(2/2) If I am I because I am I...

2:19 Person seeing like wow like this person like push and strive to accomplish what they accomplished Whatever sort of mentality towards the grit behind it, and developing that sort of mentality for myself in regards to my life In whatever sense, that person is implying it into their life, making it a part of your unique self. I think maybe I shouldn't have let you go only because I think we don't yet know what this notion of a unique self is. So maybe we're gonna have to answer that question in order to answer this question. Yeah. I was gonna say how clean up everything playing roles is because a lot of what who someone is defined by their parents and how they're raised. You really only build your personality, I think. That there's an important point that you're raising. Is there even a notion of a true self, or are you just a product of these experiences and this education and this parenting?

3:22 So the idea here is that the Katskur Rebbe is expressing something we should take the time to point out: there is an I. There is a true self that you ought to be because that is your true self. What is that? What is that idea? You're highlighting exactly that. Seems that there is a notion of a unique self, and how does that fit into the parenting and the education that we have? If we're looking at a unique self, and we're all God, and we're all from Hashem, our peace of Hashem. It seems like if we were all acting in the best way we could, we would be very similar. But it doesn't make sense that Hashem would just make a bunch of the same thing. It would actually be the opposite. It's like a bunch of swings and misses, and hopefully some people will hit that.

4:08 Also, I don't. Right. Doesn't doesn't make a lot of sense. Doesn't make a lot of sense. So let's jump into it. What does it mean when we say neshama? What does that word mean? What was that? Soul. A soul. What is a soul? Spiritual A godly part of. A godly part of Hashem. The godly part of Hashem. That's a fair response. Fair like a l'kamimal. It's a fair response. Obviously, we're going to do a little bit more than that. But yes, certainly true. The neshama is us. What does that mean? We are a soul with clothing of a body. But that's the other. So. Maybe. Eitan. You are in the image of God. That's true. It is an image of God. What does that mean? Part of you that reflects God. It's the part of you that reflects God. That's certainly true. What is the soul? When we talk about like a soul, what is it? Let's, for the purposes of this, no.

5:23 For the purposes of this, you could use them. I'm talking about neshama. Nefesh and neshama are really different aspects of the soul, but let's say the soul in general. It's not so easy. Not so easy. We all say different things. So I'll tell you. When I was a kid growing up, I always thought that the soul was what the dementors sucked out of you. It's like I imagined in myself, like a white orb. I don't know why I put it. Like here, like by my heart. Say that. But what was that? And there's a feeling, right? It comes out of your mouth, right? And you can have your soul sucked out of you. But for years, it bothered me. What is this notion of the soul? So You started saying it. You're not wrong when you say the soul is the us. It's who we are. But it's a little bit more than that.

6:27 There's a notion in Judaism Of being radically unique. But radical uniqueness in Judaism In order to discover that radical uniqueness, a person must abandon all uniqueness that's not authentic uniqueness. For example If a person expresses their uniqueness In their clothing What would you say about that? Kacha. Nobody really thinks. Maybe he dresses in an interesting way, but it's only representative of a greater uniqueness, right? Why can't you say that everything? You could maybe But we could all acknowledge that there are levels of expression of that uniqueness that are going to be closer to the unique source itself. So when we say a soul, what we mean is really your unique self As it expresses itself in every aspect of your being In the way that you speak, in the way that you act, in the way that you are creative. And the thing about radical uniqueness is that you can only be radically unique if you believe in God.

7:48 If you're not If you don't believe in God, then fundamentally the point that you were making is that you're just a product of different social constructs that exist in society. Change the social constructs, and you'll change the social norms, and you'll create different people doing different things. Let me just get this out, and then I'll open it up. If a person believes in the Rebbeinu Shalom, then what are they basically expressing about their own dignity and their own sense of self? They're saying fundamentally, there's an I. There's an idea of me that exists. A person in Shamayim that I'm designed to be. And my job is to become that version of myself. By Avram Avinu, it says, "Al t'krihi baram el ba Avraham." Avram Avinu. There was a notion of Avram Avinu within creation itself. There was a notion of Avram Avinu within creation itself. And the fulfillment of Avram Avinu is when he becomes the Avram Avinu that he has inside of him to become. For example, the Malachim by Yaakov Avinu were going up and down the ladder. What does it mean that they were going up and down the ladder? It means they were going up. They saw an image on the Kisei Hakvod, and then they came down and they saw Yaakov Avinu. And Chazal say that the Malachim were astounded.

9:05 They said that Yaakov Avinu down below had the same exact face as Yaakov Avinu up above. Meaning there is a person that we are designed to be. The question is: Will we become that person, or will we distract ourselves with all the fake, non-authentic uniqueness that's not really unique at all? Which is what most people do. Most people are passing themselves off as the counterfeit of unique. And Avram Avinu did exactly the opposite. The legacy of Avraham Avinu, Avraham Avri. Avri meaning from the other side, is that the entire world stood on one side. They stood on the side of idols. And Avraham Avinu, because he believed in one God, because he believed in one unique God. And therefore, everything that comes from Hakadosh Baruch Hu is unique. He was able to have the courage to stand against the entire world. Guys, you hear this move? This is a very important move. You either stand on the side of fear.

10:07 Because that's what idolatry fundamentally is. It's I'm afraid of what the world will do to me, so therefore I will build an idol so that I can control the world. From the impoverished mentality of that fear of that notion of control, there's no way I would ever be able to be unique. Because who's going to judge me along the way? What type of things do I open myself up to by being different than others? Masha'inein kein Avraham Avinu, who lived with the abundance mentality of one unique God, believes in the uniqueness of every single person, and that by definition stands against the rest of the world with his beliefs. So the notion of a unique self is fundamentally rooted in the notion of one God, and the capacity to express that comes from that same one God. I was going to ask you how that really works. Because we all fall, we all have the same holocaust, we all fall in the same. We all know We all know more or less what we're supposed to be doing in life or getting closer to death. So we might outwardly create some individuality in something like clothing or speech, but really we're all the same.

11:15 So I'll share with you two things that come up for me when you ask your question. I'll do the more mundane one first. There were certain NBA players that fundamentally changed the way the game was played. Of course, they dribbled, they passed, they shot. The activities were fundamentally the same, but because they were so exceptionally unique, they changed the way the game was played. For example, Dr. J Dr. Dre, the great ABA and then later NBA player. He was the first person. To glide through the air, his activities were not as mechanical. Jordan, of course I wouldn't even say he imitated that; he fundamentally enhanced that to a completely new level. Magic Johnson passed the ball in a way that nobody had ever passed the ball before. Officially, it was the same exact pass. He was doing the same exact motion, but it was completely different.

12:24 You could argue that LeBron. Because of his sheer size, he plays the game in a fundamentally different way. Even though it's the same activities. But I always thought that Kobe Bryant was never that great Because what he was fundamentally was a copy of Michael Jordan. Michael Jordan was competing against Michael Jordan. The innovations were so unique that there was nobody to compare him to. By definition, because Kobe was copying Michael, he was never going to be as great as the original. If you're the copy, you're never going to be as great as the original. So it's true. Maybe we're all wrapping the same tefillin, right? But the way that you wrap tefillin and the way that I wrap tefillin are meant to be fundamentally different. It may not be different in the sense that we're going around the same amount of times, but they ought to be two completely different mitzvot.

13:13 The second thing that comes up for me is a line from a great Hasidic thinker. I won't tell you his name now. Maybe I'll tell it to you later privately. They asked him How can you daven the same davening every single day? So he said, "The tefilla might be the same, but you shouldn't be." Meaning, you daven shachris, and shachris should fundamentally change you, so that by the time you return to shachris the next day, it should be a completely different you doing it. And so, not only are you, Sam, meant to daven in your unique way with your unique tefilla that I could not be saying, even if we're saying the same words. But that tefila is supposed to be so unique and such an unbelievable expression of you, that you're meant to grow into the Samstaller that you have inside of you. By virtue of that tefila. So the unique expression of your particular mitzvah, not only is an expression of you, but it also develops you. Does that make sense?

14:18 Eitan. You thought I was going to go on. Similar question But on a different level. I was once having a conversation with a friend. And he asked me "How does How do we find our own reason for believing in God? Because if you think about it, the only way that you or I or anybody in this room believes in God is because we were brought up and raised to do so by people who believe in God. I don't believe that. I don't believe that the reason, the only reason that we believe in God, is because of a social construct. But this raises the question because We were brought into religion by our parents. We were brought into religion by our community, by our surroundings, and then once we find our way Then we can feel religion in our own way. Is that the way in which you're saying we can be unique?

15:22 No. I would say you can be unique even beyond the notion of religion. There is a creative. Our creativity in everything that we do, if we're tapped into our soul, if we really fundamentally understand that we are different, we don't have to try to be different. We are different. Every one of us thinks differently, speaks differently, feels differently. Expresses ourselves differently. If we would actually have the courage to be that person, that is a godly thing by and for itself. Of course, it will express itself in our maseh mitzvos, but it will express itself in every area of our life. I understand that we cannot be unique. Not that we can be, that we are. We are, but you were saying that the way in which we are unique. No I didn't say that the uniqueness is our belief. I'm saying if you believe in God, you are unique.

16:23 Meaning the belief, because belief in God, by definition, is the belief in something that's unique And the expression Every expression of a unique God, by definition, would be unique. About all the other people who believe in God They would also be unique. You are unique to those people. Of course A unique God would make unique things. He would never make doubles. It wouldn't even make any sense. They would all be unique expressions of him. So why would there be a double? Knowing that there is a unique God obligates me to be the unique self that I am. I think you may have missed what I was saying before. Does that make sense now? Same way there are no two words repeated in the Torah without any reason. Does my belief in God then make a person who is an atheist unique? For sure. That happens to be that they don't, and therefore, because of that impoverished mentality, they may not have the courage to be unique.

17:20 But the source of courage is faith. But they are unique because God would make. They are unique, but they may not have the courage to be that unique self. Unique to recognize that they're unique. That's right, because it's a very daring thing to be unique. It means that you're going to be different. Different means you might not be accepted. It's a terrifying prospect. I think the root of my question was In you saying that those who believe in God are unique We're questioning what those who don't. Those who believe in God have the source now to have the courage, because faith is the source of courage. They have the capacity to be their unique self, which is a terrifying thing to be. And there is a unique self for those that don't believe in God. They just don't have the courage to do so. And frankly, even those who do believe in God don't necessarily have the courage to do so, but that ought to be the wellspring that we draw from.

18:13 Faith is the source of courage. Stephen It's because some don't believe in God, doesn't mean they don't have courage to be themselves. Why is that any different? And there are people that do that are more themselves than people who are. Not sure. It's not like it's not like it's not like a set rule. Like oh, we don't like. First of all, for me personally, it's a difficult conversation because I have difficulty understanding the notion of self without God. So that by itself, I think, is an important starting point. At what point is there such a thing as self without God, and what is self without God? Even aside from that I think maybe I need to spell this point out. So listen carefully, because it's a very important point. Very. I'm explaining right now. The When we say faith is the source of courage, what that means is as follows: You are either one of two things. You are either enough.

19:15 Fundamentally, or you're not enough fundamentally. Without God, you are not assured. Your sense of being in this world is not assured. What makes you enough? So there are things that you need to do to become enough. Your worthiness, for example, to be part of the group, to be part of the pack. You would probably define your worthiness based on your actions. And that is a very impoverished mentality because there's no fundamental state of 'I am okay, I am good, I am I.' They don't have that fundamental state. So there's a lack of faith, which by definition means there's a lack of courage. Because in order for me to have the courage to be true to my unique self, I need to know that there's a bedrock that I am okay and I am enough. And so very often, what may appear to you to be somebody acting as a unique self is not actually a unique self at all. But rather, it's an attempt at being quote unquote unique. But really, it's to fit in. I'll be okay when.

20:26 So it may appear to you, this guy, he doesn't play by any of the rules. He's playing by the rules of not playing by the rules. He's in the same camp as everybody else. Masha'inekain, someone who has true faith, believes in a unique self and understands that they are already worthy. They have the faith that I am I, and I am here for a reason, and they have the abundance mentality that comes with that. Worthiness is a test I make unique. It absolutely is because when you say. The Rebbeinu Shlom created me, and that already means that I am worthy. What is the me that he created? Maybe he wants five of the same as you. Why would he? Why is that? Why would he want five of the same? So I think maybe that goes back to the other point. You guys need to hear this; it's very important. Maybe it's my fault. I'm not expressing it clearly. A unique God does not create doubles.

21:24 By definition It's like. If I said this is a unique tool, it only does one. It only does one new thing every single day. Why wouldn't it do ten things every day? That's what it does. That's what it means in its essence. If Hashem is unique, and that is in his core, that there is nothing like him, there is nothing else like him. Then, by definition, everything that he does is completely new, completely fresh. There is no doubles. Every single thing in this world, it may look on the outside the same, but really no, it's these. They might belong to the same group, but each one has a unique role within that group. It's like maybe we're all soldiers. But within being soldiers, some of us are army, some of us are navy, some of us are marines. Maybe we're all marines, but even within marines, there are those that play this role, those that play that. You have five people that do basically the same test, but when they go out on a mission, each one of them has a unique test to do. So every one of them has a unique role. So by definition, if these people know, they have the faith that they are created for a reason. It's a unique reason. That's the bedrock of their worthiness. Now they can go do it. That's the source of courage. That's a very big deal.

22:34 Even understanding that once you have faith, you can understand that you are unique. Hashem wonderfully made each one unique. How does that express itself practically? Because going back to what Sam said, even once you have understood that faith, it still seems like you're not unique. Right. Why does it seem that way? What do you think? Most people are differing in their actions. What is it about their days? Is it possible that we have less faith than we think? How does the faith lead to you changing the way you go about your day? We'll play it out. And you're learning. You still have, if you have full faith or you don't, you're still going to chakras Or you're still. But how are you going to chakras? And what type of Torah are you learning, and what creative energy are you bringing to those things? Again, go back to the basketball, Marshall. Every player in the NBA is dribbling.

23:30 Everybody who's playing in the park is dribbling, but would you say that those are the same dribbles? Not only in terms of speed, not only in terms of finesse, not only in terms of capability, but fundamentally, as we talk about this. We say Steph Curry changed the way the game is played. Kyrie Irving has the craziest handles. You know Kevin Durant is unguardable. There's never been a player like Giannis. All of those players are playing the same game with all the same rules, and yet every one of them is fundamentally different. So from the outside looking in, is there any way to see a difference? Because uniqueness is not measured on the outside; it's measured on the inside, right? You have two couples. They're both married. Would you say the relationship is the same? Even if they were both doing the same exact things, the relationship, by definition, is a completely different relationship because it involves different people.

24:27 But this is such a core concept because people who don't know their uniqueness struggle so much in their Judaism because they don't know what they're contributing. You understand the problem? Very good. So now let's get to Shmuel's original question. What is a role model, and what happens when it comes to parenting and education? What are we meant to do this? I started saying this a moment ago, and I'm glad that you asked the question because it's a perfect jumping point. But I want you guys to get this because it's a big one. If the source of courage is faith, The source of joy is unique creativity. You know this. When are we happy? It's a good question. When are we happy? When you do something that's like you. It's not just that you accomplish something. It's when you do you. And you hear people say this. They go, I don't know.

25:32 It's just not me. What are they saying when they say it's just not me? It relates to. Meaning, there's an I, and this, what this activity doesn't. It doesn't feel like I. If you put me in a math class And you said, "Do you love it?" ", I would go, "No I hate it But I have these daughters, and they have a mother Who's very good at math. And two nights ago, they were sitting around the table. And they were working on a math problem excitedly. And I'm watching them. This is my own family. These are my flesh and blood. And I'm looking at them going. We are very different. We enjoy very different things in life. Believe me. With five daughters, I often feel like I have to get out of there. What kind of creativity? Unique creativity, Meaning when you do you, you feel like in flow.

26:33 This is good. That's the problem so many of us have in life. We show up to our Judaism more like Is it me? The answer is, of course, it is right because if you knew that your soul is the fundamental expression of you, and then within that unis is fundamentally connected to Torah, then of course everything in the Torah is an expression of you. And if you are not connecting to it, that's fine. But then that needs to be some sort of calibration. Like, so what is going to be your chelik in Torah? For some people it'll be Gemara VeEi, and for some people it'll be Gemara B'Kiyas, for some people it'll be Ashkafa, for some people it'll be Tanach. For some people, it will be halacha, but everyone has a chiluk in Torah. Everybody just has to find their chiluk, and you see, it's an interesting thing when a person starts to get into dafyomi.

27:19 And then they take pride in that dafyomi. Maybe they go make a documentary, in that dafyomi, how awesome do they feel? Feel like I found my place in Torah, and it feels good. What happens when a person is in there, and they're learning gemara b'kias, and it's like nails on a chalkboard to them because they want to understand something deeply. Or the opposite, they're learning pei and they're like nails on a chalkboard. It's like I want to just cover ground. You're learning things about yourself, and when you do what feels in flow for you. It's an amazingly joyous activity. It's like how many people here imagine they're going to be a dentist? Anyone here imagine they're going to be a dentist? Perfect. You want to be a dentist? What do you want to be? No clue. But not a dentist. Would it be strange to you at the end of your life?

28:09 If you died, and let's say you were at your own burial Would it be strange to think about? That's for sure strange. Would it be? Would it be strange to think about them giving a eulogy? Saying how you were a great dentist? It would be little. What if your tombstone was a giant tooth? Like one of those cartoon teeth that they have. Was that and they say here lies on the tooth. These are serious issues. And they were saying how you filled cavities. Why doesn't that feel right to you? Aside from Barks' obvious objections Why doesn't that feel right to you? How do you know? It's just not right. And there are some people that know exactly what they want to do. And that is an expression of the unique self. So to answer your question, to bring it back full circle Our job as educators and parents is really meant to be to cultivate the unique soul that we each have.

29:22 And very often, because of our own lack of faith and our own lack of courage, what do we do instead? We teach our children to be obedient rather than to be creative. We stifle creativity. So that our children will conform And as a result, they fundamentally will have their wings clipped. That is the tragedy of not parenting from a soulful perspective. Isn't that crazy? If you think about it, it's like imagine you raised someone to be a dentist when they're like, "I'm not a dentist." ", Sam. But I feel like having a lot in yeshiva, but the rebbi mentioned a learning case, right? There's some people who really like learning Hebrew and whatever. The rebbi always says if there's someone who really likes learning Hebrew and something like learning in So the rebbi would tell them Just like work really hard on trying to get in, and then you'll start to love it.

30:22 I when. Also, didn't we say another shit? How really more like more. I definitely didn't say. Relax. I'm happy to see that I touched a button. We're gonna take it down now, Rebbe. It's a safe space for everybody. We can all express our feelings. It's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay. I think that the Rebbe you're referring to is making an excellent point. Is this not you, or are you not good at it? It is not the same thing. For example, I remember when I was in seventh grade, I was a very weak kid, physically a very weak kid. So baseball not such a problem, because if you swing the bat, even with not so much force, because they're throwing the ball, there's counter force. So you can even hit a line drive, dribbler in the hole. And if you're fast, you can get on base. When it comes to basketball, if you're like pushing the ball up to get to the net, you're not going to be good at it, and you're not going to like it. But somewhere in the middle of seventh grade is when I had this like big growth spurt. By the time eighth grade came, I could play basketball, and I didn't need to shove the ball at the hole anymore.

31:39 And all of a sudden, the activity became enjoyable. So there is an important question: Is this not you, or do you just stink at it? That's an important question. There's another important question: When it comes to learning Gemara. Are you using creativity? Or because perhaps you're just starting out, you're learning how to map out the terrain. For example, one of the frustrating things for me when I was first starting to learn Gemara was Abayus says this, Rava says this. My Rebbe said that Rashi has this explanation, while Tosos offers this explanation. And there's no unique creativity there. When did Gemara start to become awesome? Gemara became awesome when I started to learn it with creativity. When there was an expression of something that was unique And again, even if after all that, let's say a person said, "Still for me, I'm a Gemara B'Kiyas guy."

32:36 Personally, as a Rebbe, I would say, "Great!" Like so, now you know something about yourself. So maybe you're going to be the guy that doesn't learn as deep, but he's going to finish Shas every year. There is such a thing as that. This is why this goes back to the conversation we had earlier today, which I think is going to take us too far astray. Some of you don't even know what it means that there's supposed to be a notion of creativity within the learning. It's definitely not true. That's the very much so Very much so. What if the Bible makes more sense to you than Revel? That's a problem. It's like having an opinion in astrophysics. You're not well versed enough to have the opinion. So what's the creativity? So that's where brisker lundus comes in. For me at least. Brisker lundus is the expression. Like one of the things I loved about my rebbe sheir, which I only have a couple minutes left now. But one of the things I loved about my rebbe sheir is the way that he ran his sheir was as follows. He gave us mar makomos And we were expected not only to finish learning what the Rishonim said and what the Gemara said, but during Seder we were meant to come up with our own analysis of the Rishonim.

33:49 And then in Shire, my Rebbe would say again, it was very quick. He would go, "Rabo say Rashi says this, Tosos says this." Or he would ask us, "What's the machlokas Rashi Tosos?" And then he would say, "Who wants to be masber the machlokas? Who wants to analyze it? And we would raise our hands, and he would call on us, and we would offer our analysis of the rishi And if our analysis was foolish, he would In a very frontal way, he would explain to us why our analysis was foolish, and then from that we would learn, oh right. We start to train you how to think. That's just suppressing the creativity. Not at all. Because he was teaching us the rules of logic.

34:35 He was training us how to think, not telling us what to think. There is a very big difference, and in fact, my Rebbe used to say that we can leave Sheer when we can ask a hundred percent of the same questions because knowing how to ask a question is more formal. But he would say, 'But you can leave if you give fifty percent of the same answers because the answers don't need to be the same as me. I am happy for you to come up with your own svaris as long as they're logical svaris.' And when you sit in Seder and you're sitting there going, I know Abayah says this, I know Rava says this, but what are they arguing about fundamentally? What's the principle, and how does each one of them analyze it? That's when it begins to come alive and become vibrant. The challenge for so many of us is that we have not been exposed to that. And to the degree that we are exposed to it, learning gets really awesome.

35:22 And it should be that way. But it's it's a problem that we haven't been exposed to that. Part of the problem is because. Very often we don't get the skills that we need at a young age. I'm not quite sure what you mean by an analysis. I'll tell you the truth. This is exactly what I was concerned you were going to ask. I can't have that conversation with you now. It was the beginning of the conversation we had earlier today. So, I think that. Let's say you have aspired to be this person. When you start taking things from role modeling. You guys really want to be like what they are. Sort of like train yourself Sort of as them, or some traits, so that you fully call it. I feel like that's not fully yourself. Taking part of them into you. And it's probably a natural process psychologically.

36:13 That people are going to try certain things out and they're going to see if it fits And we do that very much when we're a teenager. We try on somebody else's clothing, so to speak. We say because you know. This worked for me. This didn't work for me, and we learn those things in that trial. But real role modeling is not aspiring to be that person. It's if you look at somebody, for example, and you look up to them. By definition, doesn't that tell you something about yourself? Like it's those values that speak to me It's much more of a mirror in certain ways. And then the real avoda of the healthy, mature adult is to say, how do I do that as me? How do I do that as him? How do I be like him? How do I do that as me? For example, I could admire his integrity. Now I have to find my own. You hear the difference? Rebbe. We'll stop here for today.