Alei Shur 1

2:10 Mikan ve'eilach l'ma'isim toivim. What's the second half about good deeds? V'da'ak ya'al kol eila. Know that on all these things, al kol ma'shala ma'adata, on everything you've learned, sofa li'tein esadin im lo'tekayim. Know that you will be held responsible, if you know something and you don't follow it. Meaning if you know something, we'll discuss what that means, but if you know something and you don't follow it, you will be held accountable. There is an idea in Judaism about accountability. Accountability doesn't mean angry God, but it does mean accountable. Now, Rehoboam is going to explain this gemara and you'll see why he thinks this gemara is so important. Zuhi ha'gdaras ha'avodah ha'prateus. This is the definition of internal work. And that's what everything we're going to be learning for the next couple months is about. Working on the inside of yourself. Knowing who you are. Havod ha-pratios. Which means your individual internal work.

3:15 Nosei sha'azet. This is going to be the nosei. What does nosei mean in English? This is going to be the workload of this sha'ar. This chapter. This gate. Ha'asek v'torah mitochsimcho v'tuvleif. To be able to get to a place where our learning Torah is not a burden. Where our learning Torah comes from a place of simcha and tovlev, good heartedness. A lot of people in yeshiva tell me, Rebbe, I'm learning it, but I'm not feeling it. I'm learning, but it feels like a burden. Or I'm davening, but it feels like a burden. We want to get to a place where our avodah Hashem is like a bag of diamonds. A bag of diamonds may be heavy, but it should never weigh us down. And ultimately we want to get to a point where we deeply know ourselves. And that's going to be the path that Revolbi is going to chart out for us. To get to a place that our yiddishkeit should be b'simcha, and that our knowledge of ourselves should be deepened.

4:18 Before we go on, I just want to say one thing. Most people in this room right now believe that they know themselves. Most people in this room believe that they know themselves because they know the worst parts about themselves. Rebbe, I can tell you all about myself. Because here's the list of garbage that I can tell you about myself that I don't tell anyone else. That is not Yiddiya Satsmeinu. Knowing ourselves does not mean that you can list off the worst things about yourself. Adurabba. If you can only list off the worst things about yourself, you really don't know yourself. That's number one. Number two. This is probably equally important. Everybody in this room thinks they know themselves. But how many people really know the way that other people experience them? As we're going to see later on in Alei Shor, we're going to get to a point where if you walk into a room and you overhear a conversation happening about you between your worst enemy and your best friend,

5:21 and they're talking about you, you wouldn't be surprised by either thing that they say. People in life go through something called Woe is to me that I have been living in an in an imaginative world. The purpose of the purpose of what we're doing is to break you out of your imagination. Not you, just me also. We're all living in this imaginative world. We think we know what's true about ourselves. But we are so closed to hearing what other people's experience. are of us. And so this is going to break that open and we're going to become exceptionally self-aware because of that. That's why I said to you from the start, some of you might not want to be here, because you might face some very uncomfortable truths about yourself throughout this process. But ultimately I believe that by learning about ourselves and really coming into contact with the true essence of who we are, it's going to open up an exceptionally large world to us.

6:29 Most of us think of happiness as a mood. It's the first move Revolbi is making. Happiness is not a mood. Learning from a place of simcha and tov levav doesn't mean, yeah, I was in a good mood today when I was learning, or even more than that. It doesn't mean that I was happy with my learning. We're going to see it means something much deeper. Happiness is a state of being. When we talk about simcha, when we talk about happiness, which really simcha means even more than happiness. Simcha means like a real joy. When a person is deeply connected to Liman HaTorah, and it's a joyful experience, that is merely a symptom of a larger thing called, are you at peace with yourself? In other words, when people come, and they don't realize they're saying this, but when people come and they say, I'm not happy in my learning. I don't enjoy learning. What they don't realize is that they're saying, according to Revolbi, I am not at peace with myself. In other words, Hashem's Torah is our Torah. It fits naturally with our soul. If a person is not enjoying that experience, that's a simmon that something is off internally. You understand? So happiness is not a mood. Happiness is a state that when a person is at peace with themselves,

8:01 they're happy. They're happy. And memelah, when they do something that causes natural happiness... It's the most enjoyable experience in the world. So when a person comes and says, Rabbi, I'm struggling so much with my learning. I just don't enjoy it. They don't realize that what they're saying is something inside of me is deeply off. Let me explain what I mean. Imagine a person buys clothing. And that clothing at some point fits them. Then they start to gain weight. So what do they do? They start to complain that their clothing doesn't fit. But the clothing didn't change. What changed? We changed. Your clothing didn't shrink in the wash all of a sudden. It's been through the wash hundreds of times. It didn't shrink all of a sudden. Why does the clothing not fit? Because we gained weight. It's the same thing when it comes to our knowledge of ourselves.

9:06 which we're going to see in a moment. But the more that you are calibrated internally, the more that learning is going to be the most natural thing in the world. Now I have a secret to tell you. In your lives, you might even remember this, there was a time when learning was awesome and every one of us believed that. And I'll bring you the proof. You ever see a little kid learn? You ever go into a first grade classroom and see a little kid learn? You ever see the enthusiasm in their faces? How come little kids don't sit there and go like this. when they're learning? So stupid. How come they don't do that? In fact, my four-year-old, when she comes home from Ghan, you know what she wants to do? She wants to sit there and tell us all the things she learned in school that week. What changed? It's an amazing thing. See a little kid, learning is awesome. I'll bring you another proof that learning is awesome. Forget learning Torah for a second. Think of a subject that you really love.

10:11 Think of a subject you really love. You know how when you're working at that subject and then something clicks, you get a gishmak? There's no English word for gishmak. You know how you get like a really big gishmak, like, oh, I got it. You know, it just clicks. That is the excitement of learning. Now imagine that learning, all that learning, again, not talking about Torah for a second, all that learning, when we do it, that's sort of external to ourselves. That's your intellect. When your soul learns something, that's the natural state. Your soul ought to be excited by this. You understand? So if your soul is not excited by it, what does that tell you? Something is spiritually off inside of me. Something is... Not calibrated correctly. Yes, when I say spiritual, I mean spiritual. Something is, because the person is a spiritual being, right? We're not just physical beings, we're spiritual beings. So there's something that's not calibrated correctly inside of ourselves. And memela, what does that mean? Memela, that means that the learning is not going to be gishmak.

11:13 It's like wearing clothing that's too small. You understand? Does that make sense? Okay. When a person gets to this state, When you get to this state of happiness, Rav Olbi says, I'm going to tell you how you know you've gotten there. Number one, external pleasures don't excite you. Hevra is a big one. How do you know that you've gotten to a stage where internally you're calibrated? Stop looking for pleasure outside. How can I express this? I want to make sure that everybody understands this. You know those people, I'm sure it's nobody in here, but you know those people that their focus is always on this larger pleasure that they can achieve, whether it's the car, the house, the prestige, the job, the food, the next vacation, the party, whatever it is.

12:23 You know how that's, we call those things ta'nugim chitzonim. They're external pleasures. There's a direct correlation between how shalom you are with yourself, how internally calibrated you are, versus how much you're looking for pleasure outside of yourself. To the degree that you're looking for pleasure outside of yourself, it means you're externally focused, and that means internally you're not calibrated. Vice versa, a person who is internally calibrated, he may have a nice car, he may have a nice house, but he's not pursuing pleasures outside of himself. Shlomo, you had a question. Yeah. What about... By the way, we encourage questions in this shoot. Yeah. Like, is knowing how to be in davening, like Shlomo asked today, where we ask for external pleasures? Like, are we asking for external pleasures. So, one of the important things to know about davening is that davening is not something external, right? And I'm not asking for external things. I'm not pursuing external things. In fact, I would say just the opposite. Bar Eichal Einu would be a perfect example of a bracha, where we're asking Hakadosh Baruch Hu to help us sustain our physical needs so that we may serve Him. So give me these things because I need them in order to serve you. So it's internally focused, not externally focused.

13:48 Again, we're not saying that a person shouldn't have wealth in his life. The Udaan Nazi was exceptionally wealthy. But he said at the end of his life, he said, I didn't even lift one pinky, not in the service of Hashem. All of his wealth was internal. You understand? It's possible to have wealth, but there are people that pursue wealth. And then there are people that pursue an ill-calibrated life. If they have wealth, but say they're lazy. He's like, ah, you don't have to do these things. No, I have a bigger Yitzharah than you. We're totally going to have a bigger Yitzharah than more desirous. You're asking an excellent question. What you're saying is, if I was totally internally calibrated, I wouldn't even have this Yitzharah, and that seems like a wild pursuit. And I would agree with you. I'm going to pull in Tanya for one second. I think Tanya and Ali Shor go hand in hand. In Tanya, we speak about three levels. A tzaddik, a benoni, and a rasha. There's different types of tzaddik, and there's different types of rasha, but to make a long story short, the categories go as follows.

15:17 Tzaddik is somebody who has no Yitzharah, which means he's totally internally calibrated. We can't understand this level. It's beyond human comprehension. We look at these people, and we don't understand how they ever got to that level. They don't sin, according to Tanya. A tzaddik doesn't sin. I would assume, and based on Tanya, the answer would be yes, but I don't get involved in being bochen, levavos, v'kloyos, and wondering who is and who is not a tzaddik. It's true. They're benonim, according to Tanya. Then there's something called a Rosh. This is you and me. A Rosh is somebody who does have eros. It doesn't mean that they're a bad person, right? Rosh in the world of Tanya doesn't mean that you're Hitler, chas v'shalom. Rosh in the world of Tanya means that you have a Yitzhahara, and you fall prey to the Yitzhahara. The hero in Tanya is neither the tzaddik nor the Rosh. The hero in Tanya is the benoni. And he says, every one of us has the capacity to be a benoni,

16:20 and the benoni is the person we most identify with. A benoni, according to Tanya, is somebody who struggles intensely. but makes the right choice every single time. That's who you're referring to. They say that everyone else's tzaddik is the Tanya's Beinoni. So a Beinoni means that he sees the Aveira, he wants the Aveira, he values even the feeling that he had when he remembers once upon a time maybe he did that Aveira, but he doesn't do the Aveira. So the Beinoni, the reason he's like that is because... I think it's tremendous. But the Beinoni is in conflict because internally his Nefesh HaVahamesh and his Nefesh HaLukis are at war with each other. You see, if they wouldn't be at war, he'd be totally internally calibrated. We're trying to walk that process of becoming more internally calibrated. Nachik. Ta'anugim chitsoinim, external pleasures. Einam kosmim, they don't fascinate.

17:21 Einam kosmim, they don't fascinate him. B'midim uforezes, in a scattered type of way. Gilad. So when you say that we're not at peace with ourselves, we're internally not calibrated, that means that it's a struggle between just the pursuits and the... Well, not always that struggle, but sometimes that struggle. Sometimes the struggle is there are things we want we can't have. Sometimes the struggle is inner negative beliefs that we have. Often the struggle is that we don't even know what we're struggling over. So, as we'll see, there's a... No, it's not necessarily specific. I was just referring... Levi's question was about that specific, so I pulled in Tanya. Shmuel, you had a question. Yeah, so let's say through this process, can somebody say... I'll say personally, I like skiing. So... I'll take, like, let's say if I was in America, I'll take off the yeshiva to go skiing so I can learn better, even though that's sort of... No, I'm joking. So that's taking, meaning, even though that is pursuing an external pleasure, right? But can we say that if we're turning it in the direction of...

18:34 A person should... If a person would truly know themselves, and would truly know what was right for them, they would be able to make that shikl. See, the problem is we can't make that shikl because we rationalize. You know what rationalize means? Rationalize, right? So a person could say, for example, I don't know if this shir is right for me, right? And then two minutes later they could say, I was lying to myself. I would have tremendous respect for that person. Why? Because what are they really saying? I, for a moment, I'd have a mina that I was going to follow that voice. La maskana, I'm not going to. But we have to know ourselves in order to make that shekel. It could be that it is the right thing. It could be there's a time to say, no, you need to go to a ski for that day. You know, there's a story with Refreifeld that there was a boy who came to Sharyashev and Refreifeld told him to go get a job and come back in a couple of months. And people didn't understand why Refreifeld said that.

19:39 I think maybe he was learning part-time, he wasn't learning full-time. And Refreifeld said, this boy is not going to learn well unless he has money in his pocket and he feels good about himself. Many Rosh Yeshiva would probably not say that. In fact, I think they probably would have said that's like a terrible thing to say. But every rabbi has an achrayas to know his Talmud, even when his Talmud doesn't know himself. Know what I mean? Yah! Momo. The Ben-Ori, the constant, is that comparable to the only man of faith. The overlap between Rav Soloveitchik's Lonely Man of Faith and Tanya is a topic that I have been throwing around in my brain probably since I started learning both. And it is beyond the scope of this year. But it is an excellent question. Hosh, would you be mochel me and let me go a little bit weiter? Sure. Nah, I can't say no to you. Yeah, your last one. Someone who's working towards the pleasures of Olam Ha'Avah, what would you say about that? Beautiful. That's not Tanukim Chitzani.

20:41 That's Tanukim Pneumim. That's the internal. Olam Ha'Avah is the ultimate representation of the soul. So far so good? Okay, weiter. By the way, you should know, each one of these things is a gem. It's a gem. You've got to hold on to each one of these things. Yitzorim, meaning his, maybe this is what you're referring to, the different Yetzros that a person has and his different inclinations. O Midos Raos and his bad Midos. They're not going to bother him anymore. In other words, why do we have these inclinations to go do these Meshuggah things? It's because the lack of internal calibration. How do we get there? And he says, this is what the Gemara means when it says, Walk in the ways of your heart. Know yourself. To the degree that you know yourself, watch the formula. This is the formula for today's shiur. To the degree that you know yourself, you will stop pursuing things that are nonsense.

21:41 Stop pursuing things that are outside of yourself. You will come to a greater appreciation of the internal. That will be your focus. That will be your pursuit. Why don't we? Because we simply don't know ourselves. So to the degree that you know yourself, you automatically start recalibrating. You understand? What would be a good example of this? Take for example the narcissist. We're going to spend a lot of time talking about this one. The narcissist, doesn't know himself. In fact, they say that, narcissistic personality disorder, is the hardest one to overcome. You know why? Because the person who has it can't know that he has it. Because if he knows that he has it, what does that automatically tell you? He's not a narcissist. So there's degrees of narcissistic personality disorder. And it's possible for somebody who has. if he's on the spectrum I should say, of narcissistic personality disorder it's possible for him to come to a level of awareness that he has it and work on it. But for the true narcissist he won't be able to see it. And, what's more is when people tell him he's a narcissist what is he going to respond? You're a narcissist. It's your issue, right? Because they won't be able to take it in. You understand? They're constantly projecting it out onto others. That's the whole use of narcissism.

23:14 Now, this narcissist, what's he going to pursue? He can't possibly pursue anything internal. Why not? He's so full of himself, he wouldn't even know where to start. You quoted Lonely Man of Faith, right? There's something exceptionally powerful about being empty, right, that allows a person to fill themselves up with their truest version of themselves. The narcissist can't do that. So here's what the narcissist pursues. In his job, he needs to be the president and CEO of the company. In his family, he needs that his children should see him a certain way. He needs that his wife should see him a certain way. He's not okay unless everybody around him looks up to him. He might even do crazy things. By the way, you'll see this sometimes with Rebbeim. That they pursue their tamidim in order for their tamidim to look at them and say, Whoa, that Rebbe is awesome. So even though on the outside it looks like the frumest thing in the world, like isn't that Rebbe amazing? He's on the phone with his guys till 4 o'clock in the morning, and he opens up his house, and everybody lives by him, and everybody loves him.

24:19 On the inside, that Rebbe is really what? He's really a tremendous narcissist. And what is he pursuing? Love me, right? So, these are tanugim chitzania. And his midos raos, these bad midos that he has, they're mamish getting in his way. Why? Because he doesn't know himself. If he would know himself, he'd be able to say no to the Talmud. He'd be able to say, I'll get to you in the appropriate time. And I have a limited amount of time. And I'm not trying to be everything for everyone. That notion is disturbed. Sammy. I'm just separated from you. I can't agree with you as a narcissist until it's just... You know, the difference is, so exceptionally subtle. Thank you, ma'am. The difference is so exceptionally subtle. The difference is so exceptionally subtle that the only way would be to have someone check you, as we're going to see later in Alei Shori.

25:21 the magic mirror of the Baal Shem Tov that he quotes, which is how a person comes to know things about themselves. But you're right, from an internal perspective, it's very hard to see yourself, because you're biased by your own lens. Does this make sense? Do you hear this? How much time do we have left? We have no time left. I'm going to finish this last paragraph. and then I'm going to give you the homework for tonight. Mi she'enei odei es atzmo bevadai. If you do not know yourself, you cannot be at peace with yourself. And when it comes to learning Torah, His Yetzer hara is going to get in the way. His Midos Ros are going to get in the way. And they're not going to allow him to learn, and they're not going to allow him. to come to a state of completion. So, for tonight's homework, you are going to have a journal for this year. You're going to have a notebook that is devoted to this year. And in tonight's homework, what you're going to do is you're going to become the beginning of what we're going to call in this year curious observers of self. I'm going to say it one more time. You're going to become a curious observer of self.

26:54 Okay? A curious observer of self means that you are no longer just looking at yourself through the lens that you've always seen yourself, but you're going to start to be curious in a way that you never have. You are now the subject matter, right? If you were learning math, you'd be learning math. If you're learning science, you're learning science. If you're in al-ishor, it means the subject matter is yourself. You're going to become curious about yourself. And in order to do that, what I want to know for tonight is as follows. Number one, are you shalim? I shouldn't say it like that. Are you b'simcha in your learning? Don't make it yes or no. Are you b'simcha in your learning? Write about it. Think about it. Number one. Number two. If you are not b'simcha in your learning, if there are times that your yetzohar is getting the best of you, and you're saying you're sick when you're not 100% sick, or you're on your phone half the time, or you're having trouble focusing, or this or that, if you're not b'simcha in your learning, you're not focused in your learning,

27:59 ask yourself, am I internally calibrated? And if not, which probably the answer will be not, what are those yetzoharas and those midos raos that are getting in the way of my focus? What are the things that are calibrating me, in a sort of messed up way? That's the easy part. Here's the hard part. I want you to do no less than 20 sentences. Could be more, actually. Should be more. On why you think you do or don't know yourself. Do I actually know myself? If I know myself, tell me why you think you know yourself. If you don't know yourself, tell me why you think that is. What happens if it's both. Then it'll be both. The definition of emotional maturity is the ability to hold two conflicting emotions at once. You could say, I think I know myself, and yet I also don't think I know myself. Tevra, you will get out of this class exactly what you put into it. This has to be done by tomorrow. I know you're all busy, massive amounts of post-Night Seder learning. You're already not wasting a minute. This shouldn't take you more than 20 minutes. Sit, focus, answer the questions. Don't come in tomorrow without your answers. I advise you to have a wonderful rest of your day.