Guard Your Eyes

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What relevance does Shmiras Einayim have for women? Is this a hashkafic matter or are there any halachic issues as well? The following article was written by Rabbi Aryeh Lebowitz (we are deeply appreciative of the haskama he has given to Nitzotzos) on the topic of shmiras einayim (in part as it relates to women). It is well worth your time to read through this carefully. Halachic Aspects of שמירת העינים Aryeh Lebowitz I. Introduction . The age of mass communication has brought the world as a whole, and the Jewish community in particular, both advantages and challenges. One of the more difficult problems that we face today as a result of the internet is that our ability to avoid viewing sexually explicit and inappropriate materials has been severely compromised. The Jew in the modern world finds himself living in an environment where material that would have been inaccessible just a generation ago is now only a click away. It is therefore critical that we review some of the more pertinent הלכות that relate to שמירת העינים in order to strengthen our determination to observe these laws and to fully appreciate their significance and relative severity. The ספר החינוך מצוה שפז writes that our thoughts may be thought of as the parents of our actions. Just as a child cannot be conceived without a father playing a role, a prohibited action will always find its roots in a prohibited thought. When we refrain from seeing and thinking about prohibited items we tend to be more capable of a

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The question this week is what relevance does Shemir Esenayim have for women? Is this a Hashkafic matter or are there any Halachic issues as well? The question is excellent. There are both Hashkafic and Halachic issues. From a Hashkafic perspective, we have to consider how God created the world. When God created the world, He created a space in order for the world to exist. Because until the point that the world was created, all there was was God. So that space that God created was empty of His presence. We'll see what that means in a moment. It was empty of His presence to allow for the creation of another. But, obviously, there can be no place that's devoid of God. So God was in that place as well. So what does it mean that God created a space that was devoid of His presence, and yet He was in that presence at the same time? Well, one way we can think about this is like when you're making a cup out of clay.

In order to make a cup out of clay, you have the clay, and what you do is you push the clay to the sides so that the space inside of the cup can hold water, and the clay becomes the borders for the cup. The borders have to be tight so that water will not seep out of the cup. So the inner space of that cup, on the one hand it's devoid of clay, but on the other hand its whole essence is to be filled up as a cup. And so too when God created the world. He took a step back, so to speak, for the creation of another, but of course that's his space where the world will now exist. And the same is true of relationships. Relationships need to be the creation of space for another. We need to pull ourselves back in order to allow another to exist. And yet, at the same time, in order to create that space, we need to create strong borders and boundaries, so that nothing will seep in or seep out, and the relationship will remain pristine.

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The definition of intimacy is exclusivity. A relationship that does not have strong borders will not be an exclusive relationship. Ultimately, some of the water will seep out, or chas v'shalom, something else will seep in. When it comes to shmira s'enayim, this is a concept that the world today is missing in a very big way. Shmira s'enayim is a beautiful concept. It means, everything that I do in my life is geared towards building an exclusively intimate relationship. I'm not interested in anybody else, and I don't want anybody else to be interested in me. And if they are, it wouldn't matter, because I have strong borders and boundaries. In order to create that vacuous space where my relationship exists. Now, everybody agrees that intimacy means exclusivity, hopefully. Outside of those people that believe in open marriages, most people today recognize that intimacy means exclusivity. However, what becomes the definition of exclusive?

Is talking to somebody else a violation of the exclusivity? Is touching someone else a violation of the exclusivity? What about looking at someone else? From a Jewish perspective, we think that looking where I'm not meant to look already violates the boundaries, not just of myself, not just of any relationships that I'll participate in, but it violates the boundaries of that person as well. How many girls have told me that over the years they feel so uncomfortable when they're being stared at by boys or men? Why is it uncomfortable? They're just looking. The answer is because I did not invite you to participate in this relationship. Why are you looking at me? Well, just as that's true of guys, it's true of girls. We should not be looking where we're not meant to look. We weren't invited to look there. If a person notices something, that's one thing. But to look, to purposefully look, to stare with intent at another person, it's inappropriate. It makes that person feel awkward. We were not invited to participate in that relationship.

And even before we're married, training ourselves to only look where we're invited is a fundamental part of building a healthy relationship in our lives. Now, when it comes to the issue of looking at inappropriate images, it goes even more so, because a person will, chas v'shalom, corrupt their worldview by taking something that's beautiful and turning it into something that's physical. Beauty is not skin deep. And when a person looks at inappropriate images, now I'm not just speaking about looking when we're not invited, but looking at inappropriate images, this will distort our image of what beauty truly is. Beauty is not skin deep. And when we start to identify beauty with the physical aspects of a person, it will distort our vision of a relationship. I think that's logical. It should go hand-in-hand with one another. Now from a halakhic perspective, I'm going to be attaching a piece that was written by Rabbi Aryeh Leibowitz Shlito, who was kind enough to share with us an important piece that he wrote on this issue.

But to sum up very quickly, though I would strongly encourage you to look at this piece from Rabbi Leibowitz and be attached on the website. From a halachic perspective, Rav Moshe has a tshuva that splits between looking at inappropriate images and an isser called shema yavol edei tuma balayla. For a man, there is an issue of shema yavol edei tuma balayla. If they're looking at inappropriate images, they might end up in a state where they're tame at night. This does not apply to women. However, Rav Moshe does say that looking at inappropriate images for women is asser. Because, again, it's a concept that distorts our thinking. It distorts our way that we see the world. This is the nesayim of our generation. Hollywood today has taken beauty and it's made it physical. And beauty is not skin deep. We need to resensitize ourselves to the way that we look at the world.

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