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Automatic transcript; may contain mistakes, especially in Hebrew.
This week's question is sometimes I feel embarrassed to ask for things when I'm davening because I feel like I don't have the right to ask anything of Hashem because of my sins. How can I approach tefillah in a way where I feel worthy to ask things of Hashem? The truth of the matter is that it's when we do aveiras that we need to daven the most. When we do an aveira, we feel distant from Hashem, not because we're actually distant from Hashem, but because like in any relationship, when we do something that betrays the true essence of the relationship, we feel a little gross. We feel a little hidden. We feel like the relationship has lost a little bit of its luster. Now, that's not actually true. It's something that we believe, but the nature of our relationship with Hakadosh Baruch Hu, the nature of our relationship with a spouse, is an essential relationship. It means that our essence is tied together with the other person. That's what it means to have a soulmate. A soulmate means you and I share a common essence.
So that relationship cannot be diminished because you did an aveira. And this is why we need to daven so badly after we do an aveira. In fact, I would argue we need to daven more after we've done an aveira than if we've done well. Because in davening we say, God, the soul that you gave me is pure. The consciousness of davening is that no matter how many times I've messed up, no matter how many things I've done wrong, I remain in essence pure. That I misbehaved is really a function of my external nefesh ha-behamis, but it doesn't really say anything about who I truly am and the value that I place on this relationship. It could very well be that we value our relationship with Hakadosh Baruch Hu infinitely, but we get caught up doing silly things in silly times and we betray who we really are. So davening at that moment is the avodah of coming back and returning to our essential self. And the way that we return to our essential self is we recognize the infinite goodness that we have inside of us.
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When it comes to asking for things from Hakadosh Baruch Hu, I think we make a mistake in saying, Hakadosh Baruch Hu, I need this. Hakadosh Baruch Hu, I need that. It's not about us. Davening is about creating a consciousness for how we confront the world. The word palel means to imagine. We're trying to create a consciousness of how we could serve Him. So after we've done an aveira, and now we know, we've said, We've said, Great is your faith in me. And we've established a worthiness. We're not asking for things that we need. We're asking for things that He needs to give us in order for us to fulfill our mission in life. So if I made a mistake, I'm still loyal to Hakadosh Baruch Hu's ultimate mission of building this world into a diri b'tachtayim, rectifying the world, bringing it to its ultimate place of healing, and healing. So when we ask for things from Hakadosh Baruch Hu, we're not asking for things for ourself.
It's not narcissistic. We're saying, Hakadosh Baruch Hu, you placed us in the world in order to fulfill your mission. Like with any job, if your boss wants you to do a good job, he needs to give you the tools that you need. So if your boss says to you, OK, I want you to write programming for me, but he's unwilling to give you a computer. So then how are you going to write the program? And it's the same thing when it comes to bakasha and tefillah. Bakasha and tefillah is not that Hakadosh Baruch Hu is a vending machine, chas v'shalom. And if I press A1 and put in my 75 cents, I'm going to get my bag of chips. Adi Rabba, it's coming to Hakadosh Baruch Hu and we're saying in a strong way, Hakadosh Baruch Hu, you believe in me to fulfill this mission. I've taken upon myself that mission. This is what I need in order to be successful. I need a little Shalom Bayis. I need a little success when it comes to Shaduchim so that I could build a family for you. I need that I should have children because having children is the ultimate representation, of building this world.
I need a Parnassos so I could send my kids to Yeshiva. I need a Parnassos so that I could go be Mekadoshim Shamayim in the world. All the things that we're davening for, they're not for us. They're for Him. And so of course we are worthy of asking from Hakadosh Baruch Hu what we need because it's His job that we're doing. It's not our job, it's His job. We were created to serve Him. When we are parents and we see our children making mistakes, we understand naturally as parents that our children may seek other addresses. Maybe they'll go to friends. But the truth of the matter is that when we make a mistake, the person we need most in the world is our parents. We need our parents to come in a loving way and to tell us how wonderful we are, how beautiful we are, how unconditional their love is for us. That is the ultimate message of worthiness, and that's not a message we're going to get anywhere else other than our parents. Hakadosh Baruch Hu is our Tati. He is our Father and Shamayim. And when we do an Aveiro, we have to daven so that we can establish a consciousness of unconditional love. Of essential worthiness that no matter how many Aveiros we've done and no matter how far we've fallen, Hakadosh Baruch Hu never gives up on us.
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