Shelach - When Fear Sounds Like Wisdom: Yehoshua, Calev, and the Yud That Wouldn’t Disappear

2:21 That by adding the yud to Yosef's name, it's like Kai Yoshipa. Now may Hashem save you from the etza of the meraglim that they're going to go and scout out the land and come back and give negative reports about Eretz Yisrael. You Yehoshua, by getting this name change, it's a type of tefila that Moshe Rabbeinu has for Yehoshua not to fall into the trap. So we have I think Some basic questions on this. We introduce another idea and ask another question. Moshe Rabbeinu knows that there's a danger that the Miraglem are going to go to Eretz Yisrael and what are they going to do? They're going to say bad news, bad reports about Eretz Yisrael. These people were big tzaddikim. In the end, who survives? Who doesn't go along into the meraglim? Yoshua and Kalev. So right away we have an obvious question: If Moshe Rabbeinu sees that Yoshua is in danger of falling into the etz of the meraglim, then who should also have been in danger of falling into the etz of the meraglim? Kalev should also, and yet Moshe Rabbeinu doesn't daven for Kalev.

3:42 So the first question is why not? The second question is then how did he survive? But let's just deal with the first question. Why was Moshe Rabbeinu concerned that Yehoshua was going to fall into the Atzis Meraglim? So the Targum Yonasan Ben Uziel he adds in here and he says because Moshe Rabbeinu saw the humility of Yehoshua, therefore he was more prone. To fall into the etza of the meraglim. It is now becoming a little bit clear. We're going to have more questions in a second. There were two personalities here. There's Kalev and there's Yehoshua. Somehow, because of the humility of Yehoshua. Somehow because the humility of Yehoshua The Yehoshua is concerned. Moshe Rabbeinu is concerned about Yehoshua. It might not go so well. Might not go so well, but for Kalev, he's not concerned. Somehow, is Kalev lacking humility? Sounds like funny a little bit. That like I would imagine Kalev is a big tzaddik. If he's a big tzaddik, probably he's humble. If he's humble, then he should be in as much danger as Yehoshua. Something about the nature of Yehoshua's humility makes him like it's a danger. And Moshe Rabbeinu has to change his name.

5:03 But humility is not generally a weakness. In fact, in my experience, humble people are exceptionally strong. In my experience, tell me if you agree with this. Arrogant people are very weak. They're scary sometimes because in their arrogance, they have a need to puff up and be bigger than everybody else. But that's really just because they're terrified. So really, arrogant people are very weak. In my experience, humble people are very strong. And because they're humble, they're okay to be strong. Here, Yehoshua's humility is seen as a weakness. I don't really understand that either. Humility isn't weakness. Humility means you're strong. If you're really humble, then what happens? The Miraglim are coming, and they're saying their thing, and because you're humble, you go, "No, I disagree." Here Yehoshua's anivus is a problem. It has to be understood deeply. That's one section. Let's go to another section for a second. Kalev also survived the Atzus Miraglim. But Hakadosh Baruch Hu, we didn't have a change. We didn't have a name change. He doesn't have Kayoshiyacha.

6:04 So how does he survive? Let's see what happens. Let's take a look at the pasuk. Bamidbar chapter thirteen verse twenty-two. It says, "Vayaaluba negev, vayavo ad chevron." They went up in the south. And he came to Chevron. Do you see what the pasuk did? They went up in the south. What should it have said? And they came to Chevron. What does it say? And he came to Chevron. So let's look at Rashi. Rashi here is quoting the Gemara in Sota. Koliv levado halosham. Koliv left the group. He left the group. So the group is all traveling. Koliv goes, 'I'm out of here. I'm going to Chevron.' What does he do there? Every word of this Rashi is precious. Says v'nish tateach al kivrei avos. What does v'nish tateach mean? He prostrated himself. He completely bowed down. He prostrates himself on the graves of the avos who were buried in Chevron. Why? Listen to these words: Shelo yehi nisas lechaverav lios baatzasam, because he doesn't want to be enticed by his friends to be part of the atzas meraglim. So who are the meraglim?

7:20 To Kalev, what does Rashi say? They were his friends. See a lot of times when we're reading Rashi, we read Rashi so fast that we don't actually pay attention to the words that Rashi is saying. Rashi is saying these were Kalev's friends. And what does he do? He goes to Chevron, and what does he do? He's nistatech. He bows down. He prostrates himself on the graves of the avos, and he davens for himself. Please, Hashem, don't let me fall into the counsel of my friends. So we have two tefillos here. The first tefillah is the tefillah of Moshe for Yehoshua. Who's the second tefillah? Kalev breaks away from his friends. He goes and prostrates himself on the graves of the avos. What ends up happening? Ve'yitnu leKalev es Chavron. Do you know what Kalev's inheritance was in Klal Yisrael? He got Chavron. You know why he got Chavron?

8:19 It says Rashi quotes the pasuk here. Since Kalev walked on the land of Chevron. He was zocher of Chevron. Now that's a little interesting because I imagine other people also walked in Chevron. Kalev he like walked in Chevron, so he gets Chevron as an inheritance. But what's that about? What's his relationship to Chevron? Because if Hakadosh Baruch Hu gives it to you as a place, what does that really mean? That's not just a place you visited. That's your place. So something happened in Chavron. Something so transformational that Kalev becomes identified with Chavron. And now, when it comes time to apportion the land What does he get? He gets Chavron. For us For us, what's the inner message here? I imagine that many of you know the Medrash. Where did Yehoshua's yud come from? Sarai, very good. The Medrash in Bereshis Rabba says that the letter Yud, which was taken from Sarai's name (Genesis chapter 17, verse 15) when she becomes Sarah, what happened to that Yud? The Medrash says that Yud was flying in front of the Kisei Hakvod and it refused to land until it would say before Hakadosh Baruch Hu, because I'm the smallest. Of all of the letters, you took me out from the righteous tzaddikim tzara imenu.

9:54 And it would not calm down this yud until the medrash says finally Akav Shmuel who took that yud and gave it to Yeshua. When a medrash speaks, a medrash communicates an idea through a story. Let's think about this. There's a yud. That yud originally belongs to Sarai Imenu, and her name is Sarai. Hakadosh Baruch Hu takes the yud. What happens to the yud at this moment? If I was writing the Medrash, because I'm not Chazal, I would have just said it simply. I would have said the yud from Sarai went to Yosher. Is that what the Medrash says? What does the Medrash say? The yud from Sarai hovered by the kiseh akavod and had tainas on Hashem. You because I'm the smallest letter. You took me away from Sarai and refused to land until Hakadosh Baruch Hu said, "I'm going to give it to Yosua." So we have to understand what this medrash is communicating to us? What is the Yud saying? Why does the Yud refuse to land? Why does it finally calm down when it's given to Yosua?

10:56 There's a Gemara in Sanhedrin 107a. Again, my introduction to the She'er. Was for every moment in the year, but specifically for this moment. There is a story in Tanach. It is a story about David and Bathsheba. I imagine that you, in your lives, have learned the story of David and Bathsheba before. It is a very complicated story. Certainly, the Gemara says that David and Melach never sinned. It understood that there was a story about David and Bathsheba. I am not here tonight to get into the story of David and Bathsheba, not at all. But the Gemara in Sanhedrin tells the following story. David Hamelach came to Hakadosh Baruch Hu and he said Master of the Universe, I'm asking you please do not record my sin with Bat Sheva in the Torah. That's what David Hamelach davened to Hashem. Please don't put my avera in the Torah.

11:48 And listen what Hashem says back. If the single letter yud That yud from Sarai, if that single letter. Protested for all of those years that it refused to be appeased until I added it to Joshua's name. How much more so will I add your story with Bathsheba, which is a complete section of the Torah? Meaning, I wouldn't even give up on that yud Let alone to give up on your entire story with David and Bathsheba. What is going on over here? What does the yud have to do with the story of David and Bathsheba? I want to share with you. I think one of the most profound psychological concepts that exists in our world today But I think it's always been true. It's just in our world it's like so heavy. Baruchatoh Adam No'elinu Chom Shachol Nivero. Amen. There are two types of smallness. I alluded to this earlier in the year. There's two types of smallness.

12:55 The first type of smallness comes from ego. I feel small when I'm faced with giants. I feel overwhelmed. I feel like I'm nothing. I feel like, relative to what's happening in the world, I simply don't have the ability. I'm too small to act. It's too big for me. Have you ever had that anxiety of it being too big for you? Like the first day of Toma Devora when you walked off the plane and you were like, I can't do this. Did you have to admit it out loud But I'll just know. When you walked in and you're like, oh shoot And you just go hang out with a friend you knew from high school and you like Proverbially, like you're standing next to her, like you know, like you're glued to each other when you walk into the cheder. And there's some girls that they appear to be different. They're like the out of town girls who know nobody. They're all of a sudden friendly. I could do this, introduce myself to people.

13:56 I guess it wasn't you, but the no, because you went like this. It's like a very specific type of seizure. Sometimes what happens when we feel small in the face of overwhelming circumstances is that, in those moments, we need to assert whatever power we have over others because we feel so small. Because I feel like a nothing, I need to dominate. I need to dominate others. And by the way, if you look at people in the world who seek to dominate others, it's always because they feel very small. Again, I want to—I'm going to say it for the last time. I'm not going to repeat it after this, but just remember: the miraglem or tzaddikim. I'm only speaking for us. I'm not speaking for them. This is the danger of being part of the miraglem Because when the social construct becomes governed by fear There becomes a need to dominate others.

15:09 In other words The Miraglim were an organism, and make no mistake about it: a social construct is a living, breathing organism. I think there needs to be a study on seminaries and yeshivas. I think teams of therapists need to come for a year or two or ten and study the organism that is girls over the course of this year. Because we tend to think like we're operating independently, but we're not. You remember there was a day this year. I'm sure it was more than one. Do you remember this? There was a day this year where a bad mood just spread like wildfire throughout the seminary. And it was like just one girl. She was in a bad mood, and then all of her roommates were in a bad mood, and then the entire floor was in a bad mood. And then there was a girl in class who was in a fine mood, and like ten girls walked in, and they were grumbling under their breath, and then she caught the bad mood, and then like the teachers are getting like. What is going on over here? And they're having meetings about you. And they're like, I don't feel like they're in self today. The parts are coming up, right?

16:10 All the different IFS languages getting used, and then they're trying to strategically figure out. And the girls are complaining about this, and the girls are complaining about that. Because this is a living, breathing organism. And the thing is, whenever fear governs an organism. I can promise you that within that organism. Those that are most afraid are going to seek to dominate others in the group, and it almost becomes this organism where everybody needs to behave together in exactly the same way. There's no room for individuality because fear is driving the entire car. I'll tell you what this looks like. Imagine you're the miraglim And you walk into a land of giants. How do you feel? We know how they felt. How do they feel? They felt like grasshoppers. They felt tiny. What was the danger to Yehoshua and Kalev in that moment? The danger is not that Yehoshua and Kalev are just going to go along with the Miraglim. It's much more sophisticated than that. What's the actual danger? The danger is this group, because it's governed by fear, it won't even allow for Kalev and Yehoshua to develop their own ideas to have because maybe they can come back and it's like wouldn't it have been a beautiful thing if some of the Miraglim came back and said, listen. I was feeling very daunted by the prospect of what we were facing.

17:32 But I'm curious to hear how other people feel. And maybe other people, more rooted, would say, yeah, maybe it was a little scary, but I think we're okay. Hashem Shomruch could do this, right? But that's not what happens when groups are governed by fear. What happens when groups are governed by fear is nobody gets to have a voice. You must adopt the voice of the group. This is how we suppress individuality because people are governed by fear. What's the opposite of that? The opposite of that is authentic humility, because even in the face of daunting circumstances, if you're authentically humble, then what are you rooted in? Authentic humility roots your power in the indestructible core of yourself. That's the biggest lesson here. When a person is rooted from a deep place of self, and what I just want to be clear what I mean when I say a deep place of self. There is a point something inside every one of us. It's very small.

18:31 In fact, it's the smallest possible thing you have. It's called the quintessence of your soul. It's called the yichidah shabenefesh, which is the deepest point of your soul. Your soul has five layers. The deepest point of your soul is called the yichidah shabenefesh. It's the quintessence of your soul. That part of you is indestructible. When you daven every day and you say alokai neshama shanasa tobi tohorhei. It means the outer layers of my soul could be stained by the sins that I do, but the yichidah shabenefesh, that quintessence of my soul, has never once participated in avera. It is absolutely indestructible. How do we do tshuva? How do I do tshuva when I've done averas that have brought me so far away? The answer is because the yichidah shabenefesh is indestructible, and it has different names. If you're chabad, you call it the pinto liyid.

19:22 Have you heard of that phrase? It means the indestructible part of your soul that is Jewish. It will never stop being Jewish, no matter how far you stray. It will always be the place for you to come back from. True humility is anchored in the indestructible core of self. If you're deeply connected to the part of you that is infinite, that can never be diminished in any way. It can also never be enhanced. Because it doesn't go up or down. It's just the absolute you. If you're anchored there, that's called true humility. Because from that place, you're like, I'm good. And by the way, that's exactly what humility stands like. Humility doesn't mean shrinking in the moment. Humility goes If I'm here, then I guess you know maybe it seems daunting, but I guess I've got this because I'm here. Otherwise, if I didn't have it, I wouldn't be here. You understand? So from that indestructible core of self I create an environment of real dialogue.

20:21 Do you know this is one of the biggest challenges we have today? People can't talk to each other. People can't talk to each other because they're living in fear. So I can't allow you to have an opinion that's different than mine. And by the way, it happens sometimes even in the world of education, when a rebbe gets up and he's giving such a powerful shmuhs, telling you this is the absolute truth. But there's probably somebody else that has another version of that truth, maybe something else to add to the conversation. Real dialogue, real education. It's nuanced and it's subtle. Why? Because it's open. I'm curious to learn because I know I'm okay, so I'm curious to learn from others. Ezul chacham alomim mikol adam. And we're watching it play out in real time in our backyard. Because today Unfortunately, the divide in Eretz Yisrael is becoming more and more. And I'm not going to deal with the politics because I don't care.

21:19 I only care that Jews are not sitting at the same table eating chulent and kishka and kugel together, having the hard conversations. Why can't we have the hard conversations? I'm not going to sit down at the table with you because you're a rasha. And I won't sit. I won't sit at the table with rishon. I'm not going. You're a rasha. I'm not going to sit at the table with you. If we don't sit at the table with each other, look what happens. If we can't sit down and have chulent and herring together, look what happens. Because we're living in so much fear that we're literally burning down the country. And it's awful to see what happens when we're not rooted in the indestructible core of self. This is exactly what the yud represents. The yud is the part of you that can't be destroyed. Sarai has that yud.

22:09 Now she's tasked with a different role, and she gets a hay, and that's for a different reason, a different shear. But what happens to that yud? How come the Medrash doesn't just say, and now the Yud was like, stuffed in Hashem's pocket, and many years later when Yehoshua comes along, Hakadosh Baruch Hu says, here, here's the Yud. What does the Yud do the entire time? What was the imagery the Medrash used? It's flying in front of the Kisei Atkavon and it's saying Because I am the smallest letter, you took me away from Sarai, and it refuses to land. Do you realize how powerful that imagery is? The smallest letter says, 'You took me away because I'm the smallest.' What was it saying? Something childish, 'Oh, Hashem, you can take advantage of me because I'm the smallest letter.' It's a letter. It's a letter. Obviously, it has to be saying something deeper. It's saying, "Hashem, you took me away because of my humility." We're going to get to this in a second.

23:03 I refuse to back down. Why? Because in my humility, I know that I have a place. I know that it's not right for me to have no place in the world because of my humility. My humility obligates me to find a place in the world, and it refuses to leave Hakadosh Baruch Hu alone. All of those years, it's shepherding Hakadosh Baruch Hu, so to speak, in front of the Kisei Hakavod, going, "No, where's my place? Where's my place? Where's my place?" Until Hashem says, "Now Now we're going to take that yud from Sarai, that humble yud that refuses to quit, that demands a place in the world. I'm going to give it to Yeshua. Why Yeshua? Because there is a certain danger, and obviously only for us, not for the tzaddikim. There is a certain danger to being the personality of Yeshua. The personality of Yeshua is when I attach myself to something higher than myself.

24:05 That's the personality of Yeshua. What is Yeshua? What's his job title? His job title is "You are the Mishares Moshe." What does that mean? Yeshua's title was "I am attaching myself to Moshe Rabbeinu." He's the ultimate chassid. My rebbe, whatever my rebbe does, I'm right there. My rebbe goes up to the mountain, and I'm right at the bottom of the mountain waiting. Yeshua is the ultimate in attachment to something that's greater than yourself. It's the moon, right? Yeshua is called the moon relative to Moshe Abenu's son. That is a precious, gorgeous, stunning way of serving Hashem. And it opens yourself up to a certain danger, because if your mode of being is to attach yourself to something greater than yourself, what's the challenge? What happens if I attach myself to the wrong thing? What happens if I attach myself to something greater than myself, but the thing that's greater than myself?

25:07 Falls into a state of fear. For example Sometimes—am I going to say it? Here comes. Sometimes Sometimes the Jewish community To attach ourselves to the Jewish community Is an amazing way of serving Hashem Because I by myself, I'm just a dude. I'm just me. But if I attach myself to the community, what a profound way of serving Hashem. But what happens when the community starts to live in fear? What happens when certain organisms, mechanisms, things in our community start to be born not out of a healthy sense of self? What happens when a pachad starts to hit the water, and all of a sudden everyone's drinking the toxic water? The toxic water is like

26:03 You're like six years old, and your mother is talking at the Shabbos table, going, "But we have to be worried about shaduchim." And your little six-year-old self, because you don't know very much at six years old, you go, "I guess we have to be worried about shaduchim, right?" And then somebody goes, "Well, maybe let's think about this system. Maybe it doesn't make so much sense." And then people go, "Well, who are you to say that it doesn't make any sense? It makes a lot of sense. We've been doing this forever." It's like, "Okay, I didn't say that we're going to throw out the baby with the bathwater. I just said maybe let's think about. That it's maybe okay for a girl to be 14 years old and not perfect." And maybe it's okay to tell people that people make mistakes, and pretending to be perfect might not result in a healthy relationship. This is the problem. People like you are going to tear down the system. I'm not tearing down the system. I'm just saying maybe we don't have to live in fear.

26:52 Because there's this group think that's born out of fear, any criticism of the system is shouted down. We're not trying to throw out the baby with the bathwater. We're just trying to make small course corrections to make sure that we can have something that's normal and healthy and balanced in our lives. If somebody gets up and they say maybe we shouldn't be buying. Three apartments. Maybe we don't need to have a place in Florida and in Eretz Yisrael and in Portugal. Maybe it's okay just to have your house. Why do you always have to call it the wealth in the community? What's the problem? Why do rabbis always? Nobody's tearing anybody down. I'm just thinking about maybe we can make our weddings a little bit less lavish and our bashmitzos and our bar mitzvahs a little bit less lavish. Maybe we could try. I know we give a tremendous amount of tzedakah, but there's still needs that are out there. And it's like any time you say something like. Maybe what happens when Rabbi Benzer gets up and he says, "I think it's terrible that guys are getting drunk." Erev Shabbos at Tohamaos, and like the comment section on Yeshiva World News, "How dare he take away our alcohol?" Just calm down, man.

27:57 Because what happens is that big people. I'm not talking about Stam Hamonam. I'm not talking about people that are chirping at the system from a place of fear. I'm talking about sometimes when big people in the community, big rabbanim in the community The Sometimes when big people in the community call something out, they're not calling it out because they're terrified. They're calling it out from a deep place of self and they're saying Hey, we're not doing something that's right over here. You understand the difference? And this is the danger if you're the Yehoshua type of personality. Again, I'm not speaking about Yehoshua. I'm only speaking about us. If you're the Yehoshua type of personality, where you attach yourself to something greater than yourself, that's amazing. But what happens if the thing that's greater than you starts to devolve into fear? Because remember, the Miraglim were leaders of Klal Yisrael. These were the biggest tzaddikim that Klal Yisrael had. It's quite possible that if you're a Yehoshua personality and you hear big people saying

28:49 This is crazy. We're a nation. We're a bunch of slaves. We haven't gone that long, and we're going to go into Eretz Yisrael and we're going to defeat these giants. I don't understand how that's going to happen. And maybe if you're the Yehoshua type of personality, you start to go like. I don't know. Maybe it is irresponsible for us to go to Eretz Yisrael. Maybe we should stay in the Midbar. After all, we have the Ananay Hakavod in the Mitzvah. We're taken care of. We could be more spiritual in the Midbar. And all of a sudden, do you see how the fear starts to justify their responses? And so it's easy to go along with it. So what does Hakadosh Baruch Hu do? Hakadosh Baruch Hu says, "All right, I have a yud for you." I have to change your name. Moshe Rabenu says that yud from Sarai. What's it been doing the entire time? The yud that says, "I demand a place in this world," comes down to Yeshua, and what does it tell Yeshua? This is your anchor. And when everybody around you is acting out of fear, you don't have to because you're rooted in your core self. You're rooted in that yud.

29:50 This is the connection between David and Melech and Bat Sheva and this story. What's David Hamelech saying? David Hamelech is saying, "Takod Hashem Baruch Hu, don't embarrass me." That doesn't make any sense. David Hamelech is not embarrassed. He's not a child. David Hamelech is saying, "I don't understand, Takod Hashem Baruch Hu. I did tshuva." So why is my avera being included in the story? What does Takod Hashem Baruch Hu say? Is there a greater lesson of the indestructible core of self? Then your entire story with Bat Sheva, the fact that you went through that and that you were able to say Chatasi LaHashem that I did an avera and I'm doing tshuva for it, isn't that the greatest expression of the indestructible yud? If I literally saved a yud, just one small letter, says Hashem. In order to root Yeshua in himself, then certainly your story, where you were so rooted in yourself that you were able to say "Hey, I made a mistake. That wasn't good, and I can do tshuva because I have that indestructible core of self." David and Bathsheba is in the story that Hakadosh Baruch Hu has to include. It's the ultimate expression of the yud.

30:51 Here's the brilliance. If you really think deeply about the story Now Yeshua has the yud. And he's anchored to himself, right? He's deeply rooted in himself, right? Now it's even deeper than that. What happens when the system that produces fear says your name as Yehoshua and not Hoshea? Do you understand what happened here? His name was Hoshea. His name was Hoshea. So the Meraglim were living in fear. The system produces fear. What happens when people produce fear? They dominate others. Group think. You're not allowed to have your own opinion. You have to think like us. This is a bad idea. It's irresponsible. Be a responsible leader, Yosher. Except they don't call him Hosea. They call him Yosher. So every time the Meraglim say his name, because now he has a new name, every time the Meraglim say his name, what are they actually doing? They're reminding him of who he really is. Do you understand the brilliance? The brilliance of changing Yeshua's name—it's a very special type of tefillah. The tefillah is, I'm changing your name. I'm davening that you should be anchored to yourself. I'm giving you that yud, but who's going to say your name? Who's going to remind you of who you really are? The system of fear reminds you of who you really are. When you're deeply rooted in yourself, when you see all that fear coming out, it actually emboldens your actual sense of self.

32:20 Because you're not part of that system. So when you see the fear coming at you and people are yelling at you, it actually makes you even stronger. You ever have a situation like that where people are acting absolutely crazy, but you're okay, and actually you get more okay the crazier that people act Because you're like this is so absolutely absurd And so it's like Wow, I'm okay. Because this is crazy, I'm reminded of a mashal. I think it was a Rabbi Nachman mashal. Where there was a kingdom where the water became toxic, and everybody in the kingdom was drinking the water, and so everybody in the kingdom started losing their minds and started acting in irrational ways. But the king drank filtered water. He didn't drink from the regular water of the kingdom. But what was happening was that everybody in the kingdom was becoming insane.

33:11 And so slowly but surely, all the insane people in the kingdom started doing. All the insane people in the kingdom started saying, 'Hey, the king is absolutely insane. He's acting so differently from the rest of us.' In the meantime, the king and his adviser were the only people that hadn't drunk the water. So the king said to his adviser, 'I have a problem. If I keep acting like a normal person, I'm going to lose my kingdom. But the problem is, I don't want to act like an insane person. So what do I do?' The adviser came up with the following chab. He said, 'Listen. We have to start acting insane like everybody else.' The king said, "But if we act insane like everybody else, what happens if we start to believe that the insane is actually sane?" Which is, by the way, kind of the world we're living in today. Where the insane has become sane, and if you say the same thing, people go, "You're insane for saying the same thing."

33:58 So the king said, 'What happens if we start to act insane and then we start to believe that we're actually insane?' So the advisor thought about it and he said, 'You're right. It's a big problem. Let's put a dot, like a mark on each other's forehead, so that we will always remind each other when we're looking at each other. We'll always remember everything around us is insane, but we're the only sane ones left until we could come up with a cure for all these people that they could return to sanity.' And it's like that. The entire system. Sometimes you're in the system and you just see it, and it's like because you're rooted in self and you just see people acting this way.

34:33 I don't see it that way. And you're okay because every time people ratchet up the fear, they're actually saying you, Yehoshua. They're not calling you Oseia. The system itself tells you to be emboldened to be yourself, even though the rest of the system is acting like fear. So it's a brilliant way that Moshe Rabenu tethers Yehoshua to the vision of Hakadosh Baruch Hu for what's going to be for Eretz Yisrael. He knows that the system is going to devolve into fear. Why he sent them anyway is a different story. But he knows that the system is going to devolve into fear. So what does he do? He gives Yeshua the ability that the system itself will call him Yeshua. And that Gufo will make sure that he doesn't fall prey. But there is another model here. That's the model of Yeshua. There's another model, and that's the model of Kaliv.

35:19 This is called strength through individuation. There's strength through attachment, but what's the challenge? If you strengthen yourself to attachment, you might attach yourself to something. That's not healthy. But there's another type of strength, and this is called the strength of individuation. Which means Do I have the ability to leave the group without falling apart? I want to be very honest with you. I did think that this was our last year. So I thought that this was an amazing segue to start talking about our ability to be tethered and attached to something higher than ourselves but knowing that we're attached to our core But I had a little bit of an agenda, which is Do I have the ability to go back to old groups But stay individuated? I want to share with you that when I came back from Eretz Yisrael, for me, this was without a doubt my biggest challenge.

36:22 Because for me, becoming from meant. And this was very painful. Baruch Hashem, it wasn't long term. A lot of those guys are still my friends today. But for the short term, it meant I wasn't going to be able to be with them because if I'm coming back from Eretz Yisrael and now I'm super stark and I'm sitting and learning, and they're having Matzei Shabbos and they're having Saturday night, it's complicated. I'm not going with them to the places they're going. It is not a simple thing to leave the group, and I have to tell you. Those guys today are still Baruch Hashem some of my closest friends. Some of them are not from at all. In fact, one of them, who's really not from, he actually sponsored my svarim. Like he gave thousands of dollars to sponsor the svarim that I published. And I said to him, it's funny that you're giving this money. You don't believe in anything that I wrote.

37:12 But because we're good friends, he goes, I don't need to believe in what you wrote. I believe in you, and I'm supporting you. You're my friend. It's beautiful, it's amazing, but I have to tell you, it was a rocky start. Because you come back from Eretz Yisrael and it's like Am I really going to have the courage to leave? Do I really have the courage to step out if everybody's going in a direction that I don't feel comfortable in? Do I have the ability to say Listen, no judgment, you do you, but I don't feel safe here. I don't feel comfortable. I don't feel like this is my place. Not so simple at all. The brilliance of Kalev, and perhaps we could argue why Moshe Rabbeinu says, "I'm not concerned for you, Kalev." Yehoshua, I'm concerned for him, because Yehoshua's humility is the type of humility where he attaches himself to something greater than himself. And sometimes, when we attach ourselves to something greater than ourselves, what happens? Sometimes I attach myself to something greater than myself that results in that falling apart in fear. But Kalev Kalev, I don't have to be worried about you when you're going to fall apart in fear, because I know that you have the strength to leave.

38:14 And it's exactly what Kalev does. They're all traveling, and he goes. This is not what I'm looking for. And where does he go? Chevron. And it's not an accident that he goes to Chevron because what does the word Chevron mean? Chevron from a lashon of chaver From a lashon of chibur, from a lashon of connection, from a lashon of friendship. Who are the miraglim to Kalev? They're his friends. See how hard it is to leave your friends to go seek a different type of connection. And what's the type of connection that Kalev seeks? He doesn't just go daven. What does he do? He prostrates himself. He's nistatech. Where al kibriavos. It's a fascinating thing. There's two types of smallness. There's the humility of Yoshua And then there's also the humility of Kalev. What does the humility of Kalev look like? When all the miraglem are being big and they have this big group think, and this is the way we believe. What do Yehoshua and Kalev do? How do they beat it? They both get small. Yehoshua gets that little yud. What does Kalev do? He literally prostrates himself on the ground. He completely bows down.

39:18 Because sometimes, sometimes When you absolutely submit to your roots, to your core of who you are It gives you the ability to leave your friends and to be able to say, "I'm going to do me." And by the way, that's exactly what happened. Exactly what happened. If you look at the pesukim. What does it say? Vayas Kalev eshaamel Moshe vayomer alo na ale vayarashnu osa kiyachol nuchala And he said, "We can surely go up and take possession of the land. We can indeed overcome it." The Gemara in Sota 35a says, "You know what he did?" He tricked Klal Yisrael because Yehoshua also started to argue with Klal Yisrael, and Klal Yisrael started to shout Yehoshua down and became very dangerous. They said, "No, are you crazy?" And Kalev had to figure out how to manipulate the crowd. So Kalev said.

40:16 The chizuba v'ara sulanu ma'emen Amram. Is this the only thing that Ben Amram did to us? Meaning, they thought he was about to go off on Moshe Rabbeinu and say all the terrible things that Moshe Rabbeinu did. And so, all of a sudden, the entire group quiets down. They're like, "Now Kalev is going to tell us how terrible Moshe Rabbeinu is." But what does he do? He says, "No. He says he took us out of Mitzrayim and he split the sea and he gave us the man. And if he says build ladders up to Shamayim, then we should build ladders up to Shamayim." The brilliance of Kalev, the absolute brilliance of Kalev. Yehoshua says, 'I see the fear. I'm strong enough to confront it.' But Kalev understood fear even more, perhaps, than Yehoshua. You know what he said? He said, 'I'm going to lean into their fear. I'm going to really, for a moment, just a moment, I'm going to pretend to be on their side. I'm going to harness their fear. And now, when they're paying attention to me, I'm going to flip the entire story and I'm going to tell them, 'You should know. You could do the impossible.' If you would listen to Moshe Rabbeinu, you could do the impossible. Because if you're defined by fear, that's when the impossible is impossible. But if you absolutely are rooted in self'

41:19 You can do the impossible. And I want to tell you something. I've seen it. I've seen it with my own eyes. People who believe in themselves to achieve the impossible do. My mother likes to say this story about my brother, and she's a hundred percent right. I have a brother that has irrational levels of confidence in himself. It's amazing. From the time he was very little, in certain shuls, there's a thing where little kids get up and say Anam Zemiros. So usually you practice beforehand and you don't just get up there. My brother, even as a little kid, had no practice and nobody had ever taught him. He just gets up there in front of the entire shul and he does Anam Zemiros. He did it because he thought, I got this. He had no idea if he could do it or not. He just got up there and did it. My brother interviews for jobs. He's like a very good job, my brother. He's very successful. He's young. He's in his late 30s. He interviews for jobs and he's like, 'Yeah, I could probably make your company at least hundreds of millions.'

42:16 What? How do you know? Because I can. It's an amazing thing. What happens when people live from fear? Nobody wants to hire you. All the barriers that exist in this world exist in this world because we think they exist. Some people have enough of a sense of self that they go, "Who says?" Maybe it's possible, and you just don't know it yet. That's how all change gets made. Kalev comes to the people and he says, 'Chaver, you're living in fear. Look what Moshe Rabbeinu did for us. He took us out of Mitzrayim. He split the sea. He gave us the man. In Moshe Rabbeinu's world, the impossible becomes possible. Stop living from fear. Attach yourself to your avos. Attach yourself to Moshe Rabbeinu, and all of a sudden, the impossible becomes possible.' And that's when they realized, like. Oh my God, Kalev got us, right? Because he used their fear, he harnessed their fear to get their attention, and then he used it to show them how irrational their fear was. That's how real change is made.

43:12 Why does Kalev get Chevron? Because he lived it. Kalev doesn't get Chevron just because he happened to walk on the land. Lots of people walked on Chevron, but some people live in Chevron. Some people, their connection to Chevron is they say. I could choose to be connected to the chevrat, or I could choose to be connected to Hashem. But the chibur, what type of friendship I have, that's up to me. That takes a tremendous amount of strength. There's a question I think that a lot of us have in our personal growth journey. And the question is, it's like an end of the year question. You get this a lot, how do I stay strong? I'm going back to old environments. Surely, I'm going to fall back into old habits. It's true. Old habits die hard. I want you to know there are certain things I've been doing since I was a kid. No matter how hard I try to stop them, I just do them. It's like part of my DNA. It's hard to break away. But I think this week's parsha and these two models of Yosef and Kalev are giving us a real insight.

44:20 Not only into how we can make changes in our life, but how we make those changes real? Two lessons. Number one, every one of us has that yud. Every one of us has that indestructible core of self. There's a yud in every single Jew. That pinto yid. That's your yud. Do you have the ability to say, no matter what I face, I live from that deep sense of self? Number two If needed. I have enough strength to walk away from a group that's behaving in a way that's out of fear, and I'm not going to participate in those systems. I'm strong enough to stand up to those groups, and I'm wise enough to know how I may not do battle with them head to head. But I am absolutely going to be able to harness that fear to call it out so that I can operate differently. Girls have a beautiful shabbos.