Ki Tisa - A Nation on Fire

2:17 Because Moshe wasn't exactly sure what the half shekel should look like. So Moshe Rabbeinu was shown an image of a half shekel on fire. Two questions. Question number one. Does anyone remember? I think we mentioned this a couple of weeks ago. Does anyone remember another item in the Beis Hamikdash that Moshe Rabbeinu didn't know how to make? The Menorah. And Hakadosh Baruch Hu also showed him the vision of how to make the menorah. The menorah we can understand because the menorah was a very intricately designed item in the Beis Hamikdash, in the Mishkan. It had to be made from one piece of gold. There are so many different facets to the menorah, so we can understand that Moshe Rabbeinu doesn't know what it looks like to make the menorah. What does it mean that Moshe Rabbeinu didn't understand the concept of a half shekel? What didn't he understand?

3:15 Let's say you want to say that Moshe Rabbeinu. Let's say back in those times they only had schkulin, they didn't have half schkulin. Now Moshe Rabbeinu was a very wise man. You girls know this. So if God says make a half a shekel, what would Moshe Rabbeinu have done? Make a half a shekel. This is not a complicated thing. If I say I want you to make half dollars So then what does the person who's working in the treasury say? We'll just take a dollar and split it in half. We'll make this coin the half a dollar coin. So Moshe Rabbeinu somehow, it seems like just like the menorah was so intricate, the notion of a half shekel was mind boggling to Moshe Rabbeinu. He couldn't understand it. Hashem has to teach him what it is. So then what would we have expected? So now Hashem is going to teach. That's our first question. What's so mind boggling about the half shekel?

4:07 But now Hashem is ostensibly going to answer Moshe Rabbeinu's question. So what would we expect? We would have expected that Hashem is going to say, 'This is the coin, and this is what's on the front of the coin, and this is what's on the back of the coin.' Moshe Rabbeinu, his answer from Hashem is what? An image of a half shekel on fire. How does that answer that question? If Moshe Rabbeinu doesn't know what the half shekel looks like What does that mean? It's a half shekel on fire. Does that mean it has got a fire on the coin? What does that mean? When they give a half shekel, it has to be on fire. Sometimes they pour alcohol on things and then light them on fire. What's alcohol? What's fire? Sometimes there's a thing. You light something on fire and maybe you drink it. Or whatever it is. So maybe you'll think to yourself that you should light the coin on fire before you give it. Obviously, that's not what it means.

5:02 So what is Hashem communicating to Moshe Rabbeinu here? So I want to share with you an idea. It's an idea I think everyone will get naturally. It's not a hard idea. But it is an idea that I think often goes unexpressed. And I'm going to try my best to say this idea as clearly as possible. If I don't say it as clearly as possible, it's only because I myself don't necessarily always articulate this idea in the best way possible. There's nothing in this world that is whole. Every single thing in this world Without exception Is made up of parts. Everything. Like this stender, it has parts to it. Like it's got a little doggle over here to go up and to go down. It has a stand. It has a table. Everything in the world is made up of parts. So maybe you'll say, "Yeah, the table is made up of parts." But what about like just the top of the table? Is the top of the table made up of parts? So I'll say, "Yeah, this part over here is not the same part as this part." But let's say you said, "Okay, just this part. Is this part made up of parts?"

6:17 Yes, because if you put it under a microscope You would see molecules and you would see atoms. And then you get down to the smallest particles in the world. And then what do we do? We cut up those particles. And then we cut open those particles, and our quest to find anything whole in this world is impossible. Everything in the world is fragmented. Everything in the world is fractured. Which is why there's something very strange that we do Something unexpected. Everyone in this room, including myself. Even though there's nothing whole in this world, if it's created by definition, it has parts. We crave wholeness. We crave unity. In fact, I'll show you in a moment that when we experience unity or when we experience wholeness We actually get very excited. When you're able to see the whole of something. It gets very exciting to the mind. It gets very exciting to the heart. It gets very exciting to the soul. I'll give an example of this.

7:27 A lot of times in Torah We feel like we're not seeing the larger picture. You could learn something But you just know that thing. You don't necessarily feel like you have the larger picture of Torah. You ever feel that way? If you want to know if you know something, you have to know two things. You have to know what something is. And you also have to know what it belongs to. For example, if I'm teaching you about the human heart So I first have to tell you what the heart is. The heart is a pump. That's what it is. If I don't teach you anything more than that, you don't really know anything about the heart because all you know is that you have a pump inside of your body, but you don't know what system that pump belongs to. So I have to teach you that there's something called the cardiovascular system And that the role that the heart plays within your body is that it pumps blood throughout all the different aspects of your body, so that it can provide oxygen and healing to all the different parts of the body.

8:33 And now you start to have an appreciation. This is just a very low level, but you start to have an appreciation of the human heart. Did you ever feel when you were learning Torah like? I now know one thing But I just don't know how all of these things fit together. I don't understand why this piece and this piece go together, or even if I do. Let's say for example, I don't know if you've ever had this experience. Did you ever say I don't really know what happens in the base of Mikdash? You know what I'm saying? Like you ever go like I don't really know like wait there's I always forget like there's two mizbeachs Like one's inside, one's outside. How well do you really know that stuff? How well do you feel like you really know VaYikra? How well do you know all the karbanos that are brought? There's a feeling that's very real, that a lot of times we'll hear a she'er in Torah and we'll know something.

9:24 But we don't necessarily know how all the different pieces connect to each other. And then sometimes you get up and you hear a she'er And the she'er is one of those she'erim where it asks ten questions. It shows how every single thing is tied together. You ever hear a shiur like that? And it's like all this wild Kabbalah. And it's really the whole story of David and Bathsheba is really a replay of the story of Yosef and Rachav Azona. And you have oh, and it's like whoa, I never heard that before. And it's like really that was the replay of the story of Yosef and Ayesha Potifar because Ayesha Potifar really she understood that she was going to be married to Yosef, but what she didn't know was it was going to be her daughter. But really, later on, she has a Gilgal and she comes back as Rachav, and Yosef is the Gilgal of Yosef, and then they ultimately do marry each other.

10:15 And maybe that relates to the story of David and Bathsheba in this way. And you hear these things, and all of a sudden you start to hear them, your mind starts to get a little excited. What is so exciting about that piece of Torah? Why does that speak to us in such a deep way? Because when we see the wholeness of Torah Is when the Torah begins to inspire us. We crave unity. The Torah exists in our world. It looks like it's in parts, and there's all these different parts to the Torah. There's this halacha and that halacha. There's this time period and that time period. But when somebody comes and gives a she'er and shows you how all of those pieces of Torah are all really interrelated, naturally, what starts to happen to you? You get very excited. Girls walk out of a she'er like that. I see everybody. That was crazy You have that like that. Rebbe's like that. Drop the mic, and every girl's like. Oh my God!

11:05 How did he do that? How did that happen? What's the pshat? We crave unity. But that's weird Because if every single thing in the world exists in parts Then why am I craving unity? I should crave parts. The world is made of parts. I should crave for the world to be in parts because that's the way it is. It's almost like there's something about us that goes against the grain of reality. All of reality exists in parts, but we yearn for wholeness. We yearn to see how everything ties together. Do you know they're working on this in science right now? They're working on some unified theory, this one silver bullet that will show how every single thing within the physical reality relates to every single other thing. Because we know that to be true, instinctively we know that even though these things appear to be all of these disparate parts, we know that they're all part of a system, and that if you move one thing in the system, something else in the system changes. We get the sense that they're all interrelated.

12:16 There's something about us that says don't believe the parts. There's something beneath the surface where all of these things are really one. And what does this yearning drive us to? And what it drives us is not only to have an understanding and appreciation of unity intellectually But it drives us to have a desire for oneness and for intimacy in every single aspect of our lives. I'll give you an example. That was not the example, but as you'll soon see, it is a decent example. This desire that we have to get married The desire that we have to build a family To connect deeply to someone, and then to build a family with that person, and the desire that we have to be close to our children—we don't just desire to be next to them. What do we desire? We desire something called intimacy. Intimacy is just a fancy way of saying oneness.

13:29 If I'm going to paint the following picture right now, I could pretty much guarantee it. I know it's true for me, but it's true for every single person I've ever met. I'm going to paint a picture right now of the perfect marriage, and naturally, you'll see. You might be afraid of this, but it's something you naturally desire. Intimacy is into me, you see. Have you heard that before? Intimacy is into me. What every one of us wants is that when we're dating someone We could be our full, whole self with them. Every one of us wants to show up to a date and wants to be able to say. It doesn't have to be the first date. In fact, it shouldn't be the first date. If you do it on your first date, I imagine there won't be a second date. And if there's a second date, that means something is very wrong with that guy. If you show up on a first date and you go, "Hineni, it's me."

14:27 That's crazy. You have to know that who you trust and when you trust them and how you learn to trust them is an important part of a process of being in a relationship. So we don't show our crazy all at once. But let's say you've been dating a guy and you feel like he could be someone that you could build oneness with. So what do you do? You build up the courage. You've tested to see if he's a trustworthy person. And then you have one date where you go I want to tell you something that's very real about me And if he responds well Usually that means the relationship is good to go. That's where the click happens. It's because you showed someone who you are. And if he did a really good job when you were sharing who you are, he wasn't on his phone.

15:22 And he wasn't telling you what you should do differently. He just sat and appreciated who you are. With kindness and compassion. Every one of us, even though we might be really afraid of that date, and some more than others. Some are good with vulnerability, and some are terrible at vulnerability. And if you're one of the girls that's terrible at vulnerability, welcome to the club. But every one of us wants that. Why? Why do we want that so badly? Why do two people have to become one? It's crazy. We so badly want to be one. By the way, if you share it with him, and he meets it with kindness and compassion, and he's able to hold space for some of the parts of yourself that you really struggle with And then he does the same in turn for you. How awesome is that? Now you have double oneness.

16:13 He's holding your oneness. You're holding his oneness. Why do we want that so badly? It doesn't even make any sense. What's so important to us? Every one of us has a dream. I'm telling you right now, this dream is probably not going to come true. But every one of us has a dream that we're going to do it better than our parents. Now you're not And I'll tell you how I know you're not Because your parents had the same dream about you. Every single parent has a dream. I'm telling you, with my daughter, it's going to be different. I'm going to do it so differently that when my daughter is 16, I'm telling you. She's gonna trust me with everything. We're gonna be like best friends. Because kids are kids, and parents have a responsibility to set boundaries. Sometimes those kids don't know how to understand that those boundaries are really love.

17:01 Having said that, why is it that we want that so badly? Why is it that we get like frustrated when our teenage children? By the way, I'm telling you in a coded way. Remember to call your parents and apologize. Why is it that we so badly want to be one with our children? It's a crazy thing. This drive for unity is in everything we do, and it's not just with our nuclear families. Look how the Jewish community behaves. If something goes wrong in the Jewish community, it has nothing to do with me. It's nothing to do with me. I'm a Jew, six thousand miles away from somebody in New York, but I hear that somebody in New York, unfortunately, in a tragic accident, somebody died, and the family is raising money, and it's like, okay, I'm going to give thirty-six dollars to that campaign. What does that have to do with you? Why are you? Why do we so badly want to be a part of this community?

17:52 There's something about us that knows we should be a part of a community. By the way, this is the answer. Whenever anyone asks you, But why do I need to daven with a minion? If you have a son one day and he goes, why do I need to daven with a minion? I daven better by myself in my room. The answer is, maybe you do daven better by yourself in your room. But davening better by yourself in your room means you're lacking what? A desire for that oneness, a desire to participate. A community that daven's together stays together. That was part of the problem after COVID. Everyone kind of said, cool, I don't need to go to shul anymore. I could hang out with these ten guys in this backyard minyan. And we, as a community, understood that even though that's what we needed to do at that time, if we didn't move people back to the centers of Jewish life where everyone congregates together, we knew that the Jewish community was going to have a problem.

18:46 Still, we must ask ourselves, what is this drive for unity? It doesn't make any sense. Okay. So step number one goes like this: Imagine you have an expert in Michelangelo. Michelangelo was a famous painter. An expert in Michelangelo has studied. Everything about Michelangelo, every single work of art he's ever made To the degree that this expert in Michelangelo, having studied the history of Michelangelo, the life of Michelangelo, the art of Michelangelo, he can almost see Michelangelo in his paintings. You ever notice that there's a certain type of artistry where the artist is vulnerable to the degree that you can sense his brushstrokes in the painting itself? If it doesn't resonate with you in art, just do it with music. Certain bands produce certain types of music for a reason. It's a reflection of the nature of their soul. If you're listening to Zusha and you're listening to Mordechai Shapiro, you're not hearing the same thing.

20:13 And it's because there's a certain expression of self that comes with being an artist. Every one of us in this room is an artist. Hang out with a person enough time. And you'll even be able to recognize them by their words. So let's say, for example, two girls are talking lashon hara, but they don't say any names. And they go, 'This girl said this about this she'er,' and the girl naturally goes, 'It's Sarah.' How'd she know? Because if you spend enough time with Sarah, you get that vibe. You can sort of peek into her and get a sense of who she is. Does that make sense? There's a secret about this world of many parts. The secret about this world of many parts is every single aspect of this world, down to the smallest subatomic particle. Every single aspect of this world is an expression of one God.

21:10 That's why we have a drive for oneness in this world. When you look at the trees, when you look at the bushes, when you look at the oceans, when you look at the sand, when you look at food. All of these things are expressions of Hashem. This world is His masterpiece, and every single thing in this world is a piece of the Master. Does that make sense? So the way that a tzaddik Who's in touch with the oneness of creation treats every single aspect of this world as interconnected to every single other aspect of the world. Just lower the temperature by a little bit. So we'll do it. I don't want to make it a big thing. We're doing it quickly just because it's hot. We don't have to have a tomer d'vorah moment now where we discuss. But it really was fine and it's back.

22:01 I was with you, and I appreciate the small gesture. I'm feeling the same way. I empathize with you. I validate your feeling. I can hold space for this experience that you are having. Do you care? Yes. Would you? What would it be like for you to unpack this feeling of being too hot in the room right now? It's over. Do you care? What is it about this moment and this heat that you chose to escape on your phone in this way? That was our therapeutic moment for the day. What do you say? Miss. The artistry of the way that Mrs. Berg is able to focus deeply on a person. Everyone thinks this year just because we're phone addicts. Probably. The and maybe with good reason. The it goes like this. The way that a tzaddik sees everything in the world is that it's interconnected. So there's a story of a great rabbi Who was walking with a talmid.

23:19 And the talmid, you ever do this where there's a branch sticking out and you just put your two fingers on the branch and You rip off a thousand leaves. You ever do that? And there's something very geshmack about that. I don't know why. There's something very occupational therapy oriented about just ripping off all the leaves. So this talmud did it. He was walking and ripped off all the leaves. And this tzaddik turned to his talmud and he said, "Why did you just do that?" So he said, "I don't know." So the tzaddik said to him, 'The gemara says that over every single blade of grass, there's a malach that's telling that blade of grass to grow.' And when you just stamp pick a leaf off a tree for no reason at all You're killing that malach. So what the tzaddik was teaching him was to appreciate that there's something behind that leaf.

24:18 There's something behind that flower. So use it in a way that's designed for holiness. For example, if you're going to pick a flower, pick a flower for Shabbos. You understand? If you're going to. If you're going to plant a garden, use it as an opportunity to cultivate Hashem's world. Don't just stum break things. Everything has to be treated in a way that it relates to the whole. It's almost like if you think about what Hashem did with this world. What Hashem did is he made a world and then he covered himself. And so all of these things in the world. They're disparate. They appear to be different things. But really, underneath it all, there's this oneness that's underlying all of this world. And what Hashem wants is for us to peel back reality To reveal the oneness that's behind all things So that by the time we get to Olam Habah, when we're walking in the world, what will we see? We'll see how every single thing relates to every single other thing. Every single painting relates to Michelangelo.

25:38 Does that make sense? Okay, okay. So that's level number one. The reason why we want to get married, the reason why we want to have children, the reason why we want to be deeply connected to our community, the reason why we search even scientifically for the one theory that unifies everything, the reason why we get so excited in Torah when we hear a piece of Torah. That tells us you see how it's all tied together because the nature of the world is designed to be revealed oneness. It's just that right now in our current iteration, we see the parts and not the whole. So far, so good. Does that make sense? Somebody asks you, why do you want to get married? The answer is, Hashem created the world in such a way that my soul desires to connect to another. That's why we get married.

26:28 It's an expression of our soul to create oneness. Hashem created the world in such a way that everything about this world is moving towards harmony. It's moving towards unity. It's moving towards synthesis. Every single other thing is designed to operate with every single other thing. We have a mitzvah ve'hafdal re'acha kamocha. There is a state of being where every single Jew will naturally love every other Jew because when you look at another Jew, what will you see? You'll see yourself. You'll see an expression. The same way I'm a branch of this root. You are also a branch of this root. Hashem is the root, and we are just different branches. When a Jew hates another Jew, that's like the same thing as me taking a hammer and smashing my hand. That's my hand. But when we treat another Jew that way, what do we think? We're like, it's not me, that's him.

27:17 He's a fragment. He's over there, and I'm over here. We're two different fragments. That's a. It's not just wrong. It's against the very design of reality. When we see people as fundamentally other than ourselves, it's not scientifically true on a spiritual level. Does that make sense? Clear. That's part one. Believe it or not, that's the easy part. The hard part is this. Is it a feature or is it a bug? Is it a feature or is it a bug? I'll explain what I mean in a second. When you download an app and it glitches, you go, "There's a bug in this app." I really want to send a zel to somebody. I don't know why it's not working. I've been trying to send a zel to this person for a week and a half. It's a rebbe of mine. He's trying to publish a sefer. I would love to donate money to his sefer. Every single time I go on the Citibank app to send a zel The app freezes. I downloaded the app again and again, and it's still freezing.

28:24 I don't know what to do. I want to get money, but I don't have anything other than Zell. So that's not a feature. That's a bug. Because it's not working. But just because there's an obstacle doesn't mean it's a bug. Sometimes an obstacle is a feature. For example If you're playing a video game and something comes up in the video game, and you have to jump that hurdle in the video game, and it's hard. And because you can't do it, you keep getting out, and eventually the game is over. Is that a feature or a bug? That's a feature. When we're looking at this world And we see all the disparate parts, and we don't see the wholeness. Is that a feature or a bug? The easy answer is that it's a bug. But the true answer is, as some of you said, it's a feature.

29:18 The question is when we're looking at this world. And we see all this disparity, all the different parts. You're you, and I'm me, and she's her. And I look at grass and trees and bushes and rivers, and they all seem to be all these different things. And I don't necessarily understand the oneness behind all things. I don't understand how God is behind all these things. Is that because the world is messed up? Is that because other marishon sinned, and now that other marishon sinned, the world is in a messed up state? It's a bug Or maybe it's a feature. It's not a bug. It's a feature. I'll explain to you what I mean. When you are apart and you don't see yourself as a whole What you are is lonely. Now the word lonely gets a very bad rap because right now, when you heard the word lonely, just take a second. What was What was your emotional experience around hearing the word lonely?

30:20 I'm betting it wasn't like loneliness. That's what I love, right? Most people, when they hear the word lonely, think sad. Lonely is a sad state of being. But the truth of the matter is that lonely is not sad at all. Lonely is what happens when you're actually in self. I'll explain. I'll explain. Because if you're in self and you're totally connected to your truest nature Nobody in the world is going to ever be able to be like you. Because every single one of us is radically unique And there's nothing about any one of us that truly relates to another. The best we can do is empathize. Empathy means that I draw from my experience, so that when you're sharing with me, let's say your pain, I can identify a similar pain inside of myself, and we can take this journey together. But the truth of the matter is that for most of us If you're truly in self, when someone is sharing their pain with you, what do you know?

31:41 I know nothing about their pain. Because every single person is so radically unique. I can't possibly relate to them in their terms. You ever talk to somebody and you're sharing with them your pain, and they go, "I know exactly what you're going through" And you want to take them by the neck and throttle them, and go, 'You know nothing about what I'm going through.' No, I'm telling you, I went through the same exact thing. You didn't. You went through your version of what happened. But I'm going through my version of what happened because I'm me, and I'm not you, and you're not me. And we come from different places. And we have different talents. It's a sad thing that we do. It's killer. Please do not do it to your children. To the best of your ability. We try to force people into a box because we get scared of money.

32:31 That girl who wants to be a dancer, you're not going to make any money being a dancer. So go be an occupational therapist. But when you watch her dance, she comes alive. You have to figure out how to monetize your life because you have to figure out how to live. But we lose ourselves sometimes because we have this earning pressure, especially in our Jewish community today, that we actually will do things that are not aligned with the nature of our soul. It's not truly us. And so we lose that radical uniqueness. Do you know how fascinating this room would be if we were all in self? If we were all in self, not one person in this room would share the same opinion as anybody else in this room. And together in this room, if we all shared these unique opinions, we would have a much more comprehensive version of the truth.

33:23 Because only together, when each one of us shares our one little knetch, interesting—you see it like this. I see it a little like this. Interesting—you see it like this. I see it a little like this. Once you realize how unique you are, you know what you realize? I'm by myself. And it doesn't matter how much another person is close to me; they'll never be exactly me. The more in self you are, the more unique you are. We get very scared of unique people because unique people often create massive amounts of change around them. And the reason they create so much change around them is because they're unafraid to be themselves. And when people are like that, it gives people permission to be themselves also, which is wild. It's absolutely wild. But we don't do it because we're afraid. Which is crazy. So when we look at all the different parts of this world and we say, "I'm me" Part of the reason we crave wholeness is because we know there's an underlying unity called Hashem in this world.

34:30 But part of the reason that we create I want to be part of this thing because it's scary to be on our own. It's scary to be unique. But you're supposed to be unique. You're supposed to be lonely. It's a hard thing to think about, but you have to be that way because otherwise, what makes you interesting? You ever? I don't know how to say this nicely, so I'm just going to say it straight. I know not you, but let's say somebody met a guy And he's and you're talking to him. And he just sounds like every other guy. You know what I'm talking about? He's just a straight resume. If you ask him about him, he just He just tells you the path he's been on, which is basically the same path as anybody else. And there's nothing about him that's. Methinks the lady doth express herself too much. But I appreciate the vulnerability and the honesty. There's something so deeply unexciting about hearing somebody who's just done the same thing as everyone else.

35:55 You can imagine yourself out on a date with that person. And it's like, where'd you go to elementary school? They tell you here. Where'd you go to high school? Here. Why did you choose that high school? That's kind of like where everyone in my family goes. Kind of like what the community does. Where'd you go to yeshiva in Israel? Here. Why there? That's kind of like what you do. You go to this high school and then you go that. If you're this guy, then you go here. Why'd you choose to be an accountant? It's like a good, safe job. You know what I'm saying? Now I'm sure there are girls that appreciate that But for those of us in the room that are striving to be radically unique Striving to be truly in self. If you're on a date with that person, it's like Yuck. There's no nice way of saying it. Why? Because when you're on a date with somebody, if you're in self and they say I went to this elementary school.

36:43 And what I really loved about this elementary school is I had rabbanim that challenged me, and I discovered that there was something about myself that I didn't know. And then I went to this high school, and it might be the typical high school that everybody goes to. But I was the type of guy that knew from a very early age that pursuing relationships was at least as important as pursuing knowledge, and so I made it my commitment when I was in high school that no matter what year I was in, I was at least going to spend a couple of Shabbatos that year by my rabbi's house, even when I was already in tenth grade. I chose to go to this camp because even though this camp is a little bit off the beaten track, it was more important to me to do something weird, like be the wilderness guy, than it was to be your typical counselor. I'm the type of guy that loves to be the color war general. I'm the type of guy that hates to be the color war general, but I like to be in the meetings because I'm good at writing the songs. All of a sudden, if you're on a date with that guy, it's like you're telling me something about yourself. What was it like in Israel? Israel was really hard for me.

37:40 The beginning was a real adjustment. I actually didn't feel like I fit in at all. I knew I was supposed to fit in, but I never did feel comfortable. It took me a long time to feel comfortable until I finally opened up, and then I got comfortable. But it was a real process. And for the first six months, I was like maybe I should just go home. Why are we so much more interested in somebody who tells us their radically unique story? Because if we crave intimacy—and here's the punchline of the entire shiur—if we crave intimacy You can't have intimacy with yourself. Intimacy means there's something other than me that's also one with me. So if we just pursue oneness, where's the otherness? There need to be two things at play. Number one, I'm naturally designed for oneness. I'm craving it in my life. I'm seeking unity in Torah, in science, in community, in family, in my husband-wife relationship, in my spousal relationship. I crave unity, and because I crave unity, I need you to be you.

38:51 Something other than me, so that the unity is meaningful. If I take one thing and say that's one, that's not impressive. If I take two things and say that's one, that's very impressive. You hear the difference? So when you show up to life and you're so worried about being a part of everything else, you don't get to be yourself. That's no good Because then nobody could truly be one with you. Remember, we said intimacy is into me. Are you willing to be yourself to allow another person to see you Or do you just walk the same steps as everybody else because the path more traveled is the path more safe? But maybe there's something cool about being a little bit different. Maybe there's something cool about having something about you that's not exactly the same. Maybe you have a different way of seeing the world.

39:44 And maybe you don't just like roll over. Maybe you stand up and say Hineini, I'm something a little bit different. And maybe you get scared and you go, but if I'm a little bit different, then maybe my shetach resume is going to look a little bit different. And in this very judgmental system that we have, maybe nobody's going to want to date me. What are your options? Option number one is to be yourself. And maybe it won't be as easy a process, but when you meet someone who appreciates you for your unique self, it'll be awesome. Option number two is bury who you really are. So that you'll be more palatable to the masses But then you'll be the same boring girl that I just described before. Where did you go to elementary school? Where did you go to high school? Where did you go to camp? Where did you go to Israel? Now you want to be a therapist. Which type of therapist do you want to be? Just fill in the blank. There's nothing exciting about you at all.

40:33 You understand what I'm saying? We cannot sacrifice our uniqueness for our unity. It doesn't make any sense. Unity means having opposites. I know we only have a couple of minutes left. So let's try to tie this all together. How do we count Jews? Kitiyah? How do we raise up Tisa? How do we raise somebody up? The first thing we tell them is, you by yourself You're enough. I'm going to count you. You are a sum of money. You're worthy. You're of value. That's no small thing to tell someone they're a value. If you tell somebody you're worth money You realize obviously not on a physical level, but on a spiritual level. When you tell someone you can contribute something to the world, you're a giver. You have what to give because that's what we—that's how we count. The way we count in Judaism is we take a sum of money and we say, 'Here, give this.'

41:39 What makes you count in this world is what you contribute to the world. We say you are of value, a sum of money. That's the way we express value in this world. Give it. Go give your value to the world. That is an unbelievable way of raising children. You raise a child. And you coddle them, and you give them everything, and they do nothing, and then you turn around and go, I don't understand kids these days. They're so selfish. Did you ever tell them that they have what to contribute? Did you ever send them out the door and go say, "Go do something. You're of value to this world." You know why people don't do that? Because they're afraid their kids are going to fail, or maybe worse, they think their kid has nothing to contribute. When a kid gets up there for a parent, it's scary. This is not a great example, but it's a good example.

42:33 I I, as a father, have missed. A lot of things Not because I wanted to miss them, but because I wasn't invited. I'm not invited to go to my daughter's shows. I have five daughters and one son. I'm not invited to go to the shows. I'm not invited. I have a nine year old daughter who's a gymnast. I'm very upset because this year she learned that the word is gymnast because one of her other daughters told her that she was saying the word wrong. Up until a couple months ago, she was a gymnast. I love the word gymnast. So she's a gymnast now, and you basically cannot keep this girl vertical. You can't keep her on her feet. If she's walking, she's flipping. And now that my son-in-law and daughter are living in the house, she said to me, she goes, "Abba, it's so hard because any time Binyamin is around, I have to make sure not to flip." I'm like, "That must be very hard for you."

43:30 There's something scary about watching your daughter get up. At a show, my older daughters were in drama. They have chugim after school here because they get out at a normal time. They don't get out at five o'clock. They get out at two or three o'clock in the afternoon. So we have chugim for them in the afternoon so they can express themselves outside of the classroom. My four first daughters were all in drama, which means there is going to be a big performance. And by the way, these chugim are genius. What do they do? You pay to be in the chug, and then you charge all the people who come to the chug and who come to the chug to watch the show. It's the parents and the grandparents and the siblings. Like the whole thing that you're paying for to do the actual show, which of course you have to pay for the costumes, and then you have to pay to go see the show that you paid for the entire year. It's a beautiful business. Kalla kavod to them.

44:19 There's an anxiety about what happens when your daughter is now in eighth grade and she gets the lead in the show. It's like Is she going to do it or not? Is she going to be good? Is she going to be okay or is she going to shine? You can ask my wife about this tomorrow when she comes in. My oldest daughter, when she was in eighth grade, was the lead in the drama show, and it's like a big deal. It's like wow. And my wife came home and was beaming. And she's like, she was shining She was shining; she owned the stage. As parents, there's a nervousness there. It's like What happens if it's not great? Then you know what everyone's saying that night. How was the show? It was good. It was good. Nobody wants to say lashanah. It was like, how was Bracha Berg?

45:09 Very nice, very solid You hear the difference? It's like you're not saying anything bad, but you gotta be careful there. There's a nervousness that a parent has. Sometimes we don't tell our kids what they have to contribute because we're afraid of what happens if they don't. But really, every kid has something to contribute because every one of our children is unique. We should be telling our children: Go out there and be your unique self. Go contribute. You have value. Go give that shekel. Go give that money. That's part of it. But the other part of it is You don't give a full shekel. You give half a shekel. Because you are unique and you have what to contribute. But if you're contributing by yourself If your giving doesn't inspire other giving, if your giving doesn't collaborate with other people giving Then you're not actually acting as part of a whole. Remember that your giving is only ever half. You're only ever a piece of the puzzle. You have to be your unique piece because otherwise the puzzle is dull.

46:14 The puzzle is off. But remember that you're only ever one piece. This is what Moshe Rabenu couldn't understand. This is what Moshe Rabenu was saying: Hashem, how in the world do you want me to communicate to these people? That each one of them is radically unique and that they count individually. But at the same time, I have to tell them that they don't matter unless they're part of something larger than themselves. Moshe Ami wasn't concerned with what a half shekel looks like. He was very smart. He knew how to make a fifty shekel. He knew how to make a fifty agurot coin. That wasn't the problem. He just said, I don't know how to give this lesson over. That's the hardest lesson in the world to teach someone. You matter and you're whole by yourself, except you're not. Do you realize the difficulty of teaching? It's paradoxical. I'm either full or I'm half. Which one am I? What's the answer? You're both.

47:01 You have to be a full person in order to be married to somebody else. You have to be your full, unique self. But once you're your full, unique self, what do you realize? I'm lonely. I need somebody else. This is the paradox of every single relationship. On our own, we're all amazing members of a community. Each one of us gets together, we're all here in this room learning Torah together. How beautiful is that, the Talmud Torah family? But if we're all going to just be part of this family and none of us are going to be unique, then what are we doing here? You hear the problem? This was Moshe Rabbeinu's problem. So now comes along Hakadosh Baruch Hu, and he answers the question like this: When you give that shekel The shekel has to be on fire. Imagine for a moment. That you have a havdala candle And the havdala candle has a ton of wicks all together. And it makes this big, powerful flame. And you know, there's something for everybody in Yiddishkeit.

48:01 There's something for everybody. Some people are pyromaniacs. You ever see those girls that love to hold the havdala candle, and they're like they play with it? You know what I'm talking about? Like, and there's different types of havdala candles. It's like the nice one that burns inside and it like puts the glow out, right? And then there's the torches, you know what I'm talking about? Like those yellow candles. There's like a million and there's like a million wicks, and that girl's holding like the Statue of Liberty, like she's and she's also because she's a pyromaniac, she's like playing with it while it's lit in the middle of Abdallah and like pouring the wax on herself? And it's like we're trying to make Abdallah here, and she's like, I love it. This is not the time to be waxing. And then there's that one wick that just somehow over time got separated from all the other wicks. The candles coned down a little bit, and when they were making the candle, that one wick was kind of on the side. It's weird if you've seen those Hadola candles. There's like the torch, and then there's that one flame.

49:04 So what do you do? So you just nudge it back together. You might cut out a little bit of pieces. You get it like that pyromaniac girl, lights it again, and she gets all the wax, and you push it back together. And then what happens when you push it back together? That flame naturally integrates with every other flame. Our soul is fire. We have a neshama shel eish. Moshe Rabenu is being told by Hashem The only way to create a real community of individuals where they retain their individualistic nature and they're weird and they're unique But they're also part of something whole, if you teach them that they're fire. Because every single flame is unique, but when you put it together, it naturally integrates. Once you stick that wick back with all the other wicks, you can't tell the difference anymore. And that's the way a Jewish soul operates. A Jewish soul is naturally designed to be integrated with every other Jewish soul.

50:06 So you're a soul. A soul means you're unique. You're on your own journey. But you're also a soul, which means you are just one of this tapestry of souls. And that's a big lesson for us. That's a very big lesson for us, especially in this generation, because there is a tension in this world today. Some of us just want to conform, and some of us just want to be unique. If you're conforming, it's because you're scared. If you're unique but you're not part of a community You're isolated. You're on an island. And you're also probably scared of what it looks like to be with other people. We have to know that every one of us has it inside of ourselves to be radically unique. And yet, fundamentally connected to each other. Girls, have a wonderful Shabbos.