Alei Shur - 6

2:23 they were medactic in an exceptional way on one mitzvah. So there are people that the way they see their service of Hashem, is of course we have to follow kol ha-tarakula, but this is my mitzvah, and we're going to learn about that approach in a minute. V'yesh sheh kabu sulam yukha da'ali yasam, there is another general way here of working on yourself, and that is to establish a sulam, a ladder. of how we go up from one place to the next. And Revolbi now is going to go through each one. What was that? You'll see. You'll see what he means. Al avaydo misug ha-dikduk b'mitzvah ahas, amru Amoraim, amru Rav Nachman teisi li, which means Yeshua M'schari, tekayemes gimol sudas b'Shabas. We find the Gemara and Shabbos on Kofi ul-Chasim at Beis. Rav Nachman says that he will get his reward because he ate three sudas on Shabbos. Now of course, Rav Nachman, if he's one of the Amoraim, he did much more than eat.

3:25 gimol sudas on Shabbos, correct? Correct? Yes. He was medactic and called Tarakula. To be one of the Amoraim who's spoken about in the Gemara is beyond human comprehension, right? So he's saying, teisi li, how am I going to get my reward? Because what did I do? Because I had Shabbos. You know, you know, if you didn't, if you don't know how to read this Gemara deeply, you know, you know what it sounds like? It sounds like when Rav Nachman wasn't hungry on a short Shabbos, he still was hungry to have Shabbos. And for that he gets his HaOlam HaAbad. That sounds, it sounds like a strange thing. I'm a Rav Yehudah, Rav Yehudah says, Tehsili tekayemes iam tefillah. Rav Yehudah says, you know what I'm gonna get my scar for? Because I learned how to daven. I learned how to daven. I'm Rav Huna, Rav Yehudah of Yeshua, Tehsili tekayemes mis'as tefillah. And I put on tefillah every single day. What are we talking about over here? These are not, from Amorayim, we would not expect this level of, scar for these observance. One more time, Rav Nachman, Tehsili tekayemes mis'as tzitzis. I wore tzitzis. I know tzitzis can be a struggle for some people, but you wouldn't imagine that for Rav Nachman.

4:32 this is gonna be the thing that gets him his scar on HaOlam HaAbad. So what's the Gemara talking about? Every single one of the Amoraim was not speaking about Stam they wore tzitzis, Stam they wore tzvon, Stam they had gimel sudas. No. This was their mitzvah. This was their portal in, so to speak. We'll discuss what that means in a second. And the Gemara says over there about Rabba, Rabba's mitzvah was tzitzis and he was very mocked about tzitzis. One day he was walking up the stairs and one of his tzitzis strings tore. And he did not leave from that place until he had undone all of his tzitzis and redid them in a way that it would be kosher. Why? Because he did not move without wearing tzitzis. Even in later generations. It's known about the Chavitz Chaim, that he was so careful to separate himself, to distance himself from any Lushon Hara.

5:44 There are those that choose to work on living a life of faith, and there are those that live with integrity. It's every single person according to what's their thing, as long as they're doing it all the way. Now let's talk about the value of this for a second. The value of this is as follows. A Rebbe of mine once gave me the following marshal to explain why a person would take this approach. He said, imagine a mansion. A mansion has 30 doors to get into the mansion. It's a giant wood castle. You can get in from many different entrances. It's not a question of how you get into the mansion, the question is, are you in the mansion? That's the only question. Now, when a person serves Hashem in a general way, they check off all the boxes. That's great, but that doesn't mean that you're focused.

6:51 A person, it's possible, as we know, to do all of our Avodas HaKodesh and not be focused. Which is, as they say in Chassidus, a lebedek hames. It's alive, but it's dead. You have a person who's alive. He's alive. He's walking around. But he's dead. Why is he dead? Because he's not focused. Where do you see this? Primarily you see this in the area of relationships. Wherever you see a relationship, you should know that it's possible to check off all the boxes of the relationship. But it doesn't mean that you're participating in the relationship. Ah, you'll say, but what am I doing wrong? And many husbands say this to their wives. What am I doing wrong? Am I not doing all of the things that are expected of me in the relationship? What's the answer? Of course you are. But that doesn't mean that you're participating in the relationship. As we all know, it's possible to show up to Shachars. And when's the first time that you have Chavana during Shachars? Shir Shalom. Why? What day is it? Because you have to think about the day it is. What day it is, right? That's the first time. What bracha should we really be making during Shmon HaAsrei?

7:57 Tefillah Zadarech. Because how far away were you when you were in the middle of Shemin Asherah? It's possible for a person to be dabbling in Shemin Asherah and they're 6,000 miles away, 10,000 miles away. It's possible that a person is living five years ago in the middle of Shemin Asherah. He's thinking about the things he did five years ago. And of course we know that some of the worst thoughts that we've ever had come up when? During Shemin Asherah. Mamish, some of the most disgusting thoughts pop into our heads. Spoken about it. The Ba'alai Musa speak about it, the Ba'alai Hasidah speak about it. It's a very real thing. But the reality is that we know that it's possible to be somewhere and to be nowhere at the same time. So what does it mean to make for yourself a mitzvah? How is that walking into the portal of the mansion? It's possible for a person to do 613 mitzvot and to do no haveres and he has not walked into the mansion. He's doing sifuvim. He's doing hakafos around the mansion, but he hasn't walked into the mansion. Why? Because the mansion, inside the mansion is where the relationship occurs, right? Outside the mansion is where the avadim come to build the house, but they don't get to participate in the relationship.

9:03 So without focus, you are not participating in the relationship. Now how do you create focus? Focus requires action. That's a big yesote. You're not focused on something if it doesn't come along with action. That's the lip service, right? I'm really working on myself this year. What are you doing? You know, like, generally working on myself. What does that mean? It means nothing, right? It doesn't mean you're working on yourself. What are you doing to work on yourself? And by the way, if you ask that question, you'll see that people will give you the silliest answers. Like, I'm coming to more stuff. Coming to more stuff has nothing to do with entering into the mansion, right? That's checking the boxes. It's just the opposite I once asked this to a guy in all sincerity. I said, I feel like I'm working on myself this year I said, what does that mean? He got stuck. He said, I don't know what it means. He goes, honestly, I'm really trying to lose weight I said that's amazing. It's important to lose weight, but don't conflate losing weight for being a yeshiva bachur, right? In other words, if you told me I'm losing my weight because I'm focusing on my Havod Hashem in terms of how I relate to food.

10:10 and that's the error, fine, go say that. But from the way he was speaking, it sounded more like he was focusing on the number on the scale You understand? That's not necessarily called working on yourself. Working on yourself comes with a particular task So if you'll take a mitzvah, that's your mitzvah. And by the way, take one that's difficult for you Take one that's difficult for you. And you say, no matter what, This mitzvah is prioritized. You'll see amazing things, not in that one area, but in your entire Yiddishkeit. Because now all of the other hakafas that you were doing with the rest of your Yiddishkeit, they come into focus. So for example, a young man told me that he had trouble wearing tefillin. I don't know if you know people like this. Some people, for whatever reason, tefillin, they're allergic to it. Mamish are allergic to it. He said, I cannot get myself to put on tefillin every single day. We were learning Ali Shor together. This is a couple years ago. We were learning Ali Shor together. He was mekabal on himself. He's never going to miss a day of tefillin. He wasn't mekabal to put them on by shachras. He wasn't mekabal to put them on by mincha.

11:15 He's mekabal to throw on his tefillin for 10 seconds, no matter what. Okay, stay there. Next day, did you put on tefillin yet today? Rabbi, I put on tefillin. Day after that, did you put on tefillin yet today? Yes. Day after that, did you put on tefillin yet today? Not yet. We looked outside. The sun was still there, but it was heading out. Run, put on your tefillin right now. Rabbi, I can't. You know when guys do that? You've seen that, I can't, I can't. What's the big deal? You were macabre, you know, three days ago, three days. Where's the Cyrus from three days ago, right? We know what happens to Cyrus from three days ago. Where's the Cyrus from three days ago? Fine, I'll put on my tefillin. After he put on his tefillin, I said, I said, this is not going to work. He said, why not? I said, because the avoda wasn't for me to push you into this. The avoda was for you to be macabre on yourself, to say no matter what. You should know that since then, as far as I know, I spoke to him six weeks ago, maybe a little less. He has not yet missed a day of tefillin. He has not yet missed a day of tefillin since then. And I'll tell you something else about him.

12:17 An extraordinary thing started to occur. Once he started putting on tefillin, he realized to himself, it's silly if I'm like so being medactic in this, not to daven. So one thing led to another, and he started to daven. And all of a sudden, once he started to daven, and he started to be makben on daven, all of a sudden things started to come together. Can I tell you that this guy is the starkest guy today? Can I tell you that he's the guy who like people are looking at and going like, whoa. No, I can't tell you that. But I can tell you if this guy is held on, the reason he's held on is because he has an unbelievable focus in one thing, no matter what. I won't miss a day of tefillin. And you see, it doesn't just impact that one area. It spreads out, and it impacts the other areas as well. So that's one approach. I would encourage you, if you want to take this approach, again, by the end of the day, we're going to have to figure out which approach we want to take, either one or the other. But if you want to take this approach, don't ask yourself, what's the easy mitzvah? Don't ask yourself, what's the mitzvah I'm really good at, and then say, OK, that's going to be my focus.

13:18 Take something that's going to require focus, and do that. If a guy has major ADHD, he tells himself, what was that? Yeah? You know what they say? No, I'm not going to make that joke. It's a stupid, rapid joke. Yeah? Nah, it's like one of those attention deficit hate donut. That's what ADHD stands for. It's a stupid, rapid joke. You get smicha for those jokes. Yeah? If you have major ADHD, you're makhbid. If you're a guy that says, if you're a guy that says, I'm a person that says Lashon Hara. Do Makhzum Lafi. Take an hour for yourself every single day. And not an hour from 3 o'clock in the morning to 4 o'clock in the morning. Yeah? I was always that guy. Can we sign you up for Makhzum Lafi? I'm like, yeah, absolutely. 3 o'clock in the morning to 4 o'clock in the morning. You have my word, I won't say any Lashon Hara. Not like Rabbi Safar. Rabbi Safar signed up for Makhzum Lafi, and he signed up from 7 o'clock in the morning to 8 o'clock in the morning. Smack in the middle of our carpool. I said, come on, you're ruining my whole carpool. This is one thing if you want to take it on for yourself, but who are you to be froom for me?

14:19 The reshiva did not like that joke. Yeah? But, nor did Rabbi Arnold. Nor did Rabbi Safar, but I thought it was a start. Since that comprises 25% of the car, I think it's meaningful. Yeah? Welcome back to something. Okay, so ask yourself, if this is going to be your way, what's the thing I don't want to do? If I'm, if I find myself to be narcissistic, what's the chesed I'm going to do every single day? What's the thing I'm going to be medactic on, be I, sir? Okay, that's one. He continues, مَفُورَ شِنْ يَنْزَىٰ بَيَامُونَسْ فَعَدَيَلْ سَرَبَيْنُ السَّعَاجِقَانِ You guys know what a sa'ajigon is? A sa'ajigon is the, uh, what'd you say? You've heard of it. Okay, good. Sadiq Ghanim was one of the biggest Ghanim, from the period of the Ghanim. But Maimonides says, listen to this. Who is the Ovid Hashem? Somebody who is Miyachid, he selects out for himself one mitzvah. Lo ye'avarenu kol yimei chayibim. No matter what, he's not going to be Ovid on this mitzvah. She'em yaskim, b'zhu lo'asah.

15:20 Lo ye'chalik bal, lo ye'katzar b'zhu'as kalah. Let's see if he has the opportunity to cut it short a little bit. No, he doesn't cut it short. He has a makber on davening. I don't leave davening early, and now he's got to leave five minutes early to go make a meeting. Make sure to daven an early minyan. Why? Because I don't leave davening early. Let's say a person says, I'm not going to let zman tefillah pass. That's something a lot of us need to think about. This is one you guys, Baruch Hashem, probably haven't had this challenge yet, but it will come up in your life. People that... Acquire money in ways that are have a shemet and isser. Yeah, you could do it It's not a lot of times guys. It won't be clear. It won't be clear that it's the wrong thing to do, right? But it doesn't pass the Sun test. You know what the Sun test is if the Sun is shining does it seem beautiful? Yeah, if the Sun is shining on that business deal. Are you proud do you go home and tell your mother?

16:23 Yeah, I ripped this guy off. You know you're saying it and that's that way, That could be an area where a person is magnet. O'sha, o'sha, sh'al yivo bilas yisuru me'oylem ha'adom l'zeh. Some people will say, okay, my area where I need to work on is in the area of inappropriate relationships. Maybe it's Shemira Seinayim. Maybe it's Shemira Sabris. Maybe it's only being in appropriate relationships. Right? Everybody has to know their area. Again, we're quoting here from Rav Einu Sa'digim. U'kishm, k'ma y'sha'amru rav eiseinu, kala oise mitzvah achas. If you do even one mitzvah, it doesn't mean one mitzvah to the exclusion of all others. But if you focus on one mitzvah, me'tivan lo ma'arich ha'lo ez yama v'naichal ha'sa'aretz. This is a person who's going to have harach az yamim. He's going to have a long life. And he's going to be naichal ha'sa'aretz, which means he's going to have a nachlan er tesral. U'bir ezeh k'goyn she'ich ha'lo mitzvah achas la'asaysa k'goyn kibra ve'im. Here we're speaking about what? Person who is magnet to focus on the mitzvah of kibra ve'im. Okay.

17:27 No, no, we don't make Hakadosh Baruch Los Cheshbanos, and as Chazal already pointed out, there are people that were medicting the Yisra and the mitzvah of Kippur HaVeim, and lived very short lives. We don't make, this is the promise. What these things mean, how they actually play out, doesn't mean that if you're not doing that, a person could live to 120 and be a Rosh HaMerushah. A person could be the biggest tzaddik in the world and die in his 30s. Right? We're not here to make the cheshban. But what we see, if the Torah says, this is a mitzvah that's going to have a Rosh Hashanah, this is the mitzvah that you're going to have, that you're going to have a Nachla and the Aretz, right? That's an important mitzvah. Right? So, if you're meddaktik b'yoyser, and these mitzvahs, and you say, okay, this is my mitzvah. Right? No matter what. Shachas. I don't daven shachas later than the z'man. I only daven with a minyan. Right? I don't leave early from daven. Whatever it is, I don't talk back to my parents. Actually, by the way, it's scary. If you actually look at the halachas of Kippur HaVeim. It's a frightening, frightening halachas. The things that you're allowed to say or not say to our parents.

18:29 Mamesh frighten. Okay. However, there is a second derech. And this derech might be better for some of you than the first one. You're going to have to look inside of yourself and know. Ha-derech ha-shniya ba-havayda ha-pratzesi ha-tsavah sulam aliyah. Some people, the way they do it, is they don't just focus on one mitzvah, but they set themselves up in a program, a program of growth. Ha-derech sulam aliyah. So Rav Pinchas Ben Yair. For example, one of the most famous sulims is the sulim of Rav Pinchas Ben Yair. Why is the sulim of Rav Pinchas Ben Yair so famous? Because Messias Yisharim is based off of that sulim, okay? So what was that sulim? Taira maybe, Zahira, Zahira maybe, Zerizus, right? So he sets up. First I'm going to start off with Taira and then from Taira I'm going to go to Zerizus. From Zerizus it's going to go, right? And what happens is the Ramchal in Messias Yisharim, what he did is he took the sulim and he blew it out. So that's, this is what it means to be on stage one and from stage one you go to stage two like in a video game, right? In a video game after you complete stage one then you're ready to go to stage two, right? You've acquired enough nonsense along the way, treasures,

19:36 I don't know, I'm trying to speak your language here, yeah? You've gotten enough, not just points, but you've gotten enough accoutrements. What was that? And in the Jewish way, how would that work? Yeah, for example, so he says, As far as our problems shall say for Chovah Zolobavos, Nahavim us-tul Zavodah, right? When you look at the Sefer Chovah Zolobavos, one leads to the next. This comes first, this comes second, K'vishim b'vara b'akdamu l'sha'av z'hashem, as he explains himself. Shulam m'shola Ramban. This is not just, this was not just in the later days, but this was in the Rishanim already. The Ramban had a sulah. Movil me'adibur b'nachas v'hazahirus mikas la'anavim. First thing the Ramban set out for himself is, I'm going to speak in a pleasant way. Chav, are you with me? I'm going to speak in a pleasant way. What does it mean to speak in a pleasant way? Soft, kind, gentle. After that I'm going to work on my zahirus, right? Then after that I'm going to work on my anger. Then after that I'm going to work on my humility. But each one bleeds into the next, right? It's not just haphazard, right? There's going to be a focus, not just on one thing, but on many.

20:40 things. But Chav, how does that focus work? One leads to the next, leads to the next. Say oui in French. Yeah, you understand? Comprendez vous c'est du play? Oui. Yeah? May I novel Yira from humility toward Hashem. May I Yira le Simcha and then from Yira ultimately finishing up in Simcha. Simcha b'chalko, being happy with what you have. Misham l'shayeres ruach ha'shchina la'adam. Ki yadu mi gerser ha'mban. And then from there, you'll be zayiched to have the shchina shayra on you. So you see, theremban wasn't just focused on one thing. What was he focused on? Many things, but he had an order. This is what I'm going to do first. Guy says in yeshiva, okay, Rabbi, I can't just focus on one thing. I don't see that as my avodah, right? But the first thing I'm going to focus on is I'm going to focus on shmira sastar. Then from shmira sastar, I'm going to focus on... Being Macbeth to go to Minyon. Then from being Macbeth to go to Minyon, what's going to come next?

21:42 I'm going to be Macbeth on learning Benastar. Then I'm going to be Macbeth on how I'm doing in the dorms. So you write for yourself out a list. What are the eight things that I want to accomplish? What comes first? What comes second? What are the actionable? Guys, I'm giving you the homework right now. What are the actions that go along with that Sulam Amidus? So make a plan for yourself. If this is going to be your way, if it's not just going to be taking one thing. By the way, for me, one thing was better. For me, one thing was better. But I see that for many of you, just from gauging your faces, you feel like, no, I don't want to just do one thing. It doesn't speak to you. So what's going to be the thing that comes after that? OK, so let's say step one was Shmira Sastarim. What does Shmira Sastarim mean to you? Right, does Shmira Sastarim mean that you're going to be there all three hours? Does Shmira Sastarim mean you're going to be learning all three hours? Does Shemira Sastaram mean I'm going to be in Beis medrash, I'm going to be learning all three hours, but I know myself I need to take breaks? Okay, if you need to take breaks, how long are your breaks going to be every hour? Does Shemira Sastaram mean my phone does not come into the Beis medrash?

22:46 You see how you have to get very specific? And how long are you going to be working on Shemir HaSastarim for? In other words, this Shemir HaSastarim Avodah, it's a three-week Avodah. Every single day I'm going to write down clearly in my notebook. I'm going to write down, I'm going to say, OK, my goal for today was Shemir HaSastarim. At the end of every Seder, I'm going to write in, did I accomplish? Didn't I accomplish? At the end of the next day, I'm going to do the same thing. And then after 21 days, I'm not going to stop, but then I build up. So I'm going from Shemir HaSastarim to learning B'ein HaStarim. OK, how long is B'ein HaStarim? What does that mean to learn B'ein HaStarim? Which HaStarim should I be learning? What should I be learning in those HaStarim? Am I meant to do more Gemara? You have to get it all clear. Then from there you go to Minyan. What does Minyan mean? Some people go, Minyan means if I made it at any point during Minyan at all. For some people that's called making Minyan. For some people they say, I'm not going to come past Baruch Hu. Some people making Minyan means that they say, I'm going to come 10 minutes early. But either way, guys, it has to be a plan.

23:49 It can't be haphazard. You understand? A person has to make a cheshvit. What's the first thing I need to work on? The first thing. And then ask yourself, OK, now what's the second thing? Don't come and say, here's eight disparate things I'd like to work on this year. No, you have the eight things. But what comes first? You understand? What comes first? If a person tells me, and I've had this before in yeshiva, a guy says, I really think the first thing on my sulam amid should be that I should wear a garto. That's very silly. That's why I said, what does wearing a gartel have to do with Sulaim Amidus? Wearing a gartel could be a nice chumrah if you don't want to hold like the Mishnebrua that the rubber in your underwear isn't enough, right? The elastic. So then to say you want to put on a gartel. The guy comes to Davening for five minutes, but the five minutes that he's there, he's wearing a gartel. You're not working on yourself. You dress enough. It's part of this newfangled ideas in Judaism that we don't actually have to do the work. But if we dress like we did the work, right? Or we have Peahs and we go to Mikveh, so then it's Ki'ilu we did the work. When's the last time you opened up a Sefer?

24:52 I'm not ripping on anyone in particular, you understand. I'm just saying this seems to be a trend in today's Yiddishkeit. I haven't opened up a Sefer in years. I haven't learned the Black Hamar in years. I haven't done Shnai and Mikveh in years. I haven't finished my Shnais in years. I'm barely making minyanim. Don't worry, Rebbi, I go to Mikveh every Erev Shabbos. You're not on Sulaim Amidus if you do that. You're just part of this new culture that you can say you're neo-whatever, so then you don't actually have to do any work in your Yiddish, right? That's simple. And by the way, it's not what any of the mashpihim would tell you to do. If you've picked up on the fact that I happen to have a particular issue with this, it's. because you're right. Okay. Rabbeinu Yonah zal koiseh. The Rabbeinu Yonah, again, along the same lines. He writes, Umi yiras Hashem v'ahavah so v'habushim mil'fanah v'toysef mal'otamid, that a person from yiras Hashem and from ahavas Hashem and from being embarrassed, right, because being embarrassed is not the same thing as being ashamed, what's the difference between being embarrassed and being ashamed.

25:46 Embarrassed is like, you know, it's a shame to say you feel unworthy. Correct. Embarrassed means that activity was beneath me, I wouldn't want people seeing me do it. Ashamed means I am unworthy of your love if you would know that I did this thing. I've heard you give that definition, by the way. Okay, so then obviously it's good that you were paying attention. But what does the Rabbeinu Yonah, what does the Rabbeinu Yonah zal koiseh? Ahavas Hashem, yiras Hashem, busho. If you had those foundations, what's going to happen? You're constantly going to be building up. It appears, Revolpi says, that this was his sulim. First comes oi v'Hashem, and then after oi v'Hashem comes what? Avos Hashem. And then what comes after avos Hashem? And then afterwards comes the embarrassment. And how amazing it is to then start to focus on what the Kuzari says. The Torah is divided up between.

26:57 Fearing G-d, Loving G-d, and Simcha. And we find, again, even though the Rabbeinu Yonah says it in a quick way, he says it quickly, right? I'm sorry, not the Rabbeinu Yonah. Even though the Kuzari says it in a quick way. What's he really saying, Hebrew? He's saying his sulam. He wasn't just saying things. He was saying his sulam. And you see, guys, two G-d's in Kalei Yisro, and what was their endgame? Two totally different things. One, the endgame of the Kuzari was what, guys? Simcha. That was the endgame. The endgame was, will I serve G-d with joy, right? The other was, will I serve G-d and be embarrassed in front of Him. So, Hebrew, you might say to yourself, one sounds better than the other, right? No, each one is correct, but it goes according to the sharish of His nasham. You understand? It goes according to the sharish of His nasham. So, Hebrew, can I sit here and tell you what your endgame should be? I cannot. I cannot tell you what the shayrash of your endgame should be, but you have to figure that out for yourself.

28:01 Ask yourself, what's the thing I want to get to? For some people, and I'll share with you that for me this is what it was, my endgame is authenticity. That's my endgame. That's what I want to get to. The steps that we take, I want to get to a place where I'm totally authentic in my service of G-d. That's what I'm working on. That's my endgame. There are things that we do to get there, right? So, what's your endgame? Is your endgame Simcha? Is your endgame Talmud Taira? Is your endgame Eon Atfila? But, tell me what it's going to take for you to get there. Nifla lira Yisroolah is bainein. It's amazing to see and to consider. Kei tzada adam ba'avod da'a pratis. Motzei asmat koumou ba'ayla mataira. Kfi tkhunousa v'mahousa. And this line, when I did it for the first time, I underlined this line. This is a very important line. It's amazing to consider that when a person actually starts to do this, guys... Something shifts. What's the shift? You find your place in the Olam Ha-Torah, according to your essence.

29:04 Why is this so important? I want to tell you why it's so important. This line of Revolbi is so important because, Let's say, today we're in terrible pain, because we have systems and, systems tell people where they need to end up and those systems are not encouraging, individuality and as a result of not encouraging individuality, I don't mean fake individuality I don't mean individuality as expressed by the by the color of your shirt. That's not individuality. Individuality is much deeper than that. But what's happening guys is as follows, Guys are feeling, Disconnected and displaced in Judaism. Why? Because they don't know how it's theirs. They don't know how it relates to them, And so they're coming along and they're saying, and they don't even realize what they're saying, but they're saying something very powerful, they're saying, what does this have to do with me? However, the answer to that question is, I don't know, what does it have to do with you? The guys are, they don't get it when you say that.

30:06 So a guy comes along and he says, I don't know what any of this has to do with me. I feel like I'm doing everything, but I just don't, it doesn't feel right to me, right? What are they really saying? Saying, this ain't me. Now watch this same guy play basketball. All of a sudden, it's a totally different match. What changed? What changed? Because in basketball he feels like he has his place. He feels like this is my game. I got this game. I'm good at this. I know where I'm headed. Right? I can get a win here. People don't know how to get a win out of their Judaism. They don't know how to say, like, okay, where am I headed with all of this? Revolbi is saying an unbelievable yesod and chinuch. And by the way, you're responsible imi mechanich yourself as much as I'm responsible imi mechanich you. If your Judaism this year, if your avaydos Hashem this year is limited to, I did what the yeshiva told me to do, right, that's the baseline. The yeshiva is setting up for you the baseline of what it means to be a part of our structure. But if that's it, if there's no investiture of your own kol chas ha-nefesh, of figuring out for yourself what your place is in your Yiddishkeit,

31:09 then we have fundamentally failed as a yeshiva. The goal of yeshiva is not that you came to Minyan, you learned your start. That's not the goal. And that's why so many guys who do it feel so frustrated. example. A young man comes to me and he says, Revi, for a particular period of time, I decided I was going to make sure I was at every Minyan, every Seder, all my Vena Starim, every single possible thing. I'm going to do it for a particular period of time. What happens after that particular period of time is over? What do you want, what do you think happens? Somehow, even though. this young man thought, I'm going to do it for X period of time, seems logical, right? And once I've got the ball rolling, the behaviorist model of psychology, it'll just... Keep going from there, right? What was flawed in his thinking? Dishing the stick away. That's right. If you're rolling a ball downhill, all you have to do is get it started. But if you're rolling a ball uphill, and you push, push, push, and then you go, OK, I'm done, right? It's not going to just go with its own momentum. And even if it does for a little bit, what's going to start to happen? Slowly, slowly, it's going to start to inch backwards, right?

32:16 And then it's going to start to pick up steam. And then what happens? The boulder goes farther than the mountain than it's ever gone before. Why? Because now it was coming from this place all along. And you have these guys, they're so frustrated, right? What are they frustrated about? They're so frustrated. I guess I have no consistency. And then they start to do this thing. Maybe it's not me. They start to doubt every thought they had about me. Maybe I see it's not me, right? And then all of a sudden, it falls apart. Yeah, Kiva. So then why is it a popular thing in Shishio for a bank to offer incentives to. Incentives are meant for you to challenge yourself, not to replace your own authenticity in Yeshiva. Do you understand the difference? In other words, there's value in saying, let's say we went to the gym, okay? Do you go to the gym a lot.

33:01 I haven't moved in like six months. You haven't moved in six months? Welcome to my world, yeah? You're going to end up looking like me one day if you're not careful. Yeah, a combination of eating seriously and learning seriously is deadly to the body, yeah? So, let's say you and I were people that went to the gym. Let's say we had a trainer, right? And the trainer is used to us and says, okay, every day we do three sets of this, three sets of that, right? Twelve reps each, fine. Now, one day, I've done my three reps. I'm sore as anything. It's the very last set. My trainer says to me, go for four. I can't do four, I was maxing out, I was already, what do they call that, in the negative? Right, when you can't, uh, you can't go anymore? Whatever it's called, doesn't matter, you guys aren't big workout guys. What was that.

33:49 The wrong chevre. Yeah, wrong chevre for it. Okay, whatever, it's a good martial anyway. You're all in big trouble, boys. You're gonna end up looking like me, yeah? So what happens? His trainer says to him, do one more rep, and if you do, then what? Do one more rep, and if you do... You get a cake. Yeah, that's probably not a good idea, right? Yeah, no, but you see, yeah, if you do one more of these, you know, we'll throw in a free whatever from the gym, we'll throw in a free kale smoothie, whatever they're doing today in these gyms. Why is he doing that? I, he's not going to do 4 reps every time, he's probably in his life not even going to do 3 reps, right? Realistically in your life, you're not going to be able probably to learn 9-10 hours a day, right? So what's the sense of getting you up to 12 if you're not even going to do 9? The answer is, it teaches you something about yourself. The more you stretch yourself, the more in life you're going to have the capacity to do that thing when it gets even harder. So you're right, you know, in yeshiva you might be able to learn 10, 11, 12 hours a day.

34:53 You go, you have a job, right? Minimally today, a job will, you know, you have people leaving their homes at 8 o'clock in the morning, not getting back until 7.30, 8 o'clock at night, right? They have to spend time, not have to, they want to. They should want to. It's part of their responsibility to spend time with their wives, to spend time with their children, right? Throw on top of that ma'arif, right? Throw on top of that learning, right? Throw on top of that, you know, maybe you were one of those dafiyomi guys in the morning. If you weren't a zayichim, do the dafiyomi on the train. If you're a guy that wakes up at 6, well ma'arif, you're talking about a person who's sometimes maximally sleeping five, six hours a night. Where does he get the kayach to do that? When he challenged himself in yeshiva and he realized this is something I want in my life, he's going to make sure that no matter what, it's part of his life. That's the tafgit of mitzvah. Bye. If a miftzah replaces, this is where I might agree with you, if a miftzah replaces, the authentic growth of knowing yourself and knowing your end game, then I agree with you. Right? In other words, the purpose here, let's say, let's say the Tafgid was authenticity,

35:56 right? So then the miftzah would become a part of that growth towards authenticity, right? Because I'm really authentic about my learning, then I should be doing it perhaps more than I am, right? If I'm really authentic about connection, maybe I shouldn't be bringing my phone to Seder anymore. If I'm really authentic about working on my ADHD, then maybe I should start taking that medicine because that might be the most authentic way of working on it. You know what I'm saying? So that that's where it would fit in. Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah. How would someone keep the ball rolling? What was the solution. Because the ball has to go uphill. It requires a constant investment of energy and therefore one thing has to naturally lead to the next. So I'll give you a I'll give you a personal story where I used to flunk all the time. When I was in Kudlow, so the Menal of the Yeshiva or Shmulevitz was always pushing the Kudlow guys to give Chaburas. So every Thursday after Mincha you had to give a Chabura, okay. Now giving a Chabura.

37:07 to some of these Kudlow guys was a little scary because some of these guys were really really good in learning and so you would pick a you would pick a topic and you'd really put in weeks of research into that topic. You'd know it cold and you'd present it to the Chabura. For the most part guys didn't pay attention but you always had a core couple of guys that paid attention and were there and they were going to rip on you if you made mistakes. How does that make sense in light of this? How does that make sense in light of that? When you finished your Chaburah, it was like an hour of Chaburah. When you finished your Chaburah, it was like a giant weight had been lifted off your shoulders, right? Because you feel like, I did it. I did it, right? It's like, we're done. So I remember, after that, four to six, you know, right? Let's say Minchu was at, let's say the Chaburah was from three to four, four to six were the worst hours of learning for the entire time. Why? Because what's your feeling? I just want to take a break. I worked so hard. And if Shemalevitz would go over to the guys after every time they said Chaburah, you have to make sure that this is the starkest.

38:11 Seder and you have to push yourself and you have to keep going. Why? Because the second you give yourself that break, gravity starts to pull in, right? So people said to themselves, I'm going to do this for 21 days, for example. I'm going to do this for 21 days, right? No, the 22nd day is critical, because people, once you have a goal of like 21 days, then what starts to happen guys, as you start to wind down, all of a sudden it's like, I just got across the finish line, I just got across the finish line. This is a marathon, not a sprint. In a sprint, all you have to do is cross the finish line, right? In a marathon, no matter how far you're in, you have to keep challenging yourself. Yeah. So in this, so let's say on the 22nd day. Yeah. Right? You're taking on something new to work on.

38:53 Doesn't mean you let go of the first. So, it's just, it's an addition, it's not, it's not a new focus. There's a, there's a book called The Rambam Diet, and based on a treatise that the Rambam wrote about asthma, this person published a book explaining how the Rambam saw food. One of the interesting things that he does that I like very much in that book, is he has a six week program where every single week you pick up a new habit. So the first week, you stop snacking between meals. The second week, you're doing light exercise. The third week, you change one meal. The fourth week, you change another meal. The fifth week, you change a last meal. And only by the sixth week are you in full force in the program. And the reason why it's good is because those incremental changes, they help build you up and you make it a habit. So in the first week, it didn't feel so hard because what was I doing? No snacking. I'm still eating whatever I want for three meals. As long as it's in the context of my meal, I can eat it.

39:55 So if it's a nine by 13 tray of poppers, that is an option. So when I started this diet, by the way, I did that diet for three years and I lost a tremendous amount of weight on it. That diet was awesome. Because in the beginning, tray of poppers, three meals a day, fine, no problem. As long as I'm not snacking, I'm doing the right thing. Second week, tray of poppers, three meals a day, no problem. As long as I took a brisk walk. Third week, okay, tray of poppers, two meals a day. One meal a day, breakfast, let's say, was an apple and, uh, you know, two apples. Let's say, okay, so no problem, I'm still, I know by lunch, what am I eating? Tray of poppers, right? And then you slowly but surely, you habituate, right? So if you let go of the basics, then, you understand? Get, people gotta get off programs. Gotta get off the programs of like, do this for 90 days, right? It was 90 days, like, I'm doing that right now. I have like something I set for myself in 90 days. But it's only stage one, right, 90 days. And then what's gonna be in the second 90 days, right? Set for yourself real actionable goals and write them down every single day.

41:01 Guys, progress, seeing progress is so important. One of the important things that I've done for myself on this particular journey that I'm taking is I made a Google Doc. People say, why do you need a Google Doc? There are apps that do this. You know why you need a Google Doc and not an app? Cuz on an app, it only shows you that day. On a Google Doc, every single day I have to scroll through, right? This is my 53rd day. I have to scroll through 53 days. Even if I'm not reading it, what do I get to see? Every day I'm scrolling that much longer. And even though today you can just swipe your finger fast and it flies through, you know, I noticed it's taking longer and longer every single day to get to my goal. By the 90th day, I'm not just going to be, okay, this is what I did on day 90. I'm going to have to scroll through 90 days worth of work. The feeling of progress is paramount. Do you understand? It's a core part of it. Chart it. Make a calendar. Super duper important. Translate the last line. This is the homework. The homework was to.

42:03 choose either one of these things. If you're going to choose the first one, I want to know what the mitzvah is. If you're going to choose the second one, I want to see the sulam. I want to see the eight things. I want to see what's the goal, what are the things that you want to put toward to get that goal. What are the actions? I want you to create for yourself the metrics of writing it down. Last line was niflah liray sullah spaynin. It's amazing. It's a wonder to see and consider. Spaynin really means to think deeply. Keh tzadah adobah avodah sahaproth is that when a person starts to work on his individual avodah, motzeh es mekalmoh baolamator. He finds his place in the olam adorah, kfit chunosav, according to the character traits that he has, umah huso, and according to his essence.