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There's an amazing point that the outer Rebbe makes in this week's parsha. If you look carefully at the story of the Mirablim The Mirablim go into Eretz Yisrael They spy out the land. They come back. They give the bad report. Moshe Rabenu communicates to them that Hakadosh Baruch Hu is very angry with them And immediately they do tshuva. The Alter Rebbe asks Why did they change their mind so quickly? Usually, what would we have in such a scenario? If you were God, playing it out, what would it look like in the Torah? Usually, you would do something wrong. Hakadosh Baruch Hu would send a big maypes, a big nace. There would be something that would shake them to their core. And then they would do tshuva. Here, what happens? Moshe Rabbeinu comes and he says, 'Hakadosh Baruch Hu is angry. Say, 'Oyvey, we did a terrible thing.' So the Alter Rebbe gives a very profound answer. His answer is not necessarily the topic of tonight's she'er, but it's an important lesson.
The Alter Rebbe suggests that this proves that even when a Jew Loses their emuna It's not gone. Anachnu maaminim b'nei maaminim. So it was true. They came back. They did the wrong thing. In that moment when they lost their faith and they said, "It's going to be too difficult for us to conquer the land. There's giants there. We were like grasshoppers in their eyes." It doesn't mean that their emuna is gone. What's the proof that their emuna is not gone? Just say to them. Just say to them Hakadosh Baruch Hu is angry with you And you'll see right away they're going to switch back. Anachnu maaminim bnei maaminim. That is a very powerful lesson. It's not exactly the topic of tonight's shiur But it's a very powerful lesson. That even when you think you've lost it all because you're not behaving in the way that you used to behave It doesn't mean for one second that you've lost your emuna. You can't lose your emuna.
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I have a different question. But it's going to be related to what we just said. When we look at an avera There's two ways of looking at an average. The way we always think about an avera is that we are going down. I was here doing all the right things. And then I did an avera, and I had a yirida. Isn't that the way most of us think about it? If that was the case Then why would there ever be such a thing as an avera? What's the value of an avera? Just create a world where you can't go downwards. Wouldn't that be great? That makes it a funny question to ask, but if an avera is so terrible, if an avera has no redeeming quality to it. Then what's the value of an avera? Why did our Kadosh Baruch Hu even create averas to begin with?
Or To put this question a little bit differently Who amongst us would choose to be created? Why be created to begin with? If the whole purpose of creation is to go back up to Shamayim Then weren't we just there before we were born? If you had the opportunity to choose to stay up there or to come down here, what would you, as a soul, choose to do? What do you think? Obviously, we chose to come down here. You didn't choose to come down here. In fact, the Mishnah Avot says that you were born against your will. The Mishnah. We learned from a different teacher that God said this is everything that you're getting, your family, or this, your books, and all that. He's saying that we were forced to come down. The Mishnah and Avot says again, I can't really be responsible for what this other person said. You can ask this teacher what he or she means, but the Mishnah in Avos says you're born against your will, you die against your will. You're not chose. You're not. You don't choose to be born.
Would you choose? You with me? Would you choose to be born? If the whole purpose of coming down into this world is just to go back up there, what would you choose? Just stay there. Just stay. Just stay to begin with. For example, let's say your whole goal is to be in Los Angeles. And somebody says, "Let's go to New York so that we could go back to Los Angeles." What would you say? I'm already in Los Angeles. I don't see a reason to leave. What is the purpose of an avera? Is it the same question, on some level, as what is the purpose of descent to begin with? What's the purpose of going down? Why not just stay up? Makes sense. Tonight, I'd like to introduce you to what I feel is a very important, a little bit of a revolutionary topic, a radical topic, but a topic that I think is so important to say, especially as we're winding down the year and in your life in general. This is a really important topic.
The topic is called falling upwards. We are used to falling down. So I was doing all the right things. Then I did the wrong thing. Now I'm in a worse place. Let's see if we can unpack that a little bit differently. Let's say here's a good example of this. Today, I made a barbecue for my shir and mevaser. It was an epic barbecue, the stuff of legends. Smoked ribs, London broil, steak, burgers, smoked chicken wings, and hot dogs. It was great. You can come to my house and get leftovers. There are very few leftovers. There are some leftovers. Only inviting Kayla. Only inviting Kayla. So I, sorry. So I make my own barbecue sauce. I'm a snob. You know those people that are really into grilling. They put on store-bought barbecue sauces. It's wrong. It feels wrong. I like to make my own barbecue sauce. Here's the thing about making your own barbecue sauce.
You have to reduce it. You girls, this is an easy shear. You girls know what it means to reduce something. You ever hear of a red wine reduction? What's a red wine reduction? Right. When you reduce something, when you reduce a sauce, I made the sauce today. I reduced the sauce. When you reduce a sauce, what are you doing? It's going downwards. But really, what are you doing? You're reducing out everything that's not essential. All of the extra liquid All of the non-essential stuff is being boiled out until you're left with what? Until you're left with just the essence. What if, and this is why it's a revolutionary idea What if the following statement is true: going down is really going up Because going down, what it does is it takes away all of the extrinsic, all of the extraneous stuff, until what you're left with is the essence.
I'll give you an example of what this looks like. Let's take an alcoholic. You have a man. It's a good man. But he fell into a dark place in his life and he starts to drink. As a result of his drinking His kids don't want to be around him anymore. His wife doesn't want to be around him anymore. He gets divorced. They leave him behind. He has to pay alimony. He has to pay child support. He has to pay a mortgage. But he's lost his job because his boss doesn't want to deal with the fact that he doesn't come in anymore. He can't make his alimony payments. He can't make his child support payments. The wife takes him to court. He doesn't have money to pay for a lawyer. The judge says to him, "You have to pay." He says, "Judge, I don't know what you want from me. I don't have any money."
He ends up doing despicable things. Neglecting his family Until he's living under a bridge. How would you describe that process? I think we could all agree that the process is called descent. Is there anybody that thinks this person is going up? Would you describe that as an upward trajectory? Good. You're with me on this. Nobody would describe that as going up. But in a certain sense, it is. Why? Because what happens to him when he's under that bridge and it's pouring rain? And he looks at his life, and he says What have I done? All hope is lost. And listen, what happens in that moment? Open your hearts for a second. There's an irreducible point of hope that he discovers in that moment. Let's say I want to make sure everybody gets this because it's huge. When all hope is lost, and he has no hope whatsoever, what does he discover?
There's one essential point of hope that cannot be reduced out. Can't get it. Can't get any worse. There's nowhere to go but up. And in that moment, that tiny little kernel of hope, as small as it is, what is it? It's not small. It's essential. It's the most powerful form of hope that there possibly could be because all the fake hope is gone. It's the reason why up until now he couldn't get his life together. But what happens now in that moment where all hope is lost, and he discovers that one tiny little kernel of hope, the essence that couldn't be reduced, the irreducible point of hope? What happens? Now he has hope again. What does he do? He reaches out. He calls a friend. He says, "I need to go to detox. I need to start going to AA meetings." I need to get to therapy. He starts putting his life together. He starts walking the steps.
He admits that he has a problem. He acknowledges that only a higher power can restore him to sanity. He becomes willing to have that higher power—a storm to sand. He makes a list of all his resentments and all his fears, and all of his anger and all of his frustration. He actually deals with all of his emotions. He becomes willing to give those up to God. He starts making a list of all the people he had wronged. And he starts making amends. He becomes a loyal friend. He becomes a good father. He's divorced. But he does his best to pay alimony. He's going to take care of his responsibilities. He shows up to work. What happened in his lowest moment? What did he discover? In his lowest moment, he discovered the irreducible point of hope. And then, from that point on, he turned his life around.
It turned out the entire time that as he was going down, what was he really doing? He was going up. A lot of things were being destroyed along the way. But in order to get to that irreducible point of hope, what needed to happen? He needed to lose all of that hope. He needed to lose all the extraneous stuff in his life. Now he may have wreaked a tremendous amount of havoc on people around him, and it can be very painful to watch someone go through that process. But at the end of that process, have you ever met a recovering alcoholic? They are the most exceptional people. They're so exceptionally authentic. They're so real. They're so spiritual. You know why? Because they tried it the fake way And they know that it doesn't work. And that person that never hits rock bottom, the person that's not willing to go to the darker places in their life—to confront, at the very least, psychologically, the monster that lives within us. The fact that we do have a nefesh abahamis. If we're not willing to go there, you can never truly be great.
You want to hear something incredible? This is an incredible idea. If the Miraglim had never gone to Eretz Yisrael If the Miraglim had never gone into Eretz Yisrael If the Miraglim had never come back and spoken lashon hara about Eretz Yisrael Then Hakadosh Baruch Hu never would have been angry. And Moshe Rabenu never would have come to Klali Yisrael and said to them Hakadosh Baruch Hu is angry. And if that had never happened, we never would have learned the following lesson: Anachnu maaminim b'nei maaminim. That even in a Jew's lowest moment, where he's completely lost faith, there's still faith right underneath the surface. Girls, do you hear this? This is such a revolutionary idea. It means that while this entire terrible thing was happening, that the biggest tzaddikim in Eretz Yisrael were going into Eretz Yisrael and they came back and they said lashon hara. And Hakadosh Baruch Hu got angry, and as a result, that entire generation doesn't go into Eretz Yisrael.
Listen to what happened. We discovered something incredible about ourselves that we never would have discovered: the irreducible point of faith that exists within every single Jew. And all you need to do is tell them "Hey, this is not the right way," and they go, "Ayeve, what did we do? If we never had made the mistake, we never would have learned the lesson. In a certain sense We're falling upwards. We're falling upwards. Or, to put it a little differently If a soul remains in Shamayim and it never comes down into this world What happens to that soul? What is the search that soul has in its lifetime? What does it do? Nothing. Does it mess up? Does it steal? Does it go through Mitzrayim or Yitzias Mitzrayim? Does it have parents that it fails to honor? Of course not. So the soul remains on high, but on high, and here's the big paradox. You ready for it? On high is really down low.
Because the soul never learned about that irreducible point. The soul only knows the pristine environment of Shamayim. So what does Hakadosh Baruch Hu do with the soul? Hakadosh Baruch Hu says to the soul, "I want you to go higher." Does the soul want to go higher? Would any of us choose to become alcoholics? Of course not. None of us would ever choose that life. The soul says to Hakadosh Baruch Hu, "I don't want to go down into this world. Why would I want to go down into the world? You want me to occupy a human body? You want me to be obsessed with human things? You want me to have the opportunity to do terrible averus? I don't want that opportunity." So the soul must be forced against its will. Why does Hakadosh Baruch Hu do that? To teach the soul that it must fall upwards.
That's a very hard concept. But the truth is, it's a beferish of Gemara. The Gemara says, and this is an amazing idea That Moshe Rabbeinu went up to Shamayim to get the Torah. The Malachim came and they said to Hakadosh Baruch Hu, "Who is this Yelud Ishah?" Who's this son of a woman? That's coming up to Shamayim. How in the world does a mortal man come up to Shamayim? What's he here for? Hakadosh Baruch Hu says to the Malachim He's here for the Torah. The Malachim went wild. The Malachim said, For the Torah, you're going to give the Torah to a mere mortal, a person of flesh and blood. Ma enosh ki tizkarenu. Who is this frail man that you've chosen to remember? After all, the Torah was created 974 generations before the creation of the world. And don't ask me what that means. But it means something clearly that the Torah was not meant for man.
And instead of answering, listen to what Hakadosh Baruch Hu does. He turns to Moshe Rabbeinu and he says to Moshe Rabbeinu, "You answer their question." Moshe Rabbeinu turns to Hashem and he says, 'I should answer their question. If I answer their question, I'm terrified that they're going to consume me with the fire that comes from their mouths.' Apparently, the malachim are dragons. They breathe fire, and they're going to be able to just totally wipe out Moshe Rabbeinu. It's allegorical. So Moshe Rabenu says, "I can't answer them. They're going to destroy me." Hakadosh Baruch Hu says, "Hold on to the Kisei Hakavod. If you hold on to the Kisei Hakavod, you'll be protected." Moshe Rabenu holds on to the Kisei Hakavod, and he starts to tell the Alachim an unbelievable answer. He says to the Alachim, "You, the Torah you think is for you, did you leave Mitzrayim?" You didn't leave Mitzrayim. You malachim, you didn't leave Mitzrayim. Tell me, malachim, do you do business? Do you need to be told in business not to steal, malachim? Do you have parents? You don't have parents. So what does Kibud Avayim have to do with you?
And Moshe Rabenu continues to go through all of these things, and then he culminates and he says you don't have a Yetzirah. What do you need the Torah for? And then the malachim heap brachos upon brachos on Moshe Rabenu. All the brachos. That's the Gemara. I have a question. It's not my question. It's a famous question. Moshe Rabbeinu is coming, and he's telling the Malachim. We're terrible. We're really, really bad. We could steal. We have a Yitzharo. We could disrespect our parents. What type of argument is this that the Malachim say? We're going to give you the Torah. That's like coming along and saying, I have, I'm like a really bad person. Give me the Torah. The Malachim are saying that the Torah is such an elevated thing; it doesn't belong with such bad people. So listen to the answer, because it's what we're trying to say.
The Malachim came and they said correctly: the Torah is a spiritual object. What in the world does it have to do with the physical world? Moshe Rabbeinu says, 'HaKadosh Baruch Hu,' they're right. It is a spiritual object. What do you want me to say? Hakadosh Baruch Hu says, "Hold on to the Kisei Hakavod" And in that, there's an unbelievable answer. When Moshe Rabbeinu holds on to the Kisei Hakavod, listen carefully now. When Moshe Rabbeinu holds on to the Kisei Hakavod, you know what he's saying. Hakadosh Baruch Hu is saying Because you can do something the Malachim can't do. They can't hold on to the Kisei Hakavod. You, a mere mortal, are higher than the Malachim. That's why the Malachim are called Omdim. They can only stand still. A human being We have movement. We can hold on to the Kisei Hakvod. Moshe Rabenu says, "I got the answer. I know the answer," and he says to the Malachim, "You know what?
We went lower. We have parents that we could disrespect. We have business that we could steal. We have Yitzhakara. We're going up. We're moving. It's because of this tension that we're getting to that point where we realize what's the essence. A Malach can't get there. So the malachim say, "Whoa, this is quite a journey you're on." We're going to give you all the brachos, all the power, everything we know. We're going to give it over to you because this journey is incredible. I remember when I was in high school. I would see guys come back from yeshiva in Eretz Yisrael. And it was a thing to do. I don't know if it's still a thing to do. I don't know if girls do it. It's a thing to go visit your high school. Is that like a thing that girls come back and visit? Yeah. It was a big thing to do.
And the rebayim, they said This is the classic chinuch move that the rebbe has. I don't know if you girls had this growing up. So if I remember when I came back. But when guys come back and let's say it's Pesach time, they come back before because they're usually coming back around Rosh Chodesh Nissan. Your classic yeshiva day school doesn't stop until like four days before Pesach, three days before Pesach. So there's like a week and a half where all the yeshiva kids come back, and the Rebbe goes, 'Good, I don't want to teach. I'm gonna let this shana olive kid get up in front of the class and tell the class about his experience in Israel.' What's the classic thing? The guy comes back and he says, 'I remember when I was in your seat just a year ago' Listening to the guy that came in and said.
Everything you're doing now is a waste. Trust me, when you come to Eretz Israel, you're gonna have your eyes opened. It's gonna be amazing. And all the kids in the class are going, 'Wow, it really is a cult.' Like everyone comes back from Eretz Israel and they sound the same exact way. I remember looking at those guys and thinking, I maybe I'm the only one that thinks that thought this way. I remember looking at those guys and thinking, 'I am so exceptionally jealous. I can't wait to get to Israel.' These guys don't seem to have a yitzharah anymore. Did you think that you know how these shnayalif girls come back? I see at least a couple people are nodding. You know these shnayalif girls come back and they're like, now I've got it figured out. Nothing could ever throw me. Now I've got it figured out. I know exactly what my hashkafos are.
And like you, like a twelfth grader, you don't get it yet, but you will. I was the guy that fell for that. So I remember coming into my shnayalif. And I remember struggling And I remember trying and struggling and trying and struggling And I remember at some point I fell not into a depression, but into a bad place where I was doing this. I guess I'm not cut out for this Like I like I'm not the guy that can authentically say that he doesn't have ups and downs. Now what? What do I do? So here's what I did. Maybe I'm calling myself out. Maybe I shouldn't say this. I faked it. I faked it because I was too embarrassed to admit that I was having these ups and downs. And I thought the whole thing was that you come to Israel and you don't have the downs anymore. So I came back. I'm like so embarrassed of this. I came back Pesach of Ma'isha Na Aleph. I remember the Rebbe invited me to get up in front of the class. I gave some Dvar Torah and I said, 'You guys, right now in twelfth grade. I remember last year, and I gave that whole speech.' But you'll see next year. And I gave this whole fire and brimstone speech, and inside of me, I felt like the biggest liar.
Because I knew I didn't have it figured out. I knew I still had my struggles. But I said to myself, "Must be that guys figure it out sooner bet." So I went back for a second year. I didn't only go back for that reason. I wanted a shteig, but I went back for a second year. And guess what? I still had ups and downs. I still had times that I didn't want to wake up for shachris. I still had times that I didn't want to learn all the time. Did I go to shachars more? For sure. Did I learn more? Absolutely. But I still didn't have it figured out. Must be that people figure it out post Israel. Most must be that the guys that like really shtag eventually it clicks. And by the way, don't you hear that sometimes from Rebbeim? They're like, eventually it clicks, right? So I just figured I was one of those eventually it clicks guys. So I'm gonna see this through. So I went to a yeshiva after Eretz Yisrael. And I'm sitting and learning in yeshiva, and you know what?
I had ups and downs. So I said to myself, I must be the guy that figures it out when he's in Kylo. That's what I need. I just need a wife. Because once I have a wife Everything will be smooth sailing. That's just what I needed to have somebody like a yeshiva guy's dream. That was gonna. It's like I'll finally have someone that I'm gonna spend my life with. It'll create that sense of serenity. I'll never have any shalom bias problems because I know what to do better than my parents did. I watched the mistakes they made, so I'm for sure gonna get this right. I'm gonna be the perfect husband. I'm gonna be the perfect parent. I got married. I was in Kyll, and guess what? I was still going up and down. So I started to ask myself Maybe I'm not the guy that it clicks for. That's an uncomfortable position to be in. Could you imagine being married Learning in Kylo, and asking yourself if you're living a lie?
That's a hard one. So I went to one of my rebayim. And my rebbe said to me I think that you need to start hearing drushes from Rav Moshe Weinberger. You girls heard of Rav Moshe Weinberger? He's the Rav of Eish Kodesh in Woodmere, and if you haven't heard of him, I highly recommend starting to listen to the shirim that he gives. You can find them for free online. There are thousands of them, and they're gorgeous. So I started listening to shirim from Weinberger. Used to have to pay for them. Today they're all free. What was that? I would go Friday mornings. And I would hear Weinberger speak. And that's the story of how I started getting into chassidus. And I started learning Chassidus, and I'll tell you why it was a revolution for me. I'm not here to push you to learn Chassidus, but I want to share with you what it means to me.
This is why I started learning from R. Weinberger. Your confusion The fact that you're going up and down, the fact that you don't have it all figured out Is expected. It's what's supposed to happen. It's not supposed to be easy. It's not supposed to be this level robotic playing field where nothing bad ever happens because you don't learn anything that way. If that's the case, if you never do anything wrong, if you never make any mistakes, then you're not falling upwards. But every time that you make a mistake, you know what's there—the opportunity to do tshuva Which is why the world exists to begin with. That's why Hakadosh Baruch Hu created an avera to begin with. You're not supposed to do an avera, of course not. But are we going to? Is that the human condition? Can we all acknowledge that we're going to do a virus, even if we try not to? There are going to be times where we just say, 'forget it,' and we're going to do the wrong thing anyway. Isn't that true?
What do you learn in those moments? Every time you do tshuva, you know what you learn? This is who I really am. That's an unbelievable gift because you don't know that about yourself. How many girls here have ever experienced the following? I hope the answer is everybody, so you don't have to raise your hand. How many of you have ever experienced this uncomfortable feeling around Yom Kippur, when you're doing tshuva, quote unquote, and you ask yourself, how could this possibly be real? I know I'm gonna do this avera again this year. Everybody has that feeling. What do you feel like in that moment? What's the word? Give me a word. What do you feel like? Faker? What else? Empty? Hypocritical? I'm lying to myself. I'm lying to God. Apathetic. Guilty. Defeated. Insincere. Insincere. Selfish. But what are you really doing in that moment? You're saying that despite the fact that I know I'm going to do it again, I'm uncomfortable with the fact that I'm going to do it again because I don't want to feel selfish, insincere, or fake. I don't want to feel defeated. I want to do the right thing. What do you realize in that moment?
This is who I want to be, despite the struggles. The struggles have taught you something incredible. This is who you want to be. You couldn't be that person unless you did those averages. That was the gift of chasidus. It turned for me at least. It turned the struggle into the goal. There's something that you learn about yourself in the struggle. There's a story, an amazing story, with the Lubavitcher Rebbe. That somebody came to the Lubavitcher Rebbe, a Jew who was not religious, not observant And a Jew came to the Lubavitcher Rebbe and he said, "How can I go to shul on Yom Kippur?" I don't go to shul any other day of the year. Three hundred and sixty-four days a year, I don't go to shul. If I go to shul on Yom Kippur, I'm a faker. So the Lubavitcher Rebbe said back to him. He said, "I agree with you. Three hundred and sixty-four days a year, you're a faker. On Yom Kippur, you go to shul because you show who you really are."
The fact that there are Jews that go to shul on Yom Kippur, and it's the only day of the year that they go to shul, what does that really tell you? It must be that, despite the fact that they don't go to shul the rest of the year, they go to shul on Yom Kippur. Because they say, 'What do you mean, a Jew goes to shul on Yom Kippur?' This is who I really am. What about someone that really goes way off the derech and doesn't even come to Shul on Yom Kippur? What would you say about them? They're just going further down the rabbit hole. And eventually, when that Bas Kol cries out and says, "Shuvu banam shayvavim, return my wayward children" Eventually they're going to hear that voice, that hear Horei Shuvah that comes up inside of them, and they're going to start to think to themselves Is this really me? Is this the person I really am?
I'll share with you a story. It's an important story to me because it's deeply personal. One of my closest friends in the world is not an observant Jew. We were chavrusas. We used to wake up at five o'clock in the morning to learn together. An amazing guy. Had a tough life. Things didn't go exactly the way he had planned. Things didn't go the way we had hoped. And slowly, but not so slowly, he left yeshiva and got a job. Hooked up with a different crowd and eventually ended up completely off the derech. Couch surfing across America, not keeping kosher, not going to shul, not believing in God, not anything. Doesn't wear tefillin. We've kept up, one of my closest friends, throughout all these years. And he and I have these amazing philosophical arguments every time we get together about does God exist, doesn't God exist, the nature of Torah. He thinks it's abusive. I think it's amazing. We go back and forth.
So it's okay. So last year his dad passed. His dad was living here in Eretz Yisrael. So he didn't come in for the funeral, but he came in. His brother lives in Jerusalem. In a super serious charedi section of Jerusalem. The contrast between the two brothers is like night and day. His brother is sitting shiva, so he comes to not sit shiva, but to be with his brother throughout shiva. So I'm going to come to pay a shiva call. So I come to his brother's apartment in Jerusalem. It's totally a halachic apartment, and there's my friend sitting there. And I'm shmosing And he says to me, "You want to get out of here?" So I'm a little bit in a bind. He's supposed to be sitting shiva; he's not exactly supposed to be going out. And he says to me, "He goes" For me this is shitting shiva.
So what am I supposed to say to him? I'm not going to go out with you. So we go out to burgers. Not far from here In Har Tzofim. There's a burger place right across the street from Entrecot. Know that burger place? Sam's Burgers. So good for you. I believe you. So I don't make those jokes. So since right now. So no, but I heard about that argument. So we go out to burgers. We're sitting there eating. And out of the blue, Mamish, out of the blue He says to me It wouldn't be hard for me to come back on the derech. He's been off the derech at that point. He has been off the derech for about seventeen years. He's done every avera imaginable. Out of the blue, after all the arguments we had. He says to me, "It wouldn't be hard for me to come back on the darach. I never hurt anybody."
I didn't do any averos that were bein adam lechaveru. All of my averos were bein adam mamakum. I'm still a good person. So I said to him, "I agree." It would not be very hard for you to come back. And there was an uncomfortable silence for a couple of seconds And I wanted to say to him So come back. But I didn't say it because it's something he has to come to himself. And he was just sitting there processing. You saw that he was processing. What would it feel like for me to come back after all these years away from Judaism? What would it be like to come back? Now he's not back yet. He didn't walk away from that conversation and enroll in our Semeach like that. He went back to the European country that he lives in, back with his German girlfriend. And that's who he is And that's who he is.
But he keeps doing strange things. For example, he calls me up and tells me it was before Pesach. He calls me up and tells me I was walking down the street And there's a labavitcher walking down the street in my neighborhood in the Czech Republic And as I see this labavitcher walking towards me I say to him Have a good yom tov And he said it just like that. So if you're a Labavicher living in the Czech Republic, which is one of the most atheistic countries in the world, what do you do when somebody says, 'Do you have good yontif?' Get excited! Run! You found the one you were looking for. This is what the Rebbe sent you on shlichus for—to find that guy. He calls me up and he goes, 'I wish the guy a good yontif.' Now I can't get him off the phone. He's hounding me like crazy.
And in my head, what I'm thinking? Why'd you wish him a good yontif? You could have just kept walking. Let's just keep walking, and then you won't have to deal with him. I know you're not that funny. He's funny, but you're not that funny. You knew he was going to be a pain. You knew he's going to call you all the time. And he says to me, 'Yeah, I, I said to him, you, did you at least ask him for matzah? Like it's before Pesach. Did you at least ask him for matzah? Because you know, if you ask a labavitcher before Hanukkah for a menorah, you'll get a menorah. If you ask them for matzah before Pesach, you'll get matzah. Did you ask him for matzah?' He goes, 'no, but I get matzah. I eat matzah on Pesach.' I'm like, 'really? You eat matzah on Pesach?' He goes, I actually eat matzah all year long. I love matzah. He sends me a picture of the matzah that they sell in the Czech Republic. It's a pork sandwich on matzah on the matzah box, like on the box. That's what they advertise, a pork sandwich. I'm like, But you know what?
He likes to say that I eat matzah on Pesach. It's not kosher matzah, but he eats matzah on Pesach. It's not a mitzvah that he's doing, but why is he eating matzah on Pesach? And I know he says I eat it all year long, but he has to make the point. No, I eat matzah on Pesach. Why does he call me before every Yom Tiff to wish me a good Yom Tiff? Why does he do that? He'll say if he was here right now, he would say he's being ridiculous. I call him because he's my friend, and these are the traditions that he believes in. I'm being respectful. Come on, man. Really? What was that? How did he know when Yom Kippur is? He's got it. It's not like he's Jewish calendars like anybody has. He can get his Jewish calendar. I think he cares enough to look it up. Oh yeah, for sure. And he cares enough to call.
He calls me once and he tells me I'm making a Shabbos Friday night meal. For all my gayish friends. I said really. I said, what does that look like? He goes, I'm making brisket. And challah. We're gonna have kiddush. We're gonna have cholent. He goes, I know cholent is for Shabbos day, but we're gonna have cholent because we're gonna have all the traditional foods. We're gonna make a filter fish and potato kugel and yushal mi kugel. He loves to cook. That's why we're friends. And he's making this huge blowout meal. He even printed all the zmiros transliterated, and he's gonna teach them the zmiros. They're gonna sing together. Got your friends sitting around singing, I said, how are you going to teach them all the niggunim? He goes, YouTube. We're going to have all of the niggunim being sung on YouTube. We're going to sing it together.
After Shabbos, I call them. I said, Mike, how was your Friday night meal? He goes, It was really nice. How Jewish is that? You're living in the Czech Republic, totally off the derech, making a Friday night suha. Because there's an irreducible point within every single one of us called 'I am Jewish,' and there's nothing you could do to avoid it. And in a certain way, this might be hard for you to hear In a certain way, I believe that when Mike does tshuva, and it's a question of when for me, not a question of if, I believe he will do tshuva. I believe that he will come back. And by the way, I'm not holding on to the relationship to get him to come back. He's my friend and I love him dearly. But I'm waiting for the moment where I get to say to him, "Told you so." Maybe we'll be in our sixties. Maybe we'll be in our seventies. Maybe we'll be in our eighties. But I believe Bamunashlema is coming back.
And when he does, he's going to know something about himself that none of us know. Because he fell so far. At the end of that journey, he's going to be so high because he's going to know that no matter how far I ran away, and no matter how much I tried to put my fingers in my ears and ignore that baskel that comes out and says 'Shuvu banim shayvavim, return my wayward children' There was an irreducible point of Jewishness that was inside of me that I couldn't get rid of. There's a famous question: How could zadikim? The meraglim were the zadikim. You girls know this, right? The Meraglim were the heads of Klal Yisrael. They were the biggest tzaddikim. How could they do that avera? It was dafka through them that the avera had to be done. Because it needed to be a lesson ledayrei daros. This is the lesson for us this week.
No matter how big of an avera you do, no matter how much you declare, and you're sitting and screaming, shraying, chayvakayam, I do not believe. You know what happens the minute someone says something inspirational to you. You go, Oyvai. What did I do? Such an important lesson. There's a lot of talk about coming to Israel for the year being that seminary bubble. You're going to leave the bubble, and it's going to be challenging. The truth is, it's challenging even within the bubble. We all know that. But it might be more challenging once you leave. And I have no doubt that there are going to be some of you. That might make over the course of the next couple months, in between Shana Aleph and Shana Bet There might be some of you that do things that you're not proud of. Maybe you'll fall And maybe you'll say, this happens a lot; it's very normal.
Maybe you'll say to yourself Was it really me? Maybe it was just like all these charismatic dynamics, Yurum, that we had in seminary, but is that really me? You'll ask yourself that question, and here's what happens when you do. If you ignore the question and you go, I guess it's just not me. Then you lost something huge. In the moment of conflict, you have the opportunity to say, 'Anachnu maaminim b'nei maaminim,' even if I just behaved in a way that I'm acting as if I don't believe in Hashem. I'm acting as if I have no emuna. You can't get rid of that emuna. So you have a choice. You can say "I've fallen downwards." Or you can say "I've fallen upwards." I was born into this world for the struggle. Adam la amol yula. I was born to toil. There's a natural tension that exists And I'm going to use that tension as unbelievable opportunities for growth.
I have confidence in each and every one of us, including myself. I have confidence in each and every one of us because I know that our Kadosh Baruch Hu gave us a natural emuna that we can't get rid of. That in those moments of conflict, there's a buried treasure. If you pay attention, it's right there. You get to say, "I made a mistake. I messed up." This is not who I am. If the alcoholic was here right now, let's say the alcoholic was standing right here. You ask the alcoholic "Would you choose to be an alcoholic again?" He would say... I would never want to hurt my kids. I would never want to hurt my wife. I would never want to lie to my employer. I would never want to lie, cheat, and steal like I did. But because I did all those things That's why I'm here today And I couldn't be that guy if I hadn't gone through all those things.
From conflict There's the birth of something exceptional. It's the irreducible point of you. So as you're headed back to the states in just a short couple of weeks, it's time to start preparing yourself for the conflict that is sure to come. And I imagine that many of you have had conflicts throughout the entire year, but it's time to start preparing yourself for the conflict. And if you do Just know that by the time you come back here, Shnebeth, or whatever the next stages are in your life You'll be higher than you ever were before. Don't be afraid to fall. You're falling upwards.
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