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Torah in this week's parsha speaks about a situation where Klal Yisrael goes to battle And our enemies send out beautiful women to entice our soldiers. And there's a halacha that a soldier has the right. To bring home this yefas tahr into his house And after undergoing certain procedures He has rights to marry her. Listen to the words of the pasuk. After he brings her into his house The hasira esim la shivio mealel. She removes her garments of captivity The garments that she wore in order to entice the soldier. She removes those garments. The yashva the veisachah And he sits. She sits inside his house. And she cries for her mother and for her father for a full month.
The Acher came Tavo Eileah uBealta v'Haizel l'Chal Ishta, and then afterwards she can become an isha for him. Then she can become a wife. The Orach Chaim Hakadosh quotes the Zoyar. It's also brought in the Ariza that this month Yerech Yomim. Year mas lechodesh hamiuchad lechuva ushu chodesh el. This month that this Yefas Tair is sitting in the house of this Jewish soldier And she's crying for her mother and her father for an entire month. What month is this referring to? Al Pisoid Al Pikabala. This is referring to the month of El. The Loshon of the Zayar Hakadosh is brought in the Zayar Hakadosh. Uzu baxa es avia ve es ima yerech yomim dahi yarchu de elul. This is the month of Elul. And this is an unbelievable insight into what it means to actually do tshuva. Tshuva on a very low level is talking about all the averes that we did.
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It's clapping alcheid over and over again and saying, "Look, I did this avera and I did that avera." Rebbei Shlom, that's a lower level tshuva. The Torah is giving us an insight into what's true tshuva. True tshuva is not listing your averas. True tshuva is crying for your mother and your father. It's crying out to have a relationship with the Rebbei Shlom. This is tshuva. Tshuva is not complicated. Tshuva is a very simple thing. I yearn to have a relationship with Hashem. Once a person has done that, if they can cry for a month and say, "Rabbi Yisrael, I want a relationship with you" That's called tshuva. I heard many years ago, and I've heard it many times since. A story. From Rav Moshe Weinberger Shlit to the Rav of Eish Kodesh in Woodmere And the Rebbe said that And he said it's happened many times. It's just b'derech moshul that there's a couple that comes to sit down with him A couple that's having trouble with shalom bias And Rav Weinberger turns to this couple and he says, "who wants to go first?"
So the wife says, "I'll The wife's. The husband says, "I'll go first." And he turns to Rebbe and he says, 'Rebbe, I don't know what this woman wants from me.' I don't know what she wants from me. I'm a good father. I spend time with the kids. I'm a good husband. I bring home a parnasa. I change the light bulbs and take out the garbage. I'm not sure why she's. She's never satisfied, Rebbe. Anything I do, she's never satisfied. And look, Rebbe. Even now, look how she's holding herself. Look at her posture. You can imagine the posture of this woman with her arms folded and she's shaking her head the entire time. I'm never enough for her, Rebbe. I'm never enough. Rav Weinberger turns to this woman and he says, "Sounds like your husband's a good guy." What's the problem? And the wife. She turns to Rav Weinberger and she says, in a million different variations, she says the same line.
Rabbi, I didn't marry him to bring home a parnasa. Rabbi, I didn't marry him to take out the garbage. I didn't marry him to change the light bulbs. I didn't marry him to do carpool. I married him because of the way that he looked at me under the chuppah. When's the last time he looked at me that way? The pain. Is not that he didn't perform? The guy's an unbelievable performer. The pain of the wife is that the soul of the relationship is missing. Rabbi say it's easy to get up and clap alchei for the things that we didn't do this year. It's it's easy It's easy to make a list. It's easy to sit here during Elul and say I should have been better at this and I should have been better at that and I did this avair and I looked where I shouldn't have looked and I wasted my time. We could do that. We can make a list. Anybody here can make a list.
There's no godless in making a list. Making a list falls short of the demand of our pasuk, "Ubachsa esaviyov esima," crying out to have a relationship with Hashem. That's what tshuva means. Why is it so hard? Why is it so difficult Just to have one honest moment, one honest tear, one honest cry, one honest trechs? That I came to yeshiva this year because I want a relationship with Hashem. Because I'm tired of opening up the siddur and davening to the siddur. I want to daven to Hashem. I'm tired of opening up the Gemara and not just being frustrated because I can't translate the words. I'm tired of opening up the Gemara and not being able to see Hashem inside of a black Gemara. Why is it so hard for us to admit that? Why is it so hard for us to cry out for our parents?
But if you look carefully at the pesukim There's one line here that opens up the entire parsha for us. She has to remove her garments of captivity. In order for us to have a tshuva We have to remove our garments of captivity. What are the garments of captivity that we wear? There is a secret. There is a secret that everybody in this room knows, but very few people speak about. I am not saying any chidushim. I didn't come tonight to say any chidushim. Just to remind us what we already know. There is vulnerability in wanting to be a part of a relationship. It's easy to talk about performance. The husband that's sitting in Rev. Weinberger's office, listing all the things that he does What he doesn't know is that he's avoiding the vulnerability of the relationship. Any husband can perform for his wife. Any husband can change the light bulb.
That's not hard But to actually be in the relationship That's vulnerable. Because loving someone means giving them the keys to your heart and asking them not to crush you. And if you love somebody, you could be rejected and you could be hurt in ways that are more painful than you could possibly imagine. It's easy to perform. Because by performing you avoid love. It's easy to make a checklist of all the things that you do in your Judaism. There's a lot of people that are checklist Jews. I went to Minyan three times a day. Look how much I learned, and they could check all the boxes. But they're avoiding being in a relationship with Hashem because the pain of being rejected by Hashem is too great to bear. It's all those guys that close the sinner and they say, "I'm not davening anymore" because the pain of being rejected by Hashem is too much.
It's all the guys that close the Gemara not because they're not good at it. But because I can't find Hashem in here, and I'm tired of being rejected I want a godly life. Not an intellectual life. That's around God. I want to connect to Hashem Himself. These beautiful garments that this woman wears are designed to attract the eye of this soldier. You know why she wears those garments? Because it's much easier to pay attention to the externals. It's much easier to look at somebody and say she's pretty. It's much easier to look at somebody and say she's even beautiful. It's much more difficult to see past the surface and to say I'm not interested in a random thing. I want intimacy. I want depth. I want profundity in my relationships. But if you want that, then you have to not be a surface level person.
You have to remove the garments of captivity. We live in a society that's skin deep. Everything in our society is about the flash, not about the depth. It's the way that all of marketing works. It's not a question of what's deeper or what's underneath. It's a question of how I can grab your attention now. And we've become conditioned to see the world this way. And the same way that we've been conditioned to purchase products That's how we're conditioned to serve Hashem. And there are people that are falling for it. That's the craziest part. There are people that are walking around. Look what a good boy he is. Look how you can check off all of the external things that he does. That's a bentira. It's not. You could check off all the boxes. You could dive in with a minion three times a day. You could learn. You could do chesed, and you'll have no relationship with Hashem because you were afraid to go past the surface. You're afraid to challenge yourself.
You are afraid to get to the essence of who you are. So you have to remove those clothing of an external life. You have to be willing to live deeply if you want to have a relationship with Hashem. And yes, you might get rejected along the way. It's terrifying. It's a terrifying thing to think. I could be in this relationship for ten, fifteen, twenty years, and what's going to be? But you know what? If you have faith in yourself If you connect deeply to yourself, then you're okay with the vulnerability of connection. You understand that it's part of a process. You understand no marriage is perfect. Every marriage has its bumps in the road, but I'm in it because I'm looking for you. Like the famous line from the Kedushas Levi, the Haliger of Levi Yitzchak of Berditchev said, "I'm playing hide and seek with God, and I'm finding him everywhere."
The avoda is not always to have clarity. Nobody is promising you that it'll be easy. And I'm speaking to a specific person in this room right now. And yes, you'll have your ups and downs. And it'll be a roller coaster. I'm not promising you that it won't ever stop. It might be a roller coaster for the rest of your life. But a person who's not a skin deep person, a person who's an essence oriented person They say I'm playing hide and go seek with God, and I'm finding Him everywhere. I'll find him in the light, and I'll find him in the darkness, and I'll lose him and find him again. That's what it means to have a relationship with Hashem, and that's what it means to be here in yeshiva. It's very easy in yeshiva to rank. Look who Shiri's in Isn't that awesome? Look how much Chazara Shiri is doing, isn't that amazing? What an amazing guy! It's very easy to look on the outside.
But chaval. Chaval for people who have eyes who can only see the external. Chaval for people that look at that guy who's struggling with shachris and who's struggling to come to beis medrash And they only see the external. Did you see what that guy did when he came into Rostainer's office when he was sitting with Reb Ben when he was sitting with Reb Hershel when he was sitting with Reb Alberger when he was sitting with Reb Bloom? Did you hear the cry? Did you hear the yearning that was in that guy's voice? You only looked at the external and you judged. And you only judge because of your own fears and your own inadequacies. Big people don't judge each other. Big people don't look skin deep. Big people look past the externals, and they're able to hear the cry of a Jew who's yearning to get close to Hashem. Sometimes, even before the person releases that cry.
Before the person even realizes their yearning. That's greatness. Greatness is to believe in people who don't yet believe in themselves, because you can see deeper. Because you tore off those garments of captivity, we're living in a prison of our own design. With our own limited belief systems about ourselves. Look who's got the fanciest car. Look who's got the biggest house. Look who wrote the biggest tzedakah check. Look who's the most honest. Look who has the most integrity. And guys, I want to tell you something. At your age, you might look at the externals and think they're exciting. But you get older, and you start looking around and you say, "It doesn't matter if he was cool in high school." Nobody's cool in their forties. And if you're still thinking about that in your forties, you've got tons of other problems. What people care about when they're in their forties and fifties and sixties?
Who has integrity? Who's working on himself? That's what's impressive. That's what's inspiring. If in your forties and fifties you're still sitting there and playing the game, I got the latest car, I got the biggest house. Chaval, you're living a surface-oriented life, and that's antithetical to what it means to be a ben aleya. Baruch Hashem, we're in a yeshiva. Not only with tremendous role models. When we look around the bais medrash And we see the people that are dedicating their lives to Torah. The rebbeim that are dedicating their lives to you—we have unbelievable role models in this yeshiva. People who are real deal people, living for the essence. It's an amazing thing. But there's something even more inspiring. More inspiring is when you look around the bais medrash and you see guys that aren't trying to be frummer than anybody else. They're not looking to their left; they're looking to their right to see who's the last guy in the bais medrash or who's the first guy in shachris.
The most inspiring thing in this yeshiva is the guys who are real. The guys who say I'm not satisfied with my yiddishkeit and I'm yearning for Hakadosh Baruch Hu are daring greatly. Those people have courage because it might not work. Every one of us has been waiting to come to Mivaseret. Shana Aleph, Shana Bet, Shana Gimel. Every one of us has been waiting for the excuse. To try to put myself out there to find Hashem There are Shana Bet guys that are here tonight. If you ask them how was your Shana Aleph, they would go, "Eh, I didn't do as much as I should have." But that's godless because they didn't give up on themselves. And there are Shana Bet guys that are here now, and they're like, 'I came back because I tasted it' And now that I tasted it, all I want is more.
And there are Shana Aleph guys I already see Not because they're in the beis medrash. You hear the way they talk. You hear the yearning. You hear the desire. Baksasavir, they're crying out for their father. You could already sense it in the air. That's what's inspiring. That's the culture we're trying to create here in yeshiva. We're not here on a Thursday night at eleven fifteen, eleven thirty, and I don't even know what time it is. We're not here for programming. We're not singing shari shamayim pesach because it just happens to be a nice niggun. And we don't talk when people are singing. Every one of us sings together. And we sing from our soul. Shirei Shamayim Pesach, Rebbe Nachshon, open up the gates of Shamayim that I should be able to have a relationship with you. That's what El is about. Some people will sit this El and they'll make a list of their averas. If you roll around in the mud, the only thing I guarantee you is that you'll get dirty.
But some people Some of us. This El will have the ability to cry out and say, "Rabbanu Shalom." All I want is you. And for those guys, for those real deal Mivaseret guys that are willing to say, "Rabbanu Shalom, I'm here for you. I want you to know you're my Rebbeim." You're the reason I stay in this yeshiva every year to be inspired by you guys, who every year, fresh at 18 years old, say, 'I'm going to put myself out there and I'm going to dare myself.' To really be awesome this year, to really connect with Hashem, you're the inspiration of this yeshiva. And so to you I say thank you. You could be anywhere on a Thursday night. But you choose to be here because you're searching for Hakadosh Baruch Hu. Bez Hashem, we should be zeichin just a couple of weeks to coronate Hashem as king on Rosh Hashanah. And to enter into Aseres Yimei Tshuva and to cleanse ourselves on Yom Kippur. And to dance with Hakadosh Baruch Hu on Simchas Torah this time in a whole new way than we danced last year But we're dancing because we're connected to Hakadosh Baruch Hu because we're putting in the work into yeshiva to connect to Hashem.
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