Tazria-Metzora: Seeing The Complete Person And All Of Their Beauty

2:21 The Gemara tells us The Gemara in Baba Basra 165a says, Rav Yehuda says in the name of Rav Most people are guilty of thieving, of stealing. Most people steal even a little bit at some point. People borrow things and don't return. Some people are guilty of illicit relationships, inappropriate relationships, but everybody is guilty of lashon hara. And the Gemara clarifies. It doesn't mean necessarily regular lashon hara. Maybe it's only avak lashon hara, but everybody speaks lashon hara. How is that possible? It's like a everybody, and we know it to be true. People who would never steal are so machbid with every single penny. But maybe will speak lashon hara. What's the pshat in that? What's the drive? I thought about this for a long time. What is why is it so gishmak to say lashon hara? It's like I feel bad saying it like this, but there is a certain geschmack that a person has. Did you hear what happened there?

3:22 Right? There's something why? Why is that powerful? Why does that? Why is that something that drives us? It's a fascinating thing. So number one, the punishment doesn't seem to fit the crime. And number two, if it's in fact as bad as shvicha stam gilirais and avodah zara, why does everyone do it? What is the taiva behind avodah zara? Those are two questions they have so far. By the way, I'm not going to repeat the questions because you'll see it's going to be too many questions to repeat. Who diagnoses your tzaras? Let's again look at the pasuk because the words of the pasuk here are meaningful. Adam ki yeh ba'ar b'saros se'is osapachas obaheres. If a man has on him se'is osapachas or baheres V'haya ba'ar b'sarol lenegat tzaras, and he has on the skin of his flesh, and it forms. A nega tsaras, an affliction of tsaras. Listen to the words: Vehuva el Aaron haKohen The Echon is brought to Aaron haKohen or to one of Aaron haKohen's children. There's some interesting things here. It doesn't say he goes to the son of Aaron haKohen or to his sons. He has to be brought to him. Why does he have to be brought to him? Sounds like he has to be schlepped to Aaron haKohen in a certain way. That's interesting. So that's another question. Also, girls, this halacha is for all time. What happened after Aaron the Kohain passed away?

4:51 Who would they bring him to? To a Kohain. But it's interesting the way the Torah says it. It has to be Aaron the Kohain or one of his sons. What should the Torah have said? He should be brought to a Kohain this way forever. If somebody gets a rash, they're brought to a Kohain. That's not the way the Torah says it. It has to be brought to Aaron the Kohain or to one of his sons. So there's an emphasis here on the family of Aaron and Cohen, which are the Kohanim. But the family of Aaron and Cohen are the ones that diagnose tzaras. Why does it have to be brought to the family of Aaron and Cohen? What's unique about Aaron and Cohen and his children over here? That's another question. I think that's four. Let's say you have a Cohen who's an ama arutz. He's ignorant. He doesn't know the halachas of tzaras.

5:38 So let's say you get a negatzaras, you don't know what it is. You get some sort of affliction, some sort of thing on your skin. So you go to the kohen. This kohen is an ama aratz, but in the town where the kohen lives, there's a tremendous tamochachum, gadol ador. So what happens? So the kohen goes together with the guy to the gadol ador. The gadol looks at it, this tamochachum looks at it, and he says It's zaras. Is the show over? What the Tamchachem has to do? He has to tell the Kohain. Pronounce that it's Saras. It can only be the Kohain that pronounces that it's Saras. What type of halacha is that? It's a question of Mitzias. It's a question of what actually happened. Does he have Saras or does he not have Saras? If you go to a doctor and the doctor doesn't know, and you go to another doctor and the doctor knows, the second doctor knows. Do you have to have the first doctor proclaim that this is cancerous? As long as you now know what it is, you now know. So now follow the halachas of taras.

6:42 The tamachahem is not allowed to declare that it's taras. Only the kohen can declare that it's taras. That's a very strange halacha. It has to be declared by the kohen. I think that's up to five now. Another one. This is technical, but it's not going to end up technical. Listen to the words. You're not going to get the question at first. You'll only get it on the second glance. Listen to the words. So what do we have? The Cohen looks at the lesion on the skin of his flesh. And he looks to see if the hair on the lesion has turned white. And the appearance of the lesion is deeper than the skin of his flesh. So it's actually in there. It is a lesion of tzaras if it's turned white, and if it's deeper than the skin, then it's turned white. And the kohen looks at him and says, "You're tamei."

7:38 Did you see the double lashon there? I'll say it again. I'll put the emphasis on it first, so that you'll understand what the double lashon is. V'ra ha kohen, the kohen looks, and what does he examine? He looks to see if the hair is white. He looks to see if the lesion is deeper than the skin, and then he says it's saras. Verahahu a kohen, and the kohen looks at him, vetimel. So he says, you're tamei. It says that he looked twice. So let's think of it. By the way, it's a double lashon, but there's even a deeper question. The kohen is looking at him, and he has no answers. He's looking at him, looking at the skin, and he's going, it's teras. And then he has to look at him again. He's already looking at him. So what is he? He doesn't look at him again. He just looks at him and says, 'you have teras.'

8:26 It says, why does it say v'ra aha kohen twice? Number one, he's already looking at him. Number two, the pasuk can very simply read negatzarasu, fatimeo so. It's negatzaras, and he's tameh. He's declared tameh. It sounds like the kohen needs to do this. This what looks. This what sounds like. It's obviously not true, but this what it sounds like. It sounds like the kohen has to stop looking and then look again. He's looking at him. He's looking at him. So what's the Torah telling us? Let's keep going on the questions. Here's another, again, appears to be a random one. If the weather is cloudy You're not allowed to pronounce someone a mitzora on that day. Not a very strange halacha. The Mishnah in Negaim tells us that a Cohen on a Yom HaMe'unon, if it's a cloudy day He's not allowed to pronounce him a mitzora. What difference does the weather make? What was that?

9:25 He's not allowed to say that he's a metzora. He's not allowed to say that if it's a cloudy day. What difference does the weather make? Another one. Uba she Elohabayis v'higed lekohen lemor kenega nera li babayis. Let's say the guy. There's different places you can get tzaras. What are the different places you can get tzaras? On your house, your clothing, and on your skin. This is a case where you got it on your house. So what does the guy come in and say? Kinega nera li babayis. It looks like I have an affliction on my house. Looks like I have negatzaras. Why does he say kinega? What should he say? Negali. I have an affliction on my house. Kinega. It looks like I have an affliction. Why is there a kinega? Not only that, we know what Rashi tells us. Chazal say what happens if you have a negatzaras on your house. What do they do?

10:22 They break down the walls, and what do you find when you break down the walls? You found treasure. You found gold, because the Amorites who lived there beforehand put their gold in the walls of their house. The walls of their house were not like the walls of our house today. They were these thick mud walls. And they would bury the treasure in there. This way, it would be very hard to get to. So you have a guy. He says lashon hara. Remember, one of our first questions was, 'It's as bad as shvichas damu gilai aras and avodu zara.' What's the punishment? You get some blotches on your skin. You're mechutz la'machana. Turns out, no, it's even more than that. If you have zaras on your house, you're rich. You're rich because you're going to knock down the walls of the house. And what's going to happen if it's in fact zaras? He's going to become wealthy. He's going to get all the gold.

11:06 It's Jumanji, right? He's going to get all the gold at the end because there's the gold hidden in his walls of his house. So not only does this guy get what appears to us to be a very light punishment, he gets rich from telling lashon hara. Maybe that's the reason why so many of us say lashon hara. We're just looking. It's very hard to be a Jewish parent today. We're trying to solve the shidduch crisis. We want to get our daughters married off. We want to pay school tuition. We say lashon hara in the hopes that we're going to get negatzaras on our house and then we're going to become wealthy. Wouldn't that be an unbelievable thing? You're doing. She puts him on your house, and you find gold. Maybe the Arabs buried gold in the walls of my house. I'll say lashon hara, and then I'll be able to marry off my kids. What are we talking about here? It's the strangest thing in the world. That after you said lashon hara Now you find out you're wealthy. What's going on? It doesn't appear to be a punishment at all.

11:57 Last one. What's the halacha if the kohen only has eyesight in one eye? Is he allowed to pronounce you a mitzvah? No. He's not allowed to. Let's think about this. If you have perfect vision in one eye You cannot pronounce somebody a mitzvah. Why not? You have perfect vision in one eye. So let's say we'll make it a case where you have perfect vision as if you had two eyes. So does he know that it's teras? He knows that it's zaras, so he's missing an eye. What's the difference? Because you're missing an eye. So now you can't Now you can't pronounce somebody in the Torah. It doesn't appear to make any sense. So we are going to take all these questions. I'm not going to repeat them because it's too many. We're going to take all of these questions and we're going to share one answer.

12:53 We know that lashon hara gives you tzaras. Tzaras is not leprosy. Leprosy is just the word that people use because there is a medical affliction called leprosy where you have blotches on your skin that are white. But leprosy is not tzaras. Tzaras is a spiritual thing. This is the beginning of the answer. Tzaras is spiritual. It's not physical. Who got tzaras? Miriam. Very famously, Miriam got tzaras. Who else got tzaras? Moshe Rabenu. When did Moshe Rabenu get tzaras? Remember He's having a conversation with Hakadosh Baruch Hu, and Hakadosh Baruch Hu is showing him all the simanim. He puts his hands inside of his cloak. He pulls it out, and what's on his hand? Tzaras. Why? Why does he get tzaras? Very good. Because he said to Hakadosh Baruch Hu, "The Klal Yisrael is not going to believe me," and since he spoke negatively about Klal Yisrael So Hakadosh Baruch Hu says, "For that, you get tzaras."

13:49 Miriam spoke negatively about Moshe Rabenu. She got tzaras. Taraas is when you spoke lashon hara, you saw someone in a negative way, you spoke about him negatively, and you get taraas. I feel like when it's hard to sin, it's like even if it's just a tiny little thing for us, that's not as we would deal. They feel like because they were so much bigger than that, it was just a tiny little comment. But because it's just a little comment. For sure, you're right. For sure, you're right. That for Miriam Hanavia, the Rambam says. It wasn't even so serious. What she said, all she did was she compared Moshe Rabbeinu to other neviim, and she said, 'We other neviim, we don't need to separate from our spouse. Why did he separate from our spouse, from his spouse?' And the Rambam describes how Miriam loved him and she raised him. And even then, it was just a small thing, and she got zara. So for sure, it's true that on their level, they were being judged in a very serious way. But the Rambam does bring it down that Miriam said something very small, and that teaches us that something very small is very serious.

14:52 So it can't just be, oh well, we could say a little bit of lashon hara and it's fine. They even got punished for a little bit. I want to tell you, before I tell you, start telling you the answer. Last question. Someone will believe this if I tell them. Like, that's like lashon hara. We're not going to get into all the halachos of lashon hara, but I do want to recommend that this point in the shiur. Because you asked that question, it's a good time. Girls, everybody here needs to be learning halachas lashon hara for five minutes a day. It's really not that big a deal. They have chats, they have sfarim where it's broken up into a very little thing every single day. If you learn the halachas of Loshon Hara, two things will happen. First of all, you'll know the halachas. Second of all, you'll start to become sensitive. And it's worthwhile to learn the halachas of Loshon Hara and become sensitive. You'll see why.

15:39 I want to tell you girls an amazing story. I never heard this story before. I saw this story brought down. In the context of answering some of these questions, I thought it was so brilliant. I said I have to share it with you. Okay, You girls are young. I think everybody here was born after911 9/11, so you probably, and I also am young. I'm a grandfather. I'm young. I was also not born during Vietnam. But I'm closer to Vietnam than you are. You girls know what the Vietnam War was. It was a very big deal. It was a big fight in Vietnam. America was over there fighting against the Viet Cong forces. So it was America and half of Vietnam versus the other half of Vietnam, which was represented by the communist parties. This was a crazy time in American history. There were a lot of protests. Should America be in the war? Should America not be in the war? People were losing loved ones every single day. The death toll was going up and up.

16:36 There was a very famous portion, a battle in the war. For in Vietnam called the Tet Offensive. Have you girls ever heard of the Tet Offensive? So basically, the president at the time was Lyndon Johnson. The general, the top general in Vietnam, was General William Westmoreland. And they were basically telling people in America, "We are winning this war. We are crushing the enemy." And then there was the Tet Offensive. And in the Tet Offensive, what happened was that the Viet Cong had this unbelievable insurgency, and all of a sudden they were everywhere. It was crazy. Tons of soldiers were being killed. They even got inside the United States embassy, and this was a big wake-up call to the American public. Because it was like, wait a second. We thought we were winning this war. Right? And they kept promising that we were on the verge of winning this war. And now all of a sudden they found out that we might not even be close to winning the war.

17:36 And this war might become even more drawn out than it already is. The American public was already like the tide was turning and things were not going well. There's a Pulitzer-winning prize photo from a photographer whose name was Eddie Adams. This photograph was published on the cover of the New York Times. It is a gruesome photo. The photo is called Saigon Execution. It's a picture of a general whose name is Nguyen. I looked this up on ChatGPT to find out how to pronounce it because I don't know if you know, but the Vietnamese spell their words differently than the way we pronounce them. It's Nguyen Nhu Lo Han. Was this Vietnamese general on our side? He was the national police chief of South Vietnam. And the picture is of him shooting a Viet Cong prisoner whose name was Nguyen Van Lem. He was a Viet Cong fighter.

18:45 And the picture is of him. This photographer, Eddie Adams, was there. He was a photographer for the Associated Press. So the picture is: imagine this. Eddie Adams is facing this way. The general is like this. He's got one arm extended and another arm loosely at his side. He's holding the gun to the prisoner's head. The prisoner is not wearing a Vietnam uniform. He's not wearing like a soldier's uniform. He's wearing shorts and a shirt. He's wearing what does it say? A plaid shirt and black shorts. And his hands are cuffed behind his back. And Eddie Adams captured the moment where he's not just standing like this, but he's actually getting shot in the head. It's a very gruesome picture. Imagine that this picture was published all over America, but specifically was published where? On the cover of the New York Times. Now think about what it was like to be an American in that moment.

19:46 They were asking themselves the question, "Can we win this war?" What happened when they saw this picture of this Vietnamese general who was on our side shooting a prisoner who's in handcuffs? That might be a violation of the Geneva Convention. Now all of a sudden they started to ask themselves the question, not can we win this war. But should we even be in this war? Maybe we're fighting an immoral war, and it was a huge blowup when this picture was published. And it was like turned the tide of the American public, and people were like, "Get out of Vietnam! This is terrible. We shouldn't be there." It was a massive, massive like explosion. Okay. What wasn't shown? What wasn't shown? Because you know, a picture. Does not tell you. They say a picture's worth a thousand words. It's worth a thousand. That's exactly what it's worth.

20:46 It's worth a thousand words. But we all know, in today's day and age. We have doctored pictures. We have AI. We even have doctored videos. It's hard to know what's real and what's not real. You have to look carefully at these pictures to see if they have seven thumbs on their hand. We all know pictures can be doctored. This picture wasn't doctored, but pictures don't give us context. Very often, what happens is. Imagine somebody—I'm not saying any of you girls, but imagine somebody goes to a party. They take the selfie and they shake it to make it look like the party is more awesome than it is. Because if all you see is a 10-second clip, and then you see that girl on the next day on Sunday morning, you go, "Oh, that party looked lit," and they go, "Yeah, it was gas." I'm very relevant. I know all the words. The right? You saw a 10-second clip. You don't know what happened beforehand, and you don't know what happens afterwards.

21:37 This picture that Eddie Adams took had no context. The American public didn't know what happened before that picture. What had happened before that picture? The prisoner had just ambushed this regiment. And he murdered three of that general's soldiers. And the soldiers who were there said to this general Nunnak Lohan. They said to him, "It was a miserable day out. It was very hot. Temperatures were running high. Three of their buddies were just killed." And this general, who actually had a reputation for being very compassionate He realized that if he didn't execute the prisoner, he would lose control of the regiment. It was going to be a mutiny, and they were going to overthrow him. Because of the backlash from his soldiers, he decided that he had no choice but to execute this prisoner. But of course. Did any of that? Did the picture tell us any of the story? The picture showed an innocent Vietnamese person being murdered on the streets of Saigon. As a result of that picture, the general was stripped of his command and discharged from the army. Eddie Adams, who was the photographer, felt so guilty about this that he ended up supporting the general and his family until the end of his life.

23:03 Because he said, "Listen to the quote. This is what Eddie Adams said." Two people died in that photograph: the recipient of the bullet and General Nguyen Ngoc Loen. The general killed the Viet Cong. I killed the general with my camera. Still, photographs are the most powerful weapons in the world. People believe them, but photographs do lie, even without manipulation. They are only half truths. It's an unbelievably powerful muscle. To take a picture is to see a half truth. To say lashon hara about a person is to take a picture of them. It's to say this moment defines you. And I'm going to report to people about who you are based on this one picture, this one moment that I captured. You see, none of us like to be judged. That's a big thing to say. The kids say today, "Don't judge me. No judgment." Why are we so allergic to judgment?

24:14 The reason we're allergic to judgment is because our judgment is not compassionate. And the reason our judgment is not compassionate is because we are not infinite. So let's think about this. I see you doing something wrong. It happens to you, right? And I go tell somebody else. One moment in time. How does Hakadosh Baruch Hu judge us? Hakadosh Baruch Hu knows every single moment of your life. That's an unbelievable thing. That means better than any therapist, better than yourself. Hashem knows you, because a lot of the times we don't even know why we act in a certain way. Everybody's an entire world. We could spend our lives in therapy and never really know why we do anything. Because we don't really understand ourselves. But who understands us perfectly? Hashem understands us perfectly. Why? Because He knows every single moment that led up to that moment where we made that mistake. Not only does He know every one of our moments, He knows every one of our parents' moments.

25:09 So He also knows how we were parented. Not only does He know our parents' moments, He knows every moment of our grandparents' lives and our great grandparents' lives. So He knows all the epigenetic trauma that's passed down generation to generation, and how your great grandparents parented your grandparents, how your grandparents parented your parents, how your parents parented you, and all the things that you went through to see that one moment in your life. So does our Kadosh Baruch Hu judge us? For sure, He does. And does He find us guilty? Absolutely, if we do the wrong thing. But how guilty? Not very guilty Because when you see somebody's entire life. Everybody becomes understandable And anything that's understandable is forgivable. It doesn't mean that you didn't do the wrong thing, but when you start to understand, she went through this as a child, and she went through that as a child, and this was her trigger to this, and this was her trigger to that. Now all of a sudden, what she does—it does make sense.

26:08 When we judge another person, we only ever see one moment of their life. Even if you're the person's best friend since they're one year old, none of us know who anybody else truly is. We don't even know why we behave in a certain way, let alone when somebody else behaves in a certain way. So we hate to be judged, not because judgment is bad, but because we want to be judged infinitely so that we're judged compassionately. Isn't it interesting? That when somebody really knows us well, and then they give us a criticism, we take it very differently than if somebody doesn't know us well. It's because the more you know us, the greater compassion you have. If you don't know me, then you only see this snapshot, this picture, this one moment, and then you take that one moment and blow it up as if you know me.

26:59 That's what lashon hara is. Now let's go back. We're going to go through all the questions, and you're going to see that this one concept. Eddie Adams picture, one moment in time that killed that general. Destroyed his life because it didn't have any context. Let's see how that answers every one of our questions. Number one. We asked our first question. Lashon hara is as bad as shvichas damim gilei arayos on avodah zara. And yet, what do you only get? Small blotches on your skin and you're thrown out of the camp for a little bit until you're taller. Because it's mida keneged mida. You saw a small blotch in their life, and you amplified it and isolated them. So what's the midah keneged midah? You get a small blotch on your skin, and because of that one small blotch, you're also isolated. It's a very powerful punishment.

27:51 Because it's a rehabilitation to the one who speaks lashon hara. It's the most incredible message. It's a message that says, don't take a picture of a person's life, don't look at that one small blotch and amplify it till you isolate them. Girls know this better than boys. Boys don't isolate each other in the same way girls do. Remember in ninth grade when you were coming over from your elementary school and you came over with a couple of friends. But everybody's in that, I don't know if we're a chevra anymore. Stage, remember that in the beginning of ninth grade? Yeah. By the way, the knowing smiles in about 50% of your faces right now betray a tremendous amount of pain. And you come in ninth grade and all of a sudden, one girl decides she's not part of our group now, and now nobody in the group talks to her. Do you realize how painful it is for that girl?

28:38 Because a little bit of lashon hara was spoken about, and all of a sudden she's isolated. She comes into school. She comes on that night and she goes, 'I have no friends anymore.' You know how painful that is. Boys, at least they just punch each other in the face. So they know exactly where they stand. With girls, to isolate is the most destructive. So you decided you looked at somebody's negativity, you looked at that one small blotch in their life, and you said, 'Nope, you're not part of this anymore,' and you pushed them away. So what's the me that caneg and me that now you have a small blotch, and look what happens to you. Now you're isolated from the camp. In a certain way. That's a punishment worse than death. To see one moment of your life amplified, and now you're made into a rasha and kicked out from everybody else. How painful a punishment is that? One might even argue it's worse than death.

29:25 Let's go to the next step. What's ineffective criticism and effective criticism? Ineffective criticism is when you annoy me. Stop annoying me. Ineffective criticism is when I'll give you an example. Your roommate likes it to be one temperature in the room, and you like it to be a different temperature in the room. So you say to her, "Stop being selfish. Just lower the temperature or raise the temperature." Why does that never work? Because you don't really care about her. What do you care about? You care about yourself. You're annoying me. When somebody comes to us and says you're annoying me, nobody listens to that type of criticism. I'm so sorry, I'm annoying you. Nobody listens to that type of criticism. We only listen to criticism when the criticism says you are worthy of criticism because I care about you. I see you in context. I love you. Let's work on this. I'll give you an example of this. If you get a stain on your shirt.

30:27 Imagine a yeshiva bacher. It's Thursday night. He's having some cholent, and for whatever reason, instead of putting the cholent in his mouth He puts it on his shirt. You've seen these boys. The Wednesday afterwards, when they still have the same cholent stain on their shirt. You've seen those guys. Those are my people. I hope your husband doesn't like that. From your reaction, I hope that your husband only wears clean shirts. But if let's say your husband gets a stain on his shirt and it's a good shirt, it's a brand new shirt, it's a twillery shirt, right? And halavai, we should be zaychah to be able to afford. Was that Nachal store? I'm not familiar with all these things. Is that a brand new shirt? I live in Ramat Bechemesh. I'm long since out of Lawrence. I don't. I'm not holding in these things anymore. So.

31:15 If he gets a stain on his shirt, it's a good shirt. So what do we do? We wash it. Why? Because it's a good shirt. You wash a stain that's on a good shirt. At some point, if that shirt gets worn out and now you get a stain on it, what does your wife say to you? She says, "Just throw it out." When you throw out a shirt, that's like you're not even worthy of criticism. But when you have a person in your life A rebbe, a teacher, a mechanecher, a ra'kezet—somebody that cares about you enough to say, "Don't do this." Don't behave that way. The reason the criticism lands is because they're only speaking to you because they think you're worthy of being criticized. They're not criticizing you because you're annoying. They're criticizing you because they want to see you be clean. So imagine if a shirt could talk. If a shirt could talk and it's in the washing machine. And it's getting suds all over it, and it's hot water all over it. It's very painful for the shirt.

32:14 But really, it's a good thing because the criticism might sting and it might burn, but it's a statement that you are worthy of being criticized. Don't behave this way. So now let's look. Who diagnoses the mitzvah? Aaronicohen, or his children. Not just Stammakohen. It has to be from the lineage of Aaronicohen, because who was Aaronicohen? He was Ove Shalom veRode Shalom, Ove Masabrio so Makar v'Latira. He loved people. When Ari Nevoin looked at you, he saw the best in you. If a couple was having a fight, he would go over to the husband and say, "You should know, I spoke to your wife. She is so ready to make up with you. She doesn't want to fight with you." And he would go over to the wife and say, "I just spoke to your husband. He's so ready to make up with you. He said the most amazing things about you."

33:03 How come everybody didn't go, Aronofsky? We know this is what you do. You're not fooling anybody anymore. Why does it shouldn't have worked? Maybe it should have worked for the first year. Maybe Aronofsky, first year in the desert, and people are coming over to Aronofsky with all their problems, and he's like, you should know your wife says the most amazing things about you. She does. Oh wow. And then he goes home and he makes up with his wife. But second year in the desert, he's probably got a reputation. He probably had a podcast. People have been listening to him. Speak about unconditional positive regard and only seeing people in the most beautiful light. Probably when Aryeh Cohen would come over to somebody in the second year and he'd put his arm around this guy and he'd go, "Dude, I just spoke to your wife. She's madly in love with you." The guy would turn to him and go, "Aryeh, I know your game" And I know you're well-intentioned here, but that's not what happened.

33:51 But that's not what happened. It sounds like it worked. Ad ke dekach that when Aryeh Cohen died, the nation was inconsolable. Why? Even more than Moshe Abinu, because it seems like it worked. He loved everybody so much. When Arna Cohen came to you and he said your wife only sees the best things about you, he wasn't lying. He saw the love that the wife truly had. And so when he spoke to the husband, he said, "I spoke to your wife. You should know. I saw the love. Arna Cohen wasn't lying." So the husband was able to connect to who his wife truly was, and vice versa. It worked because he wasn't playing a game. Today there's a cute thing, Baruch Hashem, certain rebbeim have had a real impact on the world. And you could list the names: Reb Weinberger, Reb Zekatinsky, Reb Kalish, Reb Fisher. Just these beautiful people, and they just say beautiful things about Klal Yisrael. So maybe you have a guy, a well-intentioned talmid, and he wants to be like his rebbe. He wants to be like Reb Weinberger, Reb Zekatinsky, Reb Fisher of Shikalis, right? So when he has a talman, he says, "I only see beautiful things in you." But it doesn't work because he doesn't actually love people. He's just trying to act like his rebbe, right?

35:08 You know why it works when you sit with a tzaddik like that who only sees the beauty in you? It works because they actually only see the beauty in you. And because of that You're like you change your life when you're with those people because they see the beauty in you. It's like when he told us a few weeks ago that when the boys are in the shul during davening, Reuven Kila says he doesn't hear them because he chooses. He doesn't hear them. He really doesn't hear them. He's not lying. He really doesn't hear them. I like I can't forget about that. I remember sitting in Rav Weinberger's shmuuzin in Eish Kodesh, and he's telling these stories about the kedushas Levi. And how the kedushas lavi only saw the b'ditcher, only saw the beauty in every single Jew. When I would hear those stories from other people, I'd be like, okay, but the kedushas lavi was like a manipulator, right? Like he didn't actually not see it. He just like whatever. He's like one of these like chasidah shemaisas. And then when I would hear it from Rav Weinberger, I'd be like, yeah, probably the kedushas lavi just saw the beauty in every single Jew because Rav Weinberger only sees that. So Mameila, when he told over the story of the kedushas lavi, it's different. It's a beautiful thing to be in the presence of those people.

36:11 It's an amazing thing. They change your life. So this guy who says lashon hara, he's negative. He's negative. He's a negative person. He sees negativity in himself, and so when you see negativity in yourself, what do you do? You project that negativity everywhere else. So you know why everybody says lashon hara? Not everybody steals. Not everybody is involved in inappropriate relationships, but everybody says lashon hara. You know why? Because every human being, on some level, is critical about themselves, and when we're critical about ourselves, we end up becoming critical of others. We see ourselves with a negative eye, so we end up seeing others with a negative eye. So when this guy gets zaras, what happens? You think he wants to run to the kohen? He doesn't run to the kohen. You know why? Because he feels terrible. He says, "Look at me. I'm such a terrible person. I got zaras." We bring him to the kohen. Sometimes you have to be schlepped to that beautiful rebbe.

37:07 That beautiful Rebbe who's going to see you in a beautiful way, and he goes, "I don't want to go there. I feel so badly about myself." No, that's why you have to go there because you feel so badly about yourself. You need to start seeing the world the way this Rebbe sees the world. So we bring you not just to any Cohen Specifically the Cohen who's the child of Aaronic Cohen. What does that mean? Every Cohen descends from Aaronic Cohen in some way. They're all related. The Cohen who's going to see you the way Aaronic Cohen would have seen you. That's the rehabilitation. To start seeing yourself in a beautiful way. Now we can start to understand. Going through to see if we can get all of these questions answered. So what happens? You go to this Cohen and he says, "I see you. Not a snapshot."

37:55 I see your entire essence. You're a beautiful person. So what happens? He breaks down his wall. And what does he find? Gold. Why does he find gold? Because it's a muster. It's a muster to this guy. You always said I'm not worth anything Because you looked at your home and you didn't have very much. What did a person have back then? They lived in these clay houses. They didn't have big fancy houses like we have today. They lived in these clay houses that belonged to the Amorites after the Amorites left. They took over their houses. Guy says I'm not worth very much. I don't have very much. He gets saras on his house because he saw the world negatively. What's part of his rehabilitation? We break down the walls of his house. We look deeper, and what do we find? Gold. It's a mussar to him. You had gold inside of you, but you chose to say I'm poor. And because you chose to say you're poor.

38:54 You chose to see poverty wherever you went. You saw negativity. You saw narrow-mindedly. You only saw the snapshot of that person's life. You didn't see any context. Let's remember that pasuk. Back today, that says first he looks at the negatzaras and then he looks at you. You were going to give this answer before, so I cut you off because I knew you were going to give the right answer. You were going to give the right answer, so I cut you off. There's two things the Cohen looks at you, and the first thing the Cohen sees is what he sees the negatzaras, but he doesn't pronounce you tame until he sees you. Because if you look at the negatzaras and then you say you're tame, that's terrible. That's exactly what that guy did when he said lashon hara. He looked at that one moment of who you were and he decided you are your lowest moment. That's not good. But the Cohen looks at the negatzaras and he sees that it's zaras. And then what does he do? He looks at you and then what does he say? How does he say it? Let's tell me.

39:50 He doesn't look at you and say you're a bad person. You're terrible. I can't believe you did that. He doesn't lay down that unbelievable fire, Moser. That's not what he does at all. Tommy, you made a mistake. Made a mistake. It's okay. You're gonna go out of the camp. You're gonna do the time. We're gonna reflect. You're gonna come back. You're gonna be a different person. It's gonna be okay. But he has to look at you when he says it. He can't just look at the negativity and say criticism. You're negative. Nobody wants to be in a place like that. Nobody wants to be around people like that. They don't help you become better people. Why can't it be a cloudy day? It's not about the weather. What is it about? I have to see you clearly. I have to be able to see you. And if it's cloudy, if there's anything clouding my judgment, if there's anything cloudy that I can't see all of you, if I can't see you in context, if I can't see beyond that snapshot, that one picture, I'm not allowed to say you're tame.

40:44 Even the weather has to be clear to give us the larger context. And when the guy comes in, what do we say? What does he say? He says, 'We train him. Don't walk into the Cohen and say, "I found a negatzaras on my house."' Kinega. Because what's the beginning? We treat him how to. We teach him how to speak about himself. Treat yourself with kindness and compassion. Be positive. I think I found something that looks like a negatzaras. I'm not sure yet. I'm holding out hope that maybe it's okay. Why? Because when you start to treat yourself that way, how do you end up treating others? You see the beauty in yourself. You see hope in yourself. Mameila, you'll see the beauty in others, and you'll hope for them, and you'll give them context also. Girls, a Cohen could have perfect vision out of one eye. He could see as well as somebody with two eyes.

41:35 But if you only have one eye, you can't say that he's a mitzora Because if you only have one eye, you can only see part of the story. You have to be able to see the entire story if you want to say that somebody's a mitzora. Because otherwise you're acting just like the mitzora that's only looking at that one snapshot. Why does the kohen have to go to a tamu cham who says to the guy, tzaras? Why does he then have to say to the kohen, no, you pronounce that it's tzaras? Because the tamu cham might know a lot of halacha, but he's not loving, he's not kind, he's not compassionate. But if he's a kohen, if he's the child of a kohen, then he says halachically you are a mitzora, but you are beautiful. You're not a mitzora that it defines your essence. This is a huge mussar. The negativity that we see within ourselves, we spill it out all over the place.

42:24 The world is a positive place, but we train ourselves to see the world negatively because all of us are in survival mode. The Rambam and Moranavukim says really, people who see negativity in the world, it's only because they're focusing on the wrong things. Think about it. Ninety-nine percent of the world goes right. Goes according to the way we want. The sun rises, the sun sets, the weather is generally good. Most things in life are going our way. And some things, sometimes some really big things, don't go our way. But it doesn't mean the world is a bad place. That's why in Chassidus, the Bava Chayeva would always say, "Chacht gut" Think good, and it'll be good. The Rebbe was ignoring people's suffering. He was ignoring people's pain. Chas v'shalom. He was just saying, "Don't live in a negative world." We're nearing the end of our Shana Alef. We have very few shiurim left.

43:15 The truth of the matter is that probably in a couple of years from now, most of you will be mothers. That's not crazy at all. You're going to have children that are going to be raised in your homes, you and your husband. The biggest bracha that any of us can have is that our homes are beautiful places where children are seen kindly. It's hard enough to go to school. There was that MKY status that went viral. I'm sure you all saw it of that teacher from Shalames. You saw this, the teacher from Shalames. Who put it out? This is a test. It doesn't determine whether you're a good person or not. It doesn't determine whether you have value or not. It just determines whether you know a very specific amount of knowledge. I thought that was really beautiful. Most of us don't go through the school system that way. Most of us are not always seen with kindness and compassion. We're not always judged based on all of the moments. Rather, we're judged based on one snapshot of our lives. A child walks into our home.

44:12 And unfortunately, let's say no, and this is not good chinuch. But because the children are overloaded with homework, very often, what's the first thing that a mother says when the child walks in the door? What do you have for homework tonight? Because the mother herself is stressed, and she knows I've got a bunch of kids, and I've got to do homework with all of them. My husband's going to get home later, and I have to make dinner, and I've also been working an entire day. It's very stressful. But if your kid comes home, and the first thing you say to your kid is, "So what do you have for homework?" or "How was your day in school?" Maybe don't ask the kid about school. Maybe school is hard enough. Maybe just say it's great to see you. To grow up in a home of positivity where people don't look at you based on that one moment of your life is an amazing gift that you can give to your children. And I'll say more than that. It's an amazing gift that you can give to your husbands.

44:57 We're living in a generation where shalom bayis is not easy. Not to say that it was ever easy, but we're certainly living in a time where there's a massive amount of stress. Husbands and wives are way overstressed, and our ability to relate to our spouse in a kind and positive way is very difficult, considering how stressed we all are. Your husband walks in the door. He had a tough day. You had a tough day. And he sits down just for a couple of minutes. Imagine the seat. He sits down just for a couple of minutes because he's exhausted. And the wife's like, "Could you come help me?" Because she's tired too. Which is understandable. But now the husband gets triggered because I literally killed myself the entire day. I just want to sit down for three minutes, and then I'll help you do homework with the kids. I've also been working, and all of a sudden you're in a fight. Just because two people who love each other were really stressed And so they've decided to look at that one moment of a person's life and say he never right, and all of a sudden she never right, and all of a sudden he never and she never defines a person by their lowest possible moment, and we're off to the races.

45:57 We do this because we're critical of ourselves, but we end up taking it out on the people that we love. You want to have shalom bayis? Here's a gift. See the person you're married to in a beautiful way. Does that mean ignoring the other stuff? No. It just means don't define them by their lowest moments, and hopefully they won't define you by your lowest moments. I heard a story recently from a rav Who was this woman who came to speak to him about her husband, and she is going off about how her husband is the worst person. He's terrible at this, and he's terrible at that. You saw this video. He's terrible, terrible. And the rabbi is sitting there, and he's very careful not to give her any advice. And he said to her If I was your husband, I wouldn't come home. And she said, "Really?" And he goes, "Yeah. Who wants to come home to a person who sees them so negatively?

46:46 A week later, the woman comes back and says, "I followed your advice." And the rabbi goes, "I didn't give you any advice. What are you talking about? I was so careful not to give you advice." She said, "No, you said that my husband wouldn't want to come home because. I'm so negative, and I started to think about it, and I felt so badly for him." He comes home to a wife who really doesn't like him. And because I started to feel badly about him, I started to think He's pretty good. He brings home a parnasa, he does this, he does that, and all with a wife who hates him. And so she said, so I started to treat him a little bit more gently and with a little bit more kindness. She said, Rabbi, in a week our marriage was already so much better. Of course. Because if you choose to see somebody broadly, if you choose to define people by their best moments, who wouldn't want to be around somebody like that? No?

47:35 That's why we gravitate to certain people, because they give us the gift of being seen in the way that we want to be seen. If we work on ourselves now to become people who could see the beauty in another person It's not just a gift we're giving to others, to our children and to our spouses. It's a gift we're giving to ourselves. Because now you are becoming somebody who could see themselves in a positive way, and Mameila they see the world in a positive way. Their children, their spouses, in their jobs. If Beis Hashem you have your own Talmid Oh, there are unbelievable things that you can achieve if we begin to see the world as Arna coined it. See the beauty in ourselves and then see the beauty in others. Girls, have a wonderful Shabbos.