41 Girls, we're approaching the yemeh hadin. We're approaching the aseret yemechuva. Which one do you think God is? You think God is sitting there in Shamayim going "Oh man Pulling out that book. I see where you've been the last four years. I see where you've been the last three nights. I know exactly where you've been. That square that has a crack in it. God is all knowing. Even in the shuk, He knows what's going on. Unbelievable. So you think God is sitting there, going, "Oh." I've got courage. I've got skill. I've got me ba'aysh, me ba'mayim. The problem is, some of us actually believe that. Some of us believe that God is the guy who's sitting on the other side going Now I've got you. But the truth is, it's not true. God is the guy sitting there I'm with you all the way. It's unconditional love. I'm on this side of the aisle.

46:39 The problem is not with God. The problem is with us. The problem is that we're so deeply ashamed of who we are that we can't be authentic and tell Him. This is me with all my flaws. Do you accept me? Because if we say that The answer would be I accept you. So then we could apologize. Because if we're worthy of God's love, then we're worthy of forgiveness. We should be zeiach this Rosh Hashanah to be mamlechah Kadosh Baruch Hu, not from a place of fear, but from a place of love.