Tetzaveh - Hashem Wants To Hear From You!

2:12 Before I answer the question, there's a beautiful answer from Rav Shalom Alter, the Ger Rosh Yeshiva. Before I answer the question of Rav Shalom Alter I want to have a real conversation. About what we believe about ourselves after we behave in a way that we're not proud of. There's something called shame. Shame is the belief that I'm unworthy of love and connection because of the way that I've behaved. Every one of us in this room experiences shame. And shame is what's killer. There's a difference between shame and guilt. Shame tells me I did an avera. I'm no longer worthy of speaking to Hashem. I've lost Hashem's love. I'm not of value to Hakadosh Baruch Hu anymore. The Baal Shem Tov famously said, "It's not the bite of the snake that kills you; it's the venom." When the snake bites you, that's just a puncture. Nobody dies from a puncture.

3:18 But after the snake inserts its venom inside of you That's what ultimately is that poison that kills you. When we do an avera, the problem is not that we do an avera. The problem is, after we do the average, what do we believe about ourselves? We believe I'm no longer worthy of Hashem's love and connection, which is why. What do we say? We say avera gores avera. Once you do one avera, what do you naturally do? I'm going to do another one. Why? I already did it. I already crossed the line. I'm already in a varian. I'm already a bad person. It doesn't matter. That's why very often what we do is we go on streaks. You go on a streak. You're on a diet for a certain amount of time, and then you have one more slice of pizza than you should, and all of a sudden, diet over. You're doing well for a long time. You decide I'm gonna daven mincha. You daven mincha for three weeks in a row. You miss one mincha, and then you don't daven mincha for two months.

4:17 It's an amazing thing that happens. We're very streaky people. Why are we streaky people? Because the second that we make a mistake We have a belief system about ourselves, and the belief system is, "I'm no longer worthy of Hashem's love and connection." That's very different than guilt. Guilt is the bumps on the side of the highway. Guilt is very healthy. Guilt leads to regret, and regret is very healthy. I know people think regret is not healthy. Regret is a beautiful emotion. Because guilt tells you, listen carefully to the difference between shame and guilt. Guilt tells you that behavior was beneath my dignity. Do you see how guilt builds you up? Guilt tells you I'm so much better than the way I just behaved. And I regret behaving that way because it doesn't represent the truest version of who I am. So if a person, let's say for example, gets really angry And in their moment of anger, they lash out and say really mean, nasty words to somebody that they really care about.

5:20 If they have shame, they say, "I'm a terrible person. How could I have behaved that way?" If they have guilt, they say That was unbecoming. I'm much better than that. And I so deeply regret the words that I said that hurt that person. I don't want to be that way anymore. And when you have regret, what the Rambam recalls as charetah in the tshuva process, it's how we stop behaving in an inappropriate way because regret doesn't feel good at all. Regret tells me this behavior is just not me. So here's what it looks like. We all have belief systems. Listen to how this works. I have a belief system, and that belief system impacts the way I perceive the world. The way that I perceive the world becomes the way that I think about the world. The way that I think about the world becomes the way that I feel about the world, and ultimately, my emotions are emotion, energy in motion. That's how we become people of action.

6:19 If my belief system is fundamentally that I am a godly soul, worthy of love and connection, no matter what I do Then how do I perceive the world? I perceive the world in a beautiful way. Everything here is an opportunity for connection to godliness. When I see something, I think about how I can use it for godly purposes. When I feel in a godly way, and when I act in a godly way. But let's talk about the negative, just for a second. If my belief system is that I have to be perfect in order to earn Hashem's love Then what's my perception of the world? My perception is I better be perfect. When I think about my actions, there's this dread of having to make sure I'm perfect. What's my feeling? My feeling is I better be perfect. There's an anxious type of feeling that if I'm anything less than perfect, I'm not okay. And therefore, what will my actions be?

7:19 My actions will be deeply rooted in the knowledge that if I make a mistake, I'm not okay. So I'm not allowed to make a mistake. And people might look at those people and say, "Isn't she serving Hashem beautifully? She doesn't make any mistakes." But really, what's going on underneath the surface? She's terrified to make a mistake because to make a mistake means I'm not perfect, and I have to be perfect in order to earn Hashem's love. So this is a really important conversation. If we believe fundamentally we're worthy of Hashem's love and connection. Then we live in a world where we don't have to be perfect. We can have healthy regret, and we can be in the process of doing better. But if we believe about ourselves that we're not okay And we better be perfect, otherwise Hashem's not going to love us. That's a tragic way of living our life. Either we'll be absolutely perfect We'll be absolutely perfect, which is a very heavy way to live. Everybody in this room makes mistakes all the time, including myself.

8:28 Or the opposite. I can't possibly be perfect, so why should I bother playing this game at all? Do you realize how many of us stop trying to be better because we'll never be perfect? Perfectionism is what we do to avoid the vulnerability of not being worthy of love and connection. But we are worthy of love and connection. We will always be worthy of love and connection. Because fundamentally, at our core, what are we? We are a godly soul. Let's play this out in real time for a second. It's sometimes hard for me to speak to you girls. Not because you can't understand what I'm saying, but because there's something that you haven't experienced yet that I've experienced. If I was talking to a room full of parents, every parent would understand what I'm about to say. But because you're not yet parents, you don't 100% understand this. Hold it in your pocket because one day you will understand this.

9:23 As a parent The one thing you know when a child is born is that kid is an extension and an expression of me. Which means that the love that I have for myself is the love that I have for my child. And the truth is, the love that I have for my child is even greater than the love that I have for myself. Because the love that I have for myself, sometimes I have a little bit of self-loathing and sometimes I have a harsh inner critic. But when it comes to my child, the love that I have for that kid is essential. I might discipline that child, but no matter what that child does, they will always be my child. I'll give you an example of this. This is not the best example, but it is true. I found out years ago that I have a very distant cousin who apparently is a convicted murderer.

10:18 I was not cool. Not cool at all. I was talking to my grandmother, and she said, "Yeah, don't you know? He was on the cover of Time magazine." I said, "Yeah, but I didn't know he was our relative." She said, "Of course, that's our relative. It's like a third or fourth cousin." So I was like, "Finally, I have Yeches. I have somebody in my family that I could point to who did something wild." "My grandmother said to me, 'She goes, his mother still believes that he's innocent.' Wow. And my grandmother was like, 'She's crazy. He's for sure guilty.' When she told me that story, I was so taken that this man was convicted by a jury of his peers. But his mom She can't believe it about her little boy. Because even though he clearly did a terrible thing A mother's love for a child goes beyond anything we could possibly understand. I remember when I held my daughter for the first time.

11:13 My oldest daughter, you become a parent. It's like a beautiful thing to think about that. If you're the oldest in your family, you're the child that made your parents into parents. They were just kids. They were just kids before you were born. They were young. They were 21, 22, 23, and when you were born, if you're the oldest in your family, you made them into a parent. I remember holding my daughter for the first time, and these unbelievable waves of emotion were washing over me, and I thought to myself as I was holding this little girl for the first time: I would do anything for you. The love that a parent feels for a child is something that's absolutely indescribable. The way that Hashem loves a Jew is on the level of his essence, because what are we? What does it mean to be a Jew? It means to be a chilek elokah mimal. The Tanya adds in the word mamish.

12:06 It means that every Jew is a spark of Hashem in this world. If you want to visualize it, the easiest way is to think of a sun and then think of the rays that emanate out from the sun. The rays of the sun cannot be separated from the sun. The rays of the sun cannot be separated from the sun. To be a ray is to be an expression of the sun itself. The neshama is the rays of Hashem in this world, which means that Hashem relates to us as his children. That's why so many times we find in the Torah things like 'banim atem laHashem Elokechem' - you are Hashem's children. What does that mean? It means that Hashem sees Himself in us Which means that our relationship with Hashem is not conditional. We do not have to earn Hashem's love. We are worthy of Hashem's love simply because we exist.

13:02 I cannot be more of a son to my father, and I cannot be less of a son to my father. I can participate more or less in the relationship, but once I am my father's son, even if I choose never to speak to my father again, what will I always be? His son. A Jew who strays from the path A Jew who goes off the derech. Are they less of a Jew? Of course not. Af al pisha chata yisroel. If you understand that you are Hashem's child, you understand that there is nothing you can do to diminish your worthiness. There's nothing you can do to enhance your worthiness. You're not more of a Jew because you did a mitzvah, and you're not less of a Jew because you did an avera. If you're a Jew who does a mitzvah, that's beautiful. You're participating in the relationship. If you're a Jew who does an avera, chas v'shalom. We don't want you to do something that's going to impact the relationship. But the essential bond that is always there, and it doesn't go up and it doesn't go down. That's the belief system that every single Jew has to have.

14:08 If you believe that, it impacts the way you perceive, the way you think, the way you feel, and ultimately the way you act. These belief systems matter deeply. You are Hashem's child. You are always worthy. You are a piece of Him, and when God sees you, He sees a piece of Himself in us. That's what we're talking about tonight. Let's go back to those three times it says v'nishma Nasa v'nishma. Who would say NASA v'nishma? NASA v'nishma is a very irrational thing to say. If somebody comes to you and says, "Can you do me a favor?" There's two different responses to that. The first response is, "It depends. What's the favor?" Why would you give that response? Because it depends on the favor. You might feel that they're going to ask you to do something that's outrageous, too much, maybe inappropriate. Maybe I don't feel comfortable.

15:08 So if somebody comes and asks you a favor and you say it depends, I don't know if you realize this, but what you're really saying is I don't trust you. I don't trust you to ask me something that's going to be healthy and appropriate. You might ask too much of me. What happens if your best friend comes? The best friend that you trust implicitly, the best friend that you have 18 years of history with. That you know if she comes to say, "Can you do me a favor?" she would never ask you to do something outrageous or inappropriate or that would be too much. What's your natural response when she says, "Can you do me a favor?" Sure. What's the favor? The difference between Nishma Venasse and Nasse Venishma is about the relationship that you're in. If Klal Yisrael would have said Nishma Venasse, let me learn first what it is that you want, and then I'll decide if I listen.

16:01 That would indicate there's a basic mistrust between Hashem and Klal Yisrael. What was the big deal that we said Nasse Venishma? It means in that moment we were aware of the essential bond that exists between Klal Yisrael and Hashem. That's what we were aware of in that moment. Naseh veNishma, Hashem, I trust you. Of course, you're my father. You would never ask me to do something that I can't do. You would never ask me to do something outrageous. In fact, if you ask me to do it, it's an indication that I can, even when I don't believe that I can. Naseh veNishma is a very powerful statement about the way that we relate to God. So let's take a moment and ask ourselves something that might seem to be a heretical question. If you're in a relationship with somebody. And you know maybe it's a new relationship. Maybe it's a relationship that you just started this year. You came from LA, she came from New York, right? And now she comes over to you and says "Hey, can you do me a favor?" And your natural response to her is, "Sure, what's up?"

17:08 How does she feel? Because she's the one that asked for the favor, and your natural response was, 'Sure, what can I do for you?' That means that she feels, 'Wow. What a special thing that we've built.' You know that I'm trustworthy. You know that our bond is strong because you're willing to trust me that what I'm coming to give you isn't going to be too much for you. If somebody comes to you and they have a package wrapped in wrapping paper and it has a bow on top And they say, "Here, this is for you" If you jump back three feet and you go, 'What's in there?' What does that tell you about the nature of your relationship? It means there's no trust. If somebody comes with a package that's wrapped in wrapping paper with a bow on top, what should you think to yourself?

18:00 Happy birthday It's psychotic if you jump back. It means there's a lack of trust. Here's the heretical question: What did Hashem feel when Klal Yisrael said Nas v'Nishma? What do you think he felt? Think to yourself how good you would feel if somebody said I trust you implicitly. I want you because we're almost coming to Ben Azmanim. It's only going to be three or four weeks till you're home. It's a good opportunity to start talking just for a moment about Kibud Avim. If your parents say, "Hey, can you do something for me?" and you say, "Sure, what's up?" Do you understand what you're saying about your relationship with your parents? You're saying, 'Mom, our bond is essential. I love you.' Of course, I'll do you a favor. That's the way Hashem feels when we say Naseh and Ishma. He feels like a parent who's finally gotten to the stage with his child where the child knows this is a loving relationship.

19:02 Once you get to that stage, the relationship forever changes. Naseh and Ishma means you're in a loving and trustworthy relationship. Now let's go to the other side of that. You're in a loving and trustworthy relationship. So does Hashem want to hear from you after you've done the wrong thing? And let's make it extreme. Before we answer, let's make it extreme. How far would we go here? You do one avera. I understand. Hashem still wants to hear from you. After all, you're not perfect. You made a mistake. But let's say it was. A week of mistakes. Let's say I had the world's worst week. Does Hashem still want to hear from you? Maybe you start feeling. I know you're saying yes, but let's hold off to actually hear it. Because it's worthwhile. You had a week where you did, you crossed lines that you never thought you would cross. Really bad lines. Maybe you'll say, but it was just a week. What if it's a month?

20:03 What if it's a year? What if it's a decade? What if it's 50 years? What if you have a Jew who, for 50 years of their life, a kid who we make an extreme case, someone who grew up in an Orthodox family Left for whatever reason, they were 16 years old. And now, after being 16 years old for 50 years, they spent their life And they did every aveir under the sun. They didn't keep Shabbos, they didn't keep kosher, they didn't go to shul on Yom Kippur. They did everything wrong. How much can you slap your parents in the face? Before your parents say, "I'm no longer interested in the relationship with you" " It's easy, and it's a little bit—if you'll forgive me for saying this—it's a little bit kitschy for somebody to say,"Like, but Hashem still loves you. Let's think about that for a second. How would you feel if somebody punched you in the face for 50 years?

20:55 You might not feel so great. You might not be so forgiving. The answer is, of course—that a person could live a lifetime of averos. And they could earn their spot in Olam Haba in just a moment, and we have stories in the Gemara like that. Yesh kone Olam Haba b'sha'achas. The Gemara tells us there were certain people that they became balei tshuva only in the last moments of their life, and Hashem said, "you have a place in Olam Haba." What does it mean that Hashem loves us even after a lifetime of averos? Once Klal Yisrael said nasev and nishma, there is no going back. Even if you spend a lifetime trying to go back. Once the essential bond has been revealed, and this is the secret that you do not know, it's easy to say yes. It's easy to say yes, and you'll forgive me for saying it. It's a little bit kitschy. They've made it into bumper stickers. Hashem always loves you. It's like one of those magnets that you put on the back of your car or on your fridge, and it's a beautiful message. I'm not mean with zozlin it. That's a beautiful thing to have on your fridge. It's a beautiful thing for your children to grow up in a home where they're able to see Hashem loves you no matter what.

22:01 That's an amazing message. But you can't say honestly that you've internalized that message until you're what's called a parent. Until the love has been revealed between a parent and a child. You don't realize that no matter how much your kid has messed up, at the end of the day, you will always be there for them, even if they punch you in the face for 50 years. Listen what R' Shaul Alter says: "V'nishma kol b'vov elakodesh." The Cohen Gadol is heard when When he enters into the Beis Hamikdash, some people think that Hashem only wants to hear from them when they're the Kohen Gadol walking into the Beis Hamikdash. Some people think Hashem only wants to hear from me when I'm a tzaddik, a perfectly righteous person entering into an absolutely godly zone. But does Hashem want to hear from me when I'm totally not righteous and I'm walking into a place that I'm not proud of at all?

22:58 Does Hashem want to hear from me? If I'm sitting in the place where they sell vegetables in the morning And I'm walking into that place in that time when birthright is here, does Hashem really want to hear from me then? Should I make a bracha when I'm in that place? That's the pasuk of v'nishma kolov bevo al kodesh that the kohen gadol he makes noise when When he's the kohen gadol walking into the base of Mikdash, then Hashem wants to hear from you. Your presence is announced. The bells are ringing. Look who's come. You think Hashem gets that excited when the greatest sinner walks into the worst place in the world and calls out to Hashem? You know what the answer is. Absolutely. That's why the word v'nishma is used in multiple places. V'nishma. Once you said nasa v'nishma and you revealed the essential bond between you and Hashem, then even if you are not the Cohen Gadol walking into the Beis Hamikdash, Hashem still wants to hear from you.

23:54 Let's go to that pasuk in Megillah Esther. Remember, every time it says Hamelach in the Megillah, who is it really referring to? It's really referring to Hashem. Let's listen to that pasuk again. Look at the words. V'nishma piskam Hamelach That the verdict of the king will be heard. The verdict is Hashem's interest is where. Asher yase bechol malchuso Hashem is the Melach over the entire world, just like Achashverosh is the king of all 127 provinces in the world. Where is Hashem's interest? Says Roshal Alter. Bechol malchuso. You're not walking into the Beis Hamikdash. You're not the Cohen Gadol. Hashem is not less interested than you. It's your issue. If you think I did naverah, why would Hashem be interested in me? That's because you do not understand that fundamentally a Jew says nasev nishma. Fundamentally, a Jew has to know in his core, I trust Hashem. Have complete emunah in Hashem. Does it always feel that way to me? It doesn't feel that way to me at all. But just because I don't always feel that way doesn't mean it's not true.

25:02 Let's look at the pasuk again. V'nishma koloh bevo ala kodesh. Who's walking into the Beis Hamikdash in this pasuk? V'nishma koloh. He heard the sounds. Who? The Kohen Gadol Who's the Kohen Gadol? The Kohen Gadol has to represent Aaron the Kohen. Aaron the Kohen was the first Kohen Gadol. What does it say about Arna Cohen? He was Ovev Shalom veRodev Shalom. He loved peace and he pursued peace. Ovev Misa Brios. He loved Hashem's creations. UmeKarven laTorah and he drew them close to Torah. Girls, what should the Mishnah have said? Let's think carefully. Let's think critically for a second. He was Ovev Shalom veRodev Shalom. He loved peace and he pursued peace. Ovev M's what? What should it have said? Ovev m's Adam o ovev m's Klal Yisrael, bnei Yisrael Ume'karven laTorah. Why does it say Ovem as Abrios? What does a bria? What does the word bria mean? Creation. What does that sound like to you? Does that sound like a high-level person?

26:03 The Balik Chassidus say, this was referring to a person. About the only thing you can say about him is that he's Hashem's creation. Does he do Hashem's mitzvos? No. You can't say anything about him except he has a Jewish soul. All he is Hashem's creation. And you know what Aaron a Cohen sees when he sees that person? He doesn't say all you can say about him is that Hashem is that he's Hashem's creation. You know what he says is that's Hashem's creation. So he loves them, and he draws them close to Torah. He sees the true depth of who they are, and he's able to bring that out. That's what a great Rebbe is able to do. A great Rebbe or a great Mechanechet or a great Rakezet or a great teacher is able to see who you really are. They're able to see that naseh and nishma inside of you. They're able to see the essential bond between you and Hashem, and they're able to elevate it in this world.

26:54 They're able to bring that out, to draw that out, so that you can be the person that you really are. Open the Torah. Arna Cohen saw them. How did he draw them close to Torah? Because he loved them so much. He told them who they really are. When somebody loves us, isn't that a revelation of the essential bond that exists between us? That's what Arna Cohen's all about. The Kohen Gadol is the representative of Klal Yisrael. That's why all over the Kohen Gadol's body, on the breastplate of the Kohen Gadol, what's written? What's there? All the Shvatim, the names of the Avos. What's on the straps of the Kohen Gadol? There's two stones, and on those two stones are written all of the names of all of the Shvatim of Klal Yisrael. Why does the Kohen Gadol constantly have Klal Yisrael all over him? Because when the Kohen Gadol walks into the Beis Hamikdash, you know who he is?

27:45 He's every one of us. Sometimes we're walking into the shuk, but you should know that's not who we really are. Really, what we are is we're kohanim gedolim walking into the beis hamikdash. I'm walking into the shuk. But say there, you're walking into the shuk. But Hashem always wants the ear from you. Why? Because even when you're walking into the shuk, you know what Hashem sees? Hashem sees you as a kohen gadol walking into the beis hamikdash. That's why that mother can't believe that her kid is guilty of that horrific thing to do. Because no matter what we do, a good parent always sees the best in their children, always reveals that essential bond, and is always interested in hearing from them. I want you to know, as a parent, you get excited to see your kids. And if it's true as a parent, kal v'chomer, it's true as a grandparent.

28:33 I want you to know I had my grandson living in my house for a month after my daughter gave birth. She and her husband moved in for a month. So my grandson is still young. My granddaughter is brand new. I would come home from work every night, and I would get like a recharge on my battery. There's a very beautiful comic strip where it has like a battery of a cell phone, and it starts off in the beginning of the day and it's got four greens, and then halfway through the day it's got three, and then three quarters of the way it's got two, and then as you walk in it's like that blinking green light and it's on and now it's red. And you walk in and you see your kid and your kid runs over and gives you a hug, and all of a sudden you're recharged all the way back to green. When I walked into my house over that month I miss it now. You should know, I miss it.

29:18 When I walk into my house, my grandson is not there to see me and get that big smile on his face. I have no recharge of my battery because my grandson isn't there. I love my kids; they're awesome. They give me a recharge, not like a grandchild. A grandchild is like a fast charger. It goes from like you have a good charger, it goes from 60% to 85% in 20 minutes. My grandson was a fast charger. I walked in the door exhausted. I see my grandson give me that big smile. It's the greatest recharge in the world. When we walk into Hashem's house, it's a recharge, so to speak, for Hakadosh Baruch Hu. It's a recharge. He's so excited to hear from us. I want to finish with one last vort, and this is an amazing vort. I heard this from a friend of mine. His name is Rav Judah Michel. I don't know if any of you know Rav Judah. He's the head of Hask.

30:04 And he said this from his Rebbe, Rav Kluger. We say the pasuk says Ma hafti sayerasecha kol hayom hisichasi. How much do I love Hashem's Torah? It's all I'm talking about all day long. Rav Kluger asked the question. He said, "What do you mean? Who could say that?" Who really amongst us can say I love Torah so much I don't talk about anything else? We talk about other things all the time. Rav Kluger said, and listen to this. It's a game-changing, life-changing vort. He says it's not talking about you. It's talking about Hashem. How much does Hashem love our Torah? Kol hayom he sichasi. He's like a proud father who can't stop talking about the Torah that we learned. A girl is sitting in sharfman's and she opens up her ramban and she learns a couple words of ramban and she and Hashem is watching her and he's turning to the malachim going, do you see? Do you see how awesome she is? He can't stop talking about the Torah that we learned. Hashem wants to hear from us.

31:06 So we have to call out to Hashem. We should not chas v'shalom think that we are not the Kohanim Gedolim walking into the Beis Hamikdash. Every one of us is a Kohen Gadol walking into the Beis Hamikdash. I just spent the last twenty years of my life living in a way that's not the Kohen Gadol walking into the Beis Hamikdash. It's not true. It's not true. That's not who you are. That was the fake. That wasn't the real you. The real you says nasa v'nishma. The real you loves Hashem. The real you trusts Hashem implicitly. That's why Hashem wants to hear us b'chol malchuso. We should be zeicher to love every single Jew. We should be zeicher to tap in to the truest essence of who we are, so that we can cry out to Hashem and say Hineini, here I am, wherever it is that we go in our lives. Because even when we've done terrible things, remember it's not the bite of the snake that kills you; it's the venom, it's the feeling of guilt. I'm sorry, it's the feeling of shame, not the feeling of guilt, that's ultimately responsible.