Succos - Enjoy the Process

2:17 So that's how the Gemara deduces that preets hadar. It's referring to an esrog. It's referring to a tree that the fruit of the tree and the tree itself taste the same. So the question is like this: The Sfas Emes points out in a very beautiful piece. The Sfas Emes points out that when it says that the when it calls pre aitz hadar The aitz, which is what the Gemara is darsing on, why does it say that extra word aitz pre aitz hadar? It could very well be that it had to say the word "ates" in order to tell you that it's not a vegetable. I just want to make sure everyone understands this. If you say 'pre aits hadar,' that means it's a fruit. How would you say a vegetable, Moshe LeKodesh? You could call it 'pre hadama,' right? So why did I have to say 'pre aits' to tell you that it's a fruit and not a vegetable? Does that make sense?

3:16 So the svasema says, if it had to say preates in order to tell you that it's not a vegetable, how do you know then that preates means that it's specifically referring to a fruit that tastes like a tree? Maybe it's only telling you preates in order to tell you that what it's not a vegetable. How many people understood what I just said? Not bad. About four of you. Let's say it one more time. I'm going to assume it's because I'm a bad teacher and not because people aren't paying attention. Obviously I didn't do a great job explaining. Let's say it one more time. The Gemara says pre-ates hadar. What's the extra word? Ates is the extra word. Pre-hadar, right? A splendid fruit. Pre-hadar. That makes sense. If it says pre-ates hadar, what's the extra word? Ates is the extra word. So far so good. Good. So the Gemara says, if it says an extra word, eights, it means that the pre and the eights have to be the same taste. What's the fruit where the fruit and the tree taste the same? As an asro. Very good. Still with me on this? Lost me already?

4:21 No, I'm. I'm. You're catching up. Good. I'm with you. When Miss Olmark has a smile on her face, you either know that something hysterical is going on inside her head. Or she doesn't know. But I'm sure that something very funny was going on inside your head. So I can only say that because we're family. Pre-ates tells you that the fruit and the tree need to taste the same. That's an esrog. Comes along the svasemis and says, 'What do you mean? The word 'ates' is an extra. What would the word 'ates' be teaching you? That it's pre-ates and not pre-adama. Very good. It's not a vegetable, but a fruit.' So how does the Gemara know that when it says preates, it means that the pre and the aites need to taste the same? That's the Sfas Emes' question on the Gemara. How many of you understood what I said?

5:14 Enough of you to move on. I would say we scored a solid seventy percent. So we're going weiter. So the Sfas Emes answers as follows: He quotes from a Medrash, and the Medrash tells an amazing story. The Medrash in Bereishis says. There's another time that it says the word Eitz Pri. Anyone know where that is? I'm guessing I don't know. You're welcome to guess. Even before that, very good. Baruch Atovah D'noyelenuchem. Shekel Neivero. Amazing, amazing, amazing world, but the creation. By the creation of the world, isn't there a whole concept that originally the trees were supposed to? Very good, excellent. So there is a medrash. The medrash says as follows: The pasuk says, "Vayomer Elokim" Tasheha aretz, desha esev mazeria zera, eitz pri ose pri. What did Hashem command the earth to do? To make fruits, you had to make fruit trees that make fruits. And what does the Torah tell us? 'Vatoteh Aretz, Desha Esev Mazeria Zera Li Minehu VeEitz Ose Pri.' The world actually made trees that make fruits, not ate's pre osapri, but ate's osapri. So the medrash says that when our kadosh baruch hu commanded the earth to give forth fruit trees, what actually happened was he meant give forth fruit trees where the tree and the fruit would taste the same.

6:49 That's what Hashem commanded the earth to do, but the earth rebelled against Hashem's word. And instead, made trees where the tree and the fruit don't taste the same. Which is why, if you go to the forest right behind Toma Devora And you Hypothetically speaking, you scream out Tati, you scream out Tati in the middle of the night and you walk over to a tree. You walk over to a tree, and you take a bite out of the tree. It will not be delicious. It really was meant to be from the way that Hakadosh Baruch Hu commanded the world to be created. It was meant to be that you could go over to a tree and take a bite of the tree. If you took a bite of an apple tree, you would get the taste of an apple. If you took a bite of an orange tree, you would get the taste of an orange.

7:41 But the earth rebelled, and that's not what happened. There was only one exception. What was the one exception? The Eshrog tree listened to Hashem, and the Eshrog tree became the tree. The fruit of the tree and the tree taste the same. You hear? This medrash is a pella. This medrash doesn't make much sense if you actually think about it. First of all, can the earth rebel against the will of God? As far as I know, the earth does not have a will of its own, and the medrash is obviously conveying deeper messages by saying this. So when we grow up and we hear, didn't I hear once that the earth rebelled against Hashem's word and it didn't create the fruit trees? It's true, but it needs to be understood in a very deep fashion. So what does it mean that the earth rebelled? And second of all, what's this whole machlokus like? What does it mean that Hashem wants the tree to taste the same as the fruit, and the earth doesn't want it? What are they arguing about? What is the actual content here?

8:43 So I want to share with you something that I think is very meaningful. And it's especially meaningful coming off of Yom Kippur. There's two things in this world. There's something called process, and there's something called achievement. You girls understand the difference between process and achievement. The process is very often painful and annoying. And achievement is a good feeling. So let's say you studied really hard for a test. Let's say you had a huge final coming up. And you decided you were a very diligent person. You've met these girls before. You look puzzled. Let's say there's a girl in your class that was very diligent and started studying a month in advance. You've met that girl, and she's very organized. She says if she starts studying now and does two pages a night, then she'll be ready. Test anxiety. What was that? She has massive test anxiety. She's got serious issues, but she's planning it out beforehand. If you ask her on day fifteen, "Are you enjoying the process?"

9:48 She'll say, 'No, I'm not enjoying the process.' But if you ask her after finals, 'How do you feel?' What will she say? Let's say she does awesome on her finals. What will she say? She'll say, 'I feel amazing.' All the work that I put in now was justified. Was it justified fifteen days in? It doesn't feel that way. In our world, the process feels very disconnected from the actual achievement. Does that make sense? It's not supposed to be that way. It's not supposed to be that the process and the achievement are two separate things. They're supposed to be the same thing. It's supposed to be, and this is the way it looks from God's point of view, that the process is at least as important, perhaps sometimes even more important than the achievement. Why is that? Why does God see the process as important and we don't? The answer is as follows: We live within the world of time.

10:49 Within the world of time, everything has stages: there is a beginning, a middle, and an end. But if you see things from God's perspective, if God is haya hoveh ve'yia, what does that mean? Means that God does not live bound by the laws of time. Is there a notion of process and achievement? In the word, in the world of God. Everything in the world of God is always now. I just got your attention. That was wonderful. Welcome back. Somebody just went like this. Somebody just went right. Everything in the world wasn't you. Everything. You look very confused. I know you were paying attention. I'm not saying who. I'm just saying somebody on the side of the room. I'm not saying who because it's hysterical to watch girls go. Me? I wasn't paying attention. I was paying attention. It's fine. You're all doing great. The what you said about time, the before and after, that's interesting. The what I mean to say is as follows: If you're living within the world of time, I think there's something called now. There's a thing called before, and there's a thing called afterwards. But is that really true? Let me think. But is that really true?

11:51 If you unpack it Is there really such a thing as before? Wait. I didn't ask the question because it's obvious. Can you experience before? The moment is over. It's gone forever. Really, if you think about it, the only thing that's true is now. Does that make sense? There are people that spend a tremendous amount of time living in the past. They're called your parents. Do you know your parents love to tell stories? You know why that is? Because they're desperately reaching back For the past. What's anxiety? Anxiety is all about what's going to happen. Are either of those things real? No, the past already happened. The future is absolutely unknown. And by the way, the moment you get to the future, what is that called? The present. The only thing that's real is actually happening right now. Isn't that an illusion though? Now? The fact that nothing is real besides now. I would say the opposite. The future is real, but it's not real yet. It's an illusion to think that the future is real.

13:00 I don't know what the future holds. Don't get from. Stay in a very logical thing. Don't be from for a second. I'm being serious. Just think about it. Is the future something that's tangible? Can I reach it? Can I talk to it? Can I touch it? In a real way. I'm not talking about a from way. That's because you're limited by time. I understand, but I am limited by time because I'm a human being. But do you see what you had to do? For the moment it defines what's real. For the moment, if we're just regular human beings that God created Without, as I said, being from, the only thing that's real is now. Why is that? It's the strangest. You don't have to hide it. You're just trying to do something for the world. I understand when boys have their phones under the table. I've never seen somebody with the air conditioning remote under the table.

13:56 Never seen girls attacked. It's true. It was cold enough. Why did she have to make it colder? I just don't feel like she understands what my needs are in the room. I'm not saying she's selfish, but she behaves selfishly. I don't really know how to interact with someone like that. I guess I'm coming to you to unpack it. I was hot. Thank you so much for lowering the temperature. Did you make it hotter? It's freezing. Science, we got you water. Do I usually want it cold? This called terrible classroom management. I just want you to know this on me. None of you did anything wrong. This on me. Let's try this one more time. Why is it that the only thing that's real is the now? We can't experience the past and we can't experience the future. So why is it that the only thing that's real is now? And this is where it gets Because to Hakadosh Baruch Hu, there is no such thing as past and present.

14:54 I'm sorry. Past and future. When Hakadosh Baruch Hu, I think you know, when we say 'Hayah Hove VeYiha,' what does that mean? When you unpack those things, it means all that Hashem has is now. Everything that was and everything that will be to Hakadosh Baruch Hu is now. You understand? So our experience of reality can only take place in the world of the now. Which means, as follows: If you have anxiety about the future, what are you not living with? You're not living with the present. If you spend your time ruminating about the past, you're not living with the present. A godly person lives right here, right now, and here's the key to joy. Joy is what happens when you're right here, right now, experiencing what is and allowing yourself to be present with what is. So I'll give you an example of this. I don't know how it was when you were growing up.

15:52 My family went on vacation once a year. We went on a summer vacation. What happens the moment you arrive on vacation? Everyone wants to know What are we doing? You ever have that? You ever come to a vacation and they go, what are we doing today? So you pull up. We went to a place called Anset, Massachusetts, near Cape Cod. In Cape Cod, Anset, Massachusetts. Anyone here ever been to Anset, Massachusetts? Every year I went to Anset, Massachusetts. You also did. Where are you from? So you took that long drive up to Ansett, Massachusetts. Probably, and we drove up to Ansett, Massachusetts. We would arrive, we would put down our stuff, and then the first thing we would say to our mother is, "So what are we doing now?" And she would say We just got here. Why is a child saying, 'What are we doing now?' Because a child's brain is not fully developed yet.

16:42 A child only understands what we can do next in order to make something else happen. This is in contrast with an adult, but let's make this an extreme case. I want to paint for you the following imagery, and then I'll tell you a story of something like this actually happening. Imagine Like a big old house on a couple of acres of land. You can see the house in your head. You see how it has a porch in the front. And two rocking chairs, and that's where Mom poses it, right? And everybody's moved out. But what do mom and pa do? They just sit on the rocking chairs, and here's what's amazing about them: they don't have to talk. They don't have to go anywhere or do anything. And if you ask them, "Are you happy?" What will they say? There's nowhere else I'd rather be.

17:34 What is it about an elderly couple that they don't need to talk? What does pa do? Pa sits there reading, and then he falls asleep in his book. And ma sits there. Darning, or what do they call it? Crocheting, yeah. And she's doing her thing, and then she looks over. She sees Pa's sleeping. She goes Just keep going. He wakes up like he's snoring himself awake. You've seen this guy who snores himself awake and shocks himself awake. Then they just sit there looking at the world together. Why is that so pleasurable? If you were a kid, by the way, if a child had to go to Mom Pa's house for the summer, what would they say? I hated it. It was so boring. Why? Because a little kid has a motor. And the motor tells the kid you have to be doing something. You have to constantly be in process. There's no sense of arrival. The moment you arrive somewhere, the question is, what are we going to do now? I think you know what it looks like in hashkafa. You know what you girls all ask every year: What happens when you actually get to olam haba? Then, what do you do?

18:34 Why do we ask that question? What are we going to do when we're in olam haba? Because olam azeh is a world of movement. Olam haba is a world of arrival. You understand? So I'll share with you a story. It's a beautiful story. My Rebbe Kaninahara is now ninety-six years old. He should be zaychad to wear a four shalomo But he's ninety-six. Kaninahara. Many, many years ago, I went to my Rebbe's house. My Rebbe lives in Borough Park, and we were sitting in his kitchen. His kitchen is a tiny little kitchenette in an apartment in Borough Park. And I saw at the time, like, you know, I think it's significantly better now. My Rebbe had a picture of his family on the refrigerator, but you know what happens when you have a lot of kids. If you have eight kids, and then those kids have eight kids, and then those kids have eight kids, so you realize that in the very short term, there could be hundreds of people in your family.

19:28 So if you just invite first cousins to a wedding, you could be talking about a massive amount of people. You know how grandparents need that picture, and they say, "Everyone be here on time because we're taking a family picture by the wedding." And the photographer has to move like fifty feet back and use the wide lens angle to get everybody in. So my rebbe had on his refrigerator one of those pictures, and it was massive. And I looked at my rebbe. We were sitting at the dining room table. It was me at the living at the kitchen table. It was me, the rabbi, son, and my rebbe. And I looked at the picture on the refrigerator and I said, 'Rebbe, it looks more like a tribe than a family. It was just a massive amount of people.' My rebbe said something like, 'Yeah, Baruch Hashem.' And the rabitzin She's a social worker, and she was a very famous therapist. She was really a very special person. The rabbinical court is the highest authority on all matters of law.

20:24 And all from a couple of kids that had no idea what they were doing. And it was this very sweet moment, like we were once twenty year old kids. We had no idea what we were doing, and here we are sixty years later. And then there was complete silence in the room, and they shared a look. I wanted to jump out the window. It was the most uncomfortable thing ever because it was so profoundly connective. I felt like such an alien. Like I shouldn't be watching this. I'm saying it was too. It was too uncomfortable. I was like, I turned bright red. I was, oh my I don't know what I just said. I don't know why I said it. But what I saw in that moment, what I learned in that moment. Was there a deep sense of connection that existed between my rebbe and the rebbezim? A notion of arrival. They had nowhere else to go, nothing else to build. They were sitting there at that point of their life, sort of reflecting on what they've done. We get that. We get that achievement. All of you just now said, 'Oh my gosh, that sounds so beautiful.' Why is it that we can't do that?

21:29 Why is it at this age specifically that we have a very hard time with the notion of arrival? Think about your year for a second. Everyone was just sitting here on Yom Kippur. There was a boy in yeshiva by Tefila Zaka. This boy was so mitraged. He was so emotional. He was crying and davening. He was taking it so seriously. I saw in his face, he was really beating himself up. He was like, 'I didn't do a good enough job this year. I can't believe what I did this year?' If you had a real Yom Kippur, how many times can you possibly clap alchet on Yom Kippur? We're sitting there. If you're in shul all day, you're sitting there like, 'I did this thing. I did that thing.' There's a certain feeling. Like this process is very difficult for us. We don't enjoy process. What do we want? We want to be able to come to ourselves in a year from now on Yom Kippur and say, "I've arrived. I did everything perfect this year, right? I didn't have any problems.

22:21 That is a very—you'll forgive me for saying this—it's not a Jewish attitude. That's an attitude that celebrates achievement and doesn't celebrate the messiness and the imperfection of life. We are here to become something And becoming, by definition, means that you're not going to be what you are all the time, and very often you won't be what you are, what you want to be at all. Look back. Let's say I'll take the Shana Bat Girls for a second. Look back at where you were in the beginning of Shana Aleph. Think about the mistakes. That was, by the way, one of you just did this. It was amazing. One of you just did this. It's an amazing thing to see. Think back to what you did Sukkot of last year. Yeah. By the way, I just did this with the guys. It looks much worse on the guys. The guys, I don't want to think about that. I will not go there. I promised myself I will not go there. But the point is that if you look at the lower moments that you had, like the lowest ones, and you look back at those lower moments that you had Do you not appreciate them?

23:27 If you didn't have those lower moments, would you be who you are right now? So the process, as messy and as imperfect as it was, in retrospect, was it beautiful? No, I think it was beautiful. And if you think about it, not only in terms of the achievement, but actually in terms of the process, how much did you learn from this? And maybe the goal was not to become this, but to be a person that's in process. That's a major difference. When you're trying to do something, and you say, 'I want to become X,' you know, this year, I'm going to tell you something. I shouldn't say this. It's not nice. But on some level, all the goals that you have for yourself this year, on some level, you have to throw them out. I mean that sincerely. I'll tell you why. I'll tell you what I mean. I know I'm for sure going to be misquoted. So let me finish the quote. If you have a goal, you know what might happen. You might reach it.

24:17 And then what? A goal is not meant to be something that you achieve. A goal is a horizon that you sail towards. You hear the difference? If you have a goal and you say, 'I want to be somebody that doesn't speak lashon hara.' What are the chances that by the end of your life you will never say lashon hara again? I would say that probably most people in this room are going to continue to say lashon hara. But really, what are we saying? We're saying I want to try to be a person in my life that works towards being someone who doesn't say lashon hara. Hear the difference? It's not about becoming in the sense that you've arrived. It's about becoming in the sense that you're constantly in a state of growth. That the process is just that. The process is the goal. You're not trying to arrive somewhere. You're trying to sail somewhere. And once you get there, then the horizon moves. It's unreachable by its definition.

25:09 That's what it means. The Hakadosh Baruch Hu told the world, I want this world to become a place where people can appreciate the process. The tree. When you look at a tree, do you care about the roots? You care about the fruit. But would you have the fruit without the roots? The tree needs to grow. It needs to root itself in the ground. It needs to flourish in order to become something that gives off fruit. Do you understand? Yes, I think I do. The tree is tall. It needs to root itself in the ground. It needs to flourish in order to become something that gives off fruit. Do you understand? It's a crazy thing. We only appreciate the fruit. Hakadosh Baruch Hu says, "I want the tree to taste like the fruit. I want people to be people who appreciate the process and to know that the process in this world is part of the arrival. That sailing towards that horizon is as much of a goal as reaching the horizon."

25:53 That's where joy is. Joy is when you look at yourself and you say,"What I'm doing right now is meaningful." Not what I'm doing right now is going to lead me somewhere that's meaningful. But because it leads me somewhere that's meaningful, it's meaningful in and of itself. Every yeshiva guy gives the same exact var Torah whenever they make us see him on a mesecta. They quote from the Chafetz Chaim. We say Anu Amelam Vehem Amelam. Anu Amelam Umekablam Schar Vehem Amelam VEinam Mekablam Schar. We work and Gentiles work. We work. We receive reward. Gentiles work and they don't receive reward. The Chafetz Chaim asks the famous question: Gentiles don't receive reward. I know plenty of gentiles that work and they have a lot of money. Chafetz Chaim says you have to look carefully at the words. Anu amelim u'mekablim schar. We work and we get reward for what? Not for the product, but for the work.

26:40 But when a gentile works, if you're in a business and the guy gets up and he says,"I did a great job," the salesman says, "You did a great job." He goes, "How many sales did you make?" "I made six sales this year." You want me to pay you for six sales? Do you know that I came into work early every single day and left late every single day? What would the CEO of the company say? That's very nice, but I'm not paying you for that. I pay you to make sales. I pay you to get the job done. In Judaism, there's no notion like that. We don't care if you get the job done. We care if you're a person who's working on getting the job done. You know why Yom Kippur is so bad for so many Jews? Because they're sitting there on Yom Kippur saying. I'm a terrible person. Everything I did didn't work out the way that I wanted to. I haven't arrived at my goals. Of course, that's not what Yom Kippur is. Yom Kippur is I want to recognize that this year the process was messy, and I'd like to be a person that does better in that process. But the reason that we have joy to answer our original question, the reason we have joy is because we can take an esrog and we could say, there are some trees that the process and the goal are the same.

27:43 To be a Jew means to appreciate the fact that right now is everything that I need, and I don't need to be anywhere else. So there's one tree. The world says, 'Okay, I think 很好.' The world says Hashem, I know you wanted to be a place where process and achievement are the same, but to be physical is not to be human, not to be confused with being human, is to be godly, not to be sofrim. Right? To be human means to know there's a process and there's a goal, and those are not the same thing. A Jew's job is to make the world into a world of esrog trees. That we should learn to teach people that there's joy in this moment. You know what's amazing? We live in a world of miserable people today, and I'm not talking about like people like you have the classic rabbi who's like, you think gayim are happy? I think gayim are happy. I don't know. It doesn't seem to me that every gay is miserable, and it doesn't mean it doesn't seem to me that every Jew is happy. But if you want to know what the truth of Jewish happiness is, the truth of Jewish happiness is: can you appreciate where you are right now?

28:34 A Jew has to come out of Yom Kippur and say, 'I'm beloved by the Creator, as I am right now. I don't need to be anything other than I am.' That's the secret of Jewish happiness. There's a there's a danger this year that I'd like to address, and I'm going to address it honestly. This will be the last thing I say for the night. The danger of this year is that the user might be confused about the meaning of the term. The danger of this year is a girl could come to Israel and she could spend so much time thinking about what she's not that she could chas v'shalom make herself miserable. I came in this year with so many hopes and dreams, expectations and aspirations, and I think it's going to be a good year. You spend your entire year worrying about what you're going to become, worrying about that judgmental twelfth grader that you were last year, worrying about when I come back, what will that girl say about me? Did I do well in Talmud Devora this year? That word is like a horrific thing. What does that mean? Did well?

29:26 Remember that? Remember that time when you were sitting there last year and those girls came home and you were like, she did well. What does that mean? There's a notion of I have to arrive at a certain place. I have to come back and be a certain person. The Shana Bet girls can tell you about the pressure of being a certain type of Shana Bet girl for the Shana Olaf girls. We're told we have to be role models, and the Shana Olaf girl looks at us. We have to be able to see that we've arrived at X. It's not true. For all the Shana Bet girls in the room, I'd like to tell you: you do not have to be role models for the Shana Olaf girls by saying,"Look at us! We've been here in Talmud Torah for a year, now we're here." And for all the Shana Olaf girls, stop trying to get here. That's not the goal.

30:01 If the Shunibet girls are a role model to you, I hope it'll be because you see growth-oriented people, not people that have arrived. Perhaps they've made strides, but that's not what's impressive. What's impressive is there are people that are in a growth-oriented mode. They appreciate the process. They understand the process and the goal are high nuach. If I could give you one piece of advice this year, and it's definitely a Sukkot piece of advice, accept yourself as you are right now. Appreciate the beauty of your imperfections right now. The curious paradox of change. One of the great therapists, Carl Rogers, said this. He said, "The curious paradox of change is I can't change until I accept myself as I am, and once I accept myself as I am, then I can begin to change. If you can appreciate who you are right now, and then you could say, 'I'm beautiful right now. I'm amazing right now. This is an amazing version of myself. It's imperfect, but it's gorgeous. It's an amazing thing to be this person.'" But I'd like to be moving. I'd like to be in process in my life because the achievement is the process. If you do that, you could have a joyous year.

31:04 If you want to know what it looks like when girls get depressed this year, it's because the girls are saying, "But I'm not enough. I didn't do enough. I'm not enough. I'm not enough." That words, those words, "I'm not enough." They're future oriented. They're like, "What I will one day be in a place that may not even be real in a time that's not even real to us." A Jew has to learn to live in the now. Girls have a wonderful yontif.