Terumah - When We Hate the Ones We Love

2:03 B'zman she lo asur tzonah shal makom. In the times that Klal Yisrael wasn't doing the will of Hashem, they would face away from each other, and this would be symbolic of the distance between Klal Yisrael and Hakadosh Baruch Hu. That's a Gemara in Baba Basra 99a. Just in case you're going to look it up. It's good to ask the source. Baruch ato Adonoy Yelina Mocham Shalom Yibraf. Amin. Relax. I didn't give you a bracha for a shidduch. Thank you. I appreciate. I'll be here all week. You won't. That's true. Literally, I'm on a flight tonight. Excellent one. And I won't be back next week. The week after that is Purim. I'll see you in a month. The Beis Yisrael The Beis Yisrael, who was the fourth Ger Rebbe Has an amazing drasha on this Gemara, a life-changing, game-changing drasha. If you listen to this, it's a game changer.

3:08 It's a game changer. I also have ADHD at nine o'clock at night. Come with me for this ride. So the Beis Yisrael says as follows: What does it mean, Ritzono Shalomakom? What does it mean that we're doing the will of Hashem? Does that mean that we're doing mitzvos? The Beis Yisrael says, let's think about this. What do the kruvim represent? They represent the love that Klal Yisrael has for each other. It's the two children hugging each other. So the Beis Yisrael says as follows: What does it mean, Ritzonu Shalma'kon? What does it mean to do the will of Hashem? It doesn't mean tefillin. It doesn't mean Shabbos. It doesn't mean any of the from things. You know what it means? It means how you treat another Jew. If you're osin ritono shalmakom and you're deeply connected to another Jew, then the two kruvim face each other.

3:56 If you're deeply connected to mitzvos, if your wings are spread upwards and you're very frum, but you're not connected to other Jews, then the kruvim face away from each other. That's called lo osin ritono shalmakom. In other words, it's possible that a Jew could eat mahadrian mina mahadrian. They could only hold of like one or two herchirim. They could mamish be like totally disconnected from every other Jew, but they're perfect and they're ben adam l'makom. What do we call that? Says the Beis Yisrael, lo osin ritzonah shal makom. There's a machla that exists in this world. The machla is I'm very frum and my frumkeit disconnects me from Hashem. The Lubavitcher Rebbe Zechus HaDik Levrach says perhaps the starker moser that I've ever heard in my life. The Lubavitcher Rebbe said, "How does galus begin?" Yosef HaTzaddik was in a pit, surrounded by snakes and scorpions. And where's Reuven, the oldest brother, the one that was supposed to be the leader?

4:56 He was doing tshuva for an avera that he had done over 20 years earlier when he switched his father's bed. The Lubavitcher Rebbe says, 'You know when galus begins? When they're more worried about their own frumkeit than they are their brother who's languishing in a pit surrounded by snakes and scorpions.' That is the harshest mussar I've ever heard in my entire life. It's possible for a person to be super connected to Torah and mitzvos and disconnected from Hashem, and that's called lo osen ritzonos shalom. I want to tell you an amazing story. I heard this from someone who was there at the time. You girls have heard of Rav Naftali Weinberg, the founding Rosh Yeshiva of Eishat Torah. So Rav Naich was a very special Jew. Obviously, a revolutionary in the world, built Eishat Torah. Was Makariv? He's responsible for the kiruv of tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands. How many people have come back to Yiddishkeit because of Eishat Torah? You have an exact number?

5:51 I'm saying my parents. Your parents, right? I'm sure. I'm sure I could say that in any audience, and somebody would raise their hand and go, "I was impacted by Eishat Torah because of the impact that he had." It was like it was rippling throughout the entire world. They tell a story. That Rav Na'eh was running a summer program for college-aged kids. It was a coed program. And he had plenty of female madrichim. Madrichot, sorry, he had plenty of female madrichot But he didn't have any male madrichim. And he met a group of yeshiva bachrim, and he said, 'Maybe you'd be interested in working for me in the summer. Maybe you'd be interested in being the madrichim on this program.' So the boys said, "It's coed. We have to ask our rebbe." He said, "Of course." They went back to their rebbe, and their rebbe said, "It's inappropriate for you to do this." So they came back to Rav Na'ach and they said, "We spoke to our rebbe and our rebbe said it's usur for us to do it." But Rav Na'ach smelled something.

6:40 He smelled arrogance in the way they said it. It was like a little too holier than thou. Like, 'We're yeshiva bachurim. We can't be involved in this type of work.' So Rav Na'ach said to them, 'Tell me' If your sister was on a train to Auschwitz and you couldn't save her for halachic reasons and you couldn't do anything about it. Would you have geyva and say Can't save her. I'm a big bal halacha. I'm a big from a guy Or would you be crying? I wish I could save my sister, but unfortunately halacha dictates that in this case I can't. He said, "The fact that you guys came back to me and said no doesn't bother me. You're doing what is halachically appropriate." But you should have come back with tears in your eyes. I wish that I could go out. I wish that I could save my sister. I asked my rebbe, and unfortunately, I can't. But I wish that I could.

7:32 Not only did you guys not come to me with tears, you came to me with gaiva. That's a crazy thing. Today, the frumest thing in the world. I'm not sure when it happened. When I was growing up, I got off the train in 1988. I bought into 1988 Judaism. I don't know what happened since then. But in 1988, the frumest thing that people spoke about was, 'What are you going to do for somebody else?' Nobody was talking about ben adam la makom in terms of who's going to be learning the most hours or who's not going to be holding by this kashrus or that kashrus. It was the frumest thing in the world to get involved in helping out another Jew. That's the way I grew up. My mother, she herself is a ba'al teshuva, and my mother wanted to give back. She joined a program called Partners in Torah. Every one of you can do this program.

8:18 It's okay. I'm so happy that you're excited by it. Do you guys know what partners in Torah is? Do you know that every one of you, when you go back to America, whatever time that is, every one of you is obligated to do a program like this. Whenever you're going to do something, you have to do something for Klal Yisrael. Partners in Torah means that they set you up with somebody who's not observant or less observant, and you have the opportunity to have a chavruta with them. And if you know Aleph, teach Aleph. You'll say, 'Who am I to teach?' What do you mean? You just spent a year in seminary. You know a tremendous amount of Torah. My mother, she was one of these people's partners in Torah. And she had a chavrusa. Her name was Marnie Calabrese. You would not expect that Marnie Calabrese was Jewish. Originally, she had a different last name. She married Joe Calabrese, an Italian guy, and they had a child whose name was Tyler Calabrese. Could you imagine that Tyler Calabrese is Jewish?

9:08 So my mother started learning with Marnie, and over the years they started getting closer and closer. Marnie lived in a place called Merrick, Long Island. Thursday nights, Marnie started saying, "Instead of learning over the phone, I'm going to come to your house in Long Island, and we're going to learn in person." And so Marnie would come every Thursday night, and they would bake challahs and learn and discuss Ashkafa. And I would come home And I. At least don't be loud enough that I can hear it from here. Okay. So So Marnie would come over Thursday nights. I would come home from Yeshiva Thursday nights, and over the years, Marnie had so many questions. She became a part of our family. And one year, Marnie told my mother, she said, "Guess what? I'm expecting a child." My mother said, "That's wonderful." She said, "Tell me If it's a boy, you're going to have a bris?

10:10 She said, "My husband would never let me have a make give the child a bris." So my mother said a Jewish child has to have a bris. Back and forth. Finally, my mother convinced Marnie that if the baby is a boy, it's going to have a bris, and the baby was a boy. She found out the baby was a boy. She started fighting with her husband, Joe Calabrese. So Joe said, "Fine, the baby can have a bris, but under one condition. It's done not by a moel, but it's done in the hospital by a doctor." So my mother said, no problem. When the baby is born, we'll do it in the hospital. We'll get a doctor to do it. My mother called Doctor Lightman. Doctor Lightman is a doctor in Farakwe. Anybody here know Doctor Lightman? He is my doctor too. South African doctor. Best doctors. They're all from South Africa. Doctor Lightman said to my mother, he really is a great guy. My mother said to Doctor Lightman, Doctor Lightman, this boy is going to be born. Would you be willing to do the bris? Doctor Lightman said, I'll do the bris, but I'll tell you the truth. The moalim are the experts. This is all that they do.

11:10 So my mother went back to Marni, back and forth, and finally Marni said, "Fine, we'll get a moal." She convinced Joe Calabrese that the expert in this area is a moal, and who did they hire to be the moal? Rabbi Pesach Kron. Of course It had to be Rabbi Kron because otherwise it's not going to be a story. He should be zayich to refuah shalem. I heard he's doing well. He should be zayich to continue refuah shalem. And then it occurred to my mother one day, wait a second. Did Tyler ever have a bris? So my mother said to Marty, 'Did Tyler ever have a bris? I think Tyler at the time was like eight or nine years old.' She said, 'No, of course Tyler didn't have a bris.' So my mother said, 'Tyler has to have a bris too.' Marty's like, 'Oh my God, Tyler has a bris!' Back and forth. Finally, they convince Joe. Tyler's going to have a bris too. On the day that his little brother has a bris, it's all going to be done in the hospital by Rabbi Korne. Everyone's going to be done together.

12:03 Baruch Hashem, baby is born, healthy baby boy. It's crazy, true story. Eight days later, in the hospital, Rabbi Kroll comes to the hospital. Who gets their mila first? Tyler, because he's older. He was mechuyev already to have it. Pause here. Marnie understood because of the work that my mother did with her. Marnie understood the importance of a child getting a Jewish education, but her child wasn't in a Jewish school. The child was in public school. What do they do with the kid? In the summer, he would come to Simcha Day Camp. If you're from Farakway, I'm sure you're familiar with Simcha Day Camp. This is Yeshiva Darche Torah's camp. I want you to understand that I was the division head. I want you to understand what it's like to introduce a boy whose name is Tyler Calabrese to Shlaimi to Maisi. You understand, boys who go to Darche who are coming from homes. It doesn't exactly mix, but it doesn't exactly work a hundred percent. When they're having morning seder shir, when they're having shir from nine to eleven before they start their day, Tyler is learning at a much more basic level than these kids who are already learning chumash. Maybe they're learning chumash with Rashi already.

13:10 So there's Tyler Calabrese growing up in Simcha Day Camp, and now fast forward, it's the middle of the year, and Tyler's about to have his bris. And Rabbi Krohn says to him, "You're going to get to pick your name, Tyler." You're going to get to pick your name. What do you want your name to be? And Tyler says, Rabbi Krohn. I want my name to be Yaakov Moshe. "He said. Why?" He said Yaakov is my grandfather on my mother's side. And Moshe because I learned in Simcha Day Camp that every single Jew can be makabel the Torah like Moshe Rabbeinu. So now that I'm getting a bris, I also want to be Yaakov Moshe, and that's how Tyler Calabrese became Yaakov Moshe Kalabriss. Now the only other Orthodox Jew in the room at the time for the bris of the second baby was who? Yaakov Moshe Kalabriss. So he was his little brother Sandik. They put the baby on his lap.

14:02 And Rabbi Krohn said? It is sad that there's a family. It's sad that there weren't more Orthodox Jews there. Rabbi Krohn said to Tyler. Now Yaakov Moshe Kalabriss. He said, Yaakov Moshe. Do me a favor. You have to make sure to invite me to your bar mitzvah. Fine. Of course, I'll invite you to my bar mitzvah. Yaakov Moshe Calabrese is getting bar mitzvah in the Chabad of Merrick, Long Island. He's having the party there because obviously it's going to be mixed dancing. It's not going to be like an event where other Orthodox Jews or Jewish institutions would have felt comfortable. The Chabad says, okay, look, we're going to bring him in. We're going to figure out how to work with them. So they're walking into the Chabad of Merrick, Long Island. Years later, on the day that Yaakov Moshe Calabrese is having his bar mitzvah party And who walks out?

14:51 Rabbi Kron. And they, in that moment, realized we told Rabbi Kron on the day of the bris that we were going to invite him to the bar mitzvah, and we never did. Rabbi Kron, how did you know that today is Tyler's bar mitzvah? We totally forgot to invite you. Rabbi Kron said, "I had no idea that it was Tyler's bar mitzvah today." I was doing a bris this morning here. That's why I'm here. And it happens to be that years later, on the day of his bar mitzvah, Rabbi Kohen was there at Yaakov Moshe Kalabris's bar mitzvah. Because the truth is, I personally have been out of touch with the family for years. The answer is I don't think so. But I also don't think it matters.

15:31 Our goal is not to make people religious. Our goal is to love our fellow Jews, and because we love them, we introduce them to Torah. Yaakov Moshe Kalabris, because my mother sacrificed her time. If my mother wanted to have a chavruta, wouldn't it have been better for her to have a chavruta with somebody at her level or above her level? Wouldn't that have been the frumer thing to do, so that she could have delved deeply? My mother loves learning. She's insatiable. She grew up. She wasn't from herself. She became a balas shuva, and now it's like she's making up for lost time. She can't stop learning. The frumer thing for her to do officially would have been to have a chavruta who's at her level or above her level. And they would have learned rambans and all the different sukkias and nach. My mother really loves learning. Instead of prioritizing her own growth She prioritized the growth of somebody else, and look what the payrolls were.

16:21 There's a kid in this world, two kids in this world, that have a bris mila because she dedicated herself to somebody else. To be osen retzono shalmaco means that I love my fellow Jews. Girls, I want to tell you something. When your parents, you're going to understand this. Only Rav and Rebbitzin areitz understand this, and myself. The rest of you have no idea what I'm talking about. I want you to know the thing that will drive you crazy when you have children. If your children violate the rules of your house, it will annoy you. If you make a curfew and they come home late for curfew It will be annoying. If you say we have this phone policy and they have that phone, it will be frustrating. Do you know what's devastating to a parent? Do you know what drives parents absolutely bananas when children can't get along with each other?

17:06 That's what drives us crazy. To be osin ritzon oshamakom. How do we relate to Hashem? The answer is very simple. You want to know the litmus test? The litmus test of whether you've grown or not this year is not how much you shackle. It's not this move. You know what I'm talking about? It's not like I don't personally understand the elbow grab. It's not my. What is that? You know what I'm saying? Girl, I don't want to extend one safer. You know what I'm talking about? Oh! It's this move. You know this thing, like the. Boys, don't dive in that way. I once dated a girl. I knew how frum she was because there was makeup all over her. She must have really been crying during davening. There was a torrential downpour of makeup in her sim. That's how you know. The litmus test of your frumkeit.

18:05 Rebbitz Nard said to me, walking in, she said, "You're also funny like Rav Gav." I said, "No, I'm not. But now I'm putting on a show for you." The litmus test of your frumkeit is not how much you shackle when you daven. The litmus test of your frumkeit is not how well you do in your classes and Talmud Torah and how many tests you take and whether you're in matmidot or not. Sorry. It's how you treat each other. That's the litmus test. You want to know if you're osan ritzonos shalomakom? Are you sensitive? Do you pick someone up when they're down? Do you pay attention? There are girls in this room right now that are suffering. Are you the one that puts a kind hand on a shoulder? Are you the one that gives a warm, listening ear and is empathetic? These things say a lot more about you. That's Oseh Retchonu Shemalchum. Your wings could be ascending heavenward.

18:59 But you're facing away from each other. You're not doing the will of Hashem. That's the first half of the year, but there's a second half that, frankly, is much more important, and I want to share this part with you. It's my own idea, so if you like it, great; if not, that's okay. But I think it's a good one. The Gemara in Yuma, fifty-four b Yuma Fifty-four b. You could look it up later. The Gemara in Yuma, fifty-four b Tell us a story about how the second Beis Hamikdash was destroyed. Girls, what was the second Beis Hamikdash destroyed for? Very good, excellent. You have a wonderful Beis Yachov education. Listen what the Gemara says. Shlakish said. They didn't. They didn't. They talked in shul. No. Oh. That's the exerata time. They didn't say in your chaz Torah. That's a different pshat. But the classic pshat is sinas chinam. You're right. There are many pshatim given. There's a Yerushalmi that says they weren't keeping Shabbos appropriately. There are a lot of different pshatim.

19:54 We're going to go for now, just for today, with the basic pshat of sinas chinam. Amar esh lachash v'shoshen nchnasugayim leheichal. When the Romans came into the Hechal, when they came into the sanctuary in the Beis Hamikdash. Ra'u Kruvim Hama'orim Zebaze. What did they see on top of the Ark? That the Kruvim were in a loving embrace. They weren't just facing each other; they were intimately tied together. Hotziya Moshuk. They took the Kruvim out of the Kodesh Hakodashim, out of the Beis Hamikdash. Into the Shuk. The marketplace is a low place. Even then, the shuk was a problem. Va'amru, and they said Yisrael halalu. These Jews Sheberchas and bracha, klalas and klala, who have the capacity to bless and they have the capacity to curse, these are very holy people. Nah, they're fakers. Yasku b'dvarim halalu. They're also involved in idolatry. They have these kruvim. Having relations with each other in the Kodesh Hakadoshim Miyad his ilum. You know what they did? They destroyed the kruvim.

21:03 That's how the kruvim were destroyed. They desecrated the kruvim right there in the shuk. That's the story the Gemara says. But there's an obvious question on this. Girls, in the time that we're osin retzonu shalomakom, the kruvim face each other. In the times that we're not osin retzonu shalomakom, the kruvim face away from each other. If the Beis Hamikdash was destroyed because of sinas chinam, and we just got done for the last 20 minutes explaining that the whole point of Osen Ritzonos Shemalchem is how you relate to a fellow Jew, and now the Beis Hamikdash is being destroyed because of sinas chinam. I would have thought the kruvim like flew off the Aaron in opposite directions, and not only do we find that they didn't, but we find that they were actually one hundred percent together. What's the pshat? So I want to tell you another story.

21:45 It's a true story. I know it's a true story because it happened to me. I was on a plane. I wanted to, and yes, I was on a plane again. I was spending my life on a plane. I want to tell you, for me, the single most annoying thing when you're flying, and today, Baruch Hashem, it doesn't happen so much. The single most annoying thing when you're flying is you want the plane to just take off. Sometimes there are people that refuse to sit down. Certain people refuse to sit down because they don't want to sit next to a woman; it makes them feel uncomfortable. So they refuse to sit down. Now here I am. I'm a window seat person. You know what it means to be a window seat person? There's aisle seat people and there's window seat people. Aisle seat people are people that like having access to go to the bathroom and they don't want to bother other people because they're balemidos. I am a window seat person, which means I don't mind bothering you when I go to the bathroom. I just want to be able to lie down. So here I am.

22:41 What was that? Middle seat people are the worst. They're just the accidents of the plane. It's like I couldn't get a seat anywhere else. Now I'm like this for an entire flight. My travel agent messed up and gave me the aisle seat, but it was the middle aisle, which at the time had four seats. I told you the story. It's gonna be okay. I'll tell it again with the same drama that I said it last time. So these chayyim wouldn't sit down. There were four guys. They wouldn't sit down. In front of us were four not observant Israelis. They got up after 40 minutes. They got up and gave their seats so these chevrach could sit down. Sitting next to me was a charedi guy from Eshelaim. He was muttering under his breath the entire time. He's like, 'Just sit down already. It's ridiculous. Who cares?' There's a next to him a guy from Bnei Brak who's also muttering under his breath. It's ridiculous. We just want to take off. Next to him, unbeknownst to me, was a conservative rabbi.

23:44 These four chevrach sit down, and the conservative rabbi taps on the shoulder of the guy who's sitting catty-cornered across from him. And he says, "Would you mind if I asked you a question?" In Hebrew, he says this. The guy says, "Sure, by all means." And he was very polite, really, really polite. And he said, "Could you help me understand what just happened? Why you refused to sit down?" So this young guy, maybe he was in his early twenties, looks back at this conservative rabbi and he says, "My understanding of the halacha is that I'm not allowed to sit next to a woman." So this conservative rabbi said back. He goes, "I understand. Would you be open to hearing a different approach?" The guy said, "Sure." It was a very polite conversation. He said, "you probably offended that woman by not sitting down next to her."

24:31 So the guy responded, and he said, 'Maybe I did, but that's only because she doesn't know the halacha.' And if she would know the halacha, she would know how important it is. You should know if you paid me a million dollars, I wouldn't violate the halacha." The conservative rabbi said back. He said, "Yes, but we only have Dalit Amos of Halacha, and we all have to figure out how to live in it together." And she may not know the Halacha, but she is offended. Back and forth, they went. It was a very polite, wonderful conversation, and they ended up parting ways after a couple of minutes. I'm watching this in fascination. I don't like speaking to people on planes. I don't like getting involved in anything. I just want to go to sleep and wake up and be there. But I had to. It was such an amazing moment. I turned to this conservative rabbi and I said, Would you be open to hearing a question from me? He said, "Sure."

25:18 I said, "Help me understand why you felt comfortable having that back and forth with him." He said, "What do you mean?" I said, "If the guy in front of us was Amish" And the halacha of being Amish was that you weren't allowed to sit next to women. Would you have asked him why? Would you have argued back and forth? So the guy stopped and he thought about it and he goes No, I wouldn't have. I said, so the only reason that you felt comfortable, or maybe even upset him Is because he's your brother. And he goes, right. I said, it's fascinating. You were so frustrated because you love him so much, because that's another Jew. He asked the guy from Eshelayim to switch seats with him. He ended up sitting next to me. We had to schmooze for like three hours. I was so annoyed. I really just wanted to go to sleep. It's not true. It was an awesome conversation.

26:07 The truth is, if you think deeply about it. Why do we get bothered by other Jews? Not because of what they do. We get bothered by other Jews because of who they are. Because our relationship with a Jew is so strong, and it's so essential, it's so natural to us that when we see Jews behaving in ways that we're not proud of, it drives us crazy. It's not about the subject matter that we disagree on. It's about the relationship that we have. That's why when you meet a Jew, if you're a Zionist and you meet a Jew who's anti-Zionist, you go, "How could you be anti-Zionist? Why are you screaming at each other?" Why are you screaming at each other? How could you? How could you be? How could you be a Zionist? Don't you know what they did? And you could go back and forth, people just screaming at each other. Do you know the reason you're screaming at each other?

26:56 Because you love each other. Loving each other means. I love you for no reason whatsoever. If it's real love, you don't love anybody for a reason. For example What does the Mishnah say? Aava sheteluya bedavar, ainu aava. If you love somebody, but it's dependent on a thing, then you don't love them. Like if I say I love my wife because she's a great cook, then what do I love? Food. If I say I love my children because they bring me nachas, what do I love? Myself. I want nachas. I love myself. I love the way it makes me feel. If you say I love the way my wife makes me feel, then you don't love your wife. You love the way that she makes you feel. You love yourself. Real love means I love you because I'm connected to you in ways that I don't understand. It's called ahavas chinam.

27:44 To love somebody for no reason at all. I love them for free. I have no reason attached to it. That's what we're meant to have with every other Jew. I love you for no reason whatsoever. So even if we disagree on ideology, I still love you. That's why what does the Mishnah say? Ove v'mesabrios umekarve l'Torah. We love what? What does brios mean? It's a weird thing to say. What should it say? I love people. I love Hashem's creations. Chazal say because we're talking about people that the only thing you could say about them is that they're Hashem's creations. We're not talking about high-level people. We're talking about low-level people. People who have very different ideologies than us. People that are very distant from the observance that we have. What does the Mishnah say? Love them. You're supposed to really love every single Jew. Now I'm gonna tell you the big secret. This is the big move of this year. You ready for it?

28:38 You ready for it? Why do we have sinas chinam? You don't hate people because of what they did. You hate people because of who they are in relation to you. Give you an example. If somebody you don't know and don't care about says a mean thing to you. Doesn't bother you. It doesn't drive you crazy because it's like, it was like a random, it was like a random person. But if somebody you love says the same exact words to you, you could go so nuts, you could go ballistic. How could you say that to me? I'll give you an example. I'm going to help out your husbands here. I'm going to help out your husbands. I'm going to help out your future husbands. If your husband comes home and he's had a long day of work. But you've also had a long day of work and you've also been taking care of the kids.

29:34 And you're exhausted. And you say these words; these are very feminine words. You say the words, "I'm done. I'm just done." Rebbe Senard, it's true. I'm done. I'm done means I have nothing left in the tank. And then you start railing on your husband. You start saying, "It's ridiculous. You're not home enough. We need more help in the house. I can't do this by myself anymore. And she's driving me crazy. And she, right?" What does a husband feel? Attacked. But if the husband would actually listen to the words that you're expressing, and he would actually hear them, what would he hear? If he's not listening to the anger and the frustration, if he's not seeing the external of the word, what would he hear? I want you home. You're important to this family. I love you, and I hate the fact that you spend so much time out of this house. Girls, if you want your husbands to listen to you, say the words that you actually mean. But the truth is, in our frustration, what do we often do?

30:31 We say words that cover up what we actually mean. Because we're not articulate enough to say what's really on our hearts. It's an unbelievable thing. We have sinah because we have avhava. We hate because of the love that we have. It drives us crazy when we see. I don't know if you had this. Growing up, I used to march in the Israeli Day Parade when I was in high school. And in the beginning of the Israeli Day Parade, there's the Niturekarta Chavda, and everybody sits there making a big deal. Why? Because it's like, don't be Niturekarta at the Israeli Day Parade. You're Jews, be with us. It drives us crazy when we see people making a Chilal Hashem because that's my brother. You're not supposed to behave that way. That's my sister. You're not supposed to behave that way. Our hatred is because we love each other.

31:19 The truth is, most of the time we don't hate people that we don't love. We do nothing to them. That's much less. I nothing you. You're nothing. If a dog barks, I don't bark back. So you're a random person. You said a random comment. I could care less. But if the same person who you love makes the same exact comment, it drives you crazy. It's sinas chinam. What do you mean it's sinas chinam? I have amazing reasons to hate this guy. Don't you know what he did to me? He did this and this. That's not the reason you hate them. You hate them for no reason because you love them for no reason. Ahavaschinim and sinaschinim are two sides of the same coin. It drives a father crazy when daughters can't get along because he says, 'Don't you guys realize that the only reason you're driving each other crazy is because we're a family?' It's because we love each other so much for no reason at all. We love each other just because we're family. Somebody told me a great line once. They said, 'Family is a group of people that you might never choose to live with, but somehow can't live without. But you might never choose to live with them because they drive you crazy.'

32:22 Family is a group of people that you might never choose to live with, but somehow you can't live without. To not have a relationship with a family member, it's like an amputation. It's so painful because what do you mean? They're me. I'm them. We're all together. We're one unit. The secret of sinas chinam is not that you hate another Jew. It's that you love that Jew, and if you would only know how you love them, then you wouldn't hate them. You would go over them with kindness and compassion, and you would say, 'I love you so much. Let's talk this through.' Let's figure out how we could find common ground. That's the challenge of living in Israel. Everyone's fighting about different political issues in Israel. But they're not doing what you know? Nobody's getting up and saying, "Let's start with a basic." The reason we're driving each other crazy is because we love each other.

33:10 You love me? Now we could talk. Now we don't have to get angry. Now we don't have to yell. Now we could actually find common ground and figure out solutions. But unless you start off the conversation by saying I have a schinam, I love you for no reason at all We're not going to have good conversations. We're just going to have sinas chinam. Let's go back to that Gemara and Yuma, and we'll finish with this. An unbelievable Gemara and Yuma. What does the Gemara tell us? The base of Mikdash is being destroyed because of sinas chinam. What were the kruvim doing? What did they bring out to the shuk for everybody to see? They weren't distant from each other. They loved each other in that moment. What was Hakadosh Baruch Hu telling Klal Yisrael? I destroyed the base of Migdash because of your sin aschinam. Where did your sin aschinam come from? It came from the love that you have for each other. It came from the kruvim embracing. If you would only know how much you love each other, you never would have hated each other.

34:02 And if you're going to take thousands of years to learn to love each other, even though you have ideological differences. I'm not going to rebuild this house until you're ready to be a family. Because we don't deserve to have a house until we're a family. So the avoda of this generation, which is the generation of the final moments before Moshiach comes, what's our main avoda? You want to be frum, you want to have your wings facing upwards, you want to be facing each other, you want to be in loving embrace. Stop focusing on our differences. Stop creating labels that you don't find anywhere in the Torah. Girls, I've scoured the entire Torah. I can't tell you that I know it bein, but I certainly know it bekius. In my life, I never once saw the terminology reformed, conservative, or orthodox in the Torah. I looked and I couldn't find the difference between charedi, charedal, datilu umi, mazorati, and chiloni. If you find it, please let me know. I know there's a concept called klal Yisrael. I know there's something called the children of Avram, Yitzchak, and Yaakov. I know that by Har Sinai, that family was made into a nation, and after that, afal pishachatu Yisraelu. Everybody is redeemable. Everybody is a Jew, no matter what they do.

35:11 That's the only terminology that I know about. If we want to heal this world, if we want to actually bring Mashiach, we're going to have to learn to love each other. Tonight is Rosh Chodesh Adar. It's crazy that Purim is two weeks from today. I'm not doing the whole 'the seminary year is over' thing. The episode of Purim is Avaschinim. The episode of Purim is Lech Kenosas Kol Yehudeh. Master says to Mordechai, 'Go gather together every single Jew.' And that's when we were zocher the miraculous redemption when all the Jews got together. How many different types of Jews were there at that time? I imagine there were so many different types. There was division just like there is now. We were Mefuzer uMefurad. We were scattered. We had a lot of different ideologies. But when there's a common enemy from the outside, we band together on the inside. One of my favorite stories is about a Rebbe and Mavaseret. His name is Rav Hershel. Rav Hershel grew up in the Five Towns. He used to go to a place in Long Beach to go ice skating. There was an ice skating ring in Long Beach and Long Island.

36:16 And he was sitting there on the ice. He's a little boy, and his brothers pummeling their little brother. They're beating him up on the ice. And some mother came over to them and started yelling at the older boy. She goes, "Stop beating him up. And little Rav Yosef Hershel was maybe eight." Nine years old at the time. He goes, "Don't tell my brothers what to do." We band together when there's a common enemy, and then when the enemy is defeated, what do we do? We go back to our ideological differences and we forget the fact we're one nation. This is the month of Adar Aleph. If you want to bring a Kadosh Baruch Hu down into this world, that he should have a dwelling place in this world. If you want to make a dwelling place for Hashem in this world, this is the month to do it. The only way it happens is if we have achvah. The only way it happens is if we actually care about each other. If we can learn that our love for a fellow Jew is not dependent on anything, and our hatred for a fellow Jew is not dependent on anything, we hate them because we love them. So let's just love and let's let go of the hate. We also have a wonderful Shabbos and a good Chayei.