Transcript
Automatic transcript; may contain mistakes, especially in Hebrew.
This week's question is, what do I do if a friend wronged me several times and I feel that I have a right to be upset with her? I know that anger is a bad me though And I recently learned that a person should actually be grateful to those who offend them because this pain atones for our sins Should I completely forgive the friend? It is hard to forgive the friend Bemes when I still feel so hurt by her insensitivity This is a very powerful question I'd like to Share with you some of the things I've learned over the years about anger and resentment. First of all, anger and resentment are like drinking poison water and hoping that the other person dies. When we're angry and we're resentful, we're only hurting ourselves. We're not hurting those people that we're angry at or resentful towards. They're okay.
They may have done the wrong thing, but our anger and resentment only poisons our own system. And then what happens is we begin to see the world through the lens of anger and resentment. Many of us know people like this. These warriors who are out there, angry at the world, trying to solve every injustice, resentful of anybody that's hurt them. Those people create toxic environments around them. People don't feel comfortable in their space. And eventually we start to believe when we're around those people that anger and resentment, it's going to turn on me. And so when we're in that space of anger and resentment, we're just destroying our own lives. And so what's the solution? How do we let go of anger and resentment? Expectations are premeditated disappointments. We believe that things are supposed to go one way. And when they don't go that way, we become angry and we become resentful. But the truth is, when one comes into conscious contact with the oneness of God, we learn that everything that If we are driving in our car and someone rear ends us, the person who rear ends us has free choice and they have to take responsibility for the choice they made.
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They were driving in a fashion that wasn't safe and as a result, they did damage to our car so they have to take responsibility. But as the person in the car who got rear ended, because we believe in the oneness of There is no free choice that could go against the will of God. Now you can ask the famous question, how is it free choice if God knew that it was always supposed to happen? And there are many answers to this question. You can take a look in the Ramban, you can take a look in the Rivad, you can take a look at Rav Sajedon and the Rivash, the Ralbagh and many others. But for now, without getting too deeply into the philosophy, one thing is for sure true. I know many people who have been deeply into the philosophy. One thing is for sure true. Just because somebody makes a choice doesn't mean that it wasn't God's plan. So when these things happen, they're opportunity for growth. They're supposed to be there. Maybe they atone for our sins. Maybe not. I don't know. Yisur in always atone for our sins. But either way. We hold people responsible for the choices that they make because they're uncomfortable for us. But when we recognize that we do, we don't want to be there.
You can have an honest conversation, you could share with them that they've apologized several times but the reality is that somehow you're concerned about the increased frequency of these insensitivities and they can really hear it so then maybe that's a friend worth keeping but if they can't hear it, at some point you have to ask yourself, is this really a good friendship? Now that's something you'll have to know each case is an individualized basis but of Of course, sometimes it's time to say I need to create boundaries. Other times it's time to say I'm going to stay in this and I'm going to work on this. I don't know your particular case so I couldn't give you any meaningful advice in that arena. But one thing for sure. The anger and resentment are misplaced. This is God's plan. It's exactly how it's supposed to be. Now you need to take responsibility for your choices. Number one, how are you going to relate to that insensitivity? Number two, how are you going to proceed in this for relationship creating healthy boundaries to ensure that you're not hurt and at the same time, if appropriate staying in there and really working on the relationship. Ha'ts Lachhrahbe
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