Parshas Tetzaveh - Pomegranate Jews: The Beauty of Imperfection

2:32 And yet it's the exact opposite. The bells on Aron Cohen's bottom hem have to be noisy. What's an example of something that makes noise and it's not so good? I'll give you an example of this. If you take something that's flammable but not pure. When the fire is lit, what does it do? It crackles When you have pure olive oil and then you light it, what do you notice? There's no noise whatsoever. The purer the oil. The less the noise. You've heard this before. You guessed it. That's a good guess. You guessed it right. The purer the oil, the less the noise. So why is that? It's because. Noise always occurs when there's friction, like when the brakes go bad on your car. And you hear that uncomfortable shriek. It's like when you're driving, it's not just the shaking of the car that bothers you. It's the noise. You girls have marker boards, but when I was growing up, there were chalkboards. So you know what I'm talking about.

3:51 The that noise. Where you grew up poor. The noise. I didn't have smartboards. When I was a kid, they had the chalkboards, and if a teacher would even once do this and make that noise, the whole class would go, 'it's uncomfortable.' Why? Because the tension creates noise. Why is it that the fire crackles when the oil is not good oil? It's because there's resistance between the oil and the fire. The reason why the purest olive oil makes no noise is because there's no resistance. For example, where does Eliyahu Hanavi hear Hashem's voice? Not in the roar of the fire or the wind. But what does he hear it in? Kol demama daka. What does kol demama daka mean? A still, small, quiet voice, meaning no resistance. If there's resistance between our body and our soul, even for the girls that aren't listening, that's my way of letting them know that I see. If there is resistance between the body and the soul, it creates noise. It's uncomfortable. There's friction there.

4:58 So if the Cohen Gadol is on the highest level in the Kodesh Hakadoshim going on Yom Kippur That would mean, in theory, what we have expected is that the Cohen Gadol's body is so purified that it aligns perfectly with the soul. So that there's no friction, he should walk into the Kodesh Hakadoshim totally silently. And yet the Torah comes along here and says exactly the opposite. When the kohen gadol walks into the Kodesh Hakodashim, he comes in and it's got to be noisy, which indicates that there's a friction. And if it's not noisy, he could die. This goes against everything we said. So to sum up Let's get it all clear. Make sure we got it right for the girls that are taking notes and that are doing the thing where they want to make sure they understand everything. Here we go. Here's the sum up. You ready? The sum up is Arna Cohen has to have bells on the bottom of the hem of his clothing. When he walks into the Kodesh Hatodash on Yom Kippur It's got to make noise. Otherwise, he could die.

6:02 But if it makes noise, that indicates there's a friction, some separation between body and soul. And that is exactly the opposite of what we would have expected. That is the first question for tonight. The second question also appears to be a very technical question, but I assure you there is an idea here that we're going to learn tonight that is absolutely fundamental to our lives. So even though it appears to be technical, and I know that sometimes when you ask technical questions, girls can go under. Start talking or reading something else or being on their phone. I know it can be hard to get through the technical work. Stay with me on this because it's worth it. On the hem of the Kohen gavel It says if you looked carefully before, if you were listening carefully, there's Pomegranates and bells Something in the shape of a pomegranate and a bell.

6:54 The question is, what does the pasuk mean when it says upeamone zahav bitolcham that there were golden bells in them? What does bitolcham mean? In what? So there's two different explanations here. There's Rashi and the Ramban. What I'm teaching you tonight is based on a sicha from the Labavitcher Rebbe. There's these bells and the pomegranates, and the bells were bit tocham. Now bit tocham could mean one of two things. We have a marker here. Thank you very much. Either it means that there were the I'm not going to draw a pomegranate. I'm just going to make a P. P stands for pomegranate. Either it means that there was a pomegranate over here. And then a pomegranate over here And a bell. Was in between, so betochem means between the two pomegranates. That's what. What you really mean to say is my handwriting is so bad that not only can I not draw a pomegranate I can't even spell the letter B.

8:02 Let me see. P is a bubble. No It's a fair critique. It's a fair critique. I'm going to make this as simple as possible. That's why I was so confused. P B P. I feel like vanishing. You've got a P and then a B and a P. So there's a pomegranate bell pomegranate. When it says bitocham, welcome back, thank you very much. When it says bitocham, what does that mean? It means this is what Rashi's explanation is. Rashi says pomegranate bell pomegranate. Meaning on the hem of the clothing, on the bottom. It was a pomegranate, not an actual pomegranate. It was made in the shape of a pomegranate. On the coin gavel, on the hem of the coin gavel. Lots of Torah devoter moments tonight. It's beautiful. I see we're already off to a wonderful start. Stick with me. Ramban was very upset about this.

9:09 The Ramban does not agree with Rashi's explanation. Listen to the arguments of the Ramban. Girls, I promise you, all of this will be worth it if you lock in. The Ramban says, one second, let's let's slow down here. He says I don't know why Rashi made the bells separate from the pomegranate. It's in between. Because if that's the case, he says the pomegranates. Listen to his argument. The Ramban says the pomegranates serve. No function. They don't actually do anything. They're just decorative. Meaning If it's like Rashi, what's his argument? He says the pomegranates don't do anything. Listen to what he says. One sec. Wait for it. Let me. I promise you, once I finish the sentence, it'll answer your question. And then he says If they're just decorative, because that's what you're going to say. If they're just decorative Listen what the Ramban says. Then it should have been apples.

10:06 Don't worry Don't worry. So the Ramban, listen to the words of the Ramban. The Ramban says, according to Rashi, the pomegranates are decorative. His first problem This is the Ramban. If you don't like the way it's spelled, just know that it's the Ramban. He says, if they're decorative, then they should have been apples. We're going to explain why that is in a moment. If they're decorative, there should have been apples. He says this is the pshat. A completely different pshat than Rashi has. He says there were pomegranates. And within the pomegranate, on the bottom of the pomegranate, there was Bitocham in the pomegranate itself. There was a bell. That's a B. Within the pomegranate itself, there was a bell. This is the pshat of the Rambam. So we have a machlokas here. According to Rashi, pomegranate, bell, pomegranate. According to the Ramban. If the pomegranates are outside of the bell, then they're just decorative. If they're decorative, they should be apples. They're not just extra. They're not just decorative. Rather, the whole point of the pomegranate was to do what?

11:18 To have the bell within it. And the obvious question that we're going to ask is: It can't just be decorative if it's like that because it would still be making extra noise because the bells would be knocking against. The bell knocks against itself. That's what a bell does. Meaning the bell. Meaning that the bell will be knocking against itself, but it's also going to be knocking against the pomegranate next to it. It would also make the same sound. But I don't really. But I don't know. It's an interesting shot that you're saying. But it's certainly not what the Ramban said. Meaning the Ramban didn't. That's it's not where the Ramban was coming from. The Ramban either said it's decorative. Meaning you might you're saying no, no, no. According to Rashi, it made the bell make extra noise. I don't know. Maybe yes, maybe no. I'm saying even not. Let's even leave your question aside. We have a very strange thing going on here.

12:08 Rashi says pomegranate bell pomegranate. The Ramban says if that's the idea Then the decoration should be apples. What's our first question? Why apples? Where did apples come from? You don't have to guess. I promise I'll teach you. And then the second question is, what's the machlokas between Rashi and the Ramban Rashi says the bells are in between. The Ramban says the bell had to be in the pomegranate. What does that mean? What's the inner meaning here? Obviously, they're not just arguing about something technical. There's a reason. There's something going on behind the scenes, and you need to listen in. You need to key in on what's going on behind the scenes. You can ask, and I'm going to reserve the right to go. I can't answer now. Fair? Quick. The point of the pomegranate, as we'll see, is to house the bell. You'll understand what that means when we get to the end of the shiur. I tell you what, I'm going to hold off on questions because I have so much to get to and so little time. Fair?

13:13 If you have questions afterwards, I'm happy to entertain. Deal? Good. There is a place in the base of Megiddo where we see apples. Anybody know where it is? In the kitchen It's not nice what you just did. The pasuk says, "Lift neiver lo sitei mirshol." You're not allowed to put a blind, you're not allowed to put a stumbling block in front of a blind man. You can't make jokes like that to me when I'm teaching in the seminary. I'm this close to making an inappropriate joke. So if I do, and I get fired for it, it's going to be on you. I'm not going to make the joke. How did you make it inappropriate? Okay. Okay. The menorah had spheres on them that were made in the shape of apples. Did you know that? Apples are six spheres. The menorah had apple-like shape on the menorah. Listen, it's. It's. It's going to be.

14:25 I see that we're right before Purim. It's the energy in the room is so beautiful. Mishenefnas ader, mar ben besimcha. I know when I come to Talmud Torah, the level's always here. Tonight it's one notch higher than that. It's a beautiful thing. Which means that the Ramban wasn't just saying randomly. If it was for decoration, it should have been apples. It means that there's something about an apple. A particular decoration that was used in the Mishkan, in the Mikdash, there was a specific thing of why a decoration is an apple. We have to understand why that is. The Rambam wasn't saying randomly. The Rambam wasn't saying why should it be in the shape of a pomegranate if it's decoration? It should be in the shape of an apple. The shape of an apple was already there. Whenever we think of the word decoration in the Mishkan, we think apple. What is an apple?

15:17 Why specifically an apple? There's something about an apple. What is the Ramban? This is the Ramban argues on Rashi and says Not a pomegranate, it should be an apple, because an apple was a classic decoration in the Mishkan. The question is So why? Now we're talking about apples. Not yet. I tell you, girls, I'm so close to making an inappropriate joke. Just get it. Careful. It's other for me too. It's other for me. Because it's not nice. I know. It was recording for someone else. It's not a recording. It's not the right thing to do. Hey guys, it's not this. Sparty teachers, their words. We have Sparty teachers. That's lechaim to you. Rabbi What are you worried about? We've heard it all before. Girls, when the Cohen Gadol goes into the Kodesh Hakodashim on Yom Kippur He's not just representing himself. He's the tzaddik that represents all of Klal Yisrael.

16:37 Some Jews are pristine. Some Jews They don't make a lot of noise. Their lives are. They're glatt kosher. They're pure olive oil. There are some Jews like that. There are some Jews like that. There are Jews that when they come to their Judaism, like they're high level. They don't seem to get down very much. And then there are noisy Jews. Noisy Jews are Jews that have a lot of friction in their life. I imagine that many of us identify, at least in part, with the noisy Jews. We're the ones that it's not always so easy. We're the Jews that it's a struggle. There's a friction between our body and our soul. When the Kohanim Gadol comes into the Kodesh Hakodashim on Yom Kippur He's coming to atone for all Jews, not just the Jews that are higher up, but the Jews that are lower down. How low? Literally the hem of his garments. That's how low we're talking about. The lowest level Jew. The one that makes a lot of noise must be a part of the Kohen Gadol going into the Kodesh Hakodashim.

17:56 If the Kohen Gadol goes into the Kodesh Hakodashim and he goes without those bells, if he goes without the bells on the hem of his clothing, those Jews that make noise could die. Because the whole reason that the Kohen Gadol goes into the Kodesh Hakodashim to begin with is to represent those Jews that aren't doing so well. There are some people. They only want to work with people that are doing well in their lives. I want you to know, it's like sometimes when you work with those types of talmidim, talmidot. It's like dunking when you're 10 feet tall. If you ever see teenage kids playing little tykes basketball in the basement, and all of a sudden they're like Shaquille O'Neal, these five foot ten Jewish kids are tearing down the rim on their six year old brother and getting up in their face. Some Jews are like that. There are guys out there who are just motivated, like they just do the right thing. They've always done the right thing. They come, they go to the best yeshivas, like all the things on their resume.

18:57 And there are rebbeim that only want to teach those guys. That's not the way a kohen gadol behaves. A kohen gadol behaves in a way when he comes into the Kodesh Gadol on Yom Kippur. He says, "My yeshiva is all of Klal Yisrael." I'm going to say something now. It's a pet peeve that I have. It's in my heart right now, so I'm going to share it with you. Please don't comment. Just hear for a second. In your life In your entire life There's only one time in your life where the Jewish community has a level of exclusivity. When it comes to your community, there are lots of different Jews in your community. There's lots of different Jews in your shuls. All types. Some are more observant, some are less observant, some are like this, some are like that. In your schools, growing up, in your elementary schools, there were lots of different types of girls.

19:53 Different levels of observance. In high school too. And after you leave Talmud Torah, you're going to go back to a community, and there's going to be lots of different types of Jews. The only time in your entire educational career where you have the notion of exclusivity. Is when it comes to the yeshiva and seminary year. Just listen carefully now. It's like did she get into the best sem? Did she get into the best yeshiva, or did she have to settle for one notch below? I want you to know. I'm saying this in a strong way because I think it's distorted Judaism. By Har Sinai Every single Jew was present. Hashem didn't go like this. I'm giving the Torah. So like, but listen You who are like the Aleph girls, like the best of the best, I want you on this side of the mountain. And you who are like the girls who like also need to be here, you go on this side of the mountain. It's not the way Klal Yisrael has ever operated in the history of the world. I grew up Baruch Hashem in a yeshiva that told us all the time, there's no such thing as elite Judaism.

21:03 And Rabbi Ben Dershowitz would give the shmoos over and over again. The best thing you could do is learn with a bachur that's weaker than yourself. Chesed was embedded into the vision of the yeshiva. It was part of the way we grew up. There was never a notion of exclusivity. Because there are certain Jews that have a Cohen Gadol type of attitude. And today we've created—again, I'm speaking not nicely, but I think it's important to say—today we've created this notion of elite Judaism. That there's a vision of a Cohen Gadol out there who doesn't have a hem of his clothing. In our yeshiva, in our seminary, we don't have those girls that make noise. We don't have those bells. Such a yeshiva can't go into the Kodesh Hakadosh and come out alive. If a yeshiva like that, if a seminary like that, goes into the Kodesh Hakadosh with no bells on their hem, with no Jews that are having issues in their lives, they go into the Kodesh Hakadosh and they die.

22:01 Because Jews only survive as a community, and a community means all types of Jews—some more observant, some less observant, some more passionate, some less passionate—but there is no such thing as a kohen gadol that doesn't include even the lowest members of Klal Yisrael. And when I say lowest, I don't mean they're lower in the sense of like less than. I mean in their observance, where they're holding in this moment, they have a fictitious aspect to their lives. So this pasuk we've been learning appeared to be technical. It's not technical at all. This tells us fundamentally what it means to be a Jew. A Kohen Gadol in the holiest moment of the holiest time of year in the holiest place. When he walks in as a representative of all of Klal Yisroel, not just those Jews that don't make any noise, but including those Jews that do.

22:50 Now we have a question. What's with the pomegranates? What's with the apples? And what's with the spacing of the pomegranates and the bells? Remember those questions? So it goes like this. The Ramban says as follows: An apple is a decoration in the Mishkan. Why? Because an apple As we'll see soon, it is very different than a pomegranate. An apple tastes good from the peel all the way to the core. There's nothing separate in an apple. You eat an apple, the whole thing tastes good. The whole thing is beautiful. It's a beautiful decoration. But there's such a thing called a pomegranate. A pomegranate, as Chazal say Represent the lower level Jews. And the Gemara says about a pomegranate. The Gemara says that even the poshe Yisrael, even the lowest level Jews, those Jews that are doing a lot of veros They're full of mitzvos like a remon. How many seeds does a remon have? A tremendous amount of seeds.

24:08 One of the things that we have here in Eretz Yisrael, I don't know if you saw it this year. We have pomegranate trees. When you're walking in Ramat Eshamish, they have a park and they have stunning pomegranate trees. There's a certain time of the year where you see them, where you're walking by and you stop. You see these luscious pomegranates, and then at some point they open. That's how ripe they are. They open by themselves. Just see, maybe it depends on where it is, what the halachas would be of that particular place. You don't want to be over on Geneva. You see, there's tons of seeds in them. A pomegranate is full of seeds, but what does it represent? The posher Yisrael. It represents the lower level Jews. So there's two times in your life. If you want to be a decoration You can be an apple.

24:56 A decor is a beautiful decoration. You look at it, it's stunning. It's like you walk into a home and there's a beautiful picture. It's a stunning decoration. Everything about a decoration must be perfect. But then there's the pomegranates. Those are not decorations. You would never put up a pomegranate as a decoration. Because it represents the lack of beauty, the imperfections in our lives. Listen to what the Ramban says. The goal of a pomegranate is to be a vehicle for the bell. The bell fits inside of the pomegranate. It means as follows: You have a place in your life, a time in your life where you're imperfect. We'll call it high school. I'm not saying any of you. I'm just saying, if you know what I'm saying. Welcome back. They have the time of your life where you're a pomegranate. Is it beautiful? It's imperfect. It was maybe necessary. It's a stage of your growth, right? Even Eliyahu Hanavi. In order for Eliyahu Hanavi to get to the Kol Demamadaka, to get to that still small silent voice, what did he hear first?

26:03 First, he heard all the noise. Sometimes in your life, you need to hear the noise in order to get to the perfect. You need to be incomplete before you can be complete. Says the Ramban: the pomegranate is not a decoration. It's a vehicle. For what? It houses the bell. But ultimately, what is it? It's just stage one. It's stage one. It's not the ultimate goal. You messed around. You made some mistakes. You didn't do the right thing. What's the point? The point is, it'll be a springboard. Like they have these stories. The guys in yeshiva, right? What happens when it comes time for shidduchim? They say it like this. It's a beautiful thing. The way you want to hear how they say it, they go. He was Lebedik in high school, but then he sort of figured it out, and now he's a real Ben Taira. That's the way they say he was a lunatic in high school. Now Baruch Hashem, he's not as crazy. They have these stories, and sometimes you'll hear these inspirational things. This guy was mamish the biggest mashuga, but you should know that from his mashuganness. He used that same mashugeness to become a mashuga for Taira.

27:12 I heard once a story A beautiful story, and I'm not making fun of it. Beautiful, beautiful story. There was a boy who was in a certain high school, and the high school was a high school for Lebedik boys. And one day the Rebbe walked in, and the Rebbe had a big car, and he said that his wife used to drive the car. He had one of these big Yeshiva shavans, talking about the old school 1980s big Yeshiva shavans. He had a big family, Knei Nihara. And sometimes his wife would drive it, and she would swipe into the side of a building and lose the mirror. And so the rebbe lost his mirror. The boy walks in one day into the rebbe's she'er, and he says to the rebbe, "I just put a mirror on your car, just so you know. I know you lost your mirror, rebbe. I put a mirror on your car." The rebbe was a very smart rebbe, and he looks at the boy and he goes, "Where'd you take the mirror from?"

27:59 So the boy goes, 'He's like a thug kid. He goes, "Rabbi, don't worry about it. I took care of you."' So the rebbe understood he wasn't going to get it out of him, so he started teaching. And an hour into the shiur, the principal walks in, looks at this kid, and goes What'd you do with my mirror? " So the rebbe was like,"It's a true story." So the rebbe said, "So the rebbe said to the boy, he was like, 'What did you do?' He goes, 'Look, rebbe She's a great principal. But you're the rebbe. You needed a mirror. The rebbe, when he was telling the story, and it's a beautiful ma'ase, said, 'You should know that boy was a ganef.' But he still remained a ganav, but he's a ganav now for his time, and he's a bala mechaber of svarim, and he chops every minute, and he can mamish like he's still the same personality. And now he's channeling it for Tyra.

28:45 It's a very beautiful story. That's the story that Reb Bann tells. There's a time in our lives where we're mamish crazy, but from that craziness, we built this beautiful, perfect, whole, amazing thing. That's one pshat. The Rashi says the exact opposite. Rashi says there's another way of looking at this, and girls, this is what I'd like you to hear. There are times in our life where imperfection is just a vehicle to get to perfection, and there are times in our life when the perfection is the imperfection. When the imperfection is not about getting somewhere else, it's not about a vehicle to growth. It's being imperfect in this moment and knowing that that's also okay. Because when a person is in that imperfect moment, they have what? They have friction, and friction always means growth. So we look at ourselves and we say, "But Rabbi, you should know. I came to seminary and I was hoping that it was going to be like one of these like pomegranate monads. I was messed up, and now I'm perfect."

29:49 But I feel like I was this before, and I'm still struggling with this. And whatever this is, it doesn't matter. Maybe it's getting up in the morning for davening. Maybe it's making brachos with more kavana. Maybe it's taking my yiddishkeit seriously. Maybe it's how I act diff or don't act diff, right? Whatever things are going on, right? There are things that we're still struggling with, and we're looking at ourselves going, "I'm a failure" Because I'm still struggling with this thing And that is wrong. There's no other way of saying it. That's wrong. Rashi comes along to tell you the pomegranate is not just a decoration. This pomegranate It's part of this whole cycle. It's part of this whole making noise time of your life. It means you're imperfect, and that's beautiful. Because as long as you're in that state of making noise, it means you're alive.

30:40 Who says that Hakadosh Baruch Hu gets more nachas from the girl that wakes up in the morning and goes to daven beautifully with kavana and she holds her sitter? I love how you girls hold sitter. This is like my favorite thing. It's like the holding the elbow, you're holding the elbow. I'm all made up. So the truer I am, the more made up my sitter is because I'm just my mascara is all over. Who says Who says that our Kadosh Baruch Hu gets more nachas from that davening? Than he does from the girl Who's really struggling to wake up in the morning And maybe comes late to daven And maybe daven's a quick shmona esrei, and maybe it's just And three minutes later she's done, but at least she davened. And at least she struggled And maybe the next day she doesn't wake up for davening at all, and maybe she feels bad about it. The next day she does, the next day she doesn't, and then she goes two weeks without, and then one week yes. Back and forth, and she feels like she's saying, "I don't know. I came to this year, and it's like two steps forward, one step backward, and then it's three steps backwards and one step forward. And maybe I'm just like I feel like I'm constantly all over the place. And you feel like Hakadosh Baruch Hu gets no machas from you."

32:04 Rashi says that's not true. There's perfection within the imperfection. There's beauty within your imperfection. What's the beauty? The struggle is the beauty. Remember, what does Hakadosh Baruch Hu want in this world? Hakadosh Baruch Hu desires to have a dwelling place in the world down below. What does down below mean? It means in your struggles, not in your imper, not only in your perfections, in your imperfections. Imagine you were in a relationship, but you only told your husband about your good stuff. That's not a relationship. What's more beautiful, a relationship that has no issues, no strife, or a relationship that has issues but the couple stays loyal to each other and they keep learning to figure out how they can come closer to each other and they never give up? What's more beautiful? Who's to say what's more beautiful? The Ramban says the struggles that you have in your marriage are only there to get you so that it can be perfect in your marriage, and there's truth to that. But Rashi says something that's also deeply profound for us. Rashi says there's beauty even in a couple that's struggling with each other because they're still searching how to find each other, and that's also beautiful.

33:13 I imagine, by the way, this is the second to last class we have this year. This till Pesach. I'll come back after Pesach. Relax. There's three more this week. I think there's only a Purim next week. Wait, two more weeks. There's two more after that. So let's say we only have three classes left. I imagine that some of you it's going to be okay even if I'm wrong. I imagine that some of you may feel like this year didn't go the way that you expected it to. I imagine that some of you feel perhaps like you fell short And that's not a comfortable feeling. I imagine that some of you will leave Tzomar Devora. And you will have a Yiddish kite. That is imperfect, with ups and downs. And maybe you'll come back to visit And maybe you'll be able to share with the girls life after sem In the bubble of Yerushalayim.

34:14 You survive to cheer them online. Yeah, let's say, yeah. And let's say you're not surviving. Let's say some people are acting in ways they thought they would never act again. And maybe you'll be five years out, and ten years out, and fifteen years out, and maybe life won't go the way you think it will. It doesn't mean that it's not beautiful, because there'll be a lot of beautiful things there, there'll be a lot of perfect things there, but there'll also be a lot of imperfect things there. Maybe your marriage will be awesome in some ways, and maybe less good in other ways. Maybe your kids will be amazing in some ways, and maybe they'll be difficult in other ways. Lots of things can happen in life. Maybe shidduchim will go easy for some of you, and maybe for some of you it will also be beautiful, but it'll be a ride. And that doesn't mean that it's bad. Other rabbi, there's beauty in the imperfection And the problem is that so many of us—and it's not that the ramban's shot is beautiful. The imperfections, he's right; they'll build you up to a place where things go better.

35:10 But the problem is that many of us only see life as the ramban, and we don't see life as Rashi. We don't say there's beauty right now in my struggle. We're all about, but when do I get to the part where it's perfect? Can you be content right now within the imperfection? Can you value the struggle? Can you appreciate the fact that even when you're not behaving as you know you should, there's still a part of you that yearns to behave differently and remains connected? It's a deeply unhealthy society that we create when we say only those Jews that have reached a level of perfection get to come into the Kodesh Hakadosh. Yeshivas and seminaries and camps—all of these things were built not just for one type of Jew, but for all types of Jews. If our yeshivas and seminaries, our Kodesh Hakadosh. Then they need to be for everybody.

35:57 If our homes are going to be homes that are kodesh kedoshim homes, then they need to be homes for all of Klal Yisroel. I want to finish with one story. There's a Rebbe in yeshiva. We were talking about a certain boy, long term. How could we help him? And he said to me I'm going to say a crazy thing. But this boy needs to go crash on the couch of this family. So I said, I don't know what that means. Who's this family, and what happens on their couch? So he said This family Their home is open to the people that don't have a home. And anybody can come and just crash on their couches. And the kids in that family, who also have their own pekalach, it's not like it's not always perfect But they grew up in a home And I'll call it a koying gadol home.

37:01 I'll call it a kodesh hakadoshim home. It's a home. The Rebbe used the word. I don't like the word so much that he used, but he means it in a beautiful way. He said they collect strays. They collect those Jews that are straying behind, that are outside of the lines. This home collects strays. If our homes. Are going to be places of life and not of death. Then they need to be places where we're inclusive. And we have to figure out and be creative about what we can do to make our homes more inclusive, to make our yeshivas and seminaries less elite. We are on the footsteps of Mashiach Mamish The final moments before Mashiach comes. What is Mashiach waiting for? I don't know the exact answer, but one thing I know is this: if we don't figure out how to be Kohanim Gedolim Girls, don't look to your rabbis or to your rabbisons or to your teachers to do this. You have to do this. It's on you to do now.

38:12 If we don't figure out how to change the dynamic, and this is an action, this is not theoretical. If when you leave this seminary, and you go back to America and you build your lives. If you come and you demand of your communities that the communities be open to all members of Klal Yisrael, if you say I need to be in a community where Kohanim Gedolim are walking around and the bells are making noise and they're still part of the garment, and we move with them into the Kodesh Gadol, only then will the community change. The community changes not because rabbis got up and said, 'Thou shall not do this.' The community changes when you demand that the community be different, and when you send your sons and daughters to yeshivas and seminaries and to beis yachovs and to whatever schools you're going to send to, you will have choices.

38:58 You could send to the elite. Or you could say, "I will not participate in this system anymore. I want to send my sons and my daughters to places that have standards." Of course, have boundaries. But I want my kids to be part of a community. If Rabbi Bender wouldn't have taken me in fifth grade Coming from a completely different type of school, having been thrown out of that school If he wouldn't have taken me in, and he had every right? Rabbi Bender could have said, "I'm sorry, your standards in your home are different than the standards in our community." He could have said that. Rabbi Bender could have said that But then I wouldn't be here talking to you. If Rabbi Bender would have said, if Matt Berg comes to Darche, what's going to be with Rabbi Blumenkrantz's son, who was in my class? What's going to be with Rabbi Pitter's son, with Rabbi Wilner's son, with Rabbi Dicker's son? There were a lot of rabbanim's kids in my class.

39:56 And I was coming from a very different home. In Darche, they were giving anti-television shmuzin, and my father was the president of the Syndicated Network Television Association. He could have not taken me, but then I for sure wouldn't be here talking to you. So we could sit here and we could say, but it's a risk, and you know what? It's true. Kids are influential, and I'm not Chassidish. I'm denying that. But if we sit here and we narrow the community more and more, and we squeeze people out of that inner sanctum, what do you think is going to happen to the people that we squeeze out? How many gems are making noise, begging to be allowed in? Do we open our arms to them? Do we open our hearts to them? Do we open our homes to them? I wonder. I wonder if Hakadosh Baruch Hu gets nachas from a family that says only these siblings are allowed in the house.

40:58 It's hard to imagine that's what gives Hakadosh Baruch Hu nachas. Hard for me to imagine. It's hard for me to imagine that Hakadosh Baruch Hu wouldn't want his sons and daughters. To reach out to those other sons and daughters who are making noise and say, 'It's okay. The noise that you're making now, it's beautiful. There's a tension there, and we appreciate what you're going through.' That's not what Hakadosh Baruch Hu wants from us. If we're going to bring Mashiach, we're going to have to learn how to include everybody. And it's not something that happens because rabbis got up. It's something that happens when you're dating, and your husband asks you, or your future husband asks you, and he says, 'What do you want your chinuch to look like?' You say, 'I want to raise a home of passionate Jews. I want my kids to really love Yiddishkeit, and I want them to love all of Klal Yisroel.'

41:51 That's fundamental to the mission. That's not ancillary. It's not like they'll love Klal Yisroel. We're allowed to be different from each other. But we have to figure out how to live together, and we're not yet doing that. How many phone calls? How many phone calls? I spoke. I don't want to say. I can't say any details. I spoke to one of the most choshev rabbanim in America this week. I had the privilege of speaking to him for 25 minutes. I can't say his name. I can't give you any of the details. But he was talking to me about a girl that didn't get into a seminary. And why didn't she get into a seminary? Because of her brother. Because her brother had a journey. Baruch Hashem, he's doing very well in the place that he is right now. But because he went through a journey, it puzzled the sister. And the sister came crying to this rav.

42:40 She came crying to this rav, and she said, "I resent my brother." I resent my brother. He gave a bad name to the family. And this rav told me that he called the head of this seminary And he said to her, "I want to know where you were." Thirty, forty years ago, on the day of acceptances, I want to know where you were. You were so perfect. I want to know where all of your siblings were. Everything was fine in your family. We figured out how to make it narrower and narrower. It's the exact opposite of the Judaism that I grew up in the 80s. It used to be that we were running around and telling Jews, 'Leave public school, come to yeshiva. We'll take care of you. We'll do whatever we can for you.' And now we made it like. Come, but not so close. You go over there.

43:29 This brings that kadosh baruch hu nachas. Hard for me to believe But the good news is we're changing it. There are people in the world right now that are refusing to participate in the diseased nature of the system. There are people getting up and saying, "No, I won't participate in that." My kids are awesome, and they're going to be next to kids that are struggling. I'm confident in the chinuch that I gave in my home. One of the most choshev rabbanim in the five towns. His son was my brother's best friend growing up. And he had long pios. And they would go rollerblading together. And my father would call this kid the rollerblading rebbe. When he would rollerblade down the street, his pios would fly behind him like racing stripes. My brother did not have long pios. He had pios like on his head. This boy had long pios.

44:21 I want you to know this boy. He grew up in my house. This rabbi's child grew up in my house. Many, many years later, I went to this rav Who I considered to be one of the most holy people that I've ever met in my entire life. And I said to him, Rebbe You weren't nervous to have your son growing up in my house with all that was going on. Remember, this is the 80s. And he smiled at me and he said I was very confident in the chinuch that I gave my child. I know what I'm saying now is controversial. I know people will hear this and they'll be upset. Don't you understand the challenges of today? I'm not ignorant. I promise you. I spend my entire life talking to people who are struggling with the challenges of today. But I'm proud to say that in our yeshiva There are boys in different shirim. They have different needs, and some boys are struggling on this level, some boys are struggling on that level, and some boys are pushing amazing. And I think all of them being together is awesome. And so we're changing. And you girls have to be part of the change. We're going to do better, but it's going to happen from girls like you. Girls have a fridah and perm and beautiful Shabbos.