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The eitz Yaakov mi be'er shava va'yelat charano. Yaakov leaves Be'er Shava and he goes to Charano. Va'yifka ba'makom va'yol en shom kibah Hashemesh. Ve'yikach me'avnei hamakom va'yasa me'roshosov. We're going to discuss at length what's going on over here. Yaakov Avinu leaves Bereshava. He goes to Charan. He is vayifka. We'll see what that means. He encounters a place. He spends the night there because the sun had set. He takes stones. He arranges them around his head. He lays down and has a dream. In the dream, he sees a ladder. The ladder goes from earth to heaven. And angels are ascending and descending on the ladder. This is not the only group of angels that we find in this week's parsha. At the very end of the parsha, literally the last three pesukim
Lavan gets up in the morning. Va'ash came, lava, and ba'voker, Va'yinashik, lava, and ba'vnaysov, Va'yavarach asem, Va'yelach, va'yeshav, lava, And the mokomo, Yaakov, Lava, and gets up. He blesses his children. He leaves them. Yaakov Avinu is going to be allowed to return to Eretz Yisrael. Va'Yaakov halach le'darko, Va'yifku. Again, that lashon of va'yifku, Va'yifku ba'malache elokim. Once again, there is an encounter with godly angels. So we have two encounters. In the very beginning of the parasha, we encounter malachim, and at the very end, we encounter malachim. But there is a critical difference between the malachim in the beginning and the malachim in the end. Rashi explains the malachim in the beginning; they are starting off on the ground, they go up, and then they come down. What does Rashi explain? Everyone knows Rashi. What does Rashi say? There is the malachim of very good two sets of angels.
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There's the malachim of Chutz La'aretz, and there's the malachim of Eretz Yisrael. Since Yaakov Avinu is on his way out of Eretz Yisrael, who goes up? The malachim of Eretz Yisrael go up, and who comes down? The malachim of Chutz La'aretz come down. So even though both scenarios Yaakov Avinu encounters malachim, nevertheless it's not the same group. It's two groups of malachim. The first group of malachim are the malachim of Eretz Yisrael. The second group are the malachim of Chutz La'aretz. But listen to Rashi at the very end of the parsha. Fascinating Rashi, overlooked Rashi. Now the malachim of Chutz La'aretz are bringing Yaakov Avinu in, and what does Rashi tell you? And the malachim of Eretz Yisrael are going to greet him. What does Rashi leave out? It's obvious. Rashi leaves out what happens to the Malachim of Chutz Laaretz in the very beginning of the story.
What does Rashi tell you? The Malachim of Eretz Yisrael go up. Who comes down? The Malachim of Chutz Laaretz. Where do the Malachim of Eretz Yisrael go? They don't leave. They don't leave Eretz Yisrael. However, when it comes to the end of the parsha, Rashi says the Malachim of Eretz Yisrael come to escort Yaakov Avinu into the land. And what about the Malachim of Chutz Laaretz? What happens to them? Ostensibly, they come with Yaakov Avinu into Eretz Yisrael. Because if Rashi was going to tell us that was the end of them Then what should Rashi have said? That's the end. If Rashi never says that, then what does that tell you, girls? That something changed. Something changed. In the beginning, the Malachim of Chutz Laaretz were not allowed into Eretz Yisrael. They were only there to take him out, but at the end of the parsha, something has fundamentally changed. Now the malachim of Chutz Laretz will join Yaakov Vino and Eretz Yisrael. The malachim of Eretz Yisrael will escort him in, but the malachim of Chutz Laretz are there as well.
What's the pesha in this Rashi? But we're not done because we know that Chazal tell us that this. Va'yifku ba'makom, that we see in the beginning of the parasha. Let's go back to the words. Va'yifka ba'makom, va'yalla and shem. What does it mean? Va'yifka ba'makom. What does Chazal tell us? Yaakov Avinu institutes the tefila of Mirith. Va'yifku means that he encountered, he came, but it also means, as the pasuk in Yirmiyah says, he davened. So now, a fascinating thing. Let's leave aside our problem with the malachim for a second. We'll come back to that. This is the very first mitzvah ever davened. Avram Avinu davened the first shachris, Yitzchak davened the first mincha, Lasuach Basada. Now we have our very first mitzvah. This is the pshat in vayifka. This is also probably the pshat in b'makom. We know that the Hebrew word for a ladder is a sulam. And the Hebrew word for kol is the same exact gematria the Zayir brings down. It's both gematria of 136. So there's many, many references. The Medrash in Yalkut Raveini also says that the ladder consisted of four different aspects to the ladder, each one of those connecting to a different aspect of Tefillah, because Tefillah is made up of four parts: Brachos and Karbanos is the first part.
Psuket is Zimra, Kriya Shmona it's Brachos, and then finally Shmona Esrei it relates to the four worlds. Atzilus, Beria, Yetzira, and Asiya—these are the four worlds of creation. All of davening is about walking back through creation itself. So there's a lot of very deep There's a lot of very deep connections between tefillah and this ladder. But nevertheless, there's something fundamental. There's something fundamental going on over here. Yaakov Avinu daven's the first myriv right now. It's a famous question, Girls. What's the halacha? Is myrev obligatory? Is myrev a chiyuv? It's not. Myrev is a rishus. Shachris and mincha are what we call a chova. Myrev is a rishus. If Avram Avinu instituted shachris and Yitzchak instituted mincha. So then, why should Mirv be any different if it was instituted by Yaakov Avinu? Girls, do you hear the question? Is that on? It's on. Cold or hot? Cold.
Look. It's boiling. It's boiling. There are many answers to this question. Some say that myrev is only a reshus, according to those shitas that say that it's not really the avos that instituted davening, but it's really kineged karbanos. And how many times a day do we bring karbanos? Twice. Once in the morning, once in the afternoon. So shachris and mincha would be obligatory, and myrev would be a rishus. That would naturally make sense. Some say that the reason that myrev is a rishus is because Yaakov Avinu was baderach; he was traveling. And it's dangerous when you're traveling to stop. So he was not obligated to stop and pray. But since he wasn't obligated, Then l'doyre doyres myrev is not considered obligatory. Some say that we know the pasuk says that the sun set suddenly.
It says, "Kibah Hashemesh." The Shemesh went down. Sounds like it was an unnatural time for the sun to set. Maybe that's why it's not mandatory. There's a lot of different answers here. The one we're going to give tonight, I believe, is a very powerful answer. And I'd like you to open your hearts, girls—not just your minds. There's a difference between shachris, mincha, and maariv. What's the difference between shachris mincha and maariv? It comes down to the essence of each tefillah. Avraham Avinu originated shachris. That means Avram Avinu, and listen carefully. Every word here matters. Avram Avinu initiated the concept of talking to Tachkadosh Baruch Hu. He was the initiator. That's why it means that Avram woke up early in the morning, and that waking up in the morning we know is Shachris. He initiated. He woke up in the morning. He aroused this concept of Tefillah in the world. That's what Avram Avinu contributed. Yitzchak turned a monologue into a dialogue.
Up until Yitzchak, the conversation was one way. Yitzchak called davening a sicha, a conversation. Tefillah is no longer just about what I have to say to God, but it's about what God has to say to me, and vice versa. What is Yaakov's tefillah? Yaakov's tefillah is vayif gabamakom. But there's something else that Yaakov Avinu contributes. He says, "Ein zeki im base elokim." This is the house of God. Yaakov Avinu goes and listen carefully. Whereas Avram Avinu initiates the concept of tefillah, and Yitzchak turns a monologue into a dialogue. Yaakov Avinu turns it into a relationship. Anyone could have a conversation. Yaakov takes the concept of tefillah from being a conversation between two friends; he takes it into the realm of the family. It's a husband and wife building a home. That's how Yaakov Avinu sees ma'aruf. What does this mean? In order to understand this, we need to go back to the very beginning of everything in Judaism. Why did Hakadosh Baruch Hu create this world?
Now many answers are given to this question, but we're going to give one famous answer based on the Medrash. The Medrash says a very powerful thing: Nisave Hakadosh Baruch Hu Lios Lo Yisbarach Dira B'Tachtonim. God, every word here is important, girls. Nisave means God had a taiva. He had a taiva. What's a taiva? He had a desire to have a dwelling place in the world down below. What does it mean to dwell? What does it mean diro b'taplain? What does it mean that God wants to dwell with us? What's the number one feature of a dwelling place? The comfortable. That's the key word. The number one feature to a dwelling place is do I feel comfortable? Let's put this in terms we can understand. Baruch atvadim nayel v'ini melcham shekholni aviru. You come to sem. You remember? I don't know if you recall what you looked like when you first got here. You were confused.
Where am I? Do I fit? Do I belong? Will I get along with these girls? And for the Shnayben girls who are here, do you remember how cute it was when the Shnayalof girls first arrived and they're walking down the stairs and they're just like, 'Where am I?' That's what you looked like a year earlier. Every year in yeshiva, you see the guys, and they're checking each other out. I don't know that. I don't sit next to that guy. Everyone's got to get comfortable. When do you know when the yeshiva or the sem has gelled? All of a sudden, when people start to be comfortable. I'll never forget Mayshon Aleph. Arrived in Bengurian Airport, and just like today, although it was in a different terminal back then, all the luggage comes off and it goes around on the carousel, and everyone's waiting for their bags. And one guy, I won't say his last name. His first name was Elliot. Ended up being a very good friend of mine, and you'll see why.
Elliot decided, Nobody knows me here. Not really coming with that many people. I'm going to introduce myself to the yeshiva. What's the best way to introduce yourself to the yeshiva? He sits on the carousel and he's going around the carousel and he's introducing himself. Hi, my name is Elliot. And as he's coming around, he looks at me. He goes, "Hi, my name is Elliot." I said, "My name is Matt." He goes, "Nice to meet you, Matt." And I'm like, "I'm going to be that guy's friend." You know why? Because that guy is awesome. Because when all of us are sitting and playing that game of who's cooler than who, or do we fit right? You know what he was being himself. He was exceptionally comfortable. You want to be around people like that, no? It's all about comfortability. Get to yeshiva. A woman, my mom's best friend, bought me a gift for yeshiva. When I grew up, I wasn't Mordechai. I was named Mordechai, but wasn't the name that I went by. I grew up as Matt. So she bought me a mat for my room that said, "Hi, my name is Matt."
Which is awesome. Why is that awesome? Because everybody knew my name right away. I put that out right at the entrance to our door. Hi, my name is Matt. It's all about comfortability. When a couple gets married, the dance that they do in the beginning is the funniest dance in the world. We still hold that last little bit of maybe I can hide from this other person. I don't really want them to know who I am a hundred percent. But you're not really comfortable if you do that. And there's a process. Sometimes it's a couple of months. Sometimes it's longer, until you actually feel comfortable with the vulnerability of being around this person. You're not really married. I remember every stage of my marriage. In the beginning, I was like, "Now we were dating. We went engaged. Now it's real, right?" And every engaged couple thinks it's real until they get married. Then what do they discover? No, engaged is not real. Marriage is real, right? And then you have a kid. You're like, "Oh my God, we were just dating, living together." Now we have a kid. Then you have two kids, and you're like, One kid. We were playing two on one. We had the upper hand in that one. We could pass the ball. Now two on two, our hands are full.
Then you have your third kid, and you realize, Oh my God, now I'm outnumbered. Then you have a fourth kid, and you realize some of the balls are going to fall to the ground. There's no way to keep these things up in the air. Fifth kid, sixth kid, teenage daughters. In the words of George Costanza, these are the remnants of a once great nation of hair. I think it's a joke too. Holding on tight. The yarmulke keeps getting bigger. Every time I go to the barber, I say, be gentle. I haven't gotten from her. I've gotten more vain. Obviously, I feel comfortable in Toma Devora. I like it. You laugh at my jokes. Any more? Hakadosh Baruch Hu is not comfortable in our world. Not yet. That's our job to make him feel comfortable.
Nesaha Hakadosh Baruch Hu Lios Loios Barach Dirat Tachtayim. God says, "I want to be comfortable in the world down below." But we are making him exceptionally uncomfortable. And I'll tell you why. It's because we don't talk to him. About every aspect of our lives, we only talk to Him about the elyonim aspects of our life, but we don't talk to Him about the tachtonim aspects of our life. We think, when does God want to be in a relationship with us when we're behaving? But if that were true, then Hakadosh Baruch Hu could have just created malachim. When does Hakadosh Baruch Hu want to hear from us? Not just when we're behaving. When we're not behaving. That's when he wants to hear from us most. Who talks to God when I'm behaving? That's the problem. The problem is that we ask that question, and it's really just the opposite. And I'll prove it to you. So when you imagine if I give my daughter twenty shekel, I say to my daughter, 'Listen, you're going shopping now. I do not have time to pick you up from the mall. I don't have time. I'm in a meeting. Your mother is in the middle of teaching. I don't have time to pick you up. The buses don't run late at night.'
Take a cab. Don't spend this twenty shekel. Then she goes to the mall and she sees exactly the dress that she wants. What's the problem? It's twenty shekel more than she has. Because she's a teenager, she makes a bad decision. What's the decision? I'm going to have to buy the dress. Somehow I'll figure out how to get home, but I have to buy the dress. So she buys the dress. Now she calls me and this is how that conversation goes. Abba, I know you told me not to buy the dress. I did. How do I get home? Walk. There's a part of me that wants to say that But let's say it's a dangerous area. Am I more worried? Am I more desperate to hear from her now than I was before? The answer is absolutely. When we're doing great, it's nice to check in and say, "I'm doing great." When we're not doing great, that's when good parents want you to call. So I was privileged to be in a car with a very chashev rav. I was driving the car; he was in the passenger seat.
This chashev rav gets a phone call from his teenage son. Today, this teenage son is learning in Kailo Baruch Hashem. He's an amazing young man, married with child, and he's everything you would want from a son. But he had a really rough patch in high school. Sometimes it happens. It's a lot of pressure to be a very chashev a rav's son, and this kid is a superstar. But lemaisa, he had a rough patch in high school. Ended up getting expelled from his high school. It was a process. This was one of the suspension phone calls along the way. So the kid calls, and he says, and I can hear. You can hear the other side of the conversation. So I'm hearing him, and this is what it sounds like. But I'm calling to let you know that they're going to be calling you to tell you that I'm getting suspended. It's okay. I'm waiting to see how this plays out. I'm just driving the car, right? And he starts talking to his son. The first thing comes out of his mouth. He goes, 'How are you?'
So you hear the kid go, 'I'm okay. I'm just, it's obviously embarrassing.' And Dad goes, yeah, I can really hear that. I can definitely see that this is an embarrassing thing. You can have them call me. I'll speak to them. So I'm not a person who knows how to control his mouth. I said to this very chashavirav, 'You're not angry.' He goes, well, it's obviously disappointing. But right now my son needs me. And I want you to know why that kid came back. I think most parents, when the kid calls and says I got suspended, go, "I'm gonna kill you." This Rov, I know that's the case. That's what I mean. I have this conversation. Unfortunately, I have this conversation sometimes with parents. If your son did X, Y, and Z, he has to be suspended from the shiva. I'm gonna kill him. But maybe don't kill him. Because he just made a mistake. Maybe he needs you like really desperately right now.
If you're a loving parent, what do you want from your kid when they're in trouble? The only person you want is for them to reach out to you. If they don't reach out to you, then as a parent, you have to ask yourself, what's going on in my relationship that when my kid is in trouble, they're reaching out to anyone but me? We made the mistake and we thought Hakadosh Baruch Hu wants to hear from us when we're doing great. That's true, but if you really want to bring Hakadosh Baruch Hu into the lowest elements of this world, when do you have to be willing to talk to God? When it's not going very well. When life is falling apart, when the sun has set, when you're on a journey to be with someone who appears to be lavan, but is actually a ramai, and you're nervous, that's the time to talk to Hakadosh Baruch Hu if you want to bring him into Dir BeTachtayim. Now we're going to take it a step further. You know what you need in order to bring Hakadosh Baruch Hu into Dir BeTachtayim? You need the capability of really messing up. Because if you can't mess up, it's not really much of a relationship.
I'm going to say a very extreme thing right now. It'll sound extreme to you just for a minute until you realize the truth of it, and then it'll sound normal again. It's not impressive to stay married if you can't get divorced. It's really impressive to stay married if the Torah says you're allowed to get divorced. Because great marriages come when we choose each other over and over again, when we don't have to. That's what makes a marriage great. See, today people get married They get divorced. It wasn't always the pshat that marriage was amazing, and that's why people didn't get divorced. People used to have a sense of loyalty. They had a sense of, we chose each other. We didn't choose each other for good times. We chose each other so that when it's not good, we've made a commitment to each other. And unless the marriage has become immoral or abusive, we continue to fight for one another. That's what makes a marriage great. The fact that marriage is not mandatory, the fact that you can say 'I'm out' is what makes marriage exceptionally beautiful.
If you can't leave, then it's not so impressive that you stayed. So if you think deeply about Yaakov Avinu's Tefillah of Ma'ariv. Isn't it the ultimate tefillah that expresses this is a house of God? I'm comfortable coming to you in my lowest times. The sun has suddenly set. 14 years I was in Kolol. 14 years Yaakov Avinu was in Kolol. Did he daven Ma'ariv once? Not once in 14 years did Yaakov Avinu daven Ma'ariv. Life was good. When does he dive in his first makom? When he encounters this struggle that he knows he's about to be on, he finds himself with nothing on the ground. He's cobbling together stones for him to sleep on. What does he do? He reaches out to Hakadosh Baruch Hu and he says, "It's not going so well." Vayifka, it's a tefillah. It's a tefillah, and he has a dream. And what's the dream? The dream is phenomenal. The dream is a message to Yaakov Avinu about that which he is going to encounter and how he's going to grow from it.
Yaakov Avinu encounters a sulam, a ladder, climbing up. And in the beginning There is an ascent. Who goes up? The holy malachim of Eretz Yisrael. They are pure kedusha. They leave Yaakov Avinu behind. Why, Yaakov Avinu? You're going to Chutz Laaretz. We don't go with you to Chutz Laaretz. Who comes down? The Malachim of Chutz Laaretz come to Eretz Yisrael to escort Yaakov Avinu out. So Yaakov Avinu, you're being escorted by Malachim. What's the first message Yaakov D'Sbaruch sends him? You have people on your side. I have your back. You spent the twenty shekels. I'll come pick you up. It's annoying that I have to leave my meeting. Hold on one second. Let me finish it up. But I want to show you something unbelievable. When Yaakov Yenua comes back to Eretz Yisrael, the Malachim of Chutz LaEretz come with him. What changed? I'll tell you what changed. We made a mistake. It's the root of many mistakes that we make. The mistake is that we look at our lives and we say there is holy
And there is mundane, and never the two shall meet. There's my holy life. There's my life when I'm in seminary, and then there's my life post seminary, the mundane life that I'm going to lead. I'm going to have a job. I'm going to have children. I'm going to change diapers. I'm going to pick kids up. I'm going to have that minivan. There's this mundane life that we lead, and we think that they're two separate things. That's how we start our journey. Why do we think that I'm going to love one and it's going to be terrible? Because we see two lives. There's the Kolol life of Yaakov Avinu, 14 years. But now, unfortunately, I had to leave and I have to go out into the real world. And I'm going to be with the loveons of the world. So I need to dive into Hakadosh Baruch Hu. Comes along Hakadosh Baruch Hu when he answers Yaakov's tefillah, and he says, 'Listen to me. There's something you're going to learn by loveon that you could not learn in 14 years in Kolol.' 14 years in Kol were preparing you for the lesson you're about to learn, namely this: there is no such thing as two lives. There is something called a broad life, but there's no such thing as a dual life. In Judaism, there's no such thing as there's the person that I am in Sem
And then there's real life. If this is the best version of who you are, you take this with you wherever you go. When you encounter the mundane world, you know what you bring? You bring the kedusha with you. You find the kedusha in Kollel. It was easy to find the kedusha sitting in Yeshiva Shem Ve'Ever. Every moment of Yaakov Avinu's life was sitting and basking in the glory of learning Hakadosh Baruch Hu. What an unbelievable gift! What did he learn by Lavan? How do I find Hakadosh Baruch Hu in the lowest places in this world, so that by the time Yaakov Avinu comes back to Eretz Yisrael, the Malachim of Eretz Yisrael come to greet him, and who comes with him? The Malachim of Chutz Laaretz. Why do the Malachim of Chutz Laaretz come with him now? The answer is very simple. Because Yaakov Avinu took those Chutz Laaretz Malachim, the mundane life, and he found the holiness, the purity, the sanctity of such a life.
We make such a terrible mistake when we're educating our daughters. We tell them that there's like this ideal life, and then there's this real life. Life is about turning the real into the ideal. It was a process. But if you look at your life and you think, "Yeah, there's the person I was in Sam," and I was learning amazing in Sam, and then when I came back to America, it was just like Then you missed it. Then you're leading two lives. Yaakov Avinu has the capacity to bring his chutzla or his life into Eretz Yisrael because he was one person. How do you do that? It's very simple. It depends on whether or not you're living in a home. If you're living in a home, it's all one. If you're not living in a home, you have multiple lives. Let me explain. Right now, I'm here talking to you.
Baruch Hashem, Toma Devora pays me for this. I would do it for free. They pay me. It's nice. Scharbatol, it's called. Am I a father right now? None of my kids are in the audience. Of course, I'm a father. Because this is part of that. When you have a home, everything becomes all inclusive. If you're living in a home, then when you leave, it's part of the service of your home. But there has to be a litmus test. How do you know if you're actually doing it in the service of your home? The answer is, what are you doing in your free time? Let me explain to you what it looks like. My father, Baruch Hashem, was very successful in business. During the week, my father would travel from state to state. Every morning, he would go out and get on a plane. He would go to a different state and always come back that night.
Why did he come back? Because that's his home. And on Sunday mornings or on Sunday afternoons, he was coaching little league. And on Shabbos morning after Ashkaminyan, when my mother would go out to the main minyan to daven, my father would play games with us. That's when I learned from my father how to play games, Stratego, and chess, and different card games. We learned them on Shabbos morning. I bet you my father wanted to be asleep. I bet you he was tired. I know he was tired. He had big accounts that he was running there, advertising for Burger King, Pizza Hut, KFC, Taco Bell, AT and T. He had big, Big advertising accounts. But when he had free time, it was spent with us. I know he wanted to watch the football game. So when I looked at my father as a kid growing up, I didn't look at my father as an absentee father. If he wasn't home, it was only because he was providing for us who were home. What was the litmus test? When he was home, where was his time spent? Same thing with Yaakov Avinu. Manorah hamakom azeh. How awesome is this place? Ein zekiim be'silukim. When Yaakov Avinu sees the malachim olim v'yardim
He gets the message Hakadosh Baruch Hu is telling him: Right now, Your life—the reason why you're vayifka b'makom, The reason why you're encountering this place—and you think the sun has suddenly set, And you're seeing before you that life is optional. You have free choice. You don't have to choose God. That's what makes it awesome, Because you could continue to choose Me. That's why Ma'ariv is a reshus, Because you have free choice for a Ma'ariv. But it doesn't have to be this way. Ein zeki and beisalokim. This could be my home. And if it's my home, then everything is one. Then everything is tied together. That's why Yaakov Venu was zaycha to come back with the malachim of Chutz La'aretz into Eretz Yisroel at the end of the parsha because he learned the lesson. You go to a lavan, you're going to learn something that you don't learn in the beis medrash. When you go out into the world, you're going to find there's kedusha out there too. What seems to be mundane is just not yet kodesh. You have to access the kedusha. You have to find it. We're not afraid of the outside world, Girls. You know why we're not afraid?
Because there's kedusha there. We have to be careful that we only access that which is pure. We're not afraid. Chas v'shalom. At the end of this year, they're going to ask me to give a she'er on how do we take it back with us. It's the classic semsheir. In every seminary, they call me up, Berg. We'd like you to come speak to our girls at the end of the year. What topic would you like me to speak on? We were like really, we're gonna have a yom yun. Because if you don't have a yom yun, it doesn't count. We're gonna have a yom yun on how to take it back with you. I'm gonna tell you now my message. Then it's okay; you'll forget it by then. But I'm gonna tell you now my message for then. It's very simple. If the Torah that you're learning now isn't preparing you for then, there is something off. You know what they learned in Yeshiva Shem Ve'Ever says Rabbi Yaakov Kamenetsky? They learned the Torah of Galus. They learned the Torah of how you go out into the world and find God. That's why Yaakov Avinu spent so many years preparing himself. The Torah that we learn this year has to be a Torah that prepares us for the outside world. If it's only a Torah for while we're in here Then what's the point? We're not going to be in here forever. There's a kedusha, a dira betachtaynim that's waiting to be built.
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