Vayelech - The Torah is NOT in Heaven

1:55 And he said as follows to the Chachamim: He said, "If I'm right, let this carob tree prove that I'm right." And the carob tree got up And it moved either a hundred or four hundred cubits from where it was. And the Chachamim said, "We don't pass in halacha based on a carob tree." Say that. I appreciate. Then, Reb Liazar said we're going to passkin the halacha based on the stream. The stream is going to prove that I'm right. I think at this point we're probably better off just leaving it. But I appreciate the attempt very much. Good. So let the stream prove that I'm right. And what happened? The stream started going in the opposite direction. It started going upstream. And the Chachamim said We don't pasquin based on a stream. Ravli Ezer said, "If I'm right, let the walls prove that I'm right." And the walls started falling down and it was about to crush everybody.

3:01 And then Rav Yosheu looked at the walls. The Gemara says, and it started. Rav Yosheu started giving muster to the walls. He said, "Why are you getting involved in a fight between us and Ravli Ezer?" And the Gemara says that the walls were like stuck because on the one hand, the walls agreed with Rav Eliezer, and so they were like coming down. But on the other hand, they heard the mussar from Rav Yosua. So the Gemara says that the walls just stopped halfway. And they were like that in that awkward position. That's what the Gemara says. They stand like that until today. If you find that base measure, you would see that the walls are still oddly not vertical and not horizontal, but somewhere in between. Finally, Rav Eliezer says, "If I'm right, let a baskal prove that I'm right, and a baskal came from Shamayim." I know it's hard. A baskal came from Shamayim. I also want to be. A baskal came from Shamayim, and a baskal said the halacha is like Reuveni Yezar everywhere.

3:54 And the chachamim said This pasuk from our parsha, Lo bashemaimhi Torah is not in heaven. We don't listen to baskals. Acher e rabbim lahatos. There's a halacha we pasken based on the rov, the majority opinion. The majority opinion is that of the chamim. Therefore, we're paskening like the chamim and not like Rabbi Eliezer. Many years went by, and Rabbi Nassin found Eliyahu Navi, and he said to him, Eliyahu Navi When they were in the beis medrash that day, they were fighting over the tanur shalachnay. And Rabbi Liazor was bringing all the proofs from the Carib tree, from the stream, from the walls, from the Baskel. What was Hashem doing at that time? And Aliya HaNavi said "Hakadosh Baruch Hu was laughing," and he said, "Nitzchuni banai, my children, you have defeated me. My children, you have defeated me." This is the story of the Tanur Shalachnai that made this pasuk famous. Everybody grows up and they know this story. Lo bashamayim.

5:00 However, there is one very strange problem with this story. If you're thinking carefully, you'll see it. It's obvious. Ravli Ezer is arguing with the Chachamim. Ravli Ezer says, 'I bring you a proof from a carob tree.' They say we don't passuk like carob trees. They bring a proof from a stream. We don't passuk like streams. We are going to bring you a proof from the walls. Rabbi Yehoshua says, 'Walls don't get involved. We don't pasquin like walls.' " A baskol is what? What is a baskol? That's Hashem. That's a voice coming out from Shamayim and saying, 'This is what I want.' What does the baskol say? Who should we pasquin like? Eliyazzer. So how could the chachamim say "Lo bashemayimy"? The whole point of arguing over the Torah is what? Why do we argue over the Torah? To figure out what Hashem wants. If Hashem comes and tells us this is what I want, show's over, game's over. That's what I want.

5:56 So how could they say Lo Bashamayim? How could they quote the pasuk and say, "Sorry, Hashem" Torah is no longer in your hands. The Torah is in our hands. That's the famous question on this Gemara. I want to share with you an unbelievable answer. To this question, it's going to take a little bit of time to develop, and it's going to take a little bit of concentration. But I promise you, it's worth it because this yisod from the Lubavitcher Rebbe that I'm going to share with you tonight is fundamental in creating healthy relationships. If you know this idea You're saving yourself a world of pain when it comes to marriage and dating. This is an unbelievable, life-changing, game-changing idea. Says the Labavitcher Rebbe as follows. There are three types of relationships. What we're going to call a singular relationship, a one-dimensional relationship, a two-dimensional relationship, and ultimately the highest relationship, which tonight we're going to call a true marriage, a true union, a three-dimensional relationship.

6:59 This is how it goes. The first type of relationship we'll call the one-dimensional relationship, or what in today's psychological language is called Codependency. Codependency means as follows: I'm in a relationship, but I'm being overrun by the other person in the relationship, or I'm overrunning the other person in the relationship. In a codependent relationship, somebody loses their identity. The challenge of a codependent relationship is an obvious one: Who am I in a relationship with? If I'm in a relationship with my husband. This you should be. I'm in a relationship with my husband. I'm referring to you. If I'm in a relationship with my husband, but I'm overrunning my husband. And I'm dominating the conversation, and my husband just does whatever I want, and he has no voice of his own. What's the obvious problem? Who am I in a relationship with? The point of a relationship is not to be in a relationship with yourself. The point of your relationship is to be in a relationship with somebody else.

8:07 So it's not good to lose your identity in a relationship. If you're in a relationship where you can't have a voice, where you're not okay unless he's okay, you've lost your fundamental identity. You're not firmly planted in your own soil. That is a very dangerous relationship. That's the first type of relationship. There's a second type of relationship. This relationship appears to be much healthier, but it's not much healthier. In a two-dimensional relationship, we have two people. Each person is firmly planted in their own ground. But it's what we'll call a relationship between two individuals. It's a relationship between two individuals. I'm an individual. He's an individual. We share our thoughts and our feelings with each other, and we deeply affect each other and are even affected by each other. But we're living on our own terms. Each one of us does what works for ourselves. In other words I'm there. I'm in the marriage.

9:08 But I'm not defined by the marriage. Do you understand what I'm saying? It's a two-dimensional relationship. It appears to be much better, but it's not actually. It's like two people living side by side, but there's no real oneness. There's no real intimacy. There is a third relationship, and this is the ideal. This is what every one of us is shooting for. And the way I heard it from my rebbe is as follows. He said it in a funny way. A man cannot marry a woman. And a woman cannot marry a man. Those are two completely different species. Men don't speak women And women do not speak men. And it's funny to watch guys and girls dating because they're talking two completely different languages. That's why when a girl comes back from a date and her friends go, 'How was it?' She sits and unpacks every single little thing that he said.

10:05 It's good, but I don't know exactly where we're holding. But he said this, and I think what he meant was right. That's three hours of conversation. Do you know how a guy comes back to the dorms after a date? He walks into the dorm. His roommate, who's the only one who knows that he's dating, by the way, because he hasn't told anybody, says, "How was it?" "Was good." That's the whole conversation. That's the whole thing. It's an unbelievable thing. Women, the Gemara says, you were given nine measures of speech. I know it's referring to tefila, but still. It's referring to a completely different type of communication. Guys don't communicate that way. By the way, that's why guys always have this problem. A girl goes, "I'm having a really hard time with my boss," and then the guy goes, "I think what you need to do is this." And the girls go, "See, you're not listening." Guy goes, "What do you mean I'm not listening? I told you exactly what to do. I didn't want you to tell me what to do. I wanted you to listen. You said, 'What do you think I should do?'"

11:00 I didn't mean, 'What do you think I should do?' I meant, 'What do you think I should do?' Validate my feelings and reflect my reality so that I can feel held in this safe space that is our marriage. You know what a guy heard when you said, 'What do you think I should do?' He heard a question. Because that's what men hear. They hear completely different languages. So if guys cannot marry girls and girls cannot marry guys What's the solution? So my rabbi said as follows: He said a guy can't marry a girl and a girl can't marry a guy. But a husband can marry a wife and a wife can marry a husband. But that's not how that works. But that's how it works. I'll explain what I mean. In a healthy relationship Of course I have my own identity. And of course you have your own identity. That's obvious. And of course, we share our thoughts and our feelings, and what we say deeply affects the other person.

11:58 But now, I'm no longer just me. I'm something larger than myself. And what that means is I have a new definition. I have something to be subservient to. Not just to another person, but to a concept that's larger than both of us. This is the third dimension. It's called marriage. In a healthy marriage, you know what you're doing. You're committing to the concept of marriage. That's why, if you're dating a guy and he's trying to marry a girl, that's a problem. It's a problem because the question is: Is he committed to marriage? There are people that date for years, and the girl's like, "Are you ever going to commit to me?" He goes, "What's the difference? We've been dating for years. What's the point of getting married?" Yeah, but the difference is you might be committed to me. But you're not committed to something larger than ourselves. You're not committed to creating this concept called marriage. It's like, I don't want to be committed to someone who's not in love with me. So I think I need to work on my own happiness first. Then I can have a better relationship with others.

13:03 But I have a whole new definition. I'm a wife. I'm a husband. And it's a completely different thing. It's not just that I want to share with you how my day was. Anybody could share with you how their day was. It's not just that I'm affected by the things you do, and you're affected by the things that I do, but there's a concept called intimacy. Intimacy means oneness. It defines us. It's different. Tchazer, just to review real quickly, I know it's hot and I know it's late. And for those of you that are sticking with me, I want you to know I applaud you. You're amazing to be here at nine o'clock at night on a Thursday night in this room when it's hot out. Believe me, I'm having a hard time. If I'm having a hard time, I know you're having a hard time. But I appreciate it. Let's see if we can do this together. The first level of relationship: codependency Singular. I lose my identity to somebody else. The second level of the relationship: I have an identity and you have an identity, and we might even be with each other.

13:56 But we didn't become part of something larger than ourselves. We didn't become a husband. We didn't become a wife. In the third level of the relationship, we're not just committed to each other. We're building something. We're building a space. That's why. What do we say when somebody gets married? We give them a bracha. You should build a bias naman beYisrael. The relationship should take on a life that's larger than just you. Let's hit pause for one second. Let's see if we could see the same thing in our relationship with Hashem. There's a fundamental concept. Can a finite human being connect to an infinite God? Yes. Think, go slow. Alpiteva Can a finite human being connect to an infinite God? No. Of course not, because one is finite and one is infinite. Girls, you know the difference between finite and infinite. Finite takes up space. Infinite is beyond time and space. Girls, we think of finite like this: two points on a line going infinitely in either direction. Is that infinite? Is that really infinite?

15:16 That's not infinite. Because at any point, you could say this point or this point. Infinite means that you can't even conceive of the line. Infinite means there's no such thing as the line. There's no point where you could say that the infinite thing exists in space. I ask you again, with this understanding, can infinite and finite ever meet? Of course not. It wouldn't make any sense. If infinite and finite are going to meet, what's going to have to happen? Who's going to have to come to who? The infinite. The infinite will have to come to the finite. Because if something is infinite, I know we're going a little deep now. If something is infinite That means it's infinitely capable of reaching out to something that is finite. So this happens in three ways, three channels where the infinite connects to the finite: miraculous, natural, and Torah.

16:19 Miraculous, natural, and Torah. You with me? Let's look at the miraculous. The first step in our relationship with Hashem is God splitting the sea. Like a miracle. A big miracle. What's the beauty of a miracle, and what's the challenge of a miracle? What's the beauty of a miracle? Kitzya Hashem That's pretty good. What's the challenge of a miracle? Think for a second. Rely on it. It's not something that we can assimilate into our being. A miracle. Is so big I can't even assimilate it into my mind. I can't make logical sense of it. In a certain sense, when a miracle happens, I'm overwhelmed by the miracle. You know what I mean when I say I'm overwhelmed by the miracle. Try to talk to somebody about a miracle. What words could you use? Can't say any words. It doesn't even make any sense. If you try to tell something that a miraculous thing happened, they go, 'It can't be a miracle.' It's very difficult. I would even say impossible to actually take in a miracle.

17:30 So you know what a miracle does? It removes our identity. In a certain sense, a miracle, while sometimes important, if we would have a miraculous relationship with Hashem Baruch Hu, where would we be? We would be in that codependent relationship where we have nothing to contribute because the miracle is so big and we're so small. Hashem sometimes reveals Himself through a miracle, but it's not a good way of being in a relationship. Does that make sense? Then there's the second level. What's the second level? The second level is natural. It's the natural world. Hashem reveals Himself through nature. What's the advantage of revealing Yourself through nature over a miracle? Think. In a miracle, what happened? I can't assimilate it into my being. I'm overwhelmed by it. I lose my identity. What's the advantage of Hashem revealing Himself through nature? I could see it I could assimilate it and talk about it.

18:31 It doesn't overwhelm me, nature. I live within nature every single day. Perfectly said. I live within nature every single day. What's the challenge of living a natural relationship with Hashem? If you've been following, this should be obvious. What was that? No. He's revealing himself through nature. I have an identity. God has an identity. There is God and there is me, and there is an exchange, so to speak. But are we really in a relationship with Hakadosh Baruch Hu? If it's limited to the natural world, something is missing. It's like two people who are dating forever. Where is the yachas? Where is the oneness? So there has to be a third level. What's marriage when it comes to Hakadosh Baruch Hu? What does it mean to be married to Hakadosh Baruch Hu? So this Torah Union. This third level. This is the true union. Girls, listen to this—an unbelievable gemara and Shabbos. I want to read for you the words inside, because sometimes these things work out so perfectly you can't make it up. Listen to the gemara and Shabbos. Darishahu Galila Alei Derav Chista. There was a certain Galilean that he taught above Rav Chista. He was taught this while standing above Rav Chista.

19:47 Brich rachmana, the yove orion tlisah. Blessed is Hakadosh Baruch Hu, who gave a threefold Torah. What's a threefold Torah? Why is the Torah considered threefold? Torah Neviim and suvim. Leam t'lisah. And not only did he give a threefold Torah, he gave it to a threefold nation. Why is Klal Yisrael called the threefold nation? Because we have Kohanim, Leviim, and Yisraelim. Al yedately, and he gave it through a third. Who was the third that Hashem gave it through? Who did Hashem give the Torah through? Moshe Rabbeinu, when he is a third, why is Moshe Rabbeinu called the third? Because he's the third born. His sister was Miriam. His brother was Aaron. And what year? What day? What was it given in? It was given on the third day, in the third month. Why is the Gemara highlighting the fact that Torah was given in a threefold Torah to a threefold nation to the third person on the third day of the third month? Why is the Gemara emphasizing this concept of third? Because remember, in our relationship with Torah, it's not singular; it's not two-dimensional. This is what the three-dimensional relationship with Hashem. You're no longer a husband. As I said, you're no longer a guy. You're no longer a girl. You're a husband and a wife. Why? Because you're committed to something larger than yourself called marriage.

21:10 This is what Torah is. And the truth of the matter is, it's a beferish of pasuk and chumash. What does the pasuk say? The yareh Hashem al Har Sinai al Rosh Hashar, va'yikra Hashem le Moshe al Rosh Hashar, va'yahal le Moshe. What happens on the day that the Torah was given? Hashem came down And Moshe Rabbeinu went up. Isn't that interesting? Hashem came down, and Moshe Rabbeinu went up. What's another way of describing that? It's almost like Hashem, when he's in his infinite state, he's too far beyond us. So what does he do? He comes down to us, but Moshe Rabbeinu, if he's just a finite man, can he receive the Torah? He has to go up. And what happens in that moment when Hashem—and I—I don't mean this obviously—Chas Shlom to Ktiira dig away, but when Hashem, so to speak, for a moment lowers Himself, it's almost like He can stop being Hashem so overwhelmingly impressive for a moment and come down to our world. If Moshe Rabbeinu will tap into His godly soul and stop being a finite man for just a moment, what happens?

22:17 Receive the Torah. You see how all of a sudden it's like God is no longer infinite God, distant from man, and man is no longer finite man, distant from God. What happens? There's a union. You're no longer a guy. You're no longer a girl. Now you're a husband and a wife, subsumed by something larger than yourself. This is what Torah really is. Let's stop and think about the development of Klal Yisrael from Mitzrayim to Matan Torah. Does anybody see three stages? What are the three stages from Mitzrayim to Matan Torah? Yitziyas Mitzrayim is stage one. What would you call that? That's miraculous. That's God from above. Then we had what? We went into the Midbar before Matan Torah. What did we have? We had after Kriyas Yam Suf before the Man. Before, after, how are we going to say it? We had before Matan Torah. What did we have, girls? What happens every year between Pesach and Shavuos? Sfiras Omer.

23:22 What happens in Sfiras Omer? Golden calf is afterwards. Every Sfiras Omer, what are we doing? We're working on ourselves. So it's like First it's the miraculous, and then what's the second stage? It's man trying to be in a relationship with God. But what happens after that? After that, there is a third dimension where Hakadosh Baruch Hu comes down. And now we actually merge together at Sinai. By the way This is not just for now. We actually see this in history as well. We have Matan Torah. Then we have centuries of self-refinement, and ultimately, what happens, Mashiach. In a certain sense, even Matan Torah, even though as much as there's been a Matan Torah and there's been a union, but now what do we have after Matan Torah? We have thousands of years of working on ourselves, culminating in what? Culminating in Yomosha Mashiach, where there will be a total union.

24:19 So far so good. You have this idea? We're going to end a little bit early tonight because it's just too hot, and then the second class we're going to move to the other room because even I'm having a hard time. If I'm having a hard time, you're for sure having a hard time. If Torah, we're right Which obviously the Lebavish Rebbe was, because this is a stunning vort. Let's go back to Lo Beshamayim. Let's look at it again. Torah is the thing that merges Klal Yisrael Hakadosh Baruch Hu. Then, who does Torah belong to? If it belongs to Hashem, then it doesn't belong to us. And if it belongs to us, then it doesn't belong to. But if Torah is the marriage If Torah is the marriage, then what? It has to belong to both. What do we have? We have a Torah shebereshav. The Torah shebereshav is what the Yerushalmi and Peah says. The Torah shebereshav is every single thing that's ever in Torah, including all of those things that will be said by Talmidei Chachamim for generations to come.

25:36 That's what Torah is. But if we don't contribute to it, then it's just Hashem overwhelming us with His Torah. Do you understand? So when the Gemara says this story of Taner Shalach Nay, and Rav Eliezer comes and Rav Eliezer says the halacha is like me. Look at the carriage tree. Look at the stream. Look at the walls. What do the Chachamim say? We don't pasquin from those things. But then a Basqal comes out. And the Basqal says we pass like Rav Eliezer. What's the job of a Jew in that moment? The job of a Jew is to say to Hashem, "Hey!" This is a partnership. This is not just you anymore. That's for the miraculous. That's for the natural. Torah has to be a shared entity where we both discover ourselves, so to speak.

26:23 So you know what they said to the Baskel? We don't pasquin like a Baskel. Lo bashamayim he. It's our Torah, Hashem, as much as it's your Torah. Which means you have the opportunity and the obligation to step up and share your voice about what you have to say in Torah. I came for Shabbos last year to Talmud Torah, and there's a thing that girls do. They get up and they give Differ Torah at the end of Shabbos, right? And then like everyone goes, and then like everyone goes, and then like everyone goes over and gives the girl a hug. That's like different than yeshivas. Yeshiva guy gives Differ Torah. And it's like, good job, bro. And one kid goes, that was Od Glaze. But everyone else is like. Everyone else is like, it was good. And girls here, I see everyone gives each other a hug. It's like a beautiful thing. There's one thing I don't like a little bit. Not Musser. One thing I don't like. I don't like this move. I went to Hesh. Com, printed a Dvar Torah, and now I'm just reading it like this.

27:12 If you're saying a Dvar Torah, it's your opportunity to use your head. Hashem gave you a head. Hashem gave you a brain. He's asking us to contribute to participate in the relationship. If you're just downloading a Talmud Torah and repeating it, where are you? Where's your creativity? What are you contributing to the relationship? You're just overwhelmed by Hashem. That's not a healthy relationship. So many years later, when R. Nasan met Eliahu Hanavi, he said, "What happened, Hashem, when you sent that Bas Kol?" You sent that heavenly voice into the beis medrash. What were you doing when all the chachamim got up and said,"Lo bashamayim, it belongs to us"? Hashem said, "I was laughing. I was so happy. Nitzchuni banai My children have defeated me. Meaning what? They don't just learn Torah and accept Torah. They say, 'We hear Hashem. What you're trying to tell us, and here's what we're contributing to the conversation.'

28:11 Greatness comes from when you sit back and listen to a rebbe give a she'er Not when this is what my rebbe would have called halachic entertainment. Not when you come—sometimes girls come, and some girls listen less, some girls take notes. If the rebbe sneezes, they write. At this point, the rebbe sneezed. That's the difference between teaching in yeshiva and seminary. It's not a matter of just showing up and hearing. It's not a matter of showing up and taking notes. It's thinking about it afterwards. It's fighting it out. It's saying, what do I have to contribute to the conversation? Because if you have nothing to contribute to the conversation, then you're being overwhelmed by Hakadosh Baruch Hu's presence. And Hakadosh Baruch Hu is not interested in being all of him. He gives us free will because he says, I want you to contribute to the conversation. Girls, have a beautiful Shabbos and a chesive chesima time.