Terumah - "I" Am Working On Myself

2:04 so right now a person could come to rely on iron domes, which Baruch Hashem we have, but it's an instrument of Hakadosh Baruch Hu and I'm sure you all saw that video from Uri Polachowski who's a very old friend of mine he did like a 14 minute video that went viral in Esha Torah when he spoke about all the literally, the nisim guluyim that are happening in the world right now, for sure that video is 100% true and I think that, Rav Uri did an excellent. excellent job of saying we have to give shavach v'haydayah to Hakadosh Baruch Hu and of course it goes without saying today the things that go without saying need to be said that we also have to have, to the vessels that Hakadosh Baruch Hu has created and those people that are sacrificing themselves and that are being Meisur Nefesh to do it. So we can walk in Shugam at the same time. We can be Makartov to human beings that put their lives on the line without losing sight of the fact that Hakadosh Baruch Hu is in fact running the world.

3:07 So, I just also want to share that Barry and I did not speak before this shiur. And what that means is usually I get a shtickl podcast from Barry. She said, I need two minutes from you. I've never once had two minutes with Barry. That's what I love about her. What Barry does is before, she goes, Rav Berg, we need to speak before. This is the most important Chizuk mission we've ever had. By the way, that's true every single time. And she says, we need to talk about the theme. And she has like something in her heart that she wants to bring out. And she doesn't exactly know what it is, but she has a lot of words around it, if you know Barry. And she speaks out all these words. By the way, I just realized, you know what this is? That was an ADHD moment. You know what this is? It's the first time I'm speaking here in the Chizuk mission without a Barry introduction. It's the first time Rav Gav never made it into a Berg Chizuk mission speech. So Rav Gav, if you're listening to this recording, I just want you to know you're present in my heart.

4:09 So usually what Barry does is she speaks around for like 15, 20 minutes. And then she says, do you know what I'm looking for? I go, I know exactly what you're looking for. And because I heard enough words. You know, like they have like those word boards where it's like how many times was a word used. So I just kind of pay attention for the words. Here, Barry and I didn't speak. For a bunch of reasons. I was very busy. I was like, oh, I don't know what I'm looking for. She was very busy and so I prepared a shiur and then Barry said to me we should probably talk as I already prepared the shiur. So I don't know what the theme of this chizuk mission is.

4:41 She sent me like a one-liner on WhatsApp but I told her I know that it's going to be perfect because this is mamish coming from Hakadosh Baruch Hu. I prepared without talking to you, you've prepared a chizuk mission without speaking to me. So what is about to happen may have nothing to do with the chizuk mission, may have everything to do with the chizuk mission. Next Monday, just drop me a line and let me know how we did. But I won't know until then if the words that we're about to share and learn together have anything to do with what this chizuk mission is about. Okay. I want to talk about the menorah in this week's parasha. The Pasek says, I'm getting older also, I need to take off my glasses. You should make a menorah of pure gold. The menorah shall be made of hammered work. Its base, its stem, its goblets, its knobs, and its flowers are all one piece. Okay, so if we look carefully at the Pesach,

5:45 we see that there's two movements in the Pesach. The first movement in the Pesach is that you shall make a menorah of pure gold. This implies action on the part of Moshe Rabbeinu. The very next words seem to contradict the words that came before it. That the menorah shall be made of hammered work. So it's like, is Moshe Rabbeinu making it, or should it be made? Which one of those two things? So there's actually two modes of existence that are around, and it's a little bit of an ontological share, but there's two modes of existence that exist around this pasuk. There's... The avodah of becoming, which is like constructed reality. Constructed reality means something that's brought into existence through human activity. I'm making something. I'm doing something.

6:52 There's a becoming, and I'm actively engaged with the becoming. There's action, there's effort, there's cause, there's effect. I do X, Y occurs. So from this mode of existence, existence emerges through a process. I'm engaged in a process. I think most of us think about our own becoming as I am in process and I'm working on myself. You've used these words before? I'm working on myself. Perhaps what we're going to learn is that might not be everything it's cracked up to be. In fact, that gufa might be a problem. So there's, and there are, there are this space in our world for human creation. A person made the shtender. That means they took certain materials, they went through certain processes. There was a hammer, there was nails, there's a shtender. That's how we make things in this world. But there's another level, not of becoming, but of being. Being, this process of being is much more feminine than masculine.

7:57 Being is not so much about creating reality, but it's more about revealing reality. There's a reality that's already present, and all I'm trying to do is reveal what already is. Does this make sense? We'll speak it out a little bit more. It's almost like this reality emerges. There's not so much of a process involved. There's much more of a removing the obstructions. to allow what already exists to become visible. Does that resonate? Yeah, an unveiling, a revelation. It's like this thing already exists. I just haven't yet seen it in the world. We tend to think of the things we do in this world as discovery. That's a very good word, actually, to discover. It already was there. I'm just discovering it. I'm removing the cover. Yeah, I like that word, to unveil the reality.

9:01 There's no process involved. The only thing that I'm doing is actually stepping out of the picture in a certain sense to allow the reality to emerge. I happened to say this last night to my children. One of my kids, I don't know exactly how it came up. I know how it came up. A seminary girl said that Columbus discovered America in 1992. And one of the Rebbeim who heard this said, I was born in 1981 in America. I don't think that that's true. she meant to say 1492. And I said, I'm like, you know, I don't actually think it's true that. America was discovered in 1492. That's a very, that's actually a really, like, not nice way of thinking. Like, there were people that were living there. And like, they showed up, we discovered you. And it's like, no, we've been here the whole time. You didn't know about us. We already knew about America way before you came. And we're doing fine. But we don't really know what sales are. So sure, we'll sell it to you. And then that's how America came to be. Okay, so the domain of this world is given over to human activity. But the domain of the divine reality is not given over to human.

10:10 activity. I can't make the divine happen. That's not the way revelation occurs. I can't make, for example, Nivua occur. Nivua is something that comes from a higher order of reality, and Nivua is something that can be revealed in this world only through, not the process of becoming, but only through the existence and the emergence of being. So it's almost like I'm stepping out of reality and allowing a higher order of reality. to manifest itself in this world, or to reveal itself in this world. So far so good? Yeah, being, becoming, human activity, process, action, cause and effect, versus the revelation, the unveiling of what already is. Okay, so far so good? Yeah. So you gave the example of Nivua. Okay, so yeah, let's see, because I think it's going to emerge that Nivua might be the highest level of being, but in truth, I think you're already kind of seeing where I'm going, that all divine reality can only come into the world through being, and then we have to understand, then, what is the role of becoming vis-a-vis being? What am I meant to do, right? Okay, so it goes like this. Is the menorah something that Moshe creates, yeah?

11:37 Is Moshe Rabbeinu working, so to speak, on making a menorah, or is the menorah something that already exists, and it's simply waiting to be revealed, yeah? That's a good question. Let's make it a little bit deeper. Does form originate from above or below? When we speak about formation, like think of yourself like a sculptor, right? When we think about form, does form originate, we're going deep today if you haven't realized, does form originate from above or below? So either, there are only two options, either form is imposed on matter from the outside, or form emerges from within the matter itself. And so if you speak to a sculptor, right, what would a sculptor say? That form actually emerges from within matter itself. In fact, the Avodah, you want to say it again? No, no, I was just thinking. See, for me, Michelangelo is a ninja turtle. What's the quote from Michelangelo.

12:53 I don't know exactly, but that he saw the person in... He saw David. He saw David in the rock. He got his skull and just chiseled it. Correct. I think that's the way that the great artists see it. It's almost like it's already there, it just has to come through me, and then I have to almost step back to allow it to emerge from the negative space, right? Is there like a potential? What was that? Is there like a potential? Yeah, there's the potential for the David already to exist within the stone, and my avoda is to chisel away anything that's excess to allow it to emerge from within the form itself, right? And so that's not always true, right? For example, if I'm building a bridge, right? I can't like... I can't step back to allow the bridge to appear. No matter how much you step back, a bridge will not appear, right? So that would be the realm of human activity. I'm going to assemble all of these parts to create something that does not yet exist, right? As opposed to, let's say, art, which is much more in the realm of being than doing, right? Where I'm actually stepping back and allowing the art to emerge through me.

14:03 I'm simply the vessel, the conduit. But I have a Talmud, a very, very dear Talmud, who's right now becoming a pretty well-known musician in the Jewish world. Very young guy. His name is Gabe Bauman. Some of you may have heard of his music. Your children certainly have, or your grandchildren. And he speaks to me a lot about, like, I just never know when it's going to come. You know, like songs emerge. I don't know if you, Ty, I think just yesterday released a new song. I spoke to him once, and he said to me, I don't release a lot of songs. I only release, like, I think... releases like it looks like one a year basically right um and it's because he's not doing what everybody else is doing which is just like how much music can i put out you ever get the sense that there's like almost like a race with jewish musicians today like i have to keep myself relevant so i need to constantly be putting out the next song even if that song is bashing a different movement than claudia so then we're going to have a song that bashes that bashing you know i'm saying i'm not i'm not entering into the world right now that's i have a lot to say on.

15:07 that but not for right now but the idea that i have to like be in this arms race of producing music by definition the music that you put out that way it's not going to be the music that's actually going to hold anyone, Yeah, because I've not actually allowed the music to emerge. I can't do music. I can only be music. Like what Avraham Malach said about tefillah. Tefillah, he said, va'ani tefillah. Tefillah is not something that I do. It's not something that I create. It's something that I am. Tefillah is something that emerges from within us. It's one of the reasons we have so much trouble with davening today. Because davening was always meant to be something that emerges from within us. We made a very big mistake. This is not a podcast about tefillah. But we made a very big mistake when it came to davening. We taught our children, and frankly, we ourselves have to unlearn how to use a sitter. A sitter was not something that you were supposed to daven to, right? And people do that, by the way.

16:08 They literally daven to the sitter. Like, what do you mean? I said all the words, right? Like, it's not, you would never act that way, right? Imagine an actor got up on stage and read the words of the script that he memorized. That's not what makes a great actor or actress great. What makes them great is the exact opposite of that. They know all the words, but the words flow through them, right? So the Anche Canessa Sagadola understood that our access to the words of our soul became limited after the destruction of the Besa Mikdash. So they gave us the words that we no longer had access to. But the whole point of davening was to connect those words to what's actually happening inside of us and allow the tefillah to emerge from within. Instead, we taught people the sitter and the motions of what they're supposed to do and when they're supposed to bow, right? And then the guys and girls are saying, I just don't find davening meaningful. Of course you don't. you right and then we say that the good boys and the good girls are the ones that daven well yeah i mean those are just very obedient children and there's something beautiful to being obedient but i'm not sure what that has to do with davening because they're very good at showing up and saying.

17:15 words so good for you and it is good for you that's awesome because you have the opportunity now to daven but we we're not necessarily taking that next step towards like we it's a it's an amazing thing when people like i'm getting into buddhism because i really and i'm like why well i want to become much more like contemplative and i want to meditate and i really want to be present and mindful like you know we have things in yiddish that like well before the idolatry of buddhism like introduced these concepts to the world but we moved so far from being that we've. actually taken things that are meant to be in the world of being and we've made them into the world of doing and then we wonder why it doesn't work right same thing with shabbos, We've turned Shabbos into a break from technology. What was Shabbos 200 years ago? What was Shabbos before we had phones? That's when people went crazy. I was so, I'm not making a commentary on Charlie Kirk here. I'm just saying, like, Yidden were walking around going, do you know Charlie Kirk keeps Shabbos? I'm like, what are you so proud of? We keep Shabbos. Goisha Shabbos is Chayiv Misa.

18:17 I'm not, like, what are we talking about here? But he's speaking about how we need to take a break from technology. I'm like, Shabbos is much more profound than the absence of technology. Shabbos is this contemplative, meditative time of 25 hours of stepping back from the world of doing and being a human being and how we connect in that space of I'm not doing anything. Literally anything that even schmecks of malacha, of creation in this world, is out of the picture. It has nothing to do with your phone. Why can't you say it's a quote. Yeah. You have to say it a lot of times.

19:08 but I don't I yeah but I want to be clear I don't I don't actually mean feelings here I mean something even more profound because even feelings can be in the world of doing, What I mean is a deep sense of intuitive presence, right? That's beyond what I feel, and it's beyond the feelings are a manifestation of that core sense of being. The doing is, and I think you're right, in that world, there's a synthesis for sure. But when we show up to daven, well before we feel anything, and well before we do anything, there's a sense of, I have arrived in this moment, standing before my maker, right? And that is not something that we are teaching our children, right?

19:53 Again, I think we're teaching it to them, but too late in life, right? These things need to be embedded. And again, these are very sophisticated concepts for a third grader. But at some point, and I want you to know, I think it's earlier than we think it is. People tell me you can't teach this. You can't teach concepts to high school kids. I don't think it's true. Every summer I teach NCSY Kowal kids, summer after 10th grade. I go around speaking to public school kids in TJJ. I speak to the girls on Giv and Michalelet, the boys on Jolt. These kids are thirsty, already somewhere after 10th grade, and my opinion is too late. We don't give enough credit to 6th, 7th, and 8th graders. for them to be able to do this, and we don't have an education that uses this type of language at an early enough stage. Again, I don't think a 3rd grader can handle it. I'm not sure a 6th grader can either, but maybe a 7th or 8th grader is already in the world of starting to understand things about themselves. You know what's so frustrating to me? I just got back from America. I was running around, Baruch Hashem, Chicago, Los Angeles, New York, New Jersey. It was a very busy trip. It's so sad that when you're doing interviews with these young men for yeshiva...

20:56 They have very little original thought. Very little original thought. They're just saying the same thing over and over again. You know, my best interviews are with the kids that have really gone through some stuff, and they show up to an interview so genuinely real. And some of these kids shared with me, like, real things, like real things on an interview. And I'm sitting there, I'm fascinated by them. And these kids think that it's a hindrance to them getting into Mufassara. One of them walked out with a vulnerability hangover, and he's like, I think I just messed up my interview. And I'm like, you just had the best interview of the entire week, because you were so real. And you could tell, because they're using real words. Like, one of the kids said to me, he's like, yeah, I really spend every single day, really trying to make conscious contact with Hashem. And I'm like... You're 17? I'm like, what have you been through? You know, like, how do you even know those words? Right? And then over the course of the interview, I found out. And I'm like, oh, this guy's going to be a rock star. Because he's already gone through some stuff. Because he went through some stuff. So now he had to learn these things that we're all learning in our, you know, 30s, 40s, 50s, and 60s.

22:02 And he's learning about Hashem at 16, 17 years old. Good for him. But why do we have to wait until things fall apart to teach our children this language that they desperately need? And that's why they're struggling with Yiddishkeit. Because what they're getting is the external manifestation of Yiddishkeit. By the way, I want to just drill down on a point you made. Part of the reason why our children go up and down so much in their Yiddishkeit is because they rise and fall with their emotions. And because even that, we teach them, like, first we teach them to do, then we teach them to feel, right? And that's like this hype. You know that kids use this word, everything is hype? Have you heard this word? Yeah? Rebbe, that's hype. It means like, it's like, it's like, yeah, like it's exciting, right? It's lit. That's gas, right? Right? I've learned all the words, yeah? I know what words mean when they say them. So, if you've heard lit, that's a good, this is lit, right? Yeah, it's an education.

23:07 But then they say, but I'm not into it, but I am into it, but I am into it, but I'm not into it, right? And they're constantly taking their emotional temperature. Why are they doing that? Because there's something even before their emotions, right? And there's a person who's a person present, firmly rooted in their own soil, right? So then, I have a feeling like this, I have a feeling like that. It's all just information, right? It's profound, it's painful, it's meaningful, right? They're going through things, but we know how to remain steady, right? As we're going through these emotional vicissitudes, because there's a deep sense of presence that we have well before we felt anything, right? And then, so I could feel those feelings, and I could process them. Or I could think those thoughts, and I could process them. It's all just grist for the mill. Today, it's like, how long can I stay emotionally high before I fall? And then with it, my observance falls as well, because I'm just living on the energy of my own emotion, as opposed to a deep sense of presence that precedes the emotion. Does that make sense? Okay. It requires the unfolding of the sense of self that they deeply have,

24:14 but they have not yet perhaps revealed or unveiled or cultivated. Right, exactly. It's not a whole lot. No, no, for sure, for sure. It's very, like I said, unfortunately these kids can reveal it, but only after they went through something. Then when they go through something, I have a friend who in his life suffered tremendously, and he told me within like a minute of meeting somebody, he knows if they've suffered. Like you can see it on their face if they're real, right? And because they just wear it differently, you know what I mean? So, yeah, so I definitely think a 15, 16-year-old kid has it. It's just a question of are we giving them the language or the tools to be able to reveal it within themselves? Yeah. And the challenge becomes that when you talk about that and there is no container to put it into.

25:15 Yeah, it's... Oh, yeah. First of all, again, I've said this before publicly, I'll say it again. People talk about Uridas Adoros. I have no idea what they're talking about. I posh don't understand it. It's Adormitsuyon. These kids are incredible. They're lifting much heavier weight than I was lifting when I was a kid. They're dealing with challenges that in a million years I never would have passed. If I was a kid growing up today, I absolutely would be a drug addict. I would absolutely be hitting my vape every second of the day. Like, these kids, they... And the fact that not everyone is doing these things, the fact that there's more liman atorah than ever before, there's more authenticity. I never would have spoken to my Rebbeim about the things that guys will speak to me about today. It is such an incredible generation. I don't hold my Rebbeim accountable, like everything it had to unfold. And the point you're making about the Shvir HaSakelim, when they go through it, because they've never been given the language, they don't know what to do with it, it's very painful. And yet, I think we all had to go through that. Really, on some level, the only way to learn these things, as much as we could teach them about it, until it becomes your lived reality, there's not really much you can do about it. So let's start to get a little deeper into this.

26:34 You give them the framework and help them to understand, but until they have some experience of it. A hundred percent true. Because these things, they're yoga moves. I can know it, but until I actually embed it deep in my muscle memory, there's real neural pathways that have to be shifted here. And that can only be done in a lived way. Up until then, it's academic. Right. Okay, let's see if we can get a little bit deeper into this. Why is it so important that the menorah be made of one piece of gold? That's like critical. We hear that over and over again in the psukkun. What's the significance? So assembly, by its very definition, means that there are parts that I'm imposing. It's beautiful music. Everyone's like, look, I like the music, yeah? It's just a ringer. Who cares, yeah? So that's okay. I don't know what it was about this moment that it required those things, but I'm all in there. So assembly requires composition. That's what I'm doing. It's like, I don't know, do people go to Ikea in America?

27:46 Here in Israel, everything is Ikea. I hate Ikea. I hate it. I hate every aspect of it. I like going to Ikea for scavenger hunts. I don't actually, you know, I don't like actually building a thing. And, like, just the whole thing seems to me to be very flimsy. forces. Yeah, exactly, exactly. The assembly assumes that form comes from the outside. I'm going to take this, I'm going to attach it to that, I'm going to take this, I'm going to attach it to that. The nature of having a menorah that comes from one piece reveals that the highest orders. of reality, because the menorah stands for wisdom, right? The highest orders of reality can't be assembled. Like that sculptor that we were talking about, it has to just remove everything away. That's why there's so many various parts of the menorah, but the menorah itself is fundamentally unified, right? The nature of true unity is that unity actually expresses itself in multitudes. right? We are many trying to become one. Hashem is one expressing himself in the many, right? So the nature of the menorah is that it has all these various parts, but it's really all one piece,

28:56 no assembly required. It's really just pulling back and allowing the menorah to emerge, which in a certain way kind of mirrors light itself, right? Like if you light a candle, where exactly did the flame come from, right? The flame appears from nowhere, right? There's only the striking of the match, right? And then all of a sudden the flame appears from nowhere. And what I'm really doing is just creating a vessel to hold that which almost appears from beyond, right? So that's kind of like what the menorah is. It's a vessel that appears from beyond. And this is actually what. Rashi says, although this Rashi is going to make our lives a little bit more complicated. Rashi says, what does it mean? What does it mean that the menorah was made? Because we're going to see in a second that Moshe Rabbeinu, we know, he was instructed to make the menorah, but at the same time we said the menorah was made. We've been drilling down on the menorah was made part, right? The being part of it, not the doing part. But how far does this being go? So listen to what Rashi says. The menorah happened by itself. Nobody actually made the menorah.

29:57 It kind of just appeared. What happened? Moshe Rabbeinu was struggling. He said, I don't know what to do with this. I don't know what to do with this thing. I don't know how to make this thing that you want me to make. So Amar La'al Kodesh Baruch Hu, ha-shlecha sa-kikar lo'ar, v'nasas me'aleso, throw it into the fire, and it'll appear on its own. And that's what happened. L'kach lo'o nechtov te'as. And that's why, at the end of the day, it's not that Moshe Rabbeinu makes the menorah. The menorah is made on its own. He throws it into the fire, and memela, it's made. But, yes, the obvious question is, what was that yeah yeah very good very good okay well let's see let's see we're going to see there's a fundamental difference so two questions i'm actually first of all what was so difficult for most ravenu to understand oh i mean make him an aura he doesn't know how to make him an aura by the way and everything else he knew how to make. Either they knew or they didn't know. There's nothing, it doesn't appear on the outside that there's anything more fundamentally different.

31:01 than the menorah, than any other aspect of the Mishkan that needed to be made. Number one. And number two, what's the whole point of Moshe Rabbeinu like, struggling over this? Why does Moshe Rabbeinu have to struggle over this? And then in the end, it's made on its own anyway. Well, if it's going to be made on its own anyway, why doesn't Hakadosh Baruch Hu just say throw the gold into the fire and the menorah will appear? It's almost like there has to be a process of Moshe Rabbeinu not understanding and then ultimately, relinquishing and saying, I don't know what to do. Let's just throw it in the fire. I'll make it. Well, why didn't you just do that to begin with? So what's going on over here? So let's talk about what was Moshe Rabbeinu having difficulty with. So what he was having difficulty with is like this. How can something exist, that must be made, but can't be made? That was what he was struggling with. How can something depend on human action, but not originate in human action? How can something exist that must be made, but can't be made?

32:04 I can make a bridge. I know how to do that, right? How can I make something that can't be made? What exactly am I supposed to do here? But he's being told, make something. But in the end, he can't make it. It must be made. It's from Hashem Himself, right? Right? So what exactly... Moshe Rabbeinu is struggling with, what is my role here? What am I supposed to be doing? Is there a role of doing that Moshe Rabbeinu is meant to be involved in? Right? Because that's what it sounds like. Normally, and this is what we spoke about before, there's action, right? There's becoming. And that produces an object. Here, the action must exist, but it produces no object, and yet the object is made. Moshe Rabbeinu doesn't know how that gap exists. How am I supposed to make something, pause, and then it's made? I know how to make something, and then it now exists. I know how to make that bridge. I know how to assemble these parts. But this is no assembly required. This is one thing. It's clearly coming from beyond.

33:07 It's a higher order of reality that's manifesting itself in this world. So what do you want me to do here? What is my role in doing? Now, this is not just a question of Moshe Rabbeinu and the menorah. I imagine that you're already seeing where I'm going. This is every one of us. Where does the divine order of reality come into play? Because ultimately, we are making ourselves, right? But we all know that as much as we make ourselves, in a certain way, we emerge from beyond. Right? It's like, like we said in the beginning, I'm working on myself. Really? Just tell me how that goes. Play it out. I'm working on myself. I'm working on my anger. So tell me exactly what you're doing. Well, I'm counting to 10. How's that working for you? By the time 10 comes around, I'm furious. Yeah? I'm working on my jealousy. What exactly are you working on? What does that mean? Has any of us actually ever worked on something to notice that we no longer have that.

34:09 thing anymore? I don't think that's ever once happened to any of us. We've done something, then there's a pause, and then something else emerges. So actually, the human process of becoming and being, it perfectly mirrors this process of the menorah, both becoming and being. And Moshe Rabbeinu wants to understand the depth of that. What does working on ourselves mean? What does working on ourselves mean? What does working on ourselves mean? What does. working on ourselves mean. It's funny you say Lashon Hara, because I think that's probably the single best example I could have given. So let's play this out. So I have this taiva to say Lashon Hara, and I'm working on myself, so I suppress the Lashon Hara that I want to say, which is meaningful. I'm not saying it. And yet, I would say two things, at least for me. that Lashon Hara is just coming out eventually, right? It's like that suppressed anger. It may not come out in this conversation.

35:22 It may not come out in the next conversation, but eventually I'm going to slide right back into it. I've been working on my Lashon Hara for a while. It appears to me that it's difficult to stop saying Lashon Hara, right? And even if I wouldn't say Lashon Hara for a thousand times in a row, which would certainly be meaningful, why do I still have that innate desire to say Lashon Hara? And what would it look like within myself to work on myself to the degree that I wouldn't have that Taiva to say Lashon Hara? So when we say working on it... You can use the expression work. Well, is that right? Exactly, but I'm trying to figure out what is that work, right? So because people talk about shifting consciousness, but at the end of the day, I keep making these shifts. Within me, there's like an active process that I'm going through, and yet I still have that Taiva. So you could say that Taiva is fundamental to your being, but what if it wasn't? What if there was a way of, quote-unquote, working on ourselves that would be fundamentally a different type of work that would make a radical shift that we wouldn't make at all,

36:22 where we would be allowing a higher order of divine reality to express itself through us, right? That might be a completely different vision of working on ourselves. By the way, this is the Alcoholics Anonymous model of working on yourself, which is a totally different model. Yeah. I just wanted to say, this struggle that Moshe Rabbeinu had to get from here to here, I mean, I feel like that's what we all go through all the time. We know that what's going to happen is going to happen. We also have a bodha, as that come together. Exactly. And then what is the point of actually doing everything is going to happen anyway. Yeah, exactly. I feel like that's my whole life. in a nutshell. that's my whole life in a nutshell too I think this is what this, parasha is trying to teach us, that's what we're here for, like on the chizik mission in the world in this world, but again, but when we, but again but what if working through it is the problem not just the way that we're working through it but the notion of working on it is the problem there is a level of doing.

37:40 but what if we don't know exactly where the boundaries are and as a result we're doing more than we ought to be which is why we're not being the way we were meant to be, so this is not obvious last question I need to finish up they want you to go to some spot and I definitely don't want to stand between women and a spot. if I'm hearing you correctly what is sort of the difference between sort of being around and not being told, So you're saying, get things out of the way, so that what exists can come forward naturally. And also, there is some effort, even in Moshe Rabbeinu's case here, there is some effort, there is a Hishnablus, and the process that that ignites is hidden. But it's necessary. Critical. Moshe Rabbeinu, at the end of the day, still has to throw the gold into the fire. Right. Right. So where Moshe Rabbeinu struggles... He still has to ask the question. Right, exactly. So most of us are in the question phase. That's where we are. We're in the struggle, and Moshe Rabbeinu is modeling for us what human existence looks like. We're in the struggle of figuring out, how am I supposed to make something that cannot be made? Ultimately, the conclusion that Hashem teaches Moshe Rabbeinu is, your job is to throw it into the fire.

38:57 And I will make it. So now let's unpack what that is. So it goes like this. The menorah always existed. Moshe Rabbeinu's job is to allow the menorah to emerge. When Moshe Rabbeinu throws the gold into the fire, that does not create the menorah. It just now allows the menorah to be visible. But he did work. What was the work, though. Throwing it into the fire. Right, exactly, but not more than that. The work is throwing it into the fire. Now, we're going to unpack exactly what that means. But he didn't do anything more than that. Until he throws it into the fire, he lives in the tension of that ontological tension of being and becoming. But then Hashem gives him the answer. Your job is just to throw it in the fire. And now the thing that always existed just becomes visible. In other words, there was always a menorah. From shesheshim ebereshes, a menorah always existed. Moshe Rabbeinu, your job is to throw it in the fire.

40:01 And now I'm going to show you what's always been. Almost like Hagar and the river, right? Like, there was always a river there. She just couldn't see it, right? It just had to become visible. Okay, why fire? What does it mean to throw something into the fire? What fire does is fire returns matter to its undifferentiated state. right everything in this world in the physical world is in a state of differentiation right this chair is different than this chair is different than this chair what happens when you throw it. all into the fire it's not it dissolves right it returns to its most basic primal form of matter where it's totally undifferentiated in other words the gold, Until Moshe Rabbeinu threw it into the fire, it was shaped by human intention. It was Moshe Rabbeinu trying to figure out, how can I make this thing? When he throws it into the fire, what he's doing is he's releasing it from all human intention, right? Or to put it a little bit differently, as long as the gold remained under the control of Moshe Rabbeinu,

41:09 it was too much his authorship. Moshe Rabbeinu was the author of the story of how I will make a menorah. And the authorship is what stands in the way of the revelation of the menorah. That's what's critical. The problem is the ego that ascribes itself as, I am the author of this thing. I've signed my name on it, so to speak. At the end, right, the artist signs their name on the painting, right? That authorship is the problem. When we relinquish authorship is when... When the deeper form emerges. This is the humility of Moshe Rabbeinu. The humility of Moshe Rabbeinu is to struggle, and then to ultimately recognize my job, the work is to let go. So when we talk about working on ourselves, there's a paradoxical nature to working on yourself. We think working on ourselves is this very active thing that I'm doing. When in reality, working on ourselves is relinquishing the authorship over our lives.

42:14 And people think, but am I, what do you mean? I'm in control of myself. Are you? Like, are you genuinely in control of yourself? This famous line from Alcoholics Anonymous, like, you have to recognize you're an addict. If you could have stopped, you would have stopped. The fact that you can't stop tells you that you're not the author of this story. You're not in control of this part. So what do you have to do? So this is the first steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. You have to let go and let God. I have to recognize that only God could heal me in this place. So the work, when we talk about working on ourselves, and this is why that Lushen Hara example is so good. What I can do is I can suppress my Lashon Hara. I can come into a greater contact with Avas Yisrael. So I can make certain meaningful shifts. I'm not minimizing it, but that's not actually the work. The work is letting go of the need for me to control this part and giving it over to Hashem. Because at some point, I can't make this. But it's critical that I take ownership over throwing it into the fire.

43:17 My job is to let go. Now, just in case you think that's easy, try it. If what you think I'm saying is like, okay, so I'll just let go. Go ahead, give it a shot. just try. Spend a week just trying to let go. You will notice as soon as you try to let go that the following voice will come up within you. If you let go, it's never going to happen, right? Because that authorship that we take is a form of control. What we call working on ourselves is very often our own ego. And that's actually what keeps us entrenched in the problem. So there's a paradox of all these people that are working on themselves and they're further, by the way, that deep breath that some of you just took. I love that. Thank you. Yeah. I'm with you on that journey. I'm working on myself. There's that I that's in the beginning of that sentence. I'm working on myself. I'm owning this. I'm in control of this. No, you're not. You're not in control of others. You're not even really in control of yourself. The only thing that you're in control of is to step back and to allow Hakadosh Baruch Hu to make the miracle to heal you. That's the work. The work is to throw ourselves into the fire.

44:23 Exactly, that's the Bechira. And by the way, you see this everywhere. It's what the Gemara says, right? The Gemara says, if somebody comes along and they say, I worked hard, but I didn't find success. Or, I didn't work hard and I found success. I'll come in. Don't believe that guy. I worked hard. What does matzasi mean? And it happened. If you worked hard, then you earned it, right? No. You worked hard in learning. You became the vessel through which Hakadosh Baruch Hu could fill yourself up with Torah. So you have these guys in yeshiva that are working very hard. Ha-halavai. Halavai, right? Working very hard to become a Kli, that's awesome. Working very hard to become, it doesn't work. What does it mean? There are guys that work very hard in yeshiva and they understand every blot gemara, but there is something missing. And what's missing is that humility. Because there's still a lot of authorship over that.

45:24 Look at this thing that I did. I'm the top boy in shiur. I understand everything. I hazard a thousand times and now I could repeat it by heart. You may know all of this Torah, but you're a professor of Rambam. You're a professor of Rashi. It doesn't suffuse you because that's something that's matzahsi. And that's about becoming a vessel. So I think the best way of thinking about this is as follows. Moshe's efforts to produce a menorah don't produce a menorah, they produce Moshe. Right, because the work here wasn't for Moshe Rabbeinu to make a menorah. The work that he did was to produce a Moshe Rabbeinu that could step back to allow the menorah to be made. So the fundamental shift was in Moshe Rabbeinu himself. Does that make sense? Perhaps that's what it means, that when Moshe Rabbeinu wrote the Torah, the Shekhinah was medaber es mitoch grono, that the Shekhinah spoke from within Moshe. What does that mean? It means in a certain sense he was the menorah.

46:30 It's the same way the menorah contains the light, Moshe Rabbeinu contains the Torah. He's the vessel that contains the Torah. How does he become that vessel? Moshe Rabbeinu is anav mikol adam. He's the ultimate in humility, the ultimate in the recognition that I can't make this happen. I can only make myself into a vessel that could receive it. Whether Hakadosh Baruch Hu will give it to me or not, I have no control over. But to the degree that I know that I have no control over it, that's exactly how successful I'll be. So there's an inverted reality. Actually stepping away from the need to control and make it happen is paradoxically what makes it happen. And every moment that you're conscious, I'm stepping away. Why isn't it happening? Well, because you're asking yourself, why isn't it happening? It's like when the Mishnah Nevo says, if you run away from Kavod, Kavod will chase after you. So there are people that are running away from Kavod, but they're looking backwards the entire time, going, no, chase me. What do you mean? I'm so humble, I've stepped back. How come it's not happening? As long as we're asking ourselves the question, how come it's not happening, it will never happen.

47:31 Because we're standing in that space, we're not allowing Hashem to fill up that vessel. Our own ego is the problem. So I'm working on myself is exactly the problem. Absolutely. Yeah. Drugs, the addictions, the whatever. Yes, absolutely, absolutely. They're much more primed. Because they struggle much more with the question than we ever did growing up, they're much more in that state of moshabinu, having difficulty not knowing how to do it. They actually arrive, I think, in a more profound way at the recognition that they can't. And the fact that they can't is what humbles them, and the humility becomes the vessel that actually heals them. And how we can. And we can do that by doing exactly the same thing. Only for them to help them. Yeah, but we do it by not helping them, right? Our need to help them is our need to help them, right? We just turn radically inwards and say, I cannot make my child whatever I want to make him. No child has ever been assembled by a parent.

48:58 No, but I mean the tools. Yeah, and the tools would be for our children to see us going through that process and the humility to give them that space. Yeah. It reminds me of Rabbi, it ties right into what Rabbi David Ehrman said a few years ago. He said, Hashem only exists in the present. And the entire point of what he was saying is, but only when we're present do we make the opening for all potentiality. When we're trying to control the outcome, we're not present. What he was saying is. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, listen, anytime I'm, anytime I said something that Rabbi David Aaron says, I'm good. Yeah. Yeah. I was just gonna say the reason that kids, anybody who goes through something gets there quicker is because the faster you come to the realization that you're not in control of anything, you have to let go because you don't have a choice. Right, exactly. So there's so much out of their control. So let go. Yeah, that's why because exhaustion is actually the greatest gift. When I'm so tired of trying to make it happen. And I finally.

50:02 relinquish control is when it actually happens. By the way, the that that just what happened now in the room when I said that the fact that that resonated is the biggest proof. The fact that 100% of the people in this room just went like this. Yeah, I'm exhausted. Yeah. Well, when you say hishtadlus, what do you mean? No, it doesn't. That's exactly... It's not a lot. In other words, the answer to your question or the form, the answer is there. Where the shidduk's coming from, what school your child's going to get into, X, Y, Z. The question is, you have to do... People could say, I'm going to daven, and that's your shadlus. Yeah, they could. Or I'll make two calls, or I'll make one call. But then you have to step back and say, it's not in my control. It's the age then. You have to have that in your mind, and the answer will emerge.

50:58 Would you mind if I push back on that a little bit? Please. Because I'm actually not sure I agree with that. Okay. When you make that phone call for that shidduk, it's not then I have to step back. I had to step back before I made the phone call. You couldn't have done that right away, but you can't cross the street without looking. You still have to look. Yeah, but let's stay in the shidduk question for a second. Because that's where it's really hard, right? I'm making that phone call. And what most people do, I think, is express it exactly the way you did it. I'm calling that shadchan to say my daughter's in the parasha. I'm calling this person to find out what's going on behind the scenes. Is this a healthy boy? So I feel like I'm putting in my heshtadlus, period, and now emunah. Just the opposite. Emunah was way beforehand. I am not in control of my daughter's shidduch.

51:50 I am not in control of when it will happen and who will happen and how our marriage will play out. It is not my responsibility to control things that are beyond my control. It's barely even my responsibility to control things that are quote-unquote within my control. My job is to relinquish all forms of control from the very beginning. That's my first step. I'm throwing it into the fire. And that shidduch will come from a divine order of reality that is well beyond this world. Now that I've thrown it into the fire, when I make that phone call, it's absent that anxiety. It's absent that need of control. And I'm okay knowing that whatever happens is okay, will be okay. It's already exactly what it will emerge eventually to be. It's already here. It just needs to unfold and allow itself to be. But that's not together hishtadlis anymore. What we think of hishtadlis is this like, I control until end. That's it. Yeah, I know we really got to go. I control until X, and now Y. No, I control nothing. And the fact that I sat for so long in this space of trying to control it.

52:56 is what got in the way of allowing it to unfold. I have to finish because you have to go, and I also have to go, but I just want to say this. You're about to embark on a week of, quote-unquote, working on yourself, right? And I just want to say that there's a very big danger in the way that we frame this because it's like I came to Israel to work on myself for a week. Maybe the work is exactly the opposite. I came to Israel to get to that essential point of recognition. that I need to remove my own authorship from the process of working on myself and allow Hakadosh Baruch Hu to make the miraculous changes within me that will allow my true self to emerge. And so as you hear things this week that deeply resonate with you, I would only want to encourage you to step back and not to control the work, but allow the work to unfold.