Judaism 101 - Shiur #4 - Five Features of the Soul

2:21 So the value of the engine is not that it's an engine; it's that it takes the body somewhere. Fair? So when you say you are your actions, what's the problem with that? The problem is you're only defining yourself then by one component, namely your body. Your body is performing certain actions, but the truth of the matter is: is it fair? And let's think about this for a second. Is it fair to say that your body is your actions? Is that where your actions come from, Kushner? So your brain really So you can't look at the actions and say your actions are solely identified by your body because your actions are informed by your mind. So you have critical thinking, and your mind says do this, and that's when you do it. Now, what would you say if you wanted to give it the comparison of the car? What would you say you are? Are you your mind, or are you your actions? Are they the same thing? Are they different? Let's see how far we can push it.

3:15 The driver is the driver of your brain, and the car is. So you're saying you're more your mind than your body. And let's say somebody Chassou Shalom was special needs. Are they less of a person? No. They're just like in big differences. I agree. Let's say mentally. That just that's that is the driver. That for them is their driver. So is there a baseline type of person? In other words, we could say. For example, I don't know if you guys do this in America. Do you take your car in to get tested? Does that have to happen? Like an inspection. So in Israel, that is a disaster of a thing to do. I give you a bracha, everybody in this room. You should all make Aliyah. You should never have to get your car inspected. Getting your car inspected in this country is one of the most annoying. First of all, it's thousands and thousands of shekels to do. Last time I went, it cost me five thousand shekels. You should never have to do it. Plus, like I grew up in New York, so you guys would go to the DMV in New York. DMV is a terrible place.

4:21 The Israeli DMV makes the New York DMV look like a walk in the park. It's like you think like that lady. You know that lady behind the DMV? You go all the way down 878 on the right-hand side over there. That's where the DMV is. You know which one I'm talking about? Is it like on the opposite side of JFK? The nastiest people in the world are in that building. They're in the Beit Shemesh DMV. I've met this woman. Trust me. They don't want us to drive, and they do everything they can to take away our cars. So when you go for a test, what are they saying? They're saying this is the baseline of what type of car we will allow on the road. Is there a baseline? If you say you are your mind, is there a baseline that we can agree on? What would constitute a person? How much mind do you need to have to constitute a person? Bear in mind that this is an important question because if Chassam Shalom somebody was brain dead How far would you take this? Consciousness like not being able to.

5:15 I think it's DNR. I think there's always. There's like two different parts of your brain. There's two different types of things in that. There's one part where if it's there's no function there, there's no chance of ever getting out of it. And then there are. So let's say you never have a chance of getting out of it. You're just breathing. You're just breathing. The machine is giving you life. Pull the plug. That's it. Just kill him. If there's no chance of coming back, then why not? I'm not sure if I'm really approved. There's a lot of people in comas, and then when they come out He's never coming out. But even when they're not, even when they're out of the coma, they say once they came out of it, they knew everything that was going on while they were in it. They say that while they were in the coma.

6:04 They know, they heard, they understood everything that was going on. So that's when they came out. They had some fancy demijohns, but science tells us there's nothing going on. I want to know, not pull the plug. I want to know. Will you take a knife? Let's be gory about it. I wanted. But there's nothing going on scientifically. We see there is no brain activity. You can't change the muscle to fit your needs. That's the muscle. There's nothing going on. I want to know. Will you take a knife and? I understood everything that was said. I heard all the conversations. Scientifically, we're saying brain dead. Nothing is going on. There's nothing going on. I'm not calling on you because you want to murder people.

6:43 I also want to. So then I'm not calling on you either. I'm saying, think about it, guys. You have to think for a second. It's your Chassid Shom, it's your relative. Let's not be glib about this. Don't just say it because it's easy to say. I want you to think about this. Could you? And I know that by itself is difficult. Think for a second. Could you actually? It's your relative. It's someone you love. It's someone you care about. Are you so ready to define them only by their mind that when their mind is incapacitated, that person is worthy of murder? If somebody came along and murdered them, I'm talking about hacking them to death, you would not want to see that person tried in a court because there was nobody there anyway. At best, they defiled a dead body. Maybe they should go to jail for that. I'm going to argue that point right now. That's exactly the point I'm going to argue. I'm going to argue that if you believe in a soul Then it could be that one facet of your soul is your intelligence. But there is a danger, and that's what we're going to discuss today. There is a danger in only defining yourself by your intelligence, and the danger is twofold. Number one, people who are below the baseline of standard intelligence in that type of society will be treated wrongly.

7:46 And you don't have to trust me on that. You could just look at history for that. The Holocaust. For example, when it came to physical disabilities and mental disabilities, 250,000 people were killed by Hitler. Historically, that's what we did. And by the way, you don't need to run to the Nazis for that. They did it in England also. Whenever historically, we've defined people solely by their intellect The danger is that we end up treating those people cruelly. Now you're living in a world, Baruch Hashem, in 2019 where it's not like that, and so it's really hard for you guys to understand that the level of discrimination that occurred to people with mental disabilities was horrific. And if anybody in this room has a family member who ever had or has mental disabilities or physical disabilities, you understand that the level of care they're given is of paramount importance.

8:32 On the other hand, if you only define someone by their actions, rehabilitation becomes an impossibility. And again, if you've had somebody in your life who you think is worthy of rehabilitation—and let's just take drugs for example. If you had a loved one who was really broken by drugs Guys, if you had a loved one who was really broken by drugs, how many of you would want, if you had the money, to invest as much as you could into that person's rehabilitation, even if they've done horrific things? I hope the answer to that is everyone. So even for yourself, I hope that you believe rehabilitation, which means that you're not solely defined by your actions. You're not defined by your intellect. The question is, what are you defined by? I'm going to argue now that you are defined by your soul, and here are the five things that define your soul. And this is where we're going to spend the rest of the day.

9:25 There are five features that every single person in this room has, and to the extent that you have them, you're in touch with your soul. To the extent that you are missing them, it means you have a diminished contact with your soul. For example, let's give a quick example of this. Let's say somebody came into a therapist's office and they said as follows. What would be a good example of this? I'll just tell you what it's called instead of giving an example. There's something called detachment. How many people have ever heard of that concept psychologically? Something called detachment. What is detachment? Does anybody want to explain it? Detachment means as follows. It's when you speak of yourself in a detached fashion. Like for example, you would speak about yourself not as a person, but as a floating mind. That would be an example of detachment. So there is something called detachment on a psychological level.

10:19 Correct in a certain way, but it's not only the arrogance of third person. Be like if you're like, yeah, my mind does funny things to me, right? And it's like there's a certain detachment that you have from your mind. I wouldn't go that far, but I'm saying when you're thinking about yourself, you're sort of detached from your mind. Because you're thinking of yourself, it's like the machinations of serial killers. Maybe you don't have to go that far, but that would be an example. What was that? It wasn't me. But that would be a different type of detachment. Here, I'm talking about a detachment from yourself. There's a core sense of self that we all have, and then there's a detachment from that self. Just like that concept exists on a psychological level, that concept exists on a soul level. And again, to the degree that you're in touch with your soul, you're going to have these five features. And to the degree that you're not in touch with your soul, you're going to have a deviant form of these five features. And we'll discuss what that is right now, and I'll show you how I get there. So these are the.

11:14 Through them very quickly, and it goes as follows. The first one is called strength and confidence. The second is called truthfulness or reliability. The third is called loyalty or connection. The fourth is called joy, and the fifth is called love. Those are the five features of your soul. What's the second and third again? The five features are confidence or strength. That's number one. Two is truthfulness or reliability. The third is loyalty or connection. The fourth is joy. The fifth is love. So let's go through on a larger global level for a second what that would mean. Let's say a guy comes to you and he says to you I don't believe in the concept of love. What would you say? I believe in love. I have no intention of getting married. I have no intention of having children. I don't love my parents. I don't love my siblings. Anybody here okay with that person? Anybody think that person is healthy?

12:19 Ellie. Seems like a very Seems like a very personal thing. You yourself might not believe in it, but it's like everyone else is there, but just for this person, it might seem like it's impossible. So the question is What happened? He's detached. He's dry. Don't get to joy yet because joy is a good one. But he's because joy is going to be a separate one. He's detached from love. In other words, when people seek out love outside of themselves, what's the problem with that? Already from the very beginning, if somebody is seeking one of these five features outside of themselves, they are going to fail. What's the reason? Because they're not features that exist outside of yourself. They're features that exist inside of yourself. To the degree that you're in touch with your soul, you will experience these five things. For example, if a person is a soulful person, that will mean that their life contains massive amounts of love—not a small amount of love, massive amounts of love. And let's take this as agreed that this person experiences massive amounts of love.

13:21 What we really want from them is the highest forms of love. In other words, what a soulful person—Chaver, just a reminder, phones away. What a soulful person. What a soulful person. Be okay with being sloppy about their love. Give you an example. Would a soulful person be okay with having multiple girlfriends? Why not? Because the love that they have is going to be intimate. Because intimate is going to be the maximal type of love that a person can have. And the definition of intimacy is exclusivity. Intimacy cannot have a second person. So when you're married to one person, the reason why that love is as great as it is because it's concentrated. Once you remove concentration from love, it's sloppy, and now that's not called love. So when a person is capable of a soul connection, that means they're going to put themselves in a scenario where they have massive amounts of love.

14:18 So how do you marry two wives? That's a great question. Excellent question. Is that what you're going to ask, Golzo? So really, that has to be understood. In other words, when Cheren der Aben Ugershem came along and said we have one wife What did love look like before that, and what did love look like afterwards? Great question. I was at a rabbi who has a wife and children, but he doesn't really concentrate on love. So I don't know why I never pressed him on it. I would definitely press him on that. Are you sure that's what he means? I'm not trying to press on him, but that's what he means. That sounds pretty sick. I'm not going to defend that position. Is it Gershoma? Did he realize that we're not as capable of having intimacy or love for soulful love with multiple people nowadays as the Alba were?

15:13 For sure. That's a big part of it. Because to have that level of intimacy with multiple people, I couldn't imagine a scenario like that. By the way, it's happening in the Mormon community where they do believe in polygamy. Marriages are falling apart left and right because it's not possible to maintain it. I can't even begin to understand how a person could feel comfortable with that type of lack of exclusivity. Again, I don't mean to harp on this for a second. I just want to show you that whatever we're talking about these things, we're going to follow it to its ultimate extreme because in its extreme version, that's where it's going to be most true. You wouldn't be satisfied if you were a loving person, meaning if you were a soulful person, you could not be satisfied with surface-level relationships. A fascinating thing happens. Some of you may have had this already, or some of you are about to go through a process like this. By the time you're my age, you're going to have gone through probably a little bit of a painful process where you discover as follows: When you're young You ever see a little kid who has lots of friends

16:11 And they're like, "I've got so many friends, right?" And then what happens? You get a little bit older, probably around the age that you guys are in now. Maybe it happened already towards the end of high school. Has anyone here ever experienced their social circle narrowing a little bit? All of a sudden I used to have massive amounts of friends, and now actually I've become more concentrated. I have my crew, maybe it's like five, six guys. I'm gonna tell you what's gonna happen at the next stage. The next stage is when you get married. And anything that's basically on the fringe will fall away. Risholtz, am I mischaracterizing this? When you were their age. Tons of friends. That's what we do. We go, and the whole thing is right. I go to Ben Yehuda. This is what I do in New York. I go to Ben Yehuda, and what was the exciting thing? The exciting thing wasn't the scene at Ben Yehuda. The exciting thing was, and again, we didn't have Facebook back then. But what it really was real life Facebook. In other words, it's everybody you ever met or ever heard of in your entire life in a three block radius. In the like when you're younger, that sounds amazing. When you get to be older, not only does that not sound amazing. It sounds pathetic.

17:20 It sounds like something I would never want to participate in. Because the older you get, the more naturally you're connected to your soul, assuming that you're a mature person, and the more you're connected to your soul, the more relationships mean. Which means that as you become more soulful, the amount of love that you have becomes more concentrated. If you have a family, if you have children, if you have a wife A sense of community, right? Again, especially here at Yeshiva, I just don't. Not only do I not have time, I also don't have the inclination to just have random friends. I don't have that type of space in my life. You say as you get as you know, you say that it kind of narrows and then gets bigger again as you get older again. I haven't experienced the broadening yet. I don't think it does. I think what happens is that those relationships just become so tight that it wouldn't allow for anything else in. Which is why sometimes when those relationships fall away, sometimes because a person passes on like that, it's so devastating because it's like you literally lost a part of yourself.

18:26 Because I'm saying a lot of times you see older people that just know a lot of people. They know a lot of people, but would you characterize them as friends? I have people in shul that I see, and I'll say Shalom Aleichem and Good Shabbos, and I'll certainly be friendly. But I just don't have the space in my life. To have the level of relationships that we now come to expect from our relationships. If you have a few close friends, by the time you hit 40 years old, that's a blessing. But because relationships are so naturally vulnerable, and because love becomes so concentrated, it's way too intense to start having 30 of those relationships. Whereas when I was in high school, to have 30 friendships was no big deal. That's natural. And today, 30 is a small number when you think about social media. What is even a friend? So that's all a diminishing. I'm going to give you one more example, and then I'll pause for some questions.

19:23 How many people here believe in the pursuit of happiness? Life Liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. It's one of your rights. Me either. It's one of the inalienable rights. What's the problem with pursuing happiness? It's. It's a fair point. It's completely relative. Give me another problem. It's not something you can force. I can't find it outside of myself. Pursuing happiness, unless what they mean is the pursuit is internal, but it sounds to me like what they mean is it's a pursuit. It's something that if I have X, then I'll be happy. See the problem with that equation, and Ruve, maybe this is what you were touching on. The problem with the equation of If I have X, then I'll be X is two things. Number one, you're going to get to X, and you may not have Y. You're going to get that big car, you may not necessarily be happy. And two, even if you are, the question is, was that true happiness? Truth, the truth of something should never be dependent on someone else.

20:25 And by the way, I mean that, and I'm going to take this now to its extreme. I mean that even in the case of love. So let's say, for example, I love somebody, and then that person passes away. Does the love diminish? No. If the love diminishes, then that tells us something about the nature of the relationship. You speak to people who have true love in their lives, and just because the person has passed away, doesn't mean their love is diminished. In fact, I'll tell you, I saw it with my own grandmother. I saw with my own grandmother that my grandfather passed away in his 50s. So they were relatively young when it happened, very young. My grandmother dated maybe a handful of times, maybe two, three times after he passed away, and she never dated again. And I asked her when I was young. I said, Grandma, why didn't you ever get remarried? So she always had the same line. She said, "I'm married, but your grandfather has passed away."

21:12 Meaning, in her mind, and I think this is a very beautiful thing about the type of love that she had. Just because my grandma grandfather was no longer present, didn't mean my grandmother loved any less. And for those of you that have lost people in your lives, maybe grandparents or whatnot, you'll know that the love that you have for those people is so deep that the relationship might not be the same because that person is gone, but the love remains. When something is true, it should never be dependent. Ask what you think about people that If their spouse passes away and they get remarried. Do you think they're trying to fit in too much love? Not at all. It's in fact, if somebody passes away and they have the opportunity to get remarried and share that love that they have with another person, I think that's amazing. I think that's a gift. It can be very trying sometimes, especially for families that still have kids, and then maybe there's a lot of resentment in the water there.

22:06 But I think it's a very beautiful thing. I will tell you this: I know an elderly couple that they both passed away since. It was a second marriage for both of them. Each one had lost a spouse, and the woman used to always say to her children that she had to be very careful with the relationship because her lashon was, 'What do we have between us? A shopping cart.' And what she meant was as follows: Our marriage is a marriage of convenience. It's cheaper for two people to live together, paying one rent and buying one set of groceries, than having two individuals paying two rents and buying two sets of groceries. So she said, what we have between us is not love, it's a shopping cart. And she was always nervous to turn over the shopping cart, because in that negotiation, the real love wasn't there in the same way, she was always nervous. If I'm going to spend too much time with my kids, for example, it's going to upset my new husband. I'm going to lose that shopping cart. Whereas I think that if the relationship was more organically loving, that wouldn't be true.

23:10 Makes sense. Having said that, so I threw this thing out there. These five things. Can we prove it? What does any of this have to do with the soul? What does any of this have to do with emuna? There are five translations of the word emuna. Up until now, we've been saying emuna means faith, but that's not exactly correct. These are the five definitions of emuna. First of all Emuna, the first one Confidence and strength comes from the word imun. Does anybody know what imun means? To be imun, it means like imun atzmi, it's self-esteem, self-confidence. Let's spend 30 seconds on that one. How many people here know people that lack confidence in their lives, either on one of two spectrums? Raise your hand if you know people on both spectrum, or if you're one of these things. Self-esteem. The guy who walks around like Davey, the learning disabled kid we spoke about last time.

24:07 Who basically has no confidence in himself, lacks self-esteem. Anybody know people like that? How many people here know people that lack self-esteem, so they overcompensate by making themselves seem much better than they actually are? That ought to be in today's generation. In today's filtered generation, where life looks awesome and everybody has to make themselves look awesome, people overcompensate like crazy. Because they need to make themselves look greater than they are. A person who has true emuna, emuna here being the definition that I am in touch with my soul, would have absolute confidence. Confidence means that they walk in ready to recognize that whatever task is in front of them is God-given. One quick example. It's like Moshe for example. What's the biggest game of your life that you ever played? Playoff game. Playoff game. Let's just take the playoff game. Did you lose? It's already over. You lost, right?

25:19 What's the worst thing? I see the trauma. I wrote it back up. Did you lose? Yes. Are you still bothered by it? Clearly. I lost an NCSY playoff game, NCSY co-op playoff game, two years ago, and I was still a little broken from it. So I can't imagine what you're going through. I, on the other hand, never lost. The one of the single most frustrating things about playing an important game is if you've got a guy on the floor on your team that's open and doesn't have the confidence to shoot the shot. Why is that so frustrating? You're open, but he doesn't have the confidence to shoot. He's probably going to miss. So why are you still frustrated with him? He's on the court. If you're on the court Shoot the shot. Because what happens is if you don't shoot, the defense learns really quickly. We're playing five on four. That guy who's standing at the perimeter or at the three doesn't have the confidence to take that shot.

26:17 He shouldn't be on the court. I. He's a defensive specialist. Was that guy who plays for Charlotte? He's like the number three draft pick. MKG. I would never want that guy on my team. It's not worth the points he gives up on the offensive end that he stops on the defensive end. If you're, I'd rather have a Trevor Ariza type player who's just good on both ends of the court. Because if you're on the court, you have the confidence to shoot. Does confidence mean arrogance? No. What's the difference? Not really. It does mean arrogance. It could, to an extent. That's the thing. If you have an appropriate confidence, it's not arrogance at all. Appropriate confidence means. If you're overconfident, that's arrogance. That's not confidence anymore. In other words, you have a spectrum. The spectrum is called confidence. When you cross over to the extreme, it's no longer called confidence. That's called arrogance. And by the way, the same is true on this side. When you go over too far to this side, and you're like this self-effacing, like Adel Madel type of like. If somebody asks you how you doing, you're like, you think it's from to do this. It's not from. You think it's from to do this, like how you doing?

27:26 Baruch Hashem. I know you're from, but I asked you how you're doing. Is if you become that self-effacing, like I don't really ever have an opinion about anything. Who am I to have an opinion? I'm a blot on the floor. You're in the game. Take the shot. You're allowed to have important opinions in your life. It's not confidence. That's arrogance. People are afraid. This is the wild thing. People are afraid to be confident because they don't want to come off as arrogant. Do you see how sick that is? Why should I be afraid to be confident because somebody else is going to perceive as arrogant? If I know that I'm in touch with my soul, that means that every situation, every single situation, is designed to take that shot. And if I shouldn't take that shot, then I shouldn't be on the court to begin with. So every single day that I wake up, not me personally because I'm obviously far from perfect, but ideally every single day that Moshe Rabbeinu wakes up, what does he think to himself?

28:14 It's perfect. Whatever comes at me today, I have the confidence that I'll be able to handle. BV. Like with the basketball example that you're saying that if you're open, you should clearly shoot, but if you keep on missing the shot So you shouldn't shoot anymore. Incorrect. Incorrect. If you keep on missing the shot and you're taking good shots, what's the halacha? Keep shooting. It's a b'firas of John Starks. For those of you that are holding in '90s Knicks basketball, and I hope that all of you are. So you will know. But John Starks is how you live and how you die. And if you're a Knicks fan back in the 90s, as I was, then you are going to like today. It would be Jr. Smith, Olvashalim. He's no longer in the NBA. But if you have that irrational confidence It's going to be sometimes amazing and sometimes not. And you have to know if you feel that you can hit that shot and you take that shot 20 times in a row, it's a good shot. And you keep missing, you keep shooting. The great ones always come across as a bad player. But that's the thing.

29:15 Everybody who knows. And Moshe, you would want him to take that 21st shot just because he's missing. If he's open, that's the best shot to take. You got to take it. You got to trust that your shot is going to fall. And if it's not your night, then the coach should pull you. But if the coach has you on the floor, the moment you stop shooting, you already lost your value. Don't stop shooting. So all the guys from LA are like, Yeah, I got this, Kobe. The single most arrogant, But definitely confident player. But that could also be cocky. And Kobe was. One of the things that I loved most about Kobe was that last game. Anybody here holding in Kobe's last game? How many points he scored in his last game? Sixty points. What did he get up on the mic afterwards and say? If you were really watching, aside from Mamba out, which was amazing levels of gaiva, he was laughing to himself. Not, he was laughing to himself in front of the entire Staples Center, and he was saying, "Somehow, y'all weren't asking me to pass tonight." Because the whole theme of Kobe's career in the press was pass the ball But the truth of the matter is, and this was Mamba mentality, he felt he was the best person on the floor to take the shot. It's why you win championships with players like that. That's confidence. That's imun atzmi.

30:29 Level number one. Level number two. We got to move a little faster now because we're pressed for time. This is the last year before this month ends. Emuna also comes from a lash of neemanus. What does neeman mean? Neeman means like Moshe was eved neeman. It means he is a loyal and faithful, trustworthy servant. Here's a big one. Can you say your word is your bond? Are you a trustworthy, loyal person? What was that? To the degree that you're connected to your soul. You are a trustworthy friend. When someone tells you something, it's in confidence. When you tell somebody you're going to do something for them, you come through. You don't give a person false hope. Somebody says, 'Can I speak to you?' Your answer is, 'I'm going to do my best to make time, but I can't promise you.' Why do you say that? Because when you say something, it means something. Loyalty. Give you another one. When your relationships are not going well Are you a neeman in those relationships? We're talking about a generation that is out of touch with their soul. It makes sense to me that we're talking about a generation that is out of touch with relationships. Can you be loyal to a spouse when things are not going well?

31:44 To the degree that you're in touch with your soul, absolutely. Your partner is having a bad day, a bad week, a bad month, a bad year. That's not crazy. Are you loyal to them? I'll give you a case, true story, happening right now. I'll change some of the details just so that you'll never know anyway. But basically, what it comes down to is this: one of the spouses is bipolar. You guys know what that means. One of the spouses is bipolar. There is medication that you can take for bipolar, but the medication is extreme and it dulls some of the personality. This spouse decided they're off their bipolar medication. Nothing their spouse could do. I'm specifically not saying this is the husband or wife. Nothing the spouse can do to get them to go back on their medication is working. The person turned to drugs, just weed. But the person turned to drugs to help them self-medicate now that they're off their bipolar medication.

32:36 Right now, this spouse is on the tail end of what's about a 12-week rehab cycle because the spouse got into such a bad place in their life with drugs that the tailspin got out of control. What's amazing is that their partner has stayed with them. You put me in that situation, I'd be like. I don't know if I can handle that. The level of nehemonos they have, the level of loyalty they have, it's built in. It's part of the soul connection. I got to move fast just because we're running out of time. Let's move to a third one. I'm sorry, I'm moving so fast today. Emuna is also from a Latin of amna, amana, which means anybody know? Dveikus or connection. How many people here have ever had in their life the following scenario? A person liked you more than you liked them. You ever have that? It's like a little awkward.

33:29 They're seeking a connection with you, and you're like "I could be anybody. I'm not saying guy or girl, but we all know what I'm talking about, right? It's like I know you're into me, but I'm not into you." It's a one-way street. Where does that come from? Your soul is telling you naturally, and you guys know this about each other. Isn't it true that you came to yeshiva and the first thing you started doing was looking around? What happened? You started looking around. You looked at other guys in the dorms. You were evaluating. You looked at Rebayim. You were evaluating. You looked everything around you and you said, right away, in a very short amount of time, I guarantee you, some of you already knew this. I'm not going to be friends with that guy this year. He's not going to be my crew. How did you know? Just know.

34:17 You just know. How do you know? Can you define it? What was that? It's a certain feeling that you have. How quick were you guys to do? It's amazing. You break up. I watch it every year. You break up and you go, okay, I'm in this crew, right? Your crew sort of changes, right? Some guys come in, some guys go out. By the end of the year, you're going to have friends that you didn't have in the beginning of the year, but also some of your friends that you came in with maybe won't be part of your crew anymore. Things will have shifted, but you knew that Reuven. It was like if somebody says to you, "Were you with Reuven?" You go, "I was." How'd you know? It's an amazing thing Connection happens at the level of the soul. It's one of the few things that Hollywood got right. Soul mate is real. Soul mate doesn't only mean your wife; it could also mean your closest friends. It's the level where connection occurs. Last two. If anybody has any questions, you can ask me after the show. I'm sorry for moving so quickly.

35:15 This is an important one. Muna also comes from Russian of Uman, not Uman, Ukraine. Forever. I'm so jealous of Rav Blan. He got to go to Uman. Anybody know what the Hebrew translation of Uman means? That would be good. Uman means an artisan. And here's the secret to joy. I'm gonna give it to you right now. Anybody here an artist or a musician? Pinsker. What do you play? And you produce. You compose your own pieces. When you compose those pieces Would how would you describe it? Would you describe it as like math? It's not like logical, right? It'll come randomly. It'll say it louder so I can hear you. Would you describe it as coming at you or coming through you? Both. From below, from above. From above. When you finish composing that piece and it just fits, it just flows. How would you describe the satisfaction that you have?

36:28 Same as when you do a math equation? It's like you pour. It's like you're euphoric. Wow, big word. Not just joyful. Euphoria. Yeah. Ruven, let's go to you for a second. What do you play? Piano also. And you also produce. Have you ever written a song that you feel like That's me in a song. That's a song. What's the feeling you have when you're done with it? A couple of things Probably a sense of completion. A sense of completion. Good word. Important word. Definitely pride Also. Mhm. Mhm. This and those things. You pour enough time and energy into anything. And actually connect. Last one, Moshe. You ever win a game? You ever win a tough game? We won the championship softball. I meant in basketball. I was talking about masculine sports only. Softball. It was like slow pitch softball, and we won. Sorry. I also won in softball. Softball's great.

37:48 You ever win a tough game? Like down to the wire, and you pulled it out. What's the feeling you had afterwards? What's the shot in that? Why do you feel so amazing after you've poured your heart and soul into something and you feel euphoric? Complete sense of pride in what you've accomplished? It's the same pride as what a human, an artisan, feels when they've completed the task. So what's better? And you all know the answer to this: the check that you get at the end of the summer for having done a great job with campers. Right? Aside from those guys that I see going like, 'Great job with campers.' Oh my God, I was the most derelict counselor in the world. Aside from you, the paycheck. The paycheck, right? The paycheck is tiny, right? What feels better, the paycheck that they give you at the end of the summer, or the tip that comes with an amazing letter from a parent who's expressing their incredible gratitude because they see the change that their son has gone through over the course of the summer, where you poured your heart and soul into this kid?

38:44 The tip is much better. But Vancouver doesn't allow tips. They allow tips. They don't allow tips, right? I'll put the tips under the table. Sometimes I'll pull the tips in the pants. And why is that so great? Because they appreciate you. Because appreciation is more important than the paycheck. Doesn't matter what job you have, the appreciation is more important than the paycheck. I was privileged to work many years ago in a special needs program in the summer in New York. It's called the Diamond Summer Program, but back then it was called. In darchei simchah. Back then it was called the L. I. J. Program. And basically we took kids that were thrown out of yeshiva, that were never going to be allowed in yeshiva, and we had a behavior modification program. And by the end of the summer, every kid had been reaccepted back into a school. Guys, you understand what that means? That at the end of eight weeks with a kid working your brains off. It was an eight to five job. It wasn't like one of these cushy nine to three thirty summer jobs. It was eight to five, and these kids were insane, like the most insane kids you've ever met. You know the feeling you have at the end of the summer?

39:50 I'll tell you how good that feeling is. That feeling is so good that I chose to go into chinuch because of those summers. Because the feeling was so great. I have to chase that feeling. The feeling wasn't Look at me, I changed someone's life. The feeling is what we call in psychology: being in flow. When you find your passion, something that your soul speaks to, and then you pour your soul into that, Reuven, you're exactly right. It's a sense of completion. It's like almost like without it Like who would I be? That's the euphoria you're describing. That's what it means. Again, for those of you that are musical, for those of you that have done anything great, when you win that big game. You compose that piece. Even in business, by the way, if you've poured your soul into something that you find on a soul level is meaningful. It's going to change your life. It's a level of joy that you will not otherwise experience.

40:37 Last but not least Ahava Which means to love Also is the same word as an Omein. Omein means to nurture. Like a nursing mother could be called an Omein. And here's the key. You could be Dovik to somebody. But if there's not a channel of love that basically connects two people, then you'll feel empty. And what I mean to say is as follows: Be a good example of this. Let's say you have two people that, on a soul level, connect to each other very much. But there's no expression of it. For example Let's take the husband that works too much, so he never has time to speak to his wife. What happens to the relationship? Why does it fall apart? But don't they love each other very much? On a soul level, aren't they deeply connected? On a soul level, do you mean on a personality level?

41:41 No. My soul and her soul are two halves of one soul, and it feels incredible. When we meet each other, date and get married, it's like that's my soul partner. There's real opportunity for dvukus, but now we both got busy. We've got kids, jobs, taxes to pay, bills to pay. We just don't have time for each other anymore. What happens to the relationship? Days away. Why? What I'm saying, but I'm still as connected as I ever was. What takes work? The relationship. Why? Why? Why does it take work? Aren't we already connected on the soul level? You never on the physical level. You never being together. So what's the problem with that? How can you have the relationship if you're never together? Because our souls are connected. But you're not on the physical level. You have to work. It's a good question. You know how I know it's a good question? Because it's the question that men are always asked by women.

42:33 This always happens. Guys get married, young, ambitious. They want to have a job, support their families. Obviously, that's super important. What happens? What do the wives always ask? Where'd you go? What does the husband always say? I'm working for you. And what is? I don't understand. Don't we love each other? What's the answer to that question? We do, but what's missing? Direct, exact Direct. Meaning Just because connection occurs Doesn't mean electricity is running. I can do this. I can do this and turn off the lights. What happened? The current now is blocked. Once I do this The current is open. Electricity flows. That's why we have light in the room. What happens if there's no electricity in the box? It doesn't matter if I flip the switch. You understand? Love is more than connection. That's what's critical. Most people don't understand this. What they're seeking in their life is connection. What they're unwilling to do is love.

43:38 So again Five levels of emuna. If you want to know, am I a complete person? Look at these five things. Let's go through them one more time, really quickly, so we wrap up this year. What's the first thing? Confidence. What's the first thing? You guys got to know this. You walk into a situation. That means you're on the court. You must be designed to be on the court. This is a defining feature of who you are. If you lack the self-confidence to take the shot, or you're arrogant and you take the wrong Are not in self. What's two? Trustworthiness. What was that? Trustworthiness. Meaning? Loyalty. Showing up every day, doing the work. Level number three. Connection. People who say I don't connect to other people. They're not in self. Level number four. Joy. I don't know. I'm just not happy. Ever meet depressed people? Disconnected from their soul, level number five. Not just the connection, but love. Rebbe. So we'll stop here for today. Good kabbalat shabbat.