Noach - Seeing Only the Good

2:38 See if I can find it. If not, you'll just trust me. It says, "Very good." The Noach matzachin be'enei Hashem. What's the last pasuk in Bereshis? The last pasuk in Bereshis is about Noach. Found chayin in the eyes of Hashem. Girls, according to Rashi, what should it have said at that point? Vinoach, Noach, if sadik tamim haya bedorosav, and Noach was matzachin be'enei Hashem. And then the next pasuk is Ela told us Noach, what would it have said? Es shame es cham ve'es yafes. So Rashi's answer is, since it mentions Noach, we have to run right away to be mishabeach Noach and extol all his virtues. But this is not the first time it mentioned Noach. The first time it mentioned Noach was in Parshas Bereishis, and the Torah would have been written much more seamlessly. How does it start off? This is Noach. Noach was tzaddik. Tamar la yebidarosav. V'Noach matzachein be'enei Hashem. Ela told us Noach. Eshem escham v'esyofes.

3:38 So Rashi's answer actually leads us to more questions. That's the first question Rashi. There's a second question Rashi also, which is not exactly a question Rashi. But it is an important thing to think about. What exactly does it mean, Zechar Tzaddik Levracha? What does it mean when you see a Tzaddik You should extol his praises? Why? What's the point of that? You mention a Tzaddik, Noach. You should know he was a big Tzaddik. What's the value in saying, Rav Moshe Hillel Hirsch? You should know he's a very big Tzaddik. Every time you mention a Tzaddik's name, you have to go ahead and extol his praises. Interesting though, strange. So those are our first two questions on the first pasuk in Noach and the Rashi. Now let's go a little bit deeper. Let's go all the way to the end of the parsha. Again, it seems to be random, but you'll see these two things go together.

4:36 At the end of the parsha, we know that Noach comes out of the teva, and what does he do? He plants a vineyard and gets drunk. He gets drunk. The Torah tells us. And vayishd min ayayin vayishkar Noach drinks from the wine and he gets drunk vayiskal b'soch oh Allah and he uncovered himself and where was he in his tent so Noach was undressed in his tent vayar cham avi Kenan es ervas aviv and cham who's cham we just mentioned him a second ago his son the father of Kenan comes in and he sees. His father is uncovered. He sees that his father is undressed. Vayagid l'shnei achav b'chutz. He tells his two brothers who are outside of the tent. Who are the two brothers? Shem and Yefes. He goes and he tells them, "Our father is inside the tent and he's drunk and he's undressed." What happens? Shem and Yefes.

5:41 Take a simla. What's a simla, girls? Some sort of garment. And they laid it on their shoulders. And they walked backwards. And they covered their father's uncoveredness. Their faces were turned away so that they didn't see their father undress. It's a very, very strange story. Ham walks in and he says, 'Dad is drunk, Dad is undressed.' He goes outside and he tells his brothers, 'Dad is drunk, Dad is undressed.' And rather than just coming in and closing their eyes, they do this very complicated thing. What's the very complicated thing they do? They take the simile, they put it on their shoulders, they walk in backwards with their faces turned away, they cover him, and the Torah tells us they did not see their father. Now the simple explanation is they didn't want to see. They didn't want to see it's not a nice way of seeing your father. But if that were the case, then it's like, does the Torah really need to tell us all the gory details of how they walked in to make sure that at no point were they seen by anybody? You understand? Obviously, there's something going on here that's a little bit more than meet the eye.

7:06 So far, so good. Those are our questions for tonight. Anyone need me to repeat all the questions? You got them. You got them? Save it. So I want to share with you an amazing answer. The answer goes as follows. I hope you'll be with me. The Gemara in Eirechin says a very strange thing. The Gemara says when a person speaks lashon hara, it impacts not one, not two, but three people. Who are the three people it impacts? It impacts the speaker, the listener and the one being spoken about. Now let's think about that if that makes any sense for a second. I understand why the speaker of lashon hara is impacted. Because you just spoke lashon hara. What a terrible thing you just did. When you speak lashon hara It changes you as a person. You know that if you stop speaking lashon hara, even if you stop for a week or two, you see radical levels of change in yourself.

8:04 Radical levels of change. It impacts the listener. Why? First of all, it could have stopped him. That's a good one. Maybe it's like there are some people that you can't say lashon hara to. You know what I'm saying? Like some people, I don't know how to say this nicely. Some people almost invite lashon hara. They're like, tell me, like I want it. You know. And even if they don't do it that much, what do they do? Just go, oh yeah. It's just like there's some people that they have a barrier up that they're like. I will not, under any circumstances, hear lashon hara, and you would never dare tell them lashon hara. In a certain sense, when you hear lashon hara, you're responsible for the lashon hara being spoken about. I understand why the speaker is impacted. I understand why the listener is impacted. But What's the obvious question?

8:58 How is the person being spoken about impacted? What do you mean? No. That's not what the Gemara says. The Gemara doesn't say it damages them. The Gemara doesn't say that they're going to be damaged because of the lashon hara. They're going to be impacted. No. You're not understanding what the Gemara is saying. It's not saying. Let's say Ruvain says lashon hara about Tshimon about Levi And now because of that lashon hara, Levi won't get business from Tshimon. The Gemara means that even if nothing would ever happen to Levi, somehow he's impacted. Something happens to him on a spiritual level, just like the speaker and the listener. He's also somehow responsible in a certain way, somehow a part of this lashon hara. Do you hear why it's a question now? What? One second. I'm not looking for answers yet. I just want to unpack the problem. Does that make sense?

9:58 So the Babachir Rebbe says as follows. It's a wild answer. It's a beautiful answer, and if you're sensitive I hope that this will change the way that you speak about people. What is speech? So I'll be chassidus, I'll be penimius at Torah. Speech is the revelation of thought. You think something, and as long as you're thinking it, what is it? It's just a thought. But what happens when you take a thought and bring it into reality? What now? Now people know the thing that was secret until now. Now all of a sudden it's revealed. Now all of a sudden it's in reality. Says the Rebbe as follows. Ruvein tells Lashon Hara to Shimon. We understand why Ruvein is impacted. We understand why Shimon is impacted. They're saying Lashon Hara about Levi. Levi up until this point. Whatever gnei, whatever bad thing they're talking about It's hidden.

11:04 It's hidden. It's not like in reality yet. But when Ruvain comes along to Shimon, and Shimon allows the lashon hara to be spoken about Levi, what's happening to Levi on a spiritual perspective? Spiritually speaking, something that was hidden before about Levi has now been brought into reality, and therefore Levi is negatively spiritually impacted. There was something about him that was like a secret, and now it's been revealed. So when you speak lashon hara, the Gemara in Eirichin means when you speak lashon hara, you're not only damaging yourself You're not only damaging the listener, you're damaging the person you're speaking about. Even if nothing ever physically happens to Levi, there's damage occurring. Do you mind if I just want to continue the point? Because otherwise, I'm going to lose my train of thought. You girls hear this concept? That's a very big concept. That something could be concealed, and through speech, I bring it into reality. I say something, and once I say something, I manifest it in reality.

12:22 One second. I'm not. I just want to be very clear what I'm saying and what I'm not saying. Do me a favor, just hear it carefully. I'm not talking about somebody who says this person did something wrong. That's not what we mean. If you come along and go Not you, but let's say, Ruvein says to Shimon I don't know. Levi's is so lazy. He might be lazy. That might be true. But what you did now is not just an action that Levy did. You brought it out into reality. It's not just a thing that Levy did. It's something about him that you elevated into reality. In other words, we're going to see in a moment the impact of this. What you say about somebody matters tremendously. That makes his laziness now a thing. Not that he wasn't acting that way beforehand, but yes, in a certain way, you've increased it. I'll explain. I'll give it to you on the flip side, and I think it'll become a little bit clearer. So just do me a favor. Let me get through this. I think it'll help you.

13:23 It's much easier to understand on the positive side. Let's say you have a teacher. And this teacher She really believes in you. Now she never tells you anything to your face. She never says to your face that you're awesome, you're amazing. But let's say she's in. They have a teachers' room here. Let's say she's in the teachers' room and she's talking to a mechanech. And she says, "This girl, you should know. I see the way she listens. I see the way she takes notes. I see the way she's really invested in the shirum. I could tell amazing things about her." What's the gift that she gave that girl who never hears those words? But somehow, because I said a positive thing, it impacts me. That's obvious, as the person who said it. It impacts the listener because now she thinks a beautiful thing about this girl. But even though the girl doesn't know it, what did you do?

14:24 You elevated her. She has a sense. She has like a sixth sense. Whenever she sees you, whenever she's in your presence, there's like a sixth sense about her. I could tell that she actually cares. Is it because the listener will believe it? And not only because the listener will believe it, for sure. That's like I say, a very practical thing. So that mechanechet, the next time she's talking to that girl, she has in her head those beautiful words that the teacher said. But it's even more than that. That girl is walking down the hallway, and the teacher is walking down the hallway. And maybe she never says anything, but somehow she knows. There's a presence. There's an aura. That woman believes in me. And it elevates a person. You can always tell who the people are who really believe in you and who the people are who don't. Even if they never said it to your face, somehow in their presence you feel elevated, or somehow in their presence you feel diminished.

15:19 You ever have a sense like that? You ever like, I don't know why, I just don't think she likes me. I don't know why she never. What you mean? She never did anything. She called you out. She embarrassed you? I just get the sense. Where'd you get that sense from? It might very well be Maybe it's your imagination, but it might very well be because you're picking up on the reality of the way that this person sees you and the way that this person speaks about you. What was your question? I was just before you said that I was going to ask, what if somebody talks about you like in a jealous? And that's exactly the point here. When someone speaks about you in a jealous way, in a negative way, it has an impact. You don't feel it, even if somehow you never heard the words, but somehow you just feel it. You're not you're not you're not an you're not an elevated person in their presence. You get a certain like vibe from them, and you're like This doesn't feel like a safe place.

16:14 And it's an amazing thing because we can't articulate it. You're like certain girls are nope, it's not my vibe, that's not my chaver, that's not my crowd. What happened? There's a certain aura about the way people are around us, and kifee the way they are around us, we either rise or fall to the occasion. There's a very famous actor whose name was Zero Mostel. You know who Zero Mostel was? Did the girls ever hear of Fiddler on the Roof? Zero Mostel was Fiddler. He was Jewish. His name was Shmuel Yaakov when he was growing up in Borough Park. And he went. Thank you for sharing. And he went to Hollywood. And in Hollywood he couldn't be Shmuel Yaakov. So they asked him, 'What's your stage name?' And he said, 'My stage name is Zero Mustel.' They said, 'Why?' He said, 'Because when I was a kid growing up, I had a rebbe who would always say to me, 'Dubista garnished, you're going to be a nothing in your life.'

17:14 So he took the name Zero Mustel as a tribute to that rebbe who always said you'll be a nothing. He goes, 'See, now I'm a zero.' I'm a successful Hollywood actor. The way that we relate to people matters. When we treat people with disrespect, we make them feel lower about themselves. Even if they never hear the words we say, somehow they get a sense. And if we speak positively and beautifully about people, we also get a sense. Wow This person is a safe place. I feel escalated in their presence. That's what it means to be a great rebbe. There was a story in the Gemara about Shimon HaTzaddik. Shimon HaTzadik was the Kohen Gadol. Every year, Shimon HaTzadik would go into the Kodesh Hakodashim. Every year, Shimon HaTzadik would go into the Kodesh Hakodashim. He would walk out and he would say, "This year, I know I'm going to live." One year, Shimon HaTzadik walked out of the Kodesh Hakodashim and he said, "This year, I know I'm going to die."

18:09 And they said, 'Why?' He said, 'Because every single year when I go into the Kodesh Hakodashim, there's a Malach in the Kodesh Hakodashim who's wearing white, and this year the Malach was wearing black. So I know that this year I'm going to die.' Rav Salivichik explains the Gemara. What does that mean? What's this Malach? What's the significance? So Rav Salivichik explained as follows: Every year when he went in, Malach represented Klal Yisrael. So he looked at that Malach. He looked at Klal Yisrael, and he said, 'Klal Yisrael is so beautiful. Klal Yisrael is so amazing. Look how pure they are. That's how he achieved atonement for Klal Yisrael. So he said, 'Of course I'm going to live because I'm a good leader for Klal Yisrael.' Because I believe in them, because I believe in their beauty. One year he walked out and he said, "I'm going to die." How did he know?

18:57 Because when I looked at Klal Yisrael, it was ugly. When I looked at Klal Yisrael, I saw their worst avers. I knew I was no longer worthy to be the leader, and that was the year that Shimon HaTzadik died. The way that we see people matters. The way that we speak about people matters. I want to share with you a stunning var. I just heard this beautiful var. I saw it in the MKY status, unbelievable var. The Novominsker Rebbe Zechariah Klavrocha. The Novominsker, you girls know who the Novominsker Rebbe was? He was one of the Gedolei Adar of the last generation. He passed away very recently. The Novominsker Rebbe said as follows: He said a var from a guy whose name was Mendel. Mendel was known in Borough Park and Williamsburg as a coat rack. That's what people called him. There goes the coat rack, because he was a very bedraggled person. He wore tons of clothing. He looked like a homeless person. You know this var? You heard the story?

19:58 He was like a he like walked around and he didn't smell so good. And it wasn't a hundred percent obvious who is this guy? Is he me'achuz? Is he with it? Is he yatsadik? He was just a very bedraggled person, and he was known as the coat rack. Mendel said a var. And the Novominsker Rebbe thought this vart was so beautiful, he repeated it in the name of Mendel, who had at that time passed away. Listen to the vart. The pasuk says, "But seder tishbot amisecha" And the Gemara learns out from here that one has to look at a Jew positively. Should be don lekavshus, but seder tishbot amisecha. If this is the din that we're supposed to look at Jews positively, Mendel the coat rack asked the following question. Then what's the lifnim mishuras hadin? If the din is to speak about Jews positively, look at Jews positively, then what's the lifnim mishures hadin? What's beyond the letter of the law?

20:57 See, you know what Mendel said Mendel the Kotrek. He says, "Who says you should be looking at all?" Who says you should be looking at all? You see someone and they're walking down the road. So on one level, you look at them and you say, "I have to be dam la kafshos" Mend the coat racks. And what does it mean, lifnimishoras adin? Why are you looking? There's people walking around all the time. Do you know this thing? This negative thing. They're like social justice warriors. They're always looking for the negative. They're always looking to say a negative thing. They're always looking to knock people down. Do you know what they did in that yeshiva? Do you know what they did in that seminary? Do you know I heard about what those girls did? It's so painful when you speak to a person like that because you're really Really? Why are you looking? Some people don't have to be dal makavshus because they're not dal at all.

21:55 They're not looking negatively at people. It doesn't mean they're foolish. It doesn't mean they're fools at all. It means they just don't see it. That's the hallmark of a great rebbe. The hallmark of a great rebbe is that when somebody comes and they say, 'Do you know what this guy did?' and they go, 'Really? I can't even imagine it.' What does that mean? You can't imagine it. They're not idiots. You know what they're saying? I just don't see this person that way. They're shemana tzaddik. They're looking beyond this person's behavior to the truest essence of them. They don't need to judge them positively because they see them just beautifully. They're not looking at any of the negative things that happen. Isn't that an unbelievable midah? Who wouldn't want to be married to somebody like that? Who wouldn't want to be raised by parents like that? Who wouldn't want to have a rebbe like that, a teacher like that, somebody who, when they look at you lefnimish? I said, "Din, I'm not looking at any of the negative. I pusher don't see it."

22:47 I pusher don't see it. I know that there are specific rebbeim today that have gotten very popular. I'm going to say their names. I don't think it's lashon hara to say their names. Even though you could say maybe you shouldn't say a positive thing about a specific person, I think in this case it's okay. I know that a lot of people today are listening to the shiurim of Rabbi Kalish and Rabbi Fisher. So for all of you people that just did this, you're the people I'm talking to. Because I'm going to say something. I mean this only in the most positive way. Are they the best speakers out there? Are they the most charismatic, most dynamic speakers? Not necessarily. I'm not saying they're not awesome speakers. They are. But that's not why people are so attracted. So you'll say, but the Torah they say is so beautiful. I want you to know, tons of Torah is beautiful. You can go on Torah anytime, and you could just scroll down, and you'll hear the most amazing Vartlach. Why them?

23:39 Why are they so popular? You never even met them. You never met them. You don't know Rabbi Kehliss. You don't know Rabbi Fisher. What is going on that everyone's like? I have to see them. It's a very simple answer. It's a very simple answer. They're beautiful people who don't see negative things in Jews. And it's contagious. We all want to be in their presence. We want to be in the presence of people who just don't have to be don lekavslus because they're not in a state of judgment. They're not in a state. That's not what they're holding at all. You could speak negatively about a person. You could destroy them. You could destroy them, or you could speak positively about a person. You don't have to be don lekavshlos because you never even think a negative thing about them. And it's an amazing thing in our generation, which is the last generation before the coming of Mashiach. We're the generation that greets Mashiach.

24:34 This avoda is the main avoda. The avoda is can you see Jews beautifully? And the question is how far do you go? How far do you go? Let's say. I don't make a political thing, and I don't want anybody to comment. I'm just saying, let's say you're at a pro-Palestinian rally. Obviously, we can all agree that that's insane. We should all be able to agree that there is no virtue in standing on the side of terrorists who murder innocent people. There are Jews, very misguided. There are Jews who go to these pro-Palestinian rallies. And there are Lubavitchers that go to these pro-Palestinian rallies, and they say, let's put on Tefillin on them. And everybody got in a whole tumult. Should you put on tefillin on these people? Are they Amchad? Not Amchad. And all the Labavshers you should know had no shilu. They weren't bothered by it at all. They weren't bothered by it even a little bit. They were saying a very simple thing: They're Jews.

25:30 They're Jews. They're at a pro-Palestinian rally. Let's connect to who they really are. Let's put tefillin on them. Let's speak to their Jewish soul. So you're getting so caught up in their actions. And you're making a cheshbon. Is it the right thing or the wrong thing? That's not who they are. So that whole debate was because there are people that still are not holding by this place where they have to look at a person. But I have to disagree, and I have to let you know that I disagree, and it's not right what you're doing. Of course, it's not right. So what's going to be? You're going to walk into this pro-Palestinian rally, and you're going to go. It's not right that you're here. What do you think they're going to do? They're going to debate with you. Don't debate with them. Sit down with them. Talk to them. Invite them for a Shabbos meal. Put tefillin on them. Speak to who they really are. It's an amazing thing that happens.

26:20 There's a story, a beautiful story. That I saw that Rav Kook In the beginning of the founding of the state of Israel, there were Jews that were working on Rosh Hashanah. They were building on Rosh Hashanah, and they ran and told Rav Kook. So he said, "let's go make sure they have a chauffeur." And they went out and they blew the chauffeur. The story goes again, I wasn't there. You know who knows how many of these stories are real or not, but at least it's a good story. They blew the chauffeur, and the people one by one said, 'It's Rosh Hashanah, we shouldn't be here.' And they closed up shop. If you sit and argue with these people in a certain way, it's because you're looking at their negativity, and when you look at their negativity, you elevate their negativity. When you blow chauffeur for them, they go, "That's who I really am." People rise to the occasion if we stop looking at the negativity. Does that mean that we shouldn't hold people accountable? Does that mean that as a parent, I shouldn't notice when my kid is doing something wrong and I shouldn't call them out on it? Of course not.

27:16 As a parent, as a rebbe, as a teacher, as a mechanech, as a rakeset, sometimes you have to have a hard conversation. But where is the hard conversation coming from? Because you see them fundamentally negatively, you see them as that black malach, or do you see them beautifully and you say, Do you know who you could be? Do you know what you really are? When you hold somebody to that standard, because that's the way you see them, people rise to the occasion. Even if they never hear your words, they sense it about you. They sense it about themselves. In your presence, I sense my own greatness. That's the greatest gift as a parent that you could give to your children. If a child comes home and says, 'In my parent's presence, I sense my own greatness,' wouldn't that be an amazing gift to give your children? That your kid walks in the door and instead of the first thing being Did you do your homework?

28:05 What homework do you have? What was school like today? Don't grill your kids when they walk in the door. You know it's a beautiful thing when your kids walk in the door. You go, Hey, how you doing? Sit down, talk to them. Don't talk to them about the school. They just had school from nine o'clock in the morning to four thirty in the afternoon. The last thing kids want to talk about when they walk in the door is school. Nobody wants to talk about school. What can you do if your kid walks in the door? It's awesome to see you. Give them a hug. Welcome home. That's a beautiful thing. It makes a difference if a kid feels in your presence. I feel great. That's how they rise to the occasion. Let's take the flip side of this for a second. Now let's have the uncomfortable conversation. If you do see the negative Why? Why do you see the negative? So the Balshemtoh says as follows E un Ali Shorih chiama questo Balshemtoh Balsa.

28:55 The Balshemtoh says every single thing that happens in your life is a magic mirror. If you see somebody doing an avera and you look at them negatively, it's not because they're negative. It's because you saw it in yourself. You looked at them and you said, I see that in myself. And you should know by the big tzaddikim the way that they would operate. The way they would operate is if they saw somebody being mechal shabbos, they would think to themselves, How am I being mechal shabbos? How am I being mechal Shabbos? If I see somebody else being mechal Shabbos. How am I being mechal Shabbos? Because everything in life is a magic mirror. Let me explain this idea a little deeper. There's something called Ashkacha Pratis. Something called Ashkacha Pratis. What does Ashkacha Pratis mean? According to Hasidic philosophy, Ashkacha Pratis means every single moment of every single day is exactly what it should be, and I'm in that moment for a particular reason.

29:52 So if I'm in a specific moment and I see somebody. And they're doing an avera. I was placed there in order to be able to fix myself. That's what Ashkacha Pratis means. But there's an obvious question: How do you know that you were placed there to fix something in yourself? Maybe you were placed there to fix that other person. Maybe you went to a specific moment in time and you saw that person doing an avera so that you could go over and be makariv them. How do you know that it's about you? So the Lubavitcher Rebbe explains as follows. If it was just about them and fixing their average Then all you would have seen was the avera. But ask yourself, check in: Did you see more than the average? Was there something a little bit deeper than that? I'll give you an example. Let's say you see a girl and she's doing an avera And it bothers you.

30:48 It bothers you. Why does it bother you? Does it bother you that she's doing something inappropriate? You ever have that where you see somebody doing something inappropriate and it's like you almost feel compelled like you have to share with somebody like Do you know what I saw her doing? Why do you get judgmental about it? Why do you get negative about it? So the Balshamto says If it was just about her, you wouldn't have any of those emotional reactions. What's the reason you have those emotional reactions? Because it's really about you. We use a word today in 2024 psychological language, which I'm sure you're very accustomed to in Toma Devora. It's not only IFS that we have here. We also have other things. There's a word called triggered. And girls and guys will go. You should know that sheer triggered me very much. What I say, I want to say it again. What was that? What was me? You got triggered.

31:44 People don't realize when they say when someone says I got triggered. If something explodes in you, where was the ammunition that exploded in you? If Ruvein says something to Shimon and then Shimon goes, "You triggered me," did Ruvein do something to Shimon, or did something go off inside of Shimon? What Ruvein said triggered something in Shimon. The ammunition isn't in Ruvein. Ruvein didn't fire the gun. All he did was he lit the fuse. The explosion was in Shimon. If I see something in another person and I have an emotional reaction and I'm negative and I'm judgmental about that other person, then obviously who is it about? It's about yourself. If you walk by somebody who's being mechal shabbos and you go, "Ooh, they're being mechal shabbos," that's about you. That's about you. Some people you should know don't even see it. Some people don't even see it. I was told about a certain lebabacher in South Africa.

32:42 He wanted to figure out how to get these people to come to shul to be a part of the Jewish community. So he had an amazing idea. These people were completely devoid of any Torah observance, no shayches, no affiliation. To get them to come to shul was impossible. So he set up a kiddush. And when they would walk by All he would do is say he wouldn't even say good Shabbos. He wouldn't say come make a bracha. All he would do is hey you want to come hang out? Just to come hang out. It's a beautiful thing. But how come we didn't see the fact that there being mechalay Shabbos? He didn't see it because it wasn't about him. When you're actually focused on the other person, it's not about you. If you're triggered, then it's about you. You know the secret of Chaim versus Shem and Yaffes? Chaim walked into the tent And he's like "Dad's uncovered." What's the first thing he did?

33:36 He ran out and he said "Dad's uncovered." How does the Torah describe Ham? What is he? He's a vikinah. It's true. In psychological language, he was very triggered. But he's described as the father of Canaan. Girls, who was Canaan? Canaan ultimately becomes slaves. You know why? Because when you get triggered by other people, you're a slave. That's what happens. If you see the negativity in others and you don't work on yourself, you're a slave. You don't have any free choice. You're a slave to yourself. There are people that are walking around, and they're so negative and they're so cynical. These people walk around. You should know the righteousness. If you ever see it, it's uncomfortable to be in their presence. Have you ever spoken to somebody who's truly cynical? I don't mean pessimistic. I mean cynical. There's a big difference. Have you ever spoken to somebody who just can't see the positive in other people? It is so uncomfortable to be in their presence, especially because they think they're right about everything.

34:32 And it's like there's no space for anybody else to exist. Those people, you should know, are suffering terribly and are slaves. Cham looked; he looked, he walked in, and he saw the negativity of his father. And because of that, generations of slavery. What about Shem and Yaphes? Shem and Yaphes were exactly the opposite. Cham came out, and he said, "Dad's undressed." They said, "Maybe he is, but that's not about us." We don't want to see that. That has nothing to do with us. All we want to do is help our father. So they walked in, and the Torah describes in detail how they walked into the tent, how they walked backwards, how they had their faces looked away. And they did this. Why didn't they just close their eyes? You know what the answer is? Had nothing to do with them. It was achvirak about their father. I want to share something with you.

35:21 If you have a kid who's struggling Check yourself. You have a kid who's struggling. Look inside. What's coming up for me? What am I doing here? What am I bringing to the table? If a kid is going off the derech And you're having an emotional reaction, check yourself. Why are you having an emotional reaction? Because it's going to impact the shaduchim of the other kids in the family. If that's the case, you're not going to be a very good parent to that kid that's struggling because you're going to be so desperate for that kid to stay on the derech. You don't want it to impact the shaduchim of the other kids, which is obviously insane. I'll say it only because it's being recorded, and I want to make sure that everybody knows how absolutely insane that is. We're willing to judge one sibling for another, which is not what Chazal meant at all. When they said, 'Look into a person's brothers if you want to know who they are,' that's not what Chazal meant.

36:16 It's insane to create a culture where we're looking. That's exactly the opposite of everything we're talking about right now. But you're not going to parent that child because you're so worried about everything else. So you know what you're going to do when that kid is starting not to keep Shabbos. You're going to go, 'Really? You're not keeping Shabbos.' Girls, do you think that guy is going to keep Shabbos? Because you're constantly saying, 'Keep Shabbos. Keep Shabbos. Keep Shabbos.' If anything, it's the opposite. Leave me alone. I just want to be loved and appreciated in this home for who I am. As a parent As a member of the community, as a person of influence Don't look. Shem and Yaffes, beautiful things came out of them because they didn't look. When you don't look, it doesn't mean you're ignorant. They knew that their father was undressed. But they said he might be. I want to help him. I'm not pulled into this. I'm not wrapped up in this. I don't see my father's negativity. My father needs help. I'll help him. It's not about me. I'm not a player in this conversation.

37:16 That's the gift. The gift that we give to people when we see them in a beautiful way. We allow them to be their truest self. And when we see people in a negative way We bring them down. Again, to be clear, it doesn't mean that if you see your child acting in a negative way, you don't say something. Sometimes people behave inappropriately, and you have to call them out on it. But what's the way that you call them out on it? Do you call them out and say, "You are so big" Or do you call them out and say, 'You are so small'? I'll finish with this one story. It's one of my favorite stories. There was a boy in yeshiva. His name was Yaakov. This was a mistake that I made my first year and my second year in chenoch. There was a boy in yeshiva whose name was Yaakov. Yaakov was in my shir And I would give Yaakov such a hard time.

38:10 If he was late to shear, if he was talking in shear, if he wasn't working as hard, I'd be like, "Come on, Yakov, come on, do it. Come on, you could do it." I was trying, I was always pushing him, and he would always get very frustrated with me. "Rebbe, come on, leave me alone already. Let me just be. Let me do." For the first three months of the year, I gave him a hard time. After that, I'll be honest with you, I gave up. I gave up. It's not a nice thing. I wish I could tell a better story. I was like, "I'm not gonna push him. If every time I push him, he's gonna give me a hard time back." Baruch Hashem. About two months later, Yaakov really started to get into it. And he started to say this thing. It was like a joke in Sheer. He's like, "Rabbi, do you realize that I'm the third best guy in Sheer? Because one guy was clearly the best, and one guy was the second. Do you realize I'm third?" And it became a thing that he was walking around going, "I'm the third best guy in Erzberg Sheer. I'm the third best guy in Erzberg Sheer."

39:00 At the end of the year We're all on the roof. That's the big thing we do in Mivaseret. Everyone goes up to the roof at the end of the year, and every guy talks about what their year meant to them. And sometimes the guys will go over to a rebbe and they'll say, "Rebbe, if you wouldn't mind, I just want to get one last shmooz. Could we walk to the side on the roof? Just one last shmooz." So Yaakov comes over to me and he goes, 'Reb Burke, can we get one last shmooz?' So I said, "Sure." So we walk over to the side and he goes, "I want with you. I'm actually really upset at you." And I was like, 'What did I do now? I haven't said a negative thing to him in months. He's third best. What did I do? So I was like, "what did I do? So he goes. How come you stopped pushing me? So I said, Yaakov Every time I pushed you, you yelled at me.

39:46 Every time I said a word to you, you were like, "Get off my back." He goes, "Yeah, it was your job not to listen" And he was a hundred percent right. He said, "If you really would have believed in me, then you wouldn't have heard me pushing back. You would have just said, 'I believe in him so much that I don't care if he's upset. I'm going to keep pushing him.'" He goes, Rebbe, I don't know what my year would have been if you would have kept pushing me. And from that point on in my chinuch career, I changed my hashgacha completely. And now, if a guy has to get in trouble in yeshiva It's super uncomfortable for me. Who wants to be the Rebbe that's not popular? Who wants to be the disciplinarian in yeshiva? But I always think to myself At the end of the year, this guy maybe he's Yaakov. And so if I go to that guy and I say, Hey, man.

40:34 You could be great, but this is not okay the way you're behaving. And he walks out of the office and he goes, "Can't believe Reberg is giving me such a hard time. My job is not to hear it" Because be'etzem, I think positively about him. But there's one catch: I can only call him in and get him in trouble if I actually think positively about him. If I don't, then somebody else can do it. But if I actually think positively, then it doesn't bother me a kihuzet if that kid is upset at me. Because you know what, at the end of the day, that's me believing in a kid. You girls are here this year, and you have a choice. You could come You could chill, show up this year or not show up this year. You could be on your phone or not be on your phone. You could do whatever you want. And the truth is, some teachers will be very nice to you.

41:22 And they'll just say, 'Leave her alone. I let her do her thing. If she wants to sit in that place and just do whatever she wants, fine. She could do it.' But you should know, those teachers don't necessarily see you as awesome. They don't necessarily see you as amazing. But maybe you have a teacher here And she only sees positive. She only thinks of you in the most beautiful way. But she does notice, not because she's looking, but because Chaim told her there's a certain area that this girl needs working. So when she approaches you, she walks in backwards with her face turned away, but she says to you "Lo zu adarach. You're much bigger than that. Don't stoop to this level. You should know those are your best teachers. Those are the ones that are going to change your lives. The ones that see the beauty in you, and that's why they tell you, rise to the occasion." Don't do that. It's beneath your dignity to be that person. Blessed Hashem, we should be zaycher to rabbayim, to teachers, to rakazot, to mechanchot here in Talmud Torah that will see the beauty in us. Have a wonderful Shabbos.