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This week's question is on the concept of judging others. As humans, we judge others sometimes intentionally but oftentimes unintentionally. When I think someone is not a nice person or doing something bad, whether they are or not, it shouldn't be something I'm judging them for and I feel ashamed at myself for judging. How can I go about this? What is the first step in conquering this bad inclination? Well, first of all, I just want to clarify one important point. There's a. fundamental difference between feeling ashamed of something and feeling guilty. Guilty is a very beautiful mida. Saying I did something that I'm not proud of leads us to a place where we can correct our behaviors. Shame is the feeling that I'm unworthy and that's never a feeling we should have. We are always worthy of God's love, no matter how we behave. So there's a difference between feeling guilty and feeling ashamed. As far as your question goes, I think that people often confuse the concept of judging versus being judgmental.
As humans, we're always going to judge our surroundings, and I think that's something very positive. That's what our parents teach us. Recognize the people you're around, places you're in, and evaluate if these are places that are appropriate for you. So judging our situations, and even judging people, is not necessarily a bad thing. The question is, are we being judgmental? Now, Chazal speak about being Dan L'Kav Sh'chus, and I think very often this becomes what some of my Rebbeim coined Dan L'Kav Sh'tus. We make things up in order to say maybe they were in a situation that was so untenable, but the truth is we don't believe it. And that's not really what Dan L'Kav Sh'tus means. Dan L'Kav Sh'tus means looking at a person in a way that is compassionate and understanding. It could be that this is a person that's not a person you should be around. As the Rambam and Hilchos Deyo says, when a person is in a bad community, he should run away even to the desert, because people do have an impact on us.
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At the same time, we can look at people who aren't necessarily behaving appropriately, and we can say, we do not understand who they are. We don't understand where they come from. We don't understand their struggles, their trials and tribulations. And who knows, if we were in their position, maybe we would be behaving far worse. We are blessed to be in a position where we don't necessarily have that particular Yetziharah, but we have others. So can we recognize that the way that they're behaving, A, may not be what we actually see, context always matters, and B, can we see them with beautiful eyes? David HaMalekh is described as יפה עיניים and the pshat that I heard was, it doesn't necessarily mean that David HaMalekh had blue eyes. It means he had a kind way of seeing the world. And when you really speak to, tzaddikim, you'll see that they have this gentle quality in the way that they see others.
So the question is not whether or not we're judging. The question is, are we judgmental? Are we looking at people in a negative way? Because the truth is that the way that we make people feel about themselves says a lot about us. Often we don't think that we're communicating our feelings. We think, it's just in my head. It's not hurting somebody when I look at them in a negative way. But thoughts become things and very often thoughts are communicated whether we like it or not. So the reality is that it's important for us to slow down and to recognize we do not understand people. We do not understand the depth of a person. When Chazal say that a person is an Olam Male, it really means it. A person is an entire world. For us to sit there and say, I can understand their entire world, it's unfortunately not true. And the fact that we think that we can understand this person, it says a lot more about us than it does about them. So how do we become more kind and how do we become more compassionate? I believe that the answer is that when we recognize the godliness of every single person,
that allows us to really recognize that this is a Chelek HaKamimal. It's Tohar no matter what. And even when they do things that are inappropriate, it doesn't mean that they are unworthy of our love and respect. Respect doesn't mean that we agree with them. Respect doesn't mean that we condone their behavior. But respect does mean that I'm going to treat them with dignity. And part of dignity means the recognition that their humanity is a struggle just like ours is. We are not without sin. It would be a mistake for us to believe that we are better than anybody. You may look at someone and say, but they're doing so many Aveyras and I'm not doing as many Aveyras. Like I said earlier, where do they come from? What are the struggles that they have? Imagine a person who's behaving inappropriately. And years later you found out that they suffered a major trauma as a child. You might look at that teenage person, even a person in their 20s and 30s, and you might say, this person doesn't really care about anything.
You might come up with all these terrible things to say, but you don't know it's all coming from this terrible place of hurt from when they were a young child. We cannot understand them. How many people have told me, this community, I'm not going to say any community, but this community doesn't care about Judaism. It's not true, it's a negative way of seeing the world. It's a terrible thing to say. Every community, every Jewish community cares about Judaism. Some are more passionate, some are less passionate, but far be it from us to look with a negative eye and to speak that way about Jews. I'll finish with this, Refrai Feld, Zichat Tzadik Levracha, he said, Be careful the way you speak about Jews. They went from the 49th level of Tumor to Kabbalah Sateira in 49 days. It's the most incredible thing. When you look at a Jew, through this broad lens of beautiful eyes, the most amazing thing happens, you recognize about them that they can achieve massive amounts. And the hope that you bring into the world when you see the world through that lens, not only will it help the person you're thinking about, but it'll help you as well. Because in our lives, when we open ourselves up to the possibility of love, to the possibility of connection, it expands our own soul, not just the people around us.
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