Purim - Celebrating Purim As The Slaves of Achashverosh (While Still in the Middle of War)

2:16 So those words of the Gemara that we don't say halal feel very appropriate. Because even though there's going to be an unbelievable simcha on Purim But we remain in a state of servitude to Achadus Baruch Hu. I'm sorry, servitude to Achashverosh and not to Achadus Baruch Hu. So tonight we'll try to make sense a little bit of the duality that we're facing. How at the same time we can be so broken over things in Kali Yisrael And at the same time we could still be besimcha on Purim. So I want to analyze two things tonight, and hopefully it'll make some sort of difference to us. We're all familiar with the phrase LaYehuda MaYisah Ura V'Simcha V'Sasam V'Ikar. So tonight The first question is just to understand the inner meaning of these things that we were zeicha on Purim To light, to Simcha and Sason. We have to understand the difference between these two phrases of Simcha.

3:17 And ultimately, to this, the idea of yichar—what does it mean that we discovered, or we became, or disc—we were able to embody the preciousness of what it means to be a yid? What do these things mean? There's a fascinating gemara. I imagine that many of us are familiar with parts of this gemara, but most of us are probably not familiar with the full expression of the gemara and chulin. The gemara and chulin begins with the following question, a very strange question: Can you do the mitzvah of shiluach hakken if the nest is resting upon somebody's head? This is what your husbands learn when they learn Gemara. Your future husbands, this is what you're hoping that your husband is sitting and learning. What is the halacha of shiluach hakken on somebody's head? But we have to ask why the Gemara brings such a strange case. And the Gemara says yes If a nest is resting upon somebody's head.

4:17 You can do the mitzvah shiloh hakain. Because the essence of a person is adama, the essence of a person is earth. And the idea that it's the nest is resting on the earth means that we're shyek to the mitzvah shiloh hakain. That's where the Gemara begins. The Gemara then says another strange question, a question that appears to have no connection to the previous conversation. What is the source of Moshe Rabbeinu in the Torah? The source for Moshe Rabbeinu in the Torah is bashegem hubaser, that he is also flesh. This bechelal is a very strange question. Because we know that Moshe Rabbeinu is the writer of the Torah. So to ask that's like asking where is Shakespeare found in Hamlet? Shakespeare wrote Hamlet. Where is J. K. Rowling found in Harry Potter? She's the author of Harry Potter. Bechala, it's a very strange question to ask.

5:16 What is the source for Moshe Rabbeinu in the Torah, and especially in light of the fact that it doesn't seem to be in any way connected to the previous conversation of when you can do shiluach haken if it's a nest resting on somebody's head? The Gemara continues, and this is the part of the Gemara that most of us are familiar with. What is the source for Haman in the Torah? That already has some head nods. People go, "Yeah, I heard that one." The Torah tells us Haminah Eitz Azeh. Hakadosh Baruch Hu asks Adam and Chava, "Did you eat from this tree from the Eitz Azeh? So that's the source for Hamin and the Torah, which also needs to be understood in a deep way. The Gemara then asks, "What's the source for Esther min Torah?" That's also another famous question. The Gemara answers, "Va'anaychi Hester Ashtar Panei Bayomahu." That Hakadosh Baruch Hu concealed Himself on that day. That Esther Hamalka is the bechina of Hester Panim. And finally, the Gemara asks, "What's the source for Mordechai in the Torah?" And the Gemara tells us that the source for Mordechai is Mar Dor or Maridachya in Aramaic, which means pure myrrh, which was the essence, the chief spice that was brought in the ketores.

6:26 When looking at it piecemeal, which is I think the way that most of us grew up seeing this Gemara, most people analyze where Haman's source in the Torah is. Where is Esther's source in the Torah? Perhaps we've heard some shiurim on where Mordechai's source in the Torah is, but when we look at the full picture, starting from this strange question about Shiloh Hakain, all the way to the end about Mordechai, there seems to be some flow of this Gemara that needs to be understood in a deep way. In order to answer all of these questions, let's take a step back. Bereshis Baralakim es Hashemayim v'Azarets. I meant all the way back to the very beginning, Bereshis. Chazal tell us, "B'shvil klal Yisrael shenikrareshes." Amalek is also called reshes. Reshes ga'yem amalek. The Torah tells us. So we have an arch enemy. The arch enemy of klal Yisrael is Amalek. We are the beginning. We are the first thought in Hakadosh Baruch Hu's mind. In a certain sense, Amalek is also there as the obviously not the first thought in Hakadosh Baruch Hu's mind, but they are there to attack the concept of reshes. That's where Amalek lies.

7:37 Yisrael is exactly the opposite of the word Amalek. Yisrael is Yashar Kel. The Medrash tells us straight, direct line to Hakadosh Baruch Hu. Amalek is the Gemara says Am from a lashon of dimming lake, like from the lashon of Asher Yala Hakelav, like a dog lapping up water. In other words, the difference between Amalek and Klal Yisrael is that Klal Yisroel sees ourselves as living in a theocentric world. That Hakadosh Baruch Hu is real And therefore, as a result of the fact that Hakadosh Baruch Hu is real and in every facet of our lives So a Yid lives with obligations. This is a very important Yisoid in Chinuch, which today is getting lost. Something that we need to return: the Yisoid of being a Yid is not to do everything we want to do. But that there's a sense that we live in submission to something that's greater than ourselves.

8:36 There's an irony to the way we're mechaneching our children because we're trying to convince our children that everything in the Torah is good for them. And the kids are rebelling against this idea. Because every time we tell them no, this is good for you, our children respond and they go, but it doesn't feel good for me. It doesn't feel like what I want to do. And to try to convince our children that That it's really about them. The nature of the Jewish soul rebels against this idea. It doesn't feel like that's appropriate. It doesn't feel like this is what I want to do. What do we end up saying? We end up telling these kids "You're just not a connoisseur of pleasure. But if you would really be a connoisseur of pleasure, you would know that fulfilling a mitzvah is the highest type of pleasure that exists." And the kids are rightfully rebelling against this, and they say, "Rebbe, with all due respect, maybe you're not a connoisseur of pleasure. You should come with me on a Thursday night or a Matzah Shabbos, and I can introduce you to some of the world's great pleasures." You're an old man, and you don't know what you're talking about. The irony is that today, if you tell a young man or a young woman, if you tell them, "We do this because it's right. We do this because we live in submission to the will of Hashem"

9:44 That there's something greater than us, and that a yid lives yasharkel. We live a life of yashrus. Directly connected, we live, we do what's right, and we place Hakadosh Baruch Hu's needs before our own. Most kids today, because they're very soulful children today, it's what I find at least. Most kids today say, 'That makes sense.' The notion that there's a higher power, there's no thing that the notion that I should be submitted to something greater than myself. That makes a lot of sense. In contrast to that, we have our Malach. It's a nation that's designed to dim the reality of Hakadosh Baruch Hu in this world. There's a very strong presence of Hamalik in the world today. It takes on many different forms. And it tries to explain the world according to the natural order, and that everything that happens is by chance. But there's a reason. Hamalik desires to do this. It's not stam. It's not a philosophical argument.

10:43 When the Medrash compares Amalek to a dog, the Medrash is talking about a person who lives to satisfy their own desires. This is the fundamental difference between the approach of Klal Yisrael and the approach of Amalek. The approach of Klal Yisrael is: I live in submission to Hashem's will. Therefore, there are things that I want to do that I abstain from doing. And in so doing, I discover my inner godliness. It's the ability to say no to ourselves. The ability to live with laser-like focus and create intimacy in the sense of exclusivity—that by saying no to some things, I'm saying yes to other things—in contrast to the world that we live in today, which is a world that needs to have a million choices, it needs to be served. There's a sense that I come before everything else; that my desires predicate my philosophy, and that my philosophy is born of my desire.

11:38 I'm not. Chassid Shalom, casting aspersions on American Orthodoxy. It just happens to be that I was in America a lot over the last five weeks. And for those of you who have husbands who travel, you know that the whole reason your husband travels is not for business or whatever he's doing, but to bring back Amazon packages and to bring back things from gourmet glot. At least that's the way it appears to me. I have yet to tell my wife that I'm a platinum member on Alal and that I'm zochet to two seventy-pound bags. I know that she doesn't listen to the recordings. So I'm safe saying this here. And if you repeat that to her, I'll be very upset at you. The one fifty-pound bag—that's all I can bring back. I don't have room. So when you go shopping in America, it's mind-boggling, especially if you've been living here for a long time. The amount of choices that exist in gourmet glatt when you're shopping for cereals.

12:31 Baruch Hashem, and yes, today it's a lot better than it was seventeen years ago. When I made Aliyah, now today Yeshia's like came out like a nice store, but they have no pigeons. It used to be 17 years ago for those of you that lived here 17 years ago that you would literally be walking through the aisles of Yeshia and you would get blessed by the pigeons that were flying above. And today, Baruch Hashem, no pigeons, and the choices are there. There are certainly choices of what cereals you want, but it's not in aisleful, and you don't have the variety, and Baruch Hashem also don't have the cost. But I did not know how many types of cinnamon toast crunch there were. I don't know if you're familiar with this. In America, they're very busy with cinnamon toast crunch, in all shapes and all sizes and all flavors. And Baruch Hashem, now my children told me that they don't eat OU anymore, so it saves me a lot of money. They can only the Hamishach Shirim

13:21 And everybody knows that the Hamishach Shirim have the worst cereals. It's like Pesach cereals all year long. I'm not sure why my children are doing this, but kol hakavod to them. I'm happy if they believe in Hashem and that's their way of serving Hashem. I'm going to continue to eat all you with all my variety of sinniminis, but there's a natural desire that we have to live as we want to And when we place that first, that's what it means. Raisius ga'ya ma'malek, that the bechina of raisius by a malek is not that Hakadosh Baruch Hu comes first, but in contrast to Klal Yisrael who lives in a theocentric fashion where we put Hashem at the center of our lives. A malik puts the person at the center of his life. And we see that we live very much today in a world of a malik. We live in a world where every need, every whim that a person has can be catered to, for just a short, small price. And this way of raising children is deeply unhealthy. It's a deeply unhealthy way of raising a society that they should be able to get whatever they want. That's not real life. It's also not appropriate. It doesn't work. The human soul is dimmed. Maybe that's a different shot in Amalek. Not only that it dims Hakadosh Baruch Hu's light in this world

14:36 But it also dims our own light. The episode of addiction is that a person puts themselves at the center of the universe, and everything is there to make me feel the way that I want to feel. That's why step one of Alcoholics Anonymous is recognizing that our life has become unmanageable, and that only a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Because when a person puts themselves at the center of the universe, that's not a healthy way of living life. I'm reminded that last year there was a very foolish woman who was part of that whole Columbia University chaver kedisha over there that they decided to take over the library. You remember that they decided that they had this encampment in the library, and she got up on the news and she was expressing the fact that Columbia University should be providing food for them in the library. And if I recall correctly, she called it basic humanitarian aid.

15:29 To first of all, compare the situation of people living in a war-torn country to these privileged children in Columbia University is the height of stupidity. There's no other way to express it. But also, you walked into the library and locked yourself in, you also have the capacity to walk out of the library and to get whatever basic humanitarian aid you need. At the makola next door, it's like a magieli culture. It's like, of course I locked myself in a library. Now bring me food and water in order that I should be able to survive. This is a symptom of a very sick society, a generation of children that was raised to believe that they're the center of the world, and that they should get everything they want. This is an Amalek type of pervasive attitude that exists, and Klal Yisrael No doubt, because of the culture that we live in this world today, we've also been impacted by that. Children naturally should be taught, as we teach our children, that if Ema and Abba say something, then that's what we do.

16:43 There was the old statement that at least my parents raised me with, and I think their parents raised them with: if a child asks why I should do this, the correct answer is because I told you to. And that is an appropriate answer. It teaches a child to recognize that there is a higher authority and that we should submit ourselves to that authority. That's a healthy thing to do. It doesn't mean that we don't explain to our children the way that they should live their lives and why things are like this. But it's a nasev and nishma type of culture that ought to exist in our homes and in our yeshivas and seminaries. I have the privilege of working in Sharfman's once a week for the last couple of years. I'm a big fan of Rabbi Sharfman. Rabbi Sharfman is one of the OGs. I think he's literally one of the OGs. I think Sharfman started in 1978. They're coming up on their 50th anniversary, which is pretty incredible. Thinking about how many seminaries have come up since then, and also how many have folded, but Sharfman's continues to be there. And Rabbi Sharfman was one time making an announcement to the girls right before I gave she'er.

17:49 And he announced a new policy in Sharfman's, and he said, "This is the policy. We expect you to follow it. If any of you have any questions as to why this is the policy, you're welcome to come and see me." And I thought it was a very beautiful chinuch moment Because he didn't try to convince the girls. He didn't try to sell them on something. He said, 'This is the way it ought to be. If you have questions and you want to have a deeper understanding of it, of course, that's the appropriate thing to do. By all means, come see me. We can talk these things through.' But it's a nasa v'nishma type of culture, and that's appropriate. That's what we should do. Certainly, the children that are in the Israeli army, they understand that if your mifaked tells you this is what you have to do now, then this is what you have to do. There's something very beautiful about being raised in a system where you understand I am not the center of the universe.

18:37 The nafgamina of this is not only who is at the center of the universe and can have my whims fulfilled. The nafgamina is even more than that. The nafgamina is emuna. The difference between Klal Yisrael and Amalek is whether or not you live with emuna. If you live from the perspective of Amalek, that I'm at the center of the universe, then the key word that exists in a person's life is control. That's the way Amalek operates in this world. I need to control everything so that I can have my desired outcome. That's the nature of what it means to be an Amalekite. In contrast, the nature of a yid, as we'll soon see, is to let go and let God move out of the world of outcomes and move into the world of moral choices. This is why Klal Yisrael is subject to the attack of Amalek Only by Rishidim, only after Klal Yisrael said we lack emunah in Hashem. They said Hayes Hashem bekerbenu im ayin is Hakadosh Baruch Hu in our lives. Once Klal Yisrael asks that question from a place of fear, now they're subject to the attack of Amalek, because as long as Klal Yisrael is living with the bchinah of emunah, then they're not subject to the fight of Amalek, and that's why the defeat of Amalek from Moshe Rabbeinu was when Moshe Rabbeinu raises his hands, and Klal Yisrael, like the Gemara explains

20:04 Klal Yisrael is not looking at Moshe Rabbeinu's hands, but they're looking up to Shamayim, and they're recognizing that there's a bnei Shalom in this world. Why is that the defeat of a malik? Why does a yid defeat a malik by simply looking towards Shamayim? So perhaps we can suggest that looking to Shamayim means that I am not in control of the outcome of anything. Once we give over the outcome to Hakadosh Baruch Hu, Hakadosh Baruch Hu will be nohig with us the way we're nohig with Him. The fight between Amalek and Klal Yisrael is a fight like any other fight. The Hainu, we have a certain level of power, and they have a certain level of power. In the world of warfare, you have two people fighting with one another. Each is more or less of equal strength. The battle will go to whoever is stronger.

20:59 But when Klal Yisrael relinquishes control over the outcome, Hakadosh Baruch Hu takes over the outcome of the war. Memale, there's no chance that a Malach has to succeed. In other words The Yisod of Emuna is to let go of control over the outcome. We'll discuss this more in a moment. To give up, in a certain sense, our autonomy, to take ourselves away from the center of the universe. And to allow Hakadosh Baruch Hu to control the outcomes. Where do we find? This yisod. Where do we find the yisod Of removing personal autonomy as a As a mila that a person has? So this is really the story of Adam and Chava and the Nachash in Gan Eden. A person A person in Gan Eden prior to the sin of Adam and Rishon. Recognized the truth that Hakadosh Baruch Hu is manipulating every moment as it should. Memaleh all outcomes were guaranteed to be perfect, just as the Rebbeinu Shlom was perfect, and there was no need for human intervention. For example, Adam Harishon, on his own, had no need to plant. He had no need to cultivate the earth because all he had to do was daven. Rain fell, and that which the earth naturally had in it would sprout.

22:29 The nature of the way that Adam Harishon related to the world was through the aside of emuna. Children were born first of all with no pain to a mother, and as fully born adults, as fully grown adults, which is also fascinating to think about. I imagine that for those of you who have had teenage children, you can appreciate this more. The pain of childbirth, I can't speak to obviously. I'm sure it's horrific, but for those of you who had teenage children. Or if you've had multiple teenage children at once, I baruch Hashem was zecher to have four teenage daughters at once. Two of them are out of the parsha; they've returned to normalcy. Baruch Hashem, they're both married and they're healthy, wonderful young adults. I only have two left in this parsha of insanity of teenage daughters, and then I have baruch Hashem two more—one son, one daughter—that are coming up, ten and eight. But for those of you who had teenage children, you will recognize that parenting teenage children is the work of an insane person to try to control a teenager. Imagine trying to control a sixteen year old that is a wild stallion.

23:32 There is nothing that you can pass, and if it's not a wild stallion, that means something is dead inside. So it's better to have them as wild stallions. But there's something very challenging about that, and a parent who has parented teenage children knows that there's really not much you can do. But you're stuck in a place where you need to do something to raise these children to be appropriate. In the times of Adam Harishon, there was no parenting. That's not the way we think of parenting as natural, like what we're supposed to do. The truth is, we're not really supposed to parent children. The process of a child becoming an adult is a process of cultivation. It's a process, perhaps, of an inappropriate level of control, which we could speak about in a moment. But these things in Gan Eden, when a person gave over their life to Hashem, they didn't exist. The angels, Chazal say, would roast heavenly meat for them, and they would pour wine for them. And there was a life that was totally outside of the domain of Adam Harishon. All he had to do was be the recipient of this life.

24:35 There is something that's very difficult about that existence. I think for most of us, as we were listening to it right now, that sounds idyllic. Not having to go through the pain of childbirth, not having to work. I know certainly I would much rather not fly back and forth to America. Not having to raise children—that sounds very idyllic. Why would Adam Arishon, why would Chava relinquish this type of life? There is something that the Nachash offers the human condition And that is a sense of autonomy, a sense of control over life, and that's why the Yalkut Shimoni tells us that after Adam Arishon ate from the Eitz Adas. The Alkach Shemoni says that Hakadosh Baruch Hu said, 'Did you eat from the Eitz Hadass?' And other Marishon's response was, 'Yes, and I will continue to do so.' What is attractive about eating from the Eitz Hadass? Why would somebody rather work than not work? Why would somebody rather raise children than not raise children?

25:32 The answer is because having Emuna means to relinquish control. It means that I'm not in a state of. I'm not in a state of engaging in the world; that I'm manipulating the world to the way that I want it to be. So there's a paradox here, because on the one hand Life is unfolding exactly according to the way that we want it to unfold. That's the way it is happening in Ganeden. Everything that I want is actually happening, but something is lacking. I'm not making it happen. I'm not at the center of my universe. There's a level of submission that requires. It's uncomfortable for us. It's uncomfortable to the material nature of the world. We want to be in control of what's happening. The Nachash convinces Adam and Chava to eat from the Eitz Hadas by saying that you will be like a God in the sense that you will also have an impact now on the world.

26:30 Rather than just submitting to the will of Hakadosh Baruch Hu, which is perfect. What does Bitachon mean? So bitachon, the Lubavitcher Rebbe defines bitachon in a very beautiful way. He says, "The feeling you have when everything is done and it's good." Bitachon means having that feeling right now. There's a famous line: "It's good in the end" And if it's not good, it's not the end. At the end of a process, when we feel like Everything worked out exactly in the way that I wanted it to work out. There's a feeling of Baruch Hashem, it worked out. We all have those stories where It doesn't have to be this way. But let's say at the end of a story, it's a crazy story. Say my electricity was turned off and my plumbing was turned off and we had nothing. But then a pipe burst in the building and everybody else's outlets got fused. The fuses blew. As a result, everybody had to pay thousands of shekels worth of tikkunim in the building, but not us, because there was a mistake in the area. We didn't have our water turned on, and we didn't have our electricity turned on. So Baruch Hashem, we saved thousands of shekels.

27:45 So there's a feeling that a person has in that moment that I was well taken care of and everything worked out exactly as it's supposed to. Bitachon, which is the natural condition of the soul, means having that feeling right now when nothing is working out. Remember, many years ago, I was running for a bus and I missed the bus. And the bus went off, and I commented, now it's so sad that everybody on that bus has to die in order for this to be a Hashgacha Prat story. Because otherwise it's not a good story. It has to be one of those things where it's like it worked out terribly for everybody else in order for it to be hashgacha for me. That's not true. That's not the appropriate way of looking at it. We have no idea why Hakadosh Baruch Hu does anything. But a yid is meant to live, and this is an exceptionally difficult thing. A yid is meant to live in a level of I don't know why anything happened, but I feel the loving embrace of Hakadosh Baruch Hu in this moment.

28:48 The fact that the outcome is not the one I wanted, or not the outcome I think is appropriate, does not mean the story is over. If it's not good, it's not the end. It means right now I'm able to say this is exceptionally painful. To be a yid means to live with all of the emotionality that exists in every dimension of our lives. This is not chas v'shalom to diminish our engagement with our emotions. If anything, it's the opposite. That a yid is meant to mourn in times of great mourning, and we're meant to rejoice in times of great rejoicing. What gives us the ability to mourn, Kemoshet Zarich, the ability to really feel all of those negative feelings, is because we have the capacity to say Gam Zula Tova. Gam Zula Tova. I think most people focus on the Tova and not on the Gam. Gam Zula Tova means I feel Hakadosh Baruch Hu's loving embrace in this moment.

29:44 I feel I'm being held. I feel that there's a deep sense of belonging that I have, even when tragedy strikes time and time again. I'm able to feel all of those negative feelings, and also I know that this is for the best. That's what it means to have bittachon and amuna in these difficult times. I think for us, for the last year and a half, we've certainly lived this to the fullest. There have been times of unbelievable rejoicing. And then there have been times of unbelievable mourning. And we vacillate very much between these two times. On the one hand, we have unbelievable stories of clear Yad Hashem soldiers coming back from Gaza and from everywhere that they've been within the country, outside of the country, and the stories of miraculous just misses of those who were in dangerous situations are too numerous to count. I think that so many of these stories are real. But if they would put them in an art scroll book, it would be a thick book, and everyone would roll their eyes and say, 'There's no way these stories are real.'

30:52 But we know these stories are real because they're happening from our neighbors, from our friends, from our talmidim, from our children. These stories are very real. And on the one hand, we feel Hakadosh Baruch Hu's loving embrace, and on the other hand, there has been such an enormous amount of pain of every hostage that wasn't returned. Of those hostages that were returned and suffered unbelievable levels of cruelty Of those that were returned but unfortunately not alive, soldiers tragically killed in battle. The list of the amount of pain that we've had to encounter over the last year and a half, we knew on October seventh that it was just the beginning. We're not stupid. We've been in this country for a long time already. We know the way that this story goes. We know that they hit first, and we knew that we would hit second and third and fourth and fifth.

31:42 But we also knew that the price that we were going to pay was going to be enormous. The price that we were going to pay in the world, as we did very basic things like defend ourselves, was going to be enormous, as the entire world took away a little bit of our preciousness, took away a little bit of our value, even though we shouldn't pay attention at all to what these Amalekites in the world are saying about the way that we defend ourselves. But the reality is that we do pay attention, and when we hear things like that, the leaders of our country are war criminals, and that our children and our talmidim Who are soldiers in the army committing acts of genocide. When in fact, all they're doing is defending our country. A little bit, it takes away from that sense of pride of what it means to be a yid when we hear ourselves being denigrated in that way And so there is a feeling of tremendous pain. If you've been in this country for the last year and a half, you know that sometimes even the most distant from observance Jews have expressed such unbelievable levels of bitachon over the last year and a half. I was with a Jew who, at least from all appearances, does not appear to be observant, but they were expressing to me a deep sense of don't worry, everything is in Hakadosh Baruch Hu's hands.

33:01 It's sort of amazing sometimes to hear the natural bitachon and emuna that comes out from a yid. Sometimes I think we in the observant community have a lot to learn from those who are in the less observant community about the way that they talk about Hashem. There's a certain sense, a natural sense, especially if you're speaking to a svardi. There's a natural sense of like, there's a rebbeinu shalom, and don't worry, the rebbeinu shalom is taking care of us. And that's certainly been the way that we've been living for the last year and a half. It's a very challenging thing to live with, because it means that we're only responsible for making the next right decision, but we're not responsible for the outcome of this war. Exactly how things play out, that's not up to us. We can only do our best to make sure that we're acting in accordance with our Kadosh Baruch Hu's will. And if things don't work out the way that we want, and if things don't work out in the world in the way that we want, and they attack us from outside. So then, a yid lives with the dimension of gamzul etayva.

34:02 And being held by Hakadosh Baruch Hu in these very trying and very difficult moments. This the chait of adamarishon. The chait of adamarishon is I'd rather be in control of the outcome and have autonomy than relinquish control of the outcome and frankly have a better outcome, but then I have to submit to Hashem's will. This the ultimate expression of the chait of the eitzadas. I want to return to that Gemara. I want to share with you an unbelievable word from Rav Yochanan Zwi. Highly recommend. There's a new sefer that came out. For how many here have heard of Rav Yochanan Zwi? You have. That's only one. That's way too little. That makes sense. That you would hear. That makes sense. That you would have heard of him. I want you to know. I've had the opportunity to hear Shirum from Rav Zwi and read his farm. I don't think I've ever met him. But his shiurim are mind-bogglingly deep, very essential in today's generation. There's a number of s'urim that have already come out from him. If you can get your hands on any of the s'urim, they're very worthwhile. They just released a sefer on Megillah Esther. It's absolutely stunning. I bought it for my wife on Friday. I stole it from her over Shabbos. This var, I mamash read over Shabbos. A beautiful var. He says as follows: Returning to that Gemara.

35:17 The Gemara that begins with the strange story of a man who has a nest on his head, and the question is whether or not we can do shiluach haken, and the Gemara says yes, we can, because man in his nature is adamah. Man is a coarse physical being, like the material world in which we live. The Gemara is bothered by this. That's a very dangerous way of defining a human being. Because you're saying that a human being is defined by his material nature. So the next question that the Gemara asks is What is the source of Moshe Rabbeinu from the Torah? The Gemara is not saying Do we not know that Moshe Rabbeinu exists? The Gemara is saying something else. Moshe Rabbeinu has clearly gone beyond his physical form; he has the capacity to ascend to Shamayim and to engage directly with Hakadosh Baruch Hu and to bring down Torah into this world.

36:17 So the Gemara answers, what's the source for Moshe Rabbeinu in the Torah? Bashegem Hu Basar. He's also flesh, meaning the definition of a human being is not their material body that craves autonomy and control over an outcome. But the definition of a human being is much more complex than that. We have a material nature to ourselves. Which is why we're considered part of this world. That's the way we're supposed to be in this world. We're supposed to be a part of this world, and that's why the mitzvah shiluach haaken can happen from upon our heads. But it doesn't truly define us. The true definition of a person must, by necessity Be defined by the soul of a human being that has the capacity to transcend this physical world and to go beyond. This is the key difference between the Amalek view of the world and a Torah view of the world. The Amalek view of the world says you will one day die. Esav, obviously the grandfather of Amalek, says, "Hine anaychi holich lamus." You're going to die. This is the nature of the world. You're physical, and one day you will die. Therefore, control as much as you can until death.

37:31 Masha'inei ne'ed lives with the knowledge. That we do not need to control death because we know that we have a neshama and the neshama is not bound by this physical world. The neshama existed before the physical world and it will exist after the physical world. When a person touches death It creates for us the concept of tomas mase, because a yid is not supposed to take upon himself. It doesn't mean chas v'shalom that we don't acknowledge the role of death in this world, but touch death, touch a dead body. It puts us into the world view of Amalek. It puts us into the world view of anxiety and control. And this is not the way that a yid lives his life. A yid lives his life by letting go. I don't want to say I wasn't sure if I was going to say what I'm about to say, and maybe it's not the appropriate thing to say And I certainly don't have permission to say what I'm about to say. So I'm not going to say b'derech remes. There are people in this room right now, people who I baruch Hashem am blessed to know.

38:31 Live with the pachad of having children or husbands or loved ones in the army. That's a very difficult thing to do. We do not understand, and as Hashem we shouldn't understand. It's not the way of a yid to have to live this way, but to live with the anxiety of I don't know what will be with the people that I love. That's a very difficult thing to do. How do we how have we managed? How have we managed? So. I'm inspired by the family, the Zimbalist family in Beit Shemesh. Eli Moshe Zimbalist was a very close student of my mother's. He was a very close member of my family. And Eli Moshe was killed in Gaza, unfortunately, not that long ago. I'm inspired by the response of the community in Beit Shemesh to Eli Moshe's petira. That they're building a wing of Rabbi Rosner's shul in memory of Eli Moshe. That Arye Devrit, who was the one who taught Eli Moshe how to build That he now has a building chug, and he teaches people in the neighborhood to build the same way he taught Eli Moshe how to build.

39:39 And my mother, it's very sweet. My mother is already Baruch Hashem older, and God willing, she should live for many years till 120. But she's going to the Eli Moshe woodworking chug. Are you? So if you see my mother there, please tell her that I spoke about it. It's very sweet. My mother, not that long ago, she was in the side yard of her house, and she was shellacking the wood from those little stools that she made. And I remember shellacking things when I was like in third grade in Yung Israel Farakway at like a woodworking chug that they had then. And I'm watching my mother, and she's like doing the same shellacking I was doing as a child. And I'm like, do we really need stools in the house? Everyone's joking around with my mother that she's in the schulg, but I know that for my mother, it's not about the woodworking and it's not about the shellacking. It's really just a way of connecting back to Eli Moshe, and she showed me the one of the first stools that Eli Moshe made that had his name on the bottom of the stool.

40:37 And she said, "Look, I'm making it just like Eli Moshe made it." There's a sense that we have. Is a sense that we have that we're keeping people alive, we're keeping their memory alive because there's a sense that That a yid lives beyond death, that we're not capable of letting go and just moving on because in a certain way, just like Yaakov Avinu couldn't relinquish his avelus over Yosef HaTzaddik because Yosef HaTzaddik was still alive in Mitzrayim, so too in a certain way for us, even those who have been taken from us, we keep their memory alive. We try our best not to live with the anxiety and the control that comes with having the people that we love in these dangerous situations.

41:19 And there's a sense that we're able to let go and let God in these difficult situations because a yid knows that the neshama lives on. This is the bechina of my shabenu. We're not merely adamah. Those who have been taken from us physically are not really gone. And we perpetuate their memory not just, obviously I'm not being mezuzal in this, I happen to think it's very beautiful, but not just by posting orange hearts, which is of course a deep expression of the pain that we're all in. But the way that we're makabel on ourselves to live our lives in the aftermath of these tragedies is an expression of the fact that we believe ourselves to be beyond the material nature of our bodies. So while it's true that we are physical in the sense that you could do shiluach hakain, you're taking a nest from the ground, and therefore it is appropriate. But at the same time, there's a Moshe Rabbeinu in all of us, ba shegem hubaser. He is also physical, but his essential nature is not physical. His essential nature is spiritual.

42:22 And then the Gemara asks, and if you're following the flow, it's a very beautiful flow. This Ruzwai points out. And yet, even though we are also physical, and our core nature is spiritual, to be spiritual means to let go and let God, to be able to relinquish control and to live from a deep place of emuna. But there's also a hamon. There's also hamin haetzazeh. There's a desire for autonomy. There's a desire to remove ourselves from the notion of letting go. And to be in control and live with that anxiety because it gives us a sense of autonomy in the world. And the antidote to that is Esther Amalca. So there's you see how there's a flow in the Gemara. We're physical, but truly we're spiritual. There's a desire for autonomy, but a yid knows how to find Hakadosh Baruch Hu in the darkness. That in the autonomy that human creates, that the Eitz Hadass creates, a yid knows how to find Hakadosh Baruch Hu in the darkness. And to live beyond das. That's why the whole Yisodeh Purim is Chayav inis lebesume beporia ad lo yada bein arer hamon lebaruch mordechai that a yid knows how to go beyond all sense of any boundaries

43:36 Any created notion in this world, to go beyond the level of das and to find Hakadosh Baruch Hu in the most irrational of places. There's today again a very distorted sense of seeing Hakadosh Baruch Hu just in a beautiful sunset or just in a beautiful tayul. And for us, we've been given the opportunity that, of course, we can find Hakadosh Baruch Hu in the beauty of nature, like the Rambam writes. But this is not really where a yid finds Hakadosh Baruch Hu. To find Hakadosh Baruch Hu when it's obvious is not so difficult. To find Hakadosh Baruch Hu when there's no sense of godliness—that is the most unbelievable feat. I'm reminded of the old mashal of a person who's down on all fours. He's clearly searching for something in a dark parking lot at night, and he's searching under the spot under the parking lamp where it's light out. And somebody's walking by, and he sees that's his friend. So he says, Shlaimula, what are you looking for? He says, I'm looking for my wallet. So the guy gets down on all fours. He wants to help his friend look for his wallet. And he goes, Where did you lose your wallet?

44:40 He said, I lost it 30 feet that way. He goes, So then why are we looking over here? He goes, It's too dark over there. There's no lamp over there for me to look for the wallet. So I'm looking over here. It's of course ridiculous. To look for something in a place where it's light. In the place where it's light, there's no need to look. The discovery of Hakadosh Baruch Hu is the goal of this world in a post Adamarishon world. Once Adamarishon brought the notion of autonomy and darkness, once he removed Hakadosh Baruch Hu's presence from this world, a yid of course finds Hakadosh Baruch Hu in the revealed ways. In those times when times are good, we have unbelievable levels of gratitude. That's what it means to be a yehudi. That's what it means that Leah was able to say to be able to see Hakadosh Baruch Hu in the revealed ways when things are good.

45:30 Of course, what it means to be a Yid. To be makir tov and to express our gratitude when things are good is obviously part of what it means to be a Yid. But there's another bechinah, a deeper bechinah, which is the bechinah not of Yehuda, but it's the bechinah of Esther Amalke, which is the bechinah of Benjamin, which is the bechinah of keeping quiet. That's the b'chena of Rachel imenu. Rachel imenu was quiet when she could have told Yaakov Avinu what was going on. She held the secret to herself, and that's how Leah was able to be married to Yaakov. Rachel imenu keeps quiet. Binyamin has this also the secret of quietude. He's able to stay silent even when he knows certain things. For example, Binyamin knows that Yosef HaTzaddik was sold by his brothers down to Mitzrayim, but he keeps it silent for many years.

46:16 And ultimately, that becomes Esther Amalca who descends from that shevet. Esther Amalca has the ability to be quiet. She has the ability to not say who her family is. She does not say what religion she's from. She does not make herself up in any way. She's just purely as she is. And that bechina of Esther Amalca of being able to be in the quiet is the ability to find Hakadosh Baruch Hu when Hakadosh Baruch Hu's presence is not voiced out loud. There are certain people in this world. They're very loud people. They're very boisterous. They have something to contribute to the world. They're vocal and they say it all the time. Sometimes we meet people, and those people can be very inspiring. And they barely talk, and it's not because they don't have anything to say, but because they keep things to themselves because they have that dimension of not everything needing to be said out loud.

47:12 I have a rebbe. I don't want to say his name. I could say his name, but I think he would be upset if I said his name. But it's very uncomfortable to talk to this rebbe because when you talk to him, no, I'm not talking about your father-in-law. I know you're cracking up in the back. Your father-in-law certainly is like this until you know him. I know your father-in-law very well, and your father-in-law doesn't reveal very much. It's true. This rebbe, I don't think, talks to anybody. When you speak to him in the morning, and you say, "Rebbe, how are you? Good morning." So he goes. I said, "Like good morning, how are you?" He goes like this. And you have to wait like thirty seconds for a response, and then finally he says, "Like good." And you have to learn the cadence of speaking to him because it can be uncomfortable sometimes because you're talking to somebody who holds back a tremendous amount. On NCSY Kolol, I've been privileged to spend the last fourteen summers on NCSY Kolol in the summer. Rabbi Twersky is one of the Rosh Yeshiva of YU. Comes every summer to NCSY Kollel, so there's a rotation of families that sit with the Twerskys, because Rabbi Twersky doesn't speak very much.

48:19 And so his wife speaks. My wife will sit with his wife, and they seem to have very fine conversations. I'm sure if Seth Grossman sat with Rabbi Twersky, it wouldn't be a problem. But when me and Rabbi Twersky sit together, there's not much conversation to be had. So I try to ask him a shayla. And then, three minutes later, there's no answer, so I'll ask him another question. And then three minutes later, he answers the first question. There's something very beautiful, something very awkward, but something very beautiful about those NCSY Kollel Shabbos experiences that we have, because when you see somebody who doesn't have the need to always express everything that's inside of them, it means they're living in a way that they're able to perceive things in the world of concealment. This is the world of Esther Amalca. Certain tzaddikim are like this: that they don't talk very much at all.

49:10 Not because they don't have what to say, but because they're always searching. They're searching in the darkness. That's the nature of who they are. They remain concealed and they live in the world of the concealed. But in order to reveal the godliness that's within the concealed, so the antidote to Haman is Esther Amalca. So just to go back to the beginning, we now see a very beautiful flow to this Gemara. A human being is physical, but truly defined by their spirituality. The spirituality obligates us to live in a level of emuna. Which goes against the nature of our personal autonomy. That's what Haman brings to the world to be autonomous and to be in control. Esther Amalke says we don't need to be in control. We can engage the concealment of this world. We can engage the darkness of this world, and we can mine the nugget. Finally, the Gemara finished with a very beautiful flourish. The flourish of the Gemara is that we are able then from that place of Esther Amalca to take one last step, which is the step of Mordechai the Tzaddik. Mordechai, as we said, is the bechina of Mar Dvor.

50:13 Of Mar Dachia, of that pure mer that was the essence of the Keteris. The Kohen Gadol is makriv Keteris on Yom Kippur in the Kodesh Hakadoshim, where no man is allowed to enter. What this means is that we know the only sense that Adam Rishon did not destroy when he was doing the Eitz Hadas was his sense of smell. What it means is that the Kohen Gadol is able to walk into the Kodesh Hakadoshim on Yom Kippur. On the day that we were forgiven for the Chet HaEgel, the time where we had been Mechaper for the Eitz Hadas. The Kohen Gadol is able to ascend beyond the level of his humanity completely. He becomes like a Malach, and that's why he's able to enter into the Kodesh Hakadoshim. So really, even though we begin our journey as physical human beings, and then we discover our spirituality, we have that fight over our autonomy versus finding godliness within the hidden. The ultimate state of humanity.

51:10 Which is the state of humanity in Olam Haba, is that we lead an angelic type of life. The chomer of our lives, the physicality of our lives, takes on a very minimized role, where we, in a certain sense, just view it purely as a vehicle. The enjoyment of the physical world ceases to hold the pleasure that it held for us when we were younger. With this in mind, with this unbelievable idea of Rav Zwiak in mind, I think we can now return to our original question, which is: what's the inner meaning of La Yehudim Haysoira veSimcha veSason veYikar? To begin with, the first thing we encounter is this idea of Soira. Shlomo HaMelech said in Kehilas, "Ra'isi ani sheyesh yitarana ar menachoshech." I see that there's a benefit of light over darkness. Obviously, this doesn't mean the simple understanding that it's better to have light than darkness, because we all understand that. A person goes into a dark room, and they're able to discover things because the light gets turned on. Obviously, light is better than darkness. Then there's a second understanding. Which is deeper, but also not yet the full expression of the truth. We can only appreciate the light because of the darkness. We can only appreciate life because there's death.

52:27 We can only appreciate things in contrast. And again, there's a lot of truth to that, but that's not the deepest meaning here of what Shlomoh HaMelech meant. What Shlomoh HaMelech meant was Reisi ani, I see sheyeshi tarin haor min hachoishach. There's a yitaron. There's a benefit of the light that comes out of the darkness. There are two types of light. There's the light of the sun and there's the light of the moon. The light of the sun is the light of that which is revealed in this world. It's clear. It's when times are good. And there's obviously a benefit to light over darkness. But the light of the moon has a certain romantic quality to it. The nature of the romance of the moon is not just that the light. Because it's in the darkness, it has a certain beauty to it. But it almost appears to us in our world that the light of the moon is coming from the darkness.

53:20 The world is dark, but there's this luminary that we've discovered within the darkness. That's why Klal Yisrael is so often compared to the moon. That the Chinah of Esther Amalke And ultimately of Mordechai HaTzaddik, that we discover Hakadosh Baruch Hu within the concealment, and what type of concealment? We're not just talking about regular concealment. We're talking about the concealment of the concealed. The idea that something is so concealed that it appears to be totally devoid of any godliness is a light that's found in that place. That's the ultimate light of creation. The thirty six hours of creation before the Or Aganaz was stored away, lost lava for tzaddikim. We know that in the very beginning, Hakadosh Baruch Hu created light. That light is found within the darkness of our world. It will be ultimately expressed in its full capacity in Olam Habah, but it's discoverable in this world. Where do we discover that original light of creation?

54:19 Only within the Hester Panim. So there's an unbelievable advantage that we have living in Galus at these times, and specifically because we are the last generation before Mashiach and the first generation to greet Mashiach. So the light is always darkest before dawn. And what was that? I just said, please God. I think he does. I think it does please God. I think that's very much what pleases him actually. But this year, Esther Amalca is considered the morning. She's the last. She's the end of the night. Purim heralds in the times of Mashiach. That this darkness that we're living in, and it's been a very intense darkness. If a person looks at the last hundred years of history, we have warfare in a way that we never had before in the entire world. Even if you lived in the times of Genghis Khan, they couldn't possibly kill as many people as we can kill now because they physically had to go kill somebody. Today we kill people with drones. We kill people with bombs, hundreds of thousands at a time. There are conversations happening in the world today around the morality of warfare because you can destroy entire civilizations at once.

55:29 The darkness that we're living in on a moral level, the darkness that we're living here in Eretz Israel that we're experiencing. I have something I want to say, but I don't want to say the there's. I recently heard some things that I did not like coming out of a certain Rav's mouth about maybe it's not the time to move to Eretz Israel because it because of the darkness that we're experiencing. I want I'm not going to because I'm too angry to call him. I'll call him when I calm down, but I when I do calm down I would like in the appropriate way to say to him That you're searching over there in the light. Perhaps you should be searching in the darkness, because that's the bechinah of where a Jew finds Hakadosh Baruch Hu. When he says La'yhutem hayso'ira, the R that we discovered on Purim was the R of Esther Amalca of going into the Hester Panim and discovering Hakadosh Baruch Hu.

56:17 The next thing that we discover is Simcha, Simcha and Sason, which are of course two different expressions of Simcha. The Gemara in Sukkah has a machlokus between Simcha and Sason as to who's greater. So Simcha says to Sason, "I'm greater," and you see this from the Megillah because it says, "Leihudamaisa ayra v'Simcha v'Sason v'Yikar." Simcha comes before Sason, so clearly I'm greater, and then Sason responds and says it's not true because in the times of Mashiach, Sason comes before Simcha. What's the essence of this machlokus? What's the nature of the machlokus of Simcha versus Sason? So Simcha. I just learned this for the first time. Perhaps you knew this. I like when English words work out well. I'm talking about when you like what the word "side" means to kill, like suicide, homicide, genocide. So when you decide something, you're killing off other things. I like when English words make sense.

57:15 The word "happiness" comes from the same lashon as "happenstance." I did not know that. There's something chance like luck oriented around happiness. In other words, simcha in our definition is something that happens as a result of a good thing happening, and joy, in contrast, is something that's not dependent on any circumstance. So la yhudem aisa oira v'simcha v'sasam v'yikar. So 'simcha' would mean the joy that a yid has even when things are not okay. So layhu to my se'ira v'simcha that there's a certain joy that a yid has that it's dependent on the circumstances that we're living in, and that even when the circumstances are local kach tov and things are not so good, but a yid is able to live v'simcha. And I think just to begin to say what we'll say at the end, which is. And that's certainly a dimension that this nation in this country has shown over the last year and a half.

58:25 That despite unbearable circumstances, a yid has been able somehow over the last year and a half to recover and to be able to live besimcha even under the most difficult of circumstances. Then comes sason. Sason is a level that's dependent on circumstances. It's a level of simcha that is dependent on circumstances. That's something that, again, we have at the end of the story of the Megillah, because we were not destroyed by Amalek. We destroyed Amalek, although not completely. And then finally, Yikar. Yikar is the restoration of Jewish pride. I know it sounds like a funny thing to say to us here on Motzei Shabbos in Eretz Yisrael, but we must recognize that Jewish pride has come under attack. To think that we aren't struggling with that is to not be aware of what's happening in the subconscious of the Jewish soul. A Jew is not meant to be attacked in this world. A Jew is a representative of Hakadosh Baruch Hu, and an attack on a Jew is an attack on God Himself.

59:30 And just like we would be appalled if a prime minister or a president was attacked, we would be appalled if there was an assassination attempt on a prime minister or a president. Certainly, if they were killed, this would be a cause for national grieving. We mourn the fact that Jewish pride is under attack. They could take our lives, not because we're afraid to die, but because every attack on a yid is an attack on the preciousness of what it means to be a Jew in this world. To say that we are in some way worthy of destruction is an attack on Hashem Himself. By the way, that's the ultimate way that we should be raising our children. The way to raise our children is to instill in them a sense of this pride of being a yid. That you're the representative, you're the agent of Hakadosh Baruch Hu in this world. You're a prince, you're a princess. Today, girls are allergic to hearing the words Kol Koida Basmelech Penimah because they think it's going to come along with some sneer shmos that's going to give them PTSD from when they were told that they're not wearing the right denier. Which is a word that I've learned because I'm a father of daughters. I promise you, I did not know what the word denyer meant when I was growing up in the Five Towns.

1:00:41 I only had a sister who was 16 years younger than me, and we sit there telling these children like what level they should be wearing in order to be considered sneis, rather than telling our children in every aspect of their yiddishkeit, you are the precious child of the rabbinical. That's the single greatest way that we can raise our children, and we should walk around not with a gaiva chas v'shalom, but with a deep sense of pride that yes, I am the emissary and the messenger of Hashem's word in this world. We're the keeper of Hashem's wisdom, and we want to share that with the world to bring in an era where everybody in the world will live in harmony under the banner of Hashem's oneness. That's an unbelievable pride that a yid should live with. And in that year, every single yid was threatened that they were going to be killed by a mulek, that they were going to be killed by Haman, that they were going to be killed by their friends and neighbors. Remember that war at that time was not only by an army because the edict against Kallah Yisrael was not only in Persia but it was in all 127 provinces that were under the auspices of Achashverosh and the decree that went out was that you could kill your neighbors.

1:01:54 That's why ultimately Kallah Yisrael was given the decree that they were able to defend themselves against their neighbors. Imagine what it was like living in whatever ghettos they lived in back then, worried that they were going to come over the proverbial fences of those times, and that your neighbors were going to murder you. When a yid lives like that for a year, there's a certain preciousness that's lost. And at the end of the Purim story, there's a rediscovery of Hakadosh Baruch Hu is playing for our team. We have not been abandoned by Hakadosh Baruch Hu. He works within the mysterious. That's why his name is not mentioned in the Megillah. It's not the overt miraculous nature of the Kriyas Yamsuf or of the Makos, but Adar Rabba, it's Hakadosh Baruch Hu expressing His love for us within nature itself. And so, there's been a restoration of all of these things, starting with the fact that we discovered the light in the darkness. We discovered joy even when the circumstances weren't so good. We discovered happiness when circumstances were good, and ultimately a restoration of Jewish pride.

1:02:55 But at the end of the story, we're not able to say halal to Hakadosh Baruch Hu because we still remain in the state of achashverosh. Achashverosh is the letters of or v'chayishach. We live today in a bifurcated duality in a bifurcated reality where the dual nature of this world is at once light and darkness. There are times of unbelievable light and there are times of unbelievable chayishach that we've all experienced in the last year. I heard b'shem of Berkowitz. That Reb Berkwitz said that this year on Purim we should take a lechayim for all of the difficult things that we've had this year. And when I say a lechayim, I don't mean an inappropriate lechayim, but a sip, whatever it is, to take a lechayim for all of the chayshach that we've experienced and make a lechayim to all of that chayshach to bring the chayshach into the ar, which is the b'chena of achashverosh. We are not yet done with our mission.

1:03:52 The mission that Klal Yisrael has is to find Hakadosh Baruch Hu within the Chaysech, within a world that appears to be so chaotic that sometimes it's good and sometimes it's bad. A Yid somehow has the ability to live beyond those things and to ultimately bring Mashiach. Because we're in this state of Avdei Achashverosh, we're still avodim, we're still living in servitude. To ourselves, that we haven't really relinquished the control and autonomy that we're meant to relinquish, we're not living with complete emuna. And so Hakadosh Baruch Hu puts us in situations of darkness in order for us to have that bitachon that the Labavitcher Rebbe said. Can we say that it's good right now in Klal Yisrael? We cannot. We could say gamzulat teiva, but we cannot say teiva by itself. That level we're not yet on. Mashiach is not yet here. But to live with bitachon means that right now I'm living as if Mashiach has already come, that I'm living in this dimension of be'ez Hashem. I'm going to be able to find the goodness in these difficult circumstances. So this Purim, should we be dancing? Should we be singing in the streets and giving mishloach manos to our neighbors and our friends and those who we have difficulty attaching ourselves to? Should we give them mishloach manos too? The answer is absolutely yes. It should be the craziest Purim ever. It should be the most gishmak Purim we've ever had.

1:05:14 Is there a feeling that we have of kinship with those that are not able to express their Purim in the same way because they lost loved ones? Exactly. That feeling of imo anochi butzara that I can live with that chayshch but also live with that r is exactly what we're meant to do this Purim. So we can't say hallel, but Hashem there will be a time where we can say hallel. But we can't say halal. We have to be iman nochi b'tzara. But at the same time The simcha that we should experience this yamtiv should be the simcha that we will experience in olam haba, a real simcha v'saslam. Whereas it will one day be a saslam v'simcha. And be'ez Hashem, in the s'chus of this simcha, which is the simcha that comes from the deepest recesses of our soul, the same dimension of our soul that b'tachan comes from, be'ez Hashem will be zayche to a true and ultimate and real geula that will be lasting. And one that will restore the preciousness of what it means to be a yid in this world.