Vayeishev - Trading Authenticity For A Pair Of Shoes

2:33 So we have two questions so far: why shoes, and why is that the focus? Now there is something even more wild than this. The medrash in Mishlei and also in Ela Eskerah we say as follows. The reason why the Asara Haruge Malchus, girls, remember the Asara Haruge Malchus, the ten martyrs from Yom Kippur davening. The reason why the Asara Haruge Malchus were killed is because the brothers sold Yosef down to Mitzrayim for a pair of shoes. That's what the Medrash says. Medrash Eliezer says as follows: The Roman governor opened up Sefer Shemos and he read from Sefer Shemos. Shmos chapter twenty one verse sixteen says as follows: One who kidnaps a man and sells him shall surely be put to death. This is what the Roman Emperor says, and he turns to the sages and he says, 'Your ancestors sold Yosef for a pair of shoes. They're not here, therefore you will have to bear their judgment.' So, because there were ten brothers that sold Yosef down to Mitzrayim.

3:41 There's a hasara harugei malchus, which means that not only Are we talking about the shoes and not the fact that Yosef HaTzaddik was sold down to Mitsrayim? But these shoes are so critical to the story that it's not just in that time period, but throughout history we continue to reap the destruction that came from the sale of Yosef HaTzaddik. There have been many averas throughout history. To my knowledge, I do not know outside of let's say the chet of Adam Arishon. How many averas can we say have a cosmic ripple that throughout history the avera is so profound So destructive that after that we continue to be punished throughout history. It's almost like our mission in this world is to rectify the sale of Yosef Hatzadik down to Mitzrayim. That the reason we are in Galus today, and the reason that we have all of the things that are happening to us today—the Crusades and the Holocaust and the pogroms and October 7th—all the whole reason it happens is because we have not yet rectified the sale of Yosef HaTzaddik down to Mitzrayim for a pair of shoes.

4:59 That's a pretty wild thing that Chazal are telling us—that the ripple effect of this avera for a pair of shoes is so profound that we're still struggling with it today. What is the pshat? So far so good. Can we take a hard detour for a second and go to a completely different story? Let's talk about Hanukkah for a second. We don't have Shira next week, so consider this your Hanukkah Shira. I wish we had Shira on Hanukkah, but sadly we don't. There's a very strange halacha, and you'll see why this is going to connect in a moment. Girls, what's the time that we light Hanukkah Neros? Anyone know? From shkiyah until when? What does the Gemara say? Until the Gemara says at she tichle regel min hashuk. Until people are done walking through the shuk. At she tichle regel min hashuk. Very strange lashon. Why doesn't the Gemara tell us the time?

6:00 Very strange that on Chanukah what are we focused on? We're focusing on the feet. Isn't that interesting? You see the connection already? Shoes, feet, get it? You could see it. It's not that big a jump. On Hanukkah we have again a strange focus on the feet. Very weird. Want to do a hard left with me again Girls? What's the halacha if you don't? If you have a brother, he marries a woman, the brother dies without children. What's the halacha? Yibum. When is the first yibum ever in the Torah? This week's parsha. This week's parsha. After the sale of Yosef HaTzaddik down to Mitzrayim, what's the next story we read about? The story of Yehuda and Tamar. It's the very first yibum in the Torah. What happens? Tamar marries Yehuda's oldest child. The oldest child dies. What does the next brother do? Yibum. Girls. What happens if you don't do yibam?

7:06 Chalitza. What does chalitza you? You got it spit in the shoe. Isn't that interesting? That we have a story that involves selling your brother for a pair of shoes. The very next story is the story of yibam. And if you don't do yibam, what happens? Spit in the shoe. When do we read this? In a time of Hanukkah, right? This is the prelude to Hanukkah, where Hanukkah is all about atshatichle. Red gold metal shuck. You starting to see a pattern here? Rabbi Weinblum always says you got to spell it out. You starting to see a pattern here? It keeps being about shoes and feet. It's interesting. Is this the only time in the Torah that we find the focus on shoes? Where's another time in the Torah that we focus on shoes? Moshe Rabbeinu by the burning bush. What does Hakadosh Baruch Hu say? Take off your shoes, for you are standing on holy ground.

7:58 You girls are not familiar with Charlton Heston because you grew up in an impoverished generation. You never got to see the Ten Commandments, did you? Your closest thing you have is like the Disney Prince of Egypt thing. But we can talk about that. The I never saw it because I didn't need to because I grew up on one of the great movies. Because we old school people, where'd you grow up? Worcester, Massachusetts. Not just from Massachusetts, Worcester, Massachusetts. I spent almost every summer of my life growing up in Cape Cod. Massachusetts, in Anset, Massachusetts. So I'm familiar with the Worcester neighborhood. And in Worcester, did they get a proper education? I definitely saw. If you saw the Ten Commandments, then you got a proper education. This is how I learned. I learned Chumash when I was a kid in two ways: the Ten Commandments and the Little Medrashahs.

8:51 I didn't know the difference between the P'sukim and the Little Medrashahs. That's how many of us grew up. Little Medrash says version of Judaism. So in the Ten Commandments, when Moses approaches the burning bush, it says, 'Take off thy shoes, for thou art standing on holy ground.' Why? Why take off your shoes? Why? So what's the problem? I'm wearing shoes. It's an interesting thing that Hakadosh Baruch Hu tells Moshe Rabbeinu to take off his shoes. Weird. It's a big focus on shoes in Yiddishkeit. Shaila is, what does it really mean? What does it really mean? So maybe something like this. What is the challenge of being Yosef HaTzaddik? I want to share with you something very deep. Yosef HaTzaddik is the person who is so radically authentic that they can't help but be themselves. You ever meet people like this that they just have no pretenses.

10:00 They just don't pretend to be anybody other than they are. And that's a very hard thing to be To true. Because everyone in this room, including myself Is putting on an act. Everybody in this room, a little bit. We don't want to say not nice things, but we want with ourselves. Every one of us puts on a personality because we want to be accepted by others. We put on such a personality that sometimes we wonder who we really are. How many girls have gone to teachers so far this year? I know I've gotten a ton of these guys shylos from the guys in yeshiva. Rabbi, I feel like I've been faking for so long. I don't even know who I am anymore. I don't know if I believe this or that. I don't know if I'm really this personality or that personality. We adapt our personalities to become acceptable to others. Do you know when we start doing it?

10:49 When we're very young. You know why? Because it's really scary to be authentic. Authenticity comes with the possibility of rejection. When you were little, you couldn't help but be authentic. When you were three, you cried when you were sad, and you were so happy when you were excited. That's why children are amazing. They can't help but be authentic. You ever? Do you remember when you came home? You might not remember this, but if you have little siblings, you've seen this, right? When you came home, you were four years old and you burst through the door with unbelievable amounts of energy and you said, "Look at the project that I made, mommy! Look at the project that I made. Your project stunk. It was terrible. I'm sorry." Finger painting is not art. This is nothing. But you were so proud, and your mother said, 'Wow.' You hung it on the fridge.

11:43 And then at some point. You traded in your authenticity for social acceptability Because you had to. You had to adapt in order to survive. And it happens to every one of us. Every one of us is born with these amazing wings to fly. And at some point we chop off our own wings, or the system chops them off for us Because otherwise you're too different. So fit in, get in that box. This is what you have to think. This is what you have to wear. This is what's going to be on your resume, and if you step out of line. We are cooking up a shidduch crisis for you. We're going to write about it in every mishpacha magazine, and in every Ami magazine, and in every symposium that they have. All the rabbis are going to talk about it because if God forbid you are not picture perfect.

12:34 And one day no one's going to want to marry you. Go have a healthy life. But it doesn't happen to everybody. There are rare exceptions. Guys and girls that are so phenomenal that somehow they remain unaffected. Their authenticity shines through. It's an unbelievable thing when you meet these people. What happens is, for the most part, when you meet these people, people fall in love with them very quickly. They're charismatic, not because they're dynamic. They're charismatic. People follow them just because they're like That person's awesome. Because actually, when we're a little bit older and we're not worried about social acceptability anymore, what's the single most important thing? I want to be with real people. That's the challenge of dating, right? The challenge of dating is you show up and you're like, 'Look at me, I'm perfect,' right? That's like a first date, because nobody goes on a first date and says, 'Want to see my crazy?' Unless you're my wife and I. Other than that, most people, my wife and I had the worst first date. We tried to out-authentic each other by saying all the things that were wrong with us and our families. I highly do not recommend taking that approach.

13:49 Not exactly. I knew my wife from the time I was 15 years old. It wasn't like a meeting you for the first time. It was like a fake first date. It worked for us, but I don't recommend it. It's not a good idea. For the most part, we fall in love with people who are authentic. Because actually when we're in self We're nuclear reactors of love and connection. In fact, I would argue that attraction can't happen until you're real. And there might be an inverse proportionate relationship with how real you are and how much love you actually have in your life. So if you're married and your husband knows eighty percent of you Don't turn around and start wondering. Why is it that I only feel like I'm in this relationship up to 80 percent? Why isn't my husband giving me 100 percent of that love? Because he doesn't know who you are.

14:44 And if you want the gift of love, then you have to be willing to pay the price of vulnerability. Which means that at some point in your life, and for the girls that are shaking their head, going, "I don't want to do that," there were literally three girls right now. It was a beautiful thing. See, three girls right now, as I said, just with this, all together, they went. It was like a visceral response. All I was doing was suggesting to him, No. I'll tell him after we're married and he's trapped. I want you to know I appreciate you so deeply. Because I don't actually think I'm funny, but you make me feel like I'm actually funny. You don't just laugh. You laugh authentically. Isn't that beautiful? It is an amazing thing. It really is very special. Some people like to hide it. I don't want to. I want to be the girl that laughs. You laugh with your whole person.

15:41 That's a special thing. We fall in love with people that are truly themselves because it's so safe to fall in love with them; you just know who they are. And the amazing thing is when you meet those people You get to be yourself too. Isn't that like you ever have a friend like that who's so amazing that you could say to them anything and you know they won't sit in judgment of you And if you don't have a friend like that, can I bless you that you find a friend like that really quickly, like kenele chachaver, because you can't go through life without that. You need to have somebody that you can call and say things are really hard. Or the opposite, you need to have a friend who you can call and say things are really awesome because nobody wants to get that phone call right. Like, you want to call a friend, like you don't want to call and be like, 'I'm so happy because things are amazing.' I have a friend like that.

16:36 I have a friend. I have a couple of friends like this, but I have one friend. I have a couple. I have two or three friends. I could tell anything, but I have one friend in specific. I don't even mind telling you it is. I have one friend. His name is Dr. Jonathan Donath. He's the founder of Daily Giving. We were roommates in yeshiva many, many years ago. I want you. I could call him and tell him anything. I could just say anything, because I know that whatever I say to him, he's like That's fine. I called him up and told him the awesome news. He said, "I'm just so happy for you. You really deserve that." I can never call because you don't want to brag, right? You don't want to be seen as impolite. I called him up and said, "John, I got to tell you something." He said, "I'm so happy for you. That's an awesome friend." And in his space, I feel like I can be truly me, and I hope he feels the same way about me. That's an amazing gift. Yosef HaTzaddik is a tzadik because his inner light shines through, and he is absolutely unabashed about who he is.

17:30 You know what he does? He comes to his brothers and goes, "I had a dream. I want to share it with you." Not Martin Luther King. I had a dream. He had an actual dream. He had an actual dream, and he said, "I want to tell you something." By the way, it was—I don't want to say—I'm obviously not saying anything not nice. I'm not saying anything not nice, but it's a little bit of an uncomfortable dream, no? And that's why the brothers had a little bit of an uncomfortable reaction. We're all bowing down to you. We're like—that's a funny thing to go to. I had a dream. Everyone was bowing down to me, and the brothers kind of have a reaction. They go like What now? By the way, they thought he was a rodef. They paskin them for misa because they're like Who? What exactly do you think you're doing here? You're not the bachar It was like a big deal. But you know why Yosef Atadik shares it? Because he's the type of person that can't. He had a dream. He wants to share with his brothers. That's what he does. He's so authentically real. He loved like he just. I love my brother. I got to tell them these dreams that I had. I, your brothers, are hating you for the dreams. I just have to.

18:36 I want to argue. I would like to suggest that in truth This is the real reason why Yaakov loved Yosef so much. Because if you look at the pasuk, what does the pasuk say? V'yisrael av es Yosef mikol banav. Ki ben zekunim hulo. What does Rashi say? Rashi says a bunch of pshatim, three pshatim. What does it mean ben zekunim? The final pshat is because he looked like him. What does that mean? He looked like him. I have children that look like me. I don't love them more than the others. This one looks like me. I like it. Thank God you have a clone. It's not like the Torah is telling us something very deep. You know who Yaakovina was? Yaakovina was the ultimate ish emes. He's the ultimate authentic person. So when Yaakov sees Yosef, he loves him because he says, 'You look like me. You have that middah of authenticity. Authenticity meets authenticity. He loved that. I love authenticity. I will give you a ksonas pasim. I will give you a princely garment.' Rashi says Why?

19:39 Because when people are authentic, that's where their nobility is. That's where their royalty is. Because you've actually met their soul. That's what a soul is. A soul is royalty. If you have a soul, you're royalty, girls. We should be walking around every one of you, not in a braggadocious way. Every one of you should be walking around going I'm a bas melech Not in a way like I need to. Just I am. It's an amazing thing. I am the child of Avram, Yitzchak, Yaakov, Sarah, Rivka, Rachel, and Leah. Every one of us should know we have a soul. We are the ben yachid of our Kadosh Baruch Hu. When Yosef HaTzaddik shines through, he shows his soul. He says, 'This is my authenticity.' Yaakov Yenu goes, 'I love you for your authenticity.' Now I know you're noble. Take the royal garments. But girls, there is a double-edged sword here.

20:29 And the double-edged sword is this: when you're authentic It's okay. We can take a look. It's okay. Turn on the air. It's blowing hot air. We want it to blow colder because it's hot in the room. So we should do that. We're doing great. There is a double-edged sword here. Because the real deal people will fall in love with you for your authenticity. But you have to know that your authenticity is also going to make people deeply uncomfortable. Authenticity is a double-edged sword Because if you're really real There are going to be haters. And to be okay with haters is really hard. My rashi shiva Who I'm zaycha to have a relationship with, from the time I was 10 years old, 35 years later, my rashi shiva, Rav Yaakov Bender Shlita, rashi shiva of Darchei. It's my Rosh Yeshiva. I'm still very close with him.

21:46 Whenever I go back to America, I try to see the Rosh Yeshiva. He, he's like He just says it. You know what I'm saying? He just says it. And you know what? When you just say it, there's going to be haters. And a couple of weeks ago, my Rosh Yeshiva got up publicly And he spoke about Toa Meha. If you don't know what Toa Meha is, Baruch Hashem, you're blessed. If you do know what Toa Meha is, you probably saw some things that maybe you shouldn't have seen. Tohama is a big problem. Tohama today means that guys are getting together. Three to four hours before Shabbos Drinking a lot of alcohol, eating a lot of meat. By the way, we don't do that before Shabbos. Tohama literally was supposed to be like a taste. Today, people are throwing down massive feasts. You're not supposed to come into Shabbos full. You're actually supposed to be excited for the Shabbos suddah.

22:39 But the most important thing is that these guys are getting hammered a couple hours before Shabbos, and I can't tell you I've gotten phone calls from guys, from wives, from daughters. This is super uncomfortable. My dad walks into the house 20 minutes before Shabbos. He drove home in a state of inebriation. Wives who are nervous about their husbands driving in that state. Kids that are uncomfortable because their dad is walking home comes in the house 20 minutes before Shabbos, reeking of alcohol. And Rabbi Bender got up publicly and he said, "This is terrible. It's destructive. The impact that it's having on the children." And he said publicly, "I'm holding the parents accountable." And it was posted on Yeshiva World News, which is where all things are posted. The boys asked me today. If I thought that when LeBron James retires, Yeshiva World News will talk about it on Yeshiva World News, because all important things get posted on Yeshiva World News Yeshiva World News posted about it. You should have seen the conflagration because Rabbi Bender. When you're honest, you're gonna have haters.

23:49 And I wonder sometimes, if I'm being honest, how he handles it. I'm so nervous. I tiptoe. You know what I'm saying? I like. I don't want to say the wrong thing that's going to offend anybody, so I have to couch it in a nice way. If I'm talking to the girls, I make up a story about the guys. If I'm talking to the guys, I make up a story about the girls. This way, nobody gets offended. Even though I'm talking to those people and everybody knows exactly who I'm talking to. If a girl has AirPods on in the middle of Shear, I just go like this. Go all of a sudden, I'm like Like just like start like cleaning my ears. I'll say, let's say there's a girl who has a phone on in the no phone zone in the middle of shiur. You'll still see the girls.

24:37 I don't want to embarrass anybody. You know how many conversations Reva and I have had about no, regardless, this is not code. It's not happening right now. You know comedy conversations. Reva and I have like a quick 10 second powel before I walk in. Rabbi, what do I do about the girls in the back? I don't want to embarrass them, Rabbi. But there's like that seven girl posse that always sits in the back of every shiur. They think I'm blind, but I'm not blind. It happens to be great today, Baruch Hashem. I wasn't calling anybody out. The girls in the back today, Mitsuyan, perfect. Everyone gets a round of applause. Maybe there was a shift. Maybe the girls said, "I'm going to be the girls in the back this way." The girls in the back become the girls in the front. I don't know exactly. I don't want to offend anybody. How does he handle it? How do you handle the comment section on Yeshiva World News? If there was a comment section about what Mordechai Berg said on Yeshiva World News. I'm done. I'm out.

25:28 I'm going into nursing homes with everybody else in Boston. Hard money lending—that's for me. I want to be an article. I don't want people talking about me. How do you do it? The answer is: you got to know that if you're authentic, you're gonna have haters because you're a threat. If you're authentic, you make people uncomfortable. Not the real deal people. The real deal people will fall in love with you. But any vestige of a lack of authenticity, and you got to know you're going to rub people the wrong way because it's like Are they really saying what's on their mind? Could you imagine if all of us just said what's on our mind? That'd be super uncomfortable in the dorms. I kind of think sometimes there are two conversations happening in every conversation. There's the words you say out loud, and then there's the words you say in your brain. That would be a great movie if every time you went to speak, you could only say the thing it switched. You think you're saying the thing that's polite, but that thing only happens in your head, and your actual words come out loud. That would be an amazing movie. I don't think any of you are gonna steal it, and it doesn't really matter anyway because nobody it's like an okay idea.

26:46 It's not great, but I would want to watch it because we're not showing up not for real and not because we're impolite. We're afraid to say what's our truth. We're afraid to say what's our truth, even to ourselves. And people who do might be deeply threatening. We're talking about the avos. These words tzaddikim on levels we can't possibly imagine. The Torah uses these great tzaddikim to teach us lessons on our level. But maybe when the pasuk says, "Vayiru achiv ki oso aha vaviya mikolacha veysnu oso vlo yachlu dabur l'shalom." Maybe it doesn't mean that they hated him because their father loved him. Maybe it means they hated him because the very thing that their father saw in Yosef Hatzadik that made him deeply attractive is exactly the thing that drives them crazy. Rashi's other pshat and Ksonas Passim because the first pshat is Yaakov Venu gave him clothing of nobility. What's the second pshat? What does Passim stand for?

27:49 Passim stands for Potifar. Sochrim, Yisraelim, and Midyanim. In other words, the four sales that Yosef HaTzaddik went through. It's a double-edged sword, authenticity. Because on the one hand, authenticity makes you nobility. On the other hand, your brothers might sell you down to Mitzrayim. That garment that he got was a double-edged sword. When you put on the garment of nobility and of leadership and of authenticity, you got to know you're going to get hate, and people are going to come after you for that. What do shoes represent? Shoes represent how you show up in the world. Because when you wear shoes And by the way, shoes matter. There's a real industry of shoes, not because they're comfortable. Shoes matter because And by the way, if I gave this here in yeshiva, no guy would understand this Even though they do it too. With girls, it's like a whole different thing.

28:49 Shoes are not just a product; they're a lifestyle. They're a worldview. Why do we buy shoes? Because they're how we show up in the world. That's what a shoe represents. I have a talmid. I love this talmid. His name is Gershi. One of the most special talmidim I've ever had. I go to L.A. I stay by Gershi. He's family to me. And Gershi is unabashed. He says whatever's on his mind. Three years ago, I showed up in L.A. and Gershi said, "Rebbe, I hate your shoes." You have to understand. I'm married to a Srodik. I grew up in the Five Towns, but I've been living in Ramat Echamish for 18 years, which is Five Towns adjacent, but still I get the mitzvah of Yishevaret. So I'm living in this country, and I know something. In this country, shoes don't last. Talking about like just the somehow the dirt.

29:42 There's no dirt in the Five Towns. It's nice paved roads. Here, there's construction in the air. When it rains, mud. Because the air is full of dirt from construction. Baruch Hashem, Moshiach is coming. We're building Eretz Yisrael, but lemaisa, shoes get ruined very quickly. I'm not going to spend money on shoes. So what do I do? When I go to America, I go to DSW because I'm Jewish. And I say I just want to find the shoes that are on sale. They have stickers. You get to see which is like. I get the orange one. That's like the cheapest possible shoe. It's so true. How does he know orange is the cheapest one? Because I've been doing this for a while. You get the orange. It's shoes. Who cares? Isn't that important to me? And then you wear them out until the next time you go to America, which for me is like two months later. And I'll get another pair of shoes and another pair of shoes and another pair of shoes. Gershi goes, Rabbi, I hate your shoes. I hate your shoes.

30:40 So he goes, What size are you? I said, Gershi, you cannot buy me shoes. I love you. You cannot buy me shoes. He goes, Rabbi, I'm going to buy them either way. You may as well tell me what size you are. Like, size ten. He comes back with a pair of shoes. I'll be honest, I thought they were the dumbest looking pair of shoes in the world. But apparently they're trendy. Now I don't really know what trendy shoes look like, and I don't really care. But he bought me these shoes, and I love him, and because I love him, I love the shoes because the shoes represent our love for each other. I come home. My daughter looks at my shoes because she knows things. She looks at my shoes and she goes "What are you wearing?" I don't know. Gersh got me these shoes. You have to understand. I really don't care what I wear. I wear L. Socks as like a like I'm wearing L.

31:29 Socks. I really don't care. At this point. After that. At this point, because I fly to America so often, my sock drawer is mostly blue. I just found out that in business class they have even better socks. I'm hoping to make top platinum so I could get the next level of socks. I came home. My daughter goes, Abba, what are you wearing? I said, I don't know. These look like shoes that Geri got me. She goes, Abba, those are a $1,400 pair of shoes. These shoes. I don't know. They're called. I'll tell you what they're called. They're called. They're called triple stitch. That's what it says on the inside. I don't know anything else about it. It's bergamot. Zegna. Zegna shoes. Z e g n a. I don't know. It doesn't really. Zanya. Oh yeah. It's a fourteen hundred dollar pair of shoes. It's unfortunately.

32:56 My feet are like a paradox. They're like a contradiction in terms. Socks that are free and the $1,400 pair of shoes. I wore those shoes literally until last May when I went to Toronto. These shoes were beat up like crazy because the thing about these shoes—they last forever. They're still good. The outsides, though, are trashed because I live in Eretz Yisrael. I don't care. I showed up to Toronto for a scholar in residence. Probably I'm supposed to care. You're coming, like you know, shul brings you in. You should probably take the time to buy a pair of shoes. I'm coming as I am. The host is a tzaddik. He looks at my shoes and he goes, "Can I get you a pair of shoes?" I'm like, "Here we go again." What is it about me that's like screaming poverty? Am I really that? I know that I look like a tzedakah collector, but that doesn't mean I'm poor.

33:48 And the guy says to me The guy says to me, he goes, "What size you?" I said, "I'm a size 10." He goes, "It comes down." He has this exact pair of shoes. I said, "Are you serious?" It's like I thought he was gonna get a different pair of shoes. He said, "I have 10 pairs of these." I was like, "Whoa." So I think, and these are now from me. I'm gonna wear these for the next three years. Some wealthy ballerbus looks at me again and goes I don't care about shoes because I'm a guy, but I understand why people would care about shoes because shoes represent the external personality of how you show up in the world. Shoes are a very deep thing. There's a very holy man. It's like one of these Kalabach stories. He's a very holy man. If you're ever in the Five Towns I highly recommend going to visit. He's a secret tzaddik, lamidvav tzaddik, who's living in the Five Towns. Tell him I sent you.

34:55 He's a shoemaker in the Five Towns. Right across the street from the minion factory. You know what I'm talking about? He's a really special Jew. I go in every once in a while. Hey, and you should know, he once gave me a bracha. He once gave me a bracha, and the bracha came true. Crazy stuff. The guy is a real tzaddik. Like people, like it's it's, and it's like one of these real like Karlbach stories. Like he's a shoemaker, but he's really a lamed vav tzaddik. Like one of these. Like he was stitching up the shoes, but he was really stitching up your neshama. Like it's one of these like. And he, I sometimes go to get a pair of shoes fixed. And he's always like, you gotta take care of your shoes. You gotta take care of your shoes. There's something about taking care of your shoes that's valuable. What's valuable about taking care of your shoes? Your shoes are how you show up. It's how the rubber meets the road. It's what gives you the ability to walk through life.

35:49 But you know something about shoes? You gotta be careful because if you're not truly authentic You will sell your authenticity for a pair of shoes. You'll sell your authenticity. For a personality of how you show up in the world, so that you'll be acceptable. That's why Moshe Rabbeinu was told by Hakadosh Baruch Hu, if you want to be here, if you want to talk to me, you got to take off your shoes. Because Hakadosh Baruch Hu says, I only talk to people that are real. I only speak soul to soul. I'm not interested, the Rebbeinu Shalom says, in anything fake. Of course, we're all fake. We're not Moshe Rabbeinu. And that's okay. But what's not okay is to trade your authenticity for a personality. It's one thing to be in process. It's another thing to not even know who you are. Hakadosh Baruch Hu says to Moshe Rabbeinu, "Take off your shoes. If you want to meet me, take off your shoes."

36:43 We don't wear leather shoes on Yom Kippur because it's not about the shoes. On the day that we come before Hakadosh Baruch Hu, we say, 'I can't be focusing on my personality. I have to focus deeply on the inside.' If your brother died without children and he left behind a wife and you don't take care of her, you don't connect to her on a soul-to-soul level, then you have to spit in a shoe. Because you traded a shoe, you traded an image over your responsibility for your brother's wife. Yosef Atzadik's brothers were big tzadikim. But in a small daka stick away on their level, but an amazing lesson for us, they were willing to sell their brother for a pair of shoes. And that's the average that we're still held accountable for Because Yosef Atzadik's authenticity has to inspire us. It can't scare us. Yosef HaTzaddik is the bechina of Hanukkah. Do you know that? Yosef HaTzaddik is the foil for Yavan. What's Yavan all about? Yavan is all about your external personality.

37:45 I have to look like a god. I have to be a Greek god. I have to be an Adonis. You should know in yeshiva we have a gym. The Rebbe who put together the gym is a Rebbe who really is into weightlifting. He made a tshai. I'll build the gym. No mirrors. No mirrors in the gym. Guys come and they go, but we need it for our form. You don't need it for your form. He doesn't want guys sitting there in the gym going That like that move of like. It's not what he is about. We're healthy. We're healthy people. We value health. We don't value image. We don't value the external. Hanukkah is the bechina of authenticity. I am my light, even in the darkest places. When do you light Hanukkah candles? From the time it begins to get dark until when? We are illuminating all of the feet until the last feet have walked through the marketplace. The marketplace is how we show up to life.

38:51 Chanukah is all about rectifying that external personality and making sure that we're living authentic lives. And yes We're still struggling with this today. The ripple effect of the sale of Yosef HaTzaddik—it's not because they sold their brother down to Mitzrayim. That's of course an issue. But in Yiddishkeit, we care about the issue that comes before the issue. What drove us to the place where we would sell a brother down to Mitzrayim? Because we were more interested in the pair of shoes. We were more interested in the external personality. Says that Roman governor in Ela Eskerah is talking to every one of us. He's saying Let's look. You're chayiv misa. You're chayiv misa for what you did. I can't punish the brothers. They're not here anymore.' Says the Roman governor. So the Asarah Haruge Malchus, you are in front of me. You have to be killed. And it's not speaking about the Asarah Haruge Malchus. The Asarah Haruge Malchus is one of the most Gut wrenching, heart wrenching portions of all of Yom Kippur davening Where literally, it's if you read the words, it's like the suffering, the cruelty that they went through, and it's our suffering, our cruelty.

40:11 Because we're making the same mistake. Because the only reason why we don't have sinas chinam is because we're terrified. We're terrified of what will happen if we actually see through the veneer of the external personality and actually connect to another human being. It's easy to get up here and talk about sinas chinam. Anybody could do that. We have a beis hamikdash sinas chinam. Sinas chinam. Everything is sinas chinam. Why do we have sinas chinam? Because we lack authenticity. Because I have to sit in my camp, and if God forbid somebody gets up and says, 'What would happen if we reached across the aisle and had a conversation with somebody that didn't think like us?' It's a very big threat. We have to be very concerned. What will happen? Maybe there's going to be an influence. Maybe we've just become ridiculously wealthy. We're ridiculously wealthy, and I don't mean in money. We're ridiculously wealthy. It used to be, girls. I'm telling you, I grew up in these times. It used to be there weren't that many Jews in the world.

41:16 We've grown exponentially over the last 40 years. They used to be excited to take a kid into yeshiva, a kid off the streets. It was a kid off the streets, and we got him to come to yeshiva. Look at all the Gedalin books. Go open up any art scroll book. Roshchakofayev Melavitch, Tair Vedas, grabbing kids off the street. Come learn in yeshiva. Come learn in seminary. And now we're elite. We don't take. We spend more time talking about who we're not going to take, because of our image. Because chas v'shalom, anybody should have any association with anybody that's not like them. When did we become so scared? I was thrown out of Haftor in fifth grade. Thank God, Darche took me. Thank God, Darche took me. I don't think there was a conversation that happened behind closed doors like should we take Berg? Should we not take Berg? What happens if he's a negative influence?

42:10 And by the way, I had exposure to things that my classmates did not have because their fathers were massive rabbanim. These kids grew up super sheltered. And I didn't. And I remember having conversations with my friends. I educated them. I told them what the real deal was. I got to tell you. I wouldn't be here talking to you today if it wasn't for my classmates who took me in and were friends with me. Even when I was different. And maybe I did influence them, but I can promise you that the influence in this direction was much bigger than the influence in that direction. We're scared. Let's be real. It's not because it's the right thing. We're just scared. And that's tragic. Sinas chinam is a product of fear. Because if every one of us would show up authentically and we would be unafraid to see other people as who they really are, which is just Jews.

43:08 Just children of Hashem Really, there should be no tier system. It's a ridiculous thing. This girl went to this seminary. So on her shidduch resume, she's 100, right? She's 100. She went to this seminary, and this guy went to this yeshiva. What are we talking about? This gives nachas to the rebbeinu shalom. If we're being real Nah. This is fear. This is fear one on one. This is simply because I lack authenticity in myself, so I need to make sure that nobody else shows up authentic either, because it's terrifying when people do. Because we see the hate that people get when they show up authentically. So yes, there's a ripple effect. The ripple effect is that we're still paying the price for it. Not because Yosef Hatzadik was sold down to Mitsrayim The brothers did tshuva for that avera, but because we learned how to trade our authenticity for a pair of shoes.

44:11 And the thing is, it's not only not working; it's miserable. It's miserable. We're not happy. We're not happy. Forget the fact that Rabbi Yisrael doesn't get nachas. That's obvious. Are we happy with this? Are we happy the way that Klali Yisrael is right now? Are any of us deeply connected? Not until October 7th hits. Until October 7th hits, October 8th is amazing. But what about six months later, a year later, two years later? It's like COVID. Remember how we all promised each other in COVID that everything was going to change? It was like everybody convinced themselves. Now everybody's going to have backyard weddings. We won't need tukana halls anymore because everyone's going to realize how absolutely ridiculous it is to drop hundreds of thousands of dollars on a wedding. We're never going to do that again. Of course we are. Because we are slow learners and it doesn't work for us as a community, we have to have that Nachi Gordon makes a meaningful people episode talking about the insanity of the amount of money that we're spending. Why? We know it's not working because sometimes we have to hit rock bottom in order for ourselves to change.

45:19 So we need to be the change that we want to see in the world. We have to start showing up authentically. We have to stop being afraid of other people who are authentic. We have to value and celebrate our own authenticity. And stop trading our brothers and sisters for a pair of shoes. Girls have a wonderful Shabbos.