Vayeitzei - Discovering Your Voice in Exile

2:21 The pasuk says Vayikatz Yaakov Mishinaso That Yaakov Avinu awakens from his slumber. There is a God in this place, and I didn't know about it. The Medrash says that Yaakov Avinu wasn't lying down; he was learning Mishnayos the entire night. So we have a steer in Chazal. On the one end, Chazal tell us that after fourteen years of sitting in Beis Avir, being mishamish in Beis Avir, he finally goes to sleep. On the other hand, we have a medrash that says no, just the opposite. He was learning mishnayis. There's a very many connections between Yaakov Avinu and learning mishnayis. First of all, the fact that Yaakov Avinu says "Achein Yesh Hashem b'makom Achein Yesh Hashem b'makom Azeh." That word "Yesh" reminds us of the very last mishnah in Uksin When a person is making a siyum on mishnayis, he finishes with Masechus Uksin. And in that Mishnah, at the very last Mishnah, it says, "Amrav Yeshua ben Levi"

3:31 As to that Hakadosh Baruch Hu l'hanchil l'chol tzadik v'tzadik shlosh me'us v'esrei shlosh me'us v'asar olamos. It will be in the future times that Hakadosh Baruch Hu will reward, will give an inheritance to every single tzadik of three hundred and ten worlds. Why three hundred and ten? That Hakadosh Baruch Hu gives a nachla. To those who are o evayesh and yesh is be gematria three hundred and ten. The fact that Yaakov Avinu says achen yesh Hashem b'makom azeh that yesh is a reference to the last the yesh that we find in Masechet Uchsen The way that we are Masayim Mishnayis. In fact, the Megala Amukos says that Rabbi Yehuda Hanassi, who compiled the Mishnayis, Nasi is neshmasa yishal Yaakov Avinu. He was called Rabbi Yehuda Hanassi because he was the nitzotz, he was the neshama of Yaakov Avinu. In fact, the fact that Yaakov Avinu saw a sulam. What is the sulam? Rashi Tevus for? And this is going to become important later. Sulam is Rashi Tevus for siyum mishnayis or siyum mesecta lasos that were meant to make siyumim. I was talking to Donny Grimfield today.

4:38 He wants to make a siyum. He's working now and making a siyum. When his father comes, it's very chashu for a bacher in yeshiva to be making siyumim in general, specifically, obviously on mishnayis. Also, the problem is that we have to be mazver this machlokas between this medrash and chazal. Did Yaakov Avinu go to sleep, or did he not go to sleep? Did he go to sleep, or was Yaakov Avinu learning Mishnayos? In order to answer this question, we have to make a detour—a very quick detour, but it's going to be very chassid for us. By Yeshkeim Yaakov Baboker, Yaakov Avinu gets up in the morning after he has this whole Mar Nevuah of the Sulam and the Malachim or Oylam and Yardim. It says Yaakov Avinu gets up in the morning and he takes the stone. That was under his head, and he makes a matzeva. He makes a monument, and he pours oil on this matzeva. It's a very, very beautiful question here that's asked by a rishon. The rishon is the Paneach Raza.

5:40 The Paneach Raza asks the following question: Where did Yaakov get oil from? Where did Yaakov get oil from? Yaakov v'inu lechayra. Didn't have anything. How do we know that Yaakov Avinu didn't have anything? Because Eliphaz was sent by Esav to hunt down and kill Yaakov Avinu. When he finally caught up to him, he didn't want to kill Yaakov Avinu. But on the other hand, he had to kill Yaakov Avinu because of Kibud Av. So Yaakov Avinu said to him, 'Take all of my possessions, because Ani Chashav Kemes. He didn't even leave clothing with him.' The medrash gets into the fact that Yaakov Avinu went down to the river. He had no clothing. There was another person who came down into the river. He fell. His clothing were washed away, and that's how Yaakov Avinu got clothing. But literally, Yaakov Avinu had nothing. Himanish had nothing. That was in order to be able to veralifas to be mukayim the mitzvah of kibud av. Why exactly did he need to be mukayim the mitzvah of kibud av?

6:38 That's a different story. So where did Yaakov Avinu get this oil from? If Yaakov Avinu literally had nothing Where did Yaakov Avinu get this oil from? So the Paneach Raza gives the following answer, a very beautiful answer. The Paneach Raza says we know that Yaakov Avinu, much later, says Katoynti Mikolach Hasodim, Hashem, you have given me so much. Kibamakli as avarti as ayarden. When I crossed the Jordan River, all I had was my stick. Says the Paneach Raza, we see that Yaakov Avinu didn't have everything taken from him. He had the clothes taken off his back. He had all of his wealth taken from him, but one thing he still had—he still had his staff. Says the Paneach Raza That staff was no simple staff. That staff had a twisty top. And inside the staff it was hollowed out. And inside of that hollowed-out staff was oil.

7:36 And that oil was the oil that Yaakov Avinu learned to use at night. He used that oil at night so that he should be able to learn all night in Yeshiva Shem Ve'ever. This is where Yaakov Avinu got the oil from. One thing he had—he had no possessions—but one thing Yaakov Avinu had He had oil that was in the staff. Why is that important to us? It's important to us as follows: Chebra. That means if you're learning at night. And you're learning by candlelight. You're not learning Torah Sheba'al Peh. What must Yaakov Avinu have been learning from at night? He must have been learning from texts. Obviously, he didn't have Torah Shabbat of Har Sinai, but it must be that in Beis Avir they had literal texts that they were learning from. They had papers. They had scrolls, parchments that they were learning from. And Yaakov Avinu would stay up all night long and he would learn from the oil that he had in that staff. He would light the candles so that he could be able to learn Torah at night.

8:37 So the time in Yeshiva Shem Ve'Ever, even though it wasn't Torah, we're going to call that Torah Shabbosav. We're going to call that the dimension of Torah Shabbosav. But now Yaakov Avinu, after 14 years, leaves Yeshiva Shem Ve'Ever. And he goes to sleep at night. What does it mean that he goes to sleep at night? The Medrash tells us, Befirsh, he stayed up all night learning Mishnayos. However, there's a B'chena called Galus. Exile means that things become unclear. That a person has questions, that it's not exactly clear what the truth is. When a person learns Torah Shabbosav, a story is a very simple story. That's why people like learning Tanach. It's a very simple story. Obviously, there are layers and layers of depth to it, but the story itself is very simple. But a person opens up a Mishnayis, and all of a sudden, what does he confront?

9:30 Machlokas. Abayus says this. Rava says this. Rishimen says this. Everybody has different shitas. You get a little bit deeper. You get into the Gemara. The Gemara has other machlokas. You get a little bit deeper. You get into the Rishonim. Machlokas. Rashi, Tosafos, the Rambam, the Ramban, the Rashba, the Ritva. All of a sudden, we have more machlokesim. You start to learn the achronim. Rav Shimon argues on Rav Chayim. Everybody's there's a pene Yeshua that answers differently. You go deeper and deeper into the morass of Torah Shabbal Pe. Things become more and more confusing. In Torah Shabbosav, it's clear. Everything is what it is. It's simple. But you get deeper and deeper, and you're on a quest. The question comes from the language of a quest. A person goes on a quest for an answer. Yaakov Avinu goes to sleep at night. That means that he's b'bechinas gollus. We know that the Gemara says that sleep is a sixtieth of death.

10:30 That a person enters into the world of misa when he goes to sleep. A person enters into the world of death. So in that state of Yaakov Avinu, sleeping What does he do? He enters into the world, into that world of gollus. And he enters into the world of Torah Sheba'al Peh, but you should know, Chaver, that's not a bad thing. Very, very childish children who know very little go "I don't like Gemara. It's like all these arguments. Just tell me what to do. Just tell me the halacha." That's not the way a Yid lives his life. A Yid knows how to live in the darkness, and a Yid knows that every single moment I'm in the darkness is a moment of clarification. It's a moment that I have the opportunity to shine a light in the darkness, and the truth is not meant to be told to you. The truth is meant to be discovered.

11:22 We have two chavruses. You have a chavrusa sitting and fighting in the beis medrash. They're not just stam arguing. They're trying to be mevareh the truth. They're trying to clarify what is the truth of this thing, and the process makes you strong. A caterpillar when it goes into its cocoon And it becomes a butterfly. The way that it becomes a butterfly, the way that it gets the colors in its wings, is the struggle to come out of the cocoon. If you have a cocoon that somebody they do in first grade, they have that experiment The metamorphosis experiment That the caterpillar goes into its cocoon and one caterpillar can't get out of the cocoon. So some kid is impatient and he opens up the cocoon. And the caterpillar comes out and it's a butterfly, but it has no colors in its wings. The reason it has no color in its wings is because a butterfly develops color by pushing its way out of the cocoon.

12:22 The greatness of the butterfly is the struggle that it goes through. A person who learns Torah on a very simple level, it's very easy, it's very nice, but there's no strength, there's no amelus b'toyra, there's no becoming. There's no avoda in Yiddishkeit. There's darkness. The darkness is on purpose. A yid who knows how to encounter the darkness, he's becoming strong. He's finding the light in the darkness. It's an unbelievable thing. If a person is struggling, that's a sign of greatness. Guys in yeshiva, I'm burnt out. You're burnt out. That's an opportunity for growth. That's an opportunity for loyalty. That's an opportunity for resilience, for grit. That's how you become a mensh. We don't want to just learn a halacha sefer. We're not interested in that. It's not interesting. Just tell me what to do. That's like a husband who says to his wife, "I'm not interested. Just tell me what to do. I don't want to go through all the back and forth with you. Just tell me what to do." Of course, every husband on some level wants that. Because it's difficult sometimes to sit in the shackle of Ataria of your wife when she's talking to you. But a good husband, when he's going back and forth with his wife, he knows that's the clarification of the relationship. That's where the strength of the relationship comes from.

13:42 Yaakov Avinu, as he's going down into Galus, he moves from the world of Torah Shabbosav. The world of lighting that oil at night, so that he could stay up learning from the texts, and he says it has to be my voice. It's not enough that I'm learning somebody else's voice. It has to be my voice. That's what Torah Shabbat is. I was very blessed. The greatest privilege I ever had in my life is that I had the opportunity to learn by my Rebbe of Parnasli for eight years. Reb Parnas's shir was a war zone. It was a war zone. My rebbe sat in the front of the room. You could ask Rav Lands, you could ask Rav Elberger. You could ask Rav Issachar, or you could ask Rav Isaacson. All talmidim of Rav Parnas. My rebbe sat in the front of the room. We read the Gemara quickly.

14:33 And then we had a machlokus between the Rambam and Tosas, a machlokus between Rashi and the Rit. And my rebbe would say, "Chevr, who wants to be mazber the machlokus?" And somebody would, with trepidation, raise their hand. They thought they had a pshat to offer. And they would say the pshat, and my rebbe would knock them off. It's not good enough. It's not sharp enough. You miss this problem, you miss that problem. Somebody else would raise their hand. Somebody else would raise their hand, and there would be a fight, back and forth. My rebbe would knock people off one by one, and then my rebbe would offer a pshat, and guys would raise their hand. But rebbe, how could you say that because of this, or how could you say that because of that? And one by one, my rebbe would answer all the questions. And if there was a good kasha, my rebbe was intellectually honest, and he would say, let's revise the answer. But it was a war zone, and I want to tell you the most beautiful thing that came out. The guys that were in my rebbe's she'er They weren't interested in repeating what my rebbe had to say.

15:26 My Rebbe was a very important teacher, and he taught me the process of learning. He wanted us to develop our own voice in learning. My rebbe would very often say, "You can leave the she'er when you ask a hundred percent of the same questions that I ask. And give fifty percent of the same answers." Rabbi. Why do you only have to give 50 percent of the same answers? Why not give 100 percent of the same answers? My Rabbi would say, "Because I want you to think for yourself. I want you to take the process that I taught you, and I want you to have your own voice." Chaver, I am going to tell you a secret. So many guys struggle in learning because they don't have their own voice in learning. They think I have nothing to say on the sugya. They think learning Gemara means I understand my Rabbi's shorash and I am able to repeat it and look at my notes. They're perfect. I could tell you exactly what the Gemara says, what Abaye and Rava and the Rambam and the Rashi say. I could tell you what Rav Chayyim says. I could tell you what Rav Shimon says. The Chaver, where's your voice? Torah Shabbal Pe is meant to be your voice. It's not meant to be the voice of others. It's your voice contributing to the cacophony of voices that's been throughout all of history.

16:26 Rav Chayyim wasn't Rav Chayyim because he repeated his Rebbe's shiurim. Rav Chayyim was Rav Chayyim because he had his own chidushim. Where's our chidushay Torah? When you go down into Gullus and you go down into darkness, you should know that's the opportunity to discover your own voice. Chaval just to be able to memorize. You're intelligent. There's a story from R' Shlomo Freifeld. R' Shlomo Freifeld said when he was in yeshiva, one day it occurred to him, Ich haba keppela. I also have a brain. I also have a head. I also have something to contribute. When a person finds their own voice in learning, Rabbeisai, I hate to use this word because it's a bad word. It's addictive. When a person realizes I have a chiddush, and they say over a chiddush, the feeling is one of elation. I contributed to the choir of Torah that's been sung for thousands of years And we're waiting to hear your voice. I know there is a big movement in the world today of big magid sheir that they give over the sheir, and the best talmidim can repeat the sheir. I have to tell you, this was not my rebbe's derech alimud. Not at all. It wasn't exciting that some rebbe could get up and give the smooth packet.

17:41 My rebbe wasn't interested in just teaching the truth. He was interested in teaching the discovery of the process. That's what Yaakov Avinu does in Yeshiva Shem Ve'Eiver. He has the clarity of being in yeshiva, but when he leaves yeshiva, now already he's holding together Mishnayis, and this is why. This is why it was important for Yaakov Avinu to learn Mishnayis. The pasuk says, Vayehav Yitzchak as Esav kitzayid bethiv. Why did Yitzchak love Esav? Because he had kitzayid bethiv. You see what Esav is identified with? He's identified with the mouth. Esav was originally intended to be the person who had torah shabal peh. Yaakov was going to be the torah shabachsav, and Esav was going to be the torah shabal peh. But Rivka understood better. She said, 'You can't separate torah shabachsav and torah shabal peh. They can't be in two different entities.' We'll see why in a moment. Rivka knew this, and Yitzchak didn't. But Rivka understood Torah Shabbosav and Torah Shabbalpeh went together, so she tricked Yitzchak into giving the brachos to Yaakov Avinu. And what does Yitzchak say? Hakol kol Yaakov.

18:43 He takes the koyach of Torah Shabbalpeh and he gives it to Yaakov Avinu. And this is why Parshas Vayechi has eighty-two pesukim, eighty-two gematria peybes, which is the gematria of Shabbalpeh. Yaakov Avinu is the gematria of Shabbalpeh. Why is it that Rivka understood this more than anybody? Because at the end of the day, Rivka was Lavan's sister. And Rivka understood Lavan Haarami And she understood that one day, in order to receive the Torah written in Aramaic. The Gemara is written in Aramaic. She understood that there's an evolution. It goes from Torah Shabbosav into the world of Mishnayis, and then ultimately into the world of Gemara. She said, "I understand the Torah of Lavan, Yitzchok. You never lived with Lavan. You were an oiled to Mima. To you, you are a Torahship of Tsav Jew, Yitzchok. But I know where the Torahship of Balpe is. It's in the world of Lavan Harami" And Yaakov Avinu is going to have to go down to get it.

19:42 And that's why, if you look at the pasuk, 'Vayavo Ygam Es Rachel, Vye'ehav Gam Es Rachel Milaya. Gam Es Rachel Milaya is Rashi Tevus Gemara.' Rachel the Chiddush says Rachel was more beloved to Yaakov Avinu than Leah. Rachel the Chiddush says Al Pikabala is Talmud Bavl, and Leah is Talmud Yerushalmi. That Talmud Bavl is more beloved. That's why we learn Talmud Bavl more than we learn Talmud Yerushalmi. It's why, when there is a machloket between the Bavl and the Yerushalmi, we paskin like the Bavl. Because Rachel was loved more by Yaakov Avinu, and Rachel represents the Talmud Bavli. They went to Lavan to get the Gemara because a Jew always has to be in process of developing the Torah Shabbal Pei. And the deeper you go into the darkness, the more Torah Shabbal Pei you're going to find. In Yeshiva Shem Ve'Eiver, it's Torah Shabbosav. Before Lavan, it's Mishnayot. At Har Amorio, with that Sula, it's Mishnayot.

20:43 But Yaakov Avinu, ultimately, he has to be able to encounter Esav. And who's the Malach of Esav? The Malach of Esav is the Malach Samuel. And we know that the Malach Samuel, if Sulam stands for Siem Masechta Lassos, Samuel stands for Siem Masechta Ein Lassos. That's what Yaakov Avinu is confronting when he confronts Esav. He confronts that Malach that says to him, 'There's nothing to be Messiah. You have nothing to contribute in Torah Shabbat. You're going to make a Siem on a Masechta.' Yaakov Avinu attacks that Malach, and Yaakov Avinu, we know. The Chazal say that ultimately the Malach Samal is killed when the Aleph is removed from his name. Because the Aleph represents the Alufa Shalom. Yemaisa Mashiach, Hakadosh Baruch Hu is going to take the Aleph out of the Malach Samal's name and will only be left with Sia Masech Delasos. I'm not here. I'm not here to embarrass him. I'm not here to embarrass him.

21:38 But Donny, we're going to be by your Sia. I don't even know where Donny is in the room right now. I just assume he's here. But we're going to be by your Sia, Donny. And you're going to have killed the Malach Samuel by that siyum. Siyum asef to lassos. When you make a siyum on that Gemara, we're all going to be there. We're all going to be there, and your father's going to get nachas from you. Siyum asef to lassos. A person who knows how to go into the darkness and says, I know how to make a siyum in this darkness. I know how to find Torah in this darkness. That's a Jew. That's a yid. That's the avoda of a yid. We're in the dark days of Keslev now, Rabo Slach. It ain't easy. We're starting to get to the stretch There's that point in the year. You come in the beginning of the year, everything is exciting. Sukkot is break, then you have to get back into it. You get back into it.

22:26 But now we're in the days of Kislev. We're in the days of darkness, and you're starting to think to yourself, this is the stretch. How am I going to do this stretch? Kislev. How am I going to make it to Purim? A guy today told me. He's struggling. He misses being away from home. It's dark. Gets dark early. It's depressing. It's hard. If it's hard That's when we discover our true self. You want to know who you really are? It's not who you were in Elul. It's not who you were in Elul. Elul is exciting. Anybody could be great in Elul. Elul's everything's in Elul. Tshuva, Rosh Hashanah, simchah tshuva, Yom Kippur, sukkot, Simchas Torah, Simchas beit hashoevas. Elul's gishmak. After Sukkot, back into the Sman. It's MarCheshvan. There's not a lot going on, but I'm fresh. Kissev Rabbeisay. We're going into the darkness. But in the darkness is Dafka, where we find the light.

23:21 There's a lot of Torah. The 36 candles we light on Hanukkah connect to the 36 Masechot and Shas. We discover the Torah Shabbalpeh in the darkness. Yiratzim chnei avinu shabashamayim. Every guy in the yeshiva should be blessed to be able to make a siyum this year. A siyum doesn't mean a siyum dafka on a mesachta. I'm not here advocating that a person should learn fast. For some people, you could make a siyum on your blad of gemara if you know your blad of gemara perfectly. That could be your siyum. Everybody has to know what their siyum is. But a siyum means that you have a goal. A siyum means that there's something in front of you that you're accomplishing. A siyum means it's hard, but you do it anyway. A siyum means I don't want to do it. I don't want to do it, but I do it anyway. You should know I'm not a big dafyomi guy, but I'm jealous of dafyomi people.

24:09 I'm jealous of dafyomi people that every single day, in the mood, not in the mood, somehow they do their daf And they have that consistency and they have that grit. Seven and a half years later, they're saying, "Look at me! I'm holding shas in my hands." There's something geshmack about it. Person has to get used to making siyumim. They have to get used to saying, "I have a goal, and I'm not quitting until I get there." It's dark. Darkness is the perfect opportunity to introduce light.