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Shiur · Rav Mordechai Burg

Searching For God Within Yourself

Sep 12, 201941 minTranscript
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For only 18 dollars you can sponsor a shiur, a Q&A, a Dvar Torah or an event. Your small contributions go a long way towards helping us continue to do the great work we are doing at Nitzotzos. To sponsor please email us at Nitzotzos@gmail.com In the inaugural shiur at Tomer Devorah Rav Burg spoke about searching for God not out in the world around us but from within our own selves.

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Automatic transcript; may contain mistakes, especially in Hebrew.

Welcome to Torah Devora. When did you girls get in? Yesterday. Wow. It's always a special thing to see the girls as they adjust. Barely conscious, sleep deprived Meeting a ton of new people. I understand that right after this, you're going to the Kotel. Is there anybody here who it's their first time in Israel? Wow. So this is going to be your first time going to the Kotel? So they asked me to give a special she'er tonight to help prepare us a little bit for what we're about to experience going to the Kotel. And in a more general sense, an introduction. To the year, an introduction to the mission of Torah Devora, of what we hope to accomplish together in a general sense And in a smaller sense, what we hope to accomplish this year. A couple of weeks ago, in Parshas Re'eh The Torah tells us that we're not allowed to bring our nedavos. We're not allowed to bring our karbanos anywhere we want.

Listen to where we're supposed to bring them. Ki im ba-makom asheyiv char Hashem ba-achad shvatecha sham taale olasecha v'sham tasek kol asher anochi metsavecha. In the place that Hashem will choose, that's where you should bring it. Don't bring it anywhere. But where does Hashem choose? Where does Hashem choose to bring it? So interestingly Not seeing it here right now. Give me one second. No. One more time. One more second. Not finding it right now. Ah. Earlier, the pasuk says. The place that God will choose from all the shvatim. Where is the place that we were going to bring these offerings? It's the place that God chooses. Go find it. So my whole life growing up, I thought why do we have a beis hamikdash in Yerushalayim? Because that's where God said it should be But when you actually look at the pasuk That's not what it says at all. What does it say?

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God will choose a place. Where is it going to be? Where you find it. So it comes out as a very interesting thing. It's in Jerusalem. You know why? Because we decided that it's in Jerusalem. And what if we had decided that it should be somewhere else? Then it would be somewhere else. It could be that you could say that the divine providence decreed and demanded that it was going to be there, but ultimately it's there because we decided it was going to be there. And then when you start to think about this a little bit more deeply, it starts to become really obvious. Does God ever tell Avram Avinu to go to Eretz Yisrael? He never does. What does he say? Lech lecha me'artzecha umi moladetcha umi beis avicha. Where? Ela Eretz Asher Eka, the land that I will one day show you. When Yitzchak is being brought as a korban, an akedah, does God tell Avram Avinu to go to Yerushalayim to Haran Moria?

He tells him to go to Moria. And there you'll find the har to bring him. Girls, how far is Chevron from Yerushalayim? Anybody know? If you're taking a car ride from Chevron to Yerushalayim, it's about 45 minutes. A 45-minute drive would mean how long is it to walk from Chevron to Yerushalayim? Eight nine hours. Certainly, it's not what three days. Why did it take three days for Avram to bring Yitzchak to Har Moria for Akedah Yitzchak? The answer is what was he spending his time doing? He was walking around looking for the mountain. I have a big question here. Where was he looking? How does one search for the mountain? The mountain that you girls are going to tonight is the mountain that Avram Avinu was searching for. It was the mountain that after we decided the Mishkan was in Shilo, David HaMelech said, 'We're moving from Shilo to Yerushalayim.' Girls, you know what that means? Why was the Mishkan originally in Shilo?

Because Klal Yisrael decided the Mishkan should be in Shilo, and after nearly 370 years, Klal Yisrael decided, with the leadership of David HaMelech, that the Shekhinah is no longer in Shilo. It's in Yerushalayim Erakodesh on that mountain. What's going on over here? How did they search for it? How did they know? You hear the question? I want to tell you a story. This is 100% a true story. It's a very important story to me, and I hope it'll be a meaningful story to you. I live in Ramat Beit Shemesh. Which is right next to the Five Towns. A lot of people from New York live over there. Thank you for that polite seminary laughter. I appreciate that. That's the real stuff. And I have a friend. Who's an amazing person. Lives right near Rabbi Fix. And he's about tshuva. He's like a really, really cool guy.

When he grew up, he's always been an amazing athlete. He was a great basketball player, but specifically, he was a surfer. He loved to surf. He grew up in Virginia. He grew up on Virginia Beach, surfing every summer. He would go to Costa Rica. And he would surf off the coast of Costa Rica, and he would eat whatever they caught that day when they were fishing, and that's how he lived in a thatch hut on the beach. After he finished college in Virginia, he went to Miami for law school. Why did he go to Miami? Because they had great surfing in Miami. And eventually, like all of these stories, he met some rabbi. He ended up in Yerushalayim in Arsa Me'ach, and today he's a Bal Tshuva living in Ramat Pe'chamish.

And he is the biggest Bal Chesed. The most wonderful, open, giving person, and he runs a lot of Shabbatonim for these Kiruv programs that come to Eretz Israel. He says, "Come to Beit Shemesh on Shabbos, let me help you out." And since this guy is a good friend of mine, he always calls me up and he says, "Can I get some help?" Sometimes he asks me to give a shir, sometimes he asks me to host guys for sleeping, sometimes for a meal. This summer, the beginning of the summer, he calls me up and he says, "I got to ask you a favor. Can you have two guys for Shabbos lunch?" When this guy asks you a favor, it's so hard to say no because you see him doing so much. It's like you feel embarrassed if you're doing so little. So I said sure. So these two guys came over And one of them walks in the door. I'm gonna be honest with you.

He barely looked Jewish. I don't know what it means to look Jewish. It's not like the nicest thing to say somebody doesn't look Jewish because then what are you saying about people that do look Jewish? But whatever it means to look Jewish, he didn't look Jewish at all. It's shocking to think that he's Jewish. So I asked him his name. Shalom aleichem. How are you? His name is Tyler. Awesome, Tyler. Tyler's here for the summer. He's in a program in our Semeach. They have an internship program where they're interns all day long, and then they learn with the guys at night, and it's a Kiruv program. So when you have people over like this for Shabbos, and I hope that you do in your life Ask them questions. Learn about them because these people will teach you so much. So I always ask the same question whenever I have people that are like maybe on the path to becoming from. I always ask them the same question: Why would you do this? Why are you becoming from?

So Tyler I asked him like this. I said, "What's your story? How did you end up in our sammayah?" So he said, "It's a typical story. I was walking in the campus in UConn." He's an economics major. I was walking on campus at UConn, and somebody said to me, "Are you Jewish?" And I said, "Yes." And their response was, "Really?" Because aside from the fact that I was deeply insulted, I said, "Yeah, really, I'm Jewish." And they invited him to some Hillel program, but he felt like that Hillel program—it wasn't an Orthodox program—and he felt it's not really a Jewish program. Like he wasn't so down for that program. But once they asked him the question, it got him thinking. And then later that semester, he met someone and said, "Hey, you want to make some money?" Well, I'm sorry. He said, "Hey, you Jewish?" He goes, "Yeah." He goes, "You want to make some money?" He thought he's like that's deeply anti-Semitic. Like I'm Jewish, so I must want to make some money. But you know, he's Jewish, so he said yes. So he said, "If you'll come and learn with us in this program in UConn, we will. If you come and learn with us in this program in UConn, we'll pay you to learn." So I'm thinking to myself, Tyler's in Kollel.

He's in Colo in Yukon. He's getting paid to learn. I want to go to Yukon. Sounds awesome. So Tyler starts learning in this program, and sure enough, he ends up in our semech this summer. So he's in our semech this summer. So I said to him So whose shirum are you taking? Do you have Rabbi Tatz? Rabbi Tatz is a huge rav who teaches in our semech. He goes, no, I'm not. I'm not learning with Rabbi Tatz. Are you learning with Rabbi Gottlieb, like the great Rav David Gottlieb? Are you learning with Rabbi Gottlieb? He said no, he's not learning with Rabbi Gottlieb. I said you must be learning with Rav Bridoritz. Rav Bridoritz went to Harvard Law. He was brilliant. He was a professor in the law department at the University of Maryland for years. He was on the Harvard Law Review. You must be learning with Rav Bridoritz. He said no, he's not learning with Rav Bridoritz. I said Tyler, what are you learning? So he goes, I'm in Olpan. So I was like You're an Arsa Me'ach, man. You've got Rabbi Taz, Rabbi Briedow, Rabbi Gali. Why are you learning Hebrew? Don't you want to learn anything else? And he goes, No, not really.

And the other guy that was there was deeply intellectual, because that's the way it works. With Baly Teshuva, they're always like this, not always, but often they're deeply intellectual people. This guy was ready to have every philosophical conversation under the sun. He shows up at a Shabbos meal and he's like, 'Okay, let's talk about free will versus God's foreknowledge.' He wants to discuss all that stuff. Tyler's just like, 'Yeah, I just want to learn Hebrew. I'm not interested in learning anything else.' So I was like, now I'm really intrigued. I'm like, Tyler. Why do you want to learn Hebrew so badly? And I'm thinking that maybe Tyler is going to say to me that if I learn Hebrew, it's going to open up vistas and horizons. I'm going to be able to open up any safer. And a lot of people they're just running to the quick philosophy, but I want to do the hard work. I was thinking maybe that would be the answer. And he goes, No, I'm not really interested in any of that stuff. I just want to live in Israel. So I got to learn Hebrew because I want to live in Israel. I said, Tyler, why would you want to live in Israel? Now I'm not asking that question because he's not from. I'm asking that question because I live in Israel. Why would you want?

Have you met Israelis? It's not necessarily the most pleasant people. You get on a bus with an Israeli, you're fighting for that territory. And I love Israel. It's the greatest place, kedusha coming out of everywhere. It's an amazing place to live. But Israelis, that's a whole different story. Israelis, this is a rough people. About a year ago, I was driving down my block, and a truck was coming up my block. The truck was right in the middle of the block. The truck had plenty of room to move over to the right, and we could have both easily fit. There was plenty of space for us to fit. And the truck driver just stopped in the middle of the road, and I was like, "Could you move over?" And the truck driver was looking at me. So I'm American, so I don't want to be a frier. Frier means to be a loser in modern Hebrew. So I don't want to be a loser.

So I put my car in park, and I know this is going to end badly because these guys are a thousand times tougher than I am. I'm not a tough Jew. These guys are like tough Jews. So he, I put my car in park also. And then I see he pulls out his papers. He's starting to read. He's in the middle of the street. So I start honking my horn. And he looks at me and goes You for real? So I got out of my car and very nicely said to him, 'There's room for both of us.' He said, 'Okay.' I said, 'Could you just move over a little bit?' He said, 'Move your car backwards.' This is ridiculous. So I finally got back in my car. I didn't have time to waste anymore. I got back in my car. I went all the way backwards so that now there would be even more room. There was plenty of room for both of us already. And as he's driving by, the guy looks at me and he goes, "This is why I don't like people." And I'm like, Rebbeim Shalom, what are you talking about? I love Israel. Israelis can be hard to live with. You want to live in Israel, Tyler? This is where you want to live.

And Tyler tells me the following story. He goes, this where I want to live because you can't raise. This what he said. I wouldn't say this. That's what he said. He goes, I don't think I can raise a frum family, an Orthodox family, in America. I said Tyler There are a lot of people that raise Orthodox families in America. I could take you all over. I could take you to the Five Towns, to Tynec, to Muncie, to Lakewood, to California, to Chicago. I take you all over the place. There are beautiful frum communities. I have to live here in Israel. I said why. And then Tyler said something that I don't think I will ever forget. He looked at me and said, "Because I am the last Jew." I said I guess the whole family here I got five girls and a son, I have a wife. The whole community is Jewish. What are you talking about? You're the last Jew.

And he said My parents are Jewish. None of my siblings are marrying Jews. I'm the youngest. They've all assimilated. None of my cousins are marrying Jews. They've all assimilated. I'm the last one. I'm the last one in my entire family. And he starts sharing the burden of what it means to be the last Jew. And he said, "It's all down to me." If I choose to stay in, if I choose. To raise a religious family and to become Orthodox, and my children are Jewish and their children are Jewish, then the only reason my family will be Jewish is because of me, but not because of anybody else. Every other member of my family is assimilated. And if I choose to let go, because I'm the last Jew and the link of my family, if I choose to let go, it's all on me, because everybody is relying on me.

And in that conversation, I felt like the biggest shekets in the world. Because Tyler knows something that I don't know. See, Tyler has urgency in his Judaism. And I'm just a dude. I'm just a guy who's walking around and giving some shirum and learning a little bit of Torah. But can I sit there and say honestly? Can I look you in the face and say it's all on me? Every single moment that we're created, if we think about it deeply, every moment that we're here on this earth, it's because God says you're meant to be here, and the only one that could do your job is you. But I have no urgency. I don't really think about it. I don't really struggle with it. I don't really feel like if I don't wake up for Shacharis, the world is going to come to an end. Which is sometimes why people sleep through Shacharis Because it doesn't really matter. People always ask that question, does it really matter? And the classic example, everywhere I've ever gone and ever taught, everyone always asks me about Boer. I don't know what's going on with the Jewish nation and boerer, but boerer is really problematic for Jews all over the world. Does God really care about boerer? Does God really care if I separate my good food from my bad food on Shabbos? There are a lot of things we could talk about.

But for some reason boerer is the one, right? So it's like If God says this mitzvah is important, it's important. And Tyler knows that, and I don't really know it. I don't really know it. And that really bothered me. It really bothered me. And then I had the most incredible privilege this entire summer. This summer, I worked for NCSY here in Israel, and I got to speak on all sorts of different programs. I spoke on NCSY Kol, I spoke on Mechlela, but I also got to speak on TJJ. Anyone here know what TJJ is? TJJ is the public school program where they come for a month. And they're touring the country, and they get their shirim. And I had the opportunity to meet the most inspiring kids. These kids are unbelievable. The things that they know. First of all, you want to know the difference between yeshiva day school kids and public school kids. Very simple. At the end of a great shir If I give a shir to yeshiva day school kids, you know what they say?

Rabbi, great shir. If you give a shir to public school kids, you know what they say at the end? Thank you so much. And it's a totally different experience. Because Yeshiva Day School kids, we get so much. We get so much Torah that it's like we're evaluating, was that a good one or was that not a good one? Every one of you right now is evaluating. You don't think I don't know it? I'm looking at you. I'm looking at those that are already paying attention, not paying attention, already like, I don't know, this rabbi is too much for me. But you haven't even met Rav Wengland, so I don't even know what's coming. They will, The he's the funny one, right? I'm like the loser, but he's the funny one. Good start, by the way. Thanks. Everyone's evaluating because we have so much Torah, so much Judaism in our lives, and it's like, does this really interest me?

And then there are these public school kids that they just don't get Torah, they just don't get enough of it. And so, if you give them anything, you tell them a Rashi and Chumash, you didn't give them any explanation. You just told them this is what Rashi explains the shot in the pasuk. They're like, thank you so much. You gave me something I didn't have. And when you walk away from teaching those public school kids, These kids have cheshek They have a real passionate desire for Torah, for Judaism. Do I have that? Because I'm a spoiled guy who grew up in a Jewish community and was given Torah from the moment he was born. Other Abba was like, I've had enough already. These public school kids know that thing that I maybe still don't know it. And then I met a girl A 15 year old girl, the most incredible girl.

And after I spoke one Friday night on her program She and her madricha approached me and they said, "Can we speak?" And I really wanted to go down to the kotel and daven because it was Shabbos. I wanted to daven Kabbalat Shabbat by the kotel. But they asked to speak. If a 15-year-old girl from public school asks you to speak, what do you think Hashem wants you to do? He wants you to go say Kabbalat Shabbat, or he wants you to sit and talk with the girl. I think Hashem wants me to sit and talk with the girl. I figure out davening later. So I sat down with this girl with tears in her eyes. She starts telling me Rabbi, I just started keeping Shabbos this summer. I just started keeping Shabbos, and this is the last Shabbos of our program. I'm heading back to America, and I don't know if my parents are going to be supportive of me keeping Shabbos. What do I do?

I'm like What are you asking me for? You're a hero. You started keeping. You never kept Shabbos before in your life, and now you started keeping Shabbos. I should be asking you, my Shilohs. You know so much more than me And I'm doing my best to reassure her. Because this is so important, right? This is not like one of those small things. My mother doesn't know the halacha that Rabbi Rosenstein taught me about Shabbos. When I come home, should I tell her or not? This is like I'm keeping Shabbos, and I'm thinking this is a generation's question, right? Because if she starts keeping Shabbos, it's only a short amount of time until this girl is raising a frum family. So if I'm not mechazeker It could go one way or another. I come from a family where both of my parents are balei tshuva. And I saw in them tremendous passion for their Judaism.

And this girl, she's right there at the beginning of that journey. She's a hero. Would I sacrifice as much for my Judaism as this girl is? She's potentially sacrificing a pleasant relationship with her parents. She could come home from TJJ and go, Nah, I'm just gonna go out to the parties with my friends and watch TV on Shabbos and do whatever it is. Go bowling Friday night. I don't know what you kids do these days, but like whatever y'all do on Shabbos, right? She could go do that, and everything would be fine. And she's choosing to say not because she has any deep philosophical understanding of Shabbos. But just because she's saying I'm Jewish and Jews keep Shabbos. She's choosing to do it. Isn't that the most incredible thing? Can you be so inspired by a girl that's willing to do so much more than so many of us are willing to do? So why is that?

Why is it? Why is it that the Jewish soul yearns for Hashem For no logical reason And it really is illogical, by the way? Because even after all the philosophy, I've sat and schmoozed with the guys and the girls that are the greatest philosophers, and they want to ask all the questions, and it doesn't move them a kehuzeh in terms of their actual observance. And then sometimes you sit with these very simple Jews that know nothing, but they're like, "Yeah, I'm Jewish. I'm in. It's pasul." You want to know how to offend? Someone who's not an Orthodox Jew I'll tell you how to offend them. I know how to do it because I did it. When I was a kid, I grew up in the Young Israel Farakway. In young Israel farakway, we had russians. And we didn't see the Russians all year. When do you see the Russians?

Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. I was a kid, so that meant I was in youth groups. I wasn't davening in the main minyan. That's how the parents get rid of you—they put you in the youth groups. So I was in youth groups. And we would have these. I'm gonna say it's not nice, but I used to think of this when I was seven, eight years old. These Russian kids that were really different, immigrant kids. They didn't necessarily understand the way we Americans behaved. Sometimes they didn't smell the same as we did because they didn't shower as often as we did. Now I look at it a little bit differently because now I'm the immigrant parent. You know that Russian parent that goes, 'I've been in country long distance.' That's me every time I try to speak Hebrew. My kids are always making fun of me. So now I'm sitting there with this. Eight-year-old Russian kid, eight-year-old little bird growing up in Yungasov, Frakwey And I remember saying to him, "Why do you guys bother coming on Yom Kippur? You don't come the rest of the year."

" Ooh, that is a bad thing to say. Oh my God, I had this pack of Russian kids. They were like, 'Well, you think you're more Jewish than us?' I was like, 'First of all, I didn't mean anything by that. I'm eight, right? But these kids, I haven't even been toilet trained just a couple of years ago. This is not like a. Don't read too much into anything I say. They were ready to pound me, and then I immediately said my friends we have to fight for everything. It became like I remember this rumble of eight year olds in the English Rockaway basement, but it was so amazing looking back on it. They were so deeply offended. What did their Judaism mean to them? Did they know Gemara? Did they know how to daven? Did they learn Mishnahs? Did they know Chumash? How much did they really know? They were public school kids the rest of the year. Why were they in groups? Because their parents schlepped them there.

Because their parents were upstairs davening. Why were their parents upstairs davening? It's not logical. They didn't care about it the rest of the year. Somehow, the Jewish soul is naturally attracted. Why? When you hold your child for the first time It is one of the most amazing feelings you will ever have. Why? Has that child done anything for you? No. Frankly, when you first hold them, they're still a little bit of a mess. So I don't know if you've seen newborn children, and even after they've been cleaned up a little bit and swaddled, they look a little bit like aliens. It's wrinkled skin, and it can't handle the light, and you just have this little thing. I'd die for it. I'd do anything for it. So every time I give this shit, there's always a couple people in the audience. It's usually with the guys, not with the girls, because they're generally less sensitive people. The guys always say things like, 'Well, because that's your legacy.' I'm like First of all, right now it's just a bit of protoplasm. This is like But think about how sick that is for a second.

I love the child because it's my legacy. By the way, if you ever want to send a child off the derech, that's a really good way of parenting the child. The only reason I care about you is because one day you're carrying on my namesake. That type of pressure will be good for you. And by the way, what happens if the child doesn't? What happens if the child chooses to lead a totally different life? So then, what do you do? You get rid of the child? People do. There are people that throw kids out of their house for being off the derech, as sick as that is. Why would you ever throw a child out of your house for being off the derech? Doesn't make any sense. You're the child's parent. So it's not for your legacy. Why would you do it? Anybody? I worked hard for it. My wife worked hard for it. She carried that child for nine months. She had cravings, and I had to deal with her.

Thank God, my wife will never hear this recording. I didn't do nothing for that kid. It's inborn. It's instinctual. I'm like an animal. Cows also care for their young. I once saw a cow being born. I give you a bracha. You should never see it. It's nasty. I once saw a cow being born. And this thing comes out covered in amniotic fluid and is lying there on the ground. The mother comes over and starts licking the amniotic fluid off of this little calf. That is nasty. But I can't imagine my wife pulling out the newborn baby, little brachaberg, when she would now she's 16, but once upon a time she was just born. I can't imagine my wife going Licking the amniotic fluid off of her because it's inborn, it's instinctual. The only reason I love my child is survival of the species. It's the way we evolved as people. But if we love our children, then they'll have children, and this is how the species survives. So when I get down on one knee and I go to get married to my wife, I get down on one knee and I say Marry me.

I think we can help the species survive. And if she says yes That's going to be a bad marriage. A very interesting vow. Why not? Why not? Because it's all just instinctual, right? It's all. I'm just basically I'm an animal. And every time I come home and I say to my kids, "How was your day in school?" They go, "Good." I said, "Did you learn anything?" They go, "Hapa, why do you always ask us?" I said, "Because if you don't learn anything, the CC isn't going to survive. You got to learn something." That's why I'm glad I send my kids to public school. It's true. I send my kids to Beis Yaakov public school. I pay seventy shekel a month. They're getting a better education than you girls for twenty-five thousand dollars a year. But that's a separate conversation. So you know why it's great? Because seventy shekel a month. I don't care if they pay attention or not. Seventy shekel a month. Go waste some time in school. That's fine. If I'm paying twenty five thousand dollars and my kid comes home and doesn't know anything, I'm going to be upset. Why am I spending twenty five thousand dollars?

It's all for the survival of the species. It's really not right. You understand that yourself. So why do we love our children? It's a part of you. It's not logical. There's no logic. I can't. Could you imagine rationally explaining why you love someone? I love my wife because she cooks for me. My grandmother, when she got older, she forgot how to cook. Could you imagine if my grandfather would have said, 'See ya.' I liked you when the pasta was fresh. But honestly, these days, my grandmother, by the time I came around, she was making hamburgers in a toaster oven. It was bad for Jews. But we didn't give her up. We didn't put her in an old age home because she had no use to us anymore. Oh, no. I married my wife because she's going to be a good mother. Well, not always. Moms are not always good moms, right? What do they say in psychology? If it's not one thing, it's your mother, right? It's not always it's not always so easy to be a good mom.

People have bad days. People have bad days. There is no reason why you can say why you love somebody. And by the way, if you could, then you don't love them. You love the reason. So I said I married my wife because she's a good cook. Empirically, that might be true, but that don't laugh at that. That's not nice. I have the body of a god, Buddha. So it's all part of getting you girls adjusted. My first Tamar Davorah moment. It's the talk afterwards. That's what I love. If you love someone for a reason, you don't love them; you love the reason. But you just love them because there's an essential connection between the two of you. That's what it means when Chazal say, "40 days before you were born" Hakadosh Baruch Hu sent out an abaskol. Plony is going to marry Plonus because you're already two halves of one soul. That's why when you meet someone who you want to spend the rest of your life with, it's almost like you're like, 'Yeah, I know you.' Like I feel like I always know you. It's the only thing Hollywood got right about marriage. Love at first sight is real.

When Adam met Chava for the first time, he goes, "Yeah" That makes sense. When Yaakov saw Rachel for the first time, when Yisroch saw Rivka When David saw Bat Sheva Love at first sight is real because it's you. And it feels familiar to you. And when your child is born, not because of evolution of the species and not because of a legacy, but because it's you, you'd be willing to do anything to save that child. A friend of mine. Just had a special needs child. And the child is not well, and it does not seem that this child is going to live. And it was very sad because he called my brother-in-law who's a moel, and he asked him, "I need to get this kid a bris mila because it's just time already." Kid's not going to live for very long, so we have to get the child a bris mila.

Well, why is he so sad? He doesn't even really know the kid yet. It's not like the kid even looked at him and said "abba." Because we know instinctually that it's you, right? So even if the child isn't going to live for very long, it's so sad because that's me, and that's why when people we love pass away, we feel like there's a part of us that died with them. You understand? This is what it means when we say that we have a neshama that's a chelak elokami mal. When we say you have a neshama, that's not just some white orb that dementors suck out. That means your relationship with God is essential. It's intrinsic. It's connected. It's why Jews all over the world, for no logical reason throughout history, have given their lives for something that they didn't necessarily even practice. It was inside of them.

What time is it? Thirty-five. I have ten more minutes. I want to share with you something that I think is very deep. And when I heard this for the first time, it literally changed the way I saw davening. What does the word pallel mean? Lehit pallel. What does the word pallel mean? Anybody know? Pick some guesses. To praise? To beg? Definitely not. That's what the word to pray means. Pray means beg. Does it reflect? Closer. Not exactly. In the Torah, the word 'palel' the first time it was ever used was when Yaakov saw Yosef after 22 years. He went down to Mitzrayim and he said to him, 'I was never palel that I would see you again.' What does the word "palel" mean? I never. I never hoped to see you again. I never thought. I never imagined. I never imagined that I would see you again.

So the word pallel actually means to imagine. Lehit pallel means to imagine from within. What does the word chazen mean? By the way, I'm asking all these questions. It's important that we know the answers to these questions. I'll tell you a great story. A friend of mine who was a rabbi in Florida. Now he actually moved back to Jersey. But when he was a rabbi in Florida, he was teaching a kid bar mitzvah lessons. As part of teaching the kid bar mitzvah lessons, he decided that he was going to teach the kid Musaf so that he could daven Musaf for the Amid. So as he was teaching him Musaf, he also wanted to teach him the translation to the words that when he was davening, he would actually know what he was saying. So the kid looks at him in all innocence. This twelve-year-old boy looks at my friend and he says, "I know the word 'Amay' means 'Kang' But what does it really mean?

Like a lot of us go through. We're like, 'Yeah, 'Palel' to daven. What does 'to daven' mean? Like Kong, we don't know what it means.' It means to imagine. What does the word Chazon mean? Don't say leader. What does the word Chazon mean? When you say Chazon Yeshayahu, it means to see or to vision. It's the person who imagines. He's the leader. He's a seer. He's a visionary. He's leading a collective imagination. Where does the word Daven come from? It's a German word. It comes from a Russian to divine. So reflect wasn't so far. Because that's what it is. It's an imagination. So when you daven It's an unbelievable thing. You're not saying the words. What's the problem with the siddur? When we open up the siddur, most of us say the words of the siddur. But the siddur is like the script of a play. What makes someone a great actor? My favorite actor in the world He passed away, but my favorite actor in the world was Robin Williams. I loved Robin Williams not because he was funny, but because Robin Williams was such a good actor that when you watched him play a role.

You forgot that he was playing a role. You ever see people coming out of a movie theater? It's the funniest thing in the world. They're like zombies coming back to life. The lights go on a little bit in the movie theater, and then when they get out into the lobby, especially if they saw a matinee movie and now it's three o'clock in the afternoon, they're like vampires afraid of the light. They're like, I can't handle it, right? But if you see people right after a movie ends, they go like this. If it's a great movie, one that they were enraptured by, sucked into, they go like this: they go, 'Whoa, right?' Because you're coming back to reality. I see that sometimes when I'm giving shiur, I see girls that are looking right at me, and I know they're in a different universe as they're looking at me. They're spacing out. They need to make a tefillah sadarq when they come back. This is what it looks like. This is what it looks like when they snap back into reality. Watch carefully. Here, I'll take off my glasses so you can see. This is what it looks like.

(Laughter). You know what I'm talking about. You know that blink back to reality. It's the most amazing thing when you blink back to reality. You see people after a movie. They're like, 'Whoa, Robin Williams was the best actor because you forgot that you were watching a movie.' When you have a script, the whole avoda of the script. Is to act as if the script isn't there. Imagine if Robin Williams got up and he was just saying his lines. Anybody could say lines. The godless of an actor is that you forget that you're saying lines. You're actually living the part. Imagine a couple that goes to marriage therapy. This happens sometimes. Sometimes a marriage therapist will give a couple cards. They give them cards because sometimes couples don't know how to speak to each other so nicely. So they get cards and it goes like this. You have to follow the script.

It makes me feel frustrated when I insert something right, and I feel right, which is already hard for men. I wonder what they are going to say. Vulnerable. It's never going to happen. The whole thing doesn't work. But the reason why it feels so unnatural when you're in that room is because it is unnatural. You want to just say to your spouse, it really hurts me when you do this. The problem is that you don't necessarily know how to speak appropriately, or if you're male, in intelligent language. So we give you the script. But the avoda is to forget that the script is there. The problem with the sitter is that most people are reading from the script. What are we supposed to be doing? The sitter is actually the words that are going on inside of your soul.

That's why when we say Shema, what we're supposed to be listening to is the words welling up from within. So tefillah is actually about a collective imagination. We're getting together and we're listening together to the words of our soul. By the way, that's the most powerful experience when you actually daven. It's an amazing experience. And if you listen to yourself when you daven, and you like really ask God for things, and then you listen. You imagine, I want to be a more patient person. I want to be a more humble person. I want to be a more connected person. I want to be a more growth-oriented person. If you listen, it will well up from within. And that's where you discover yourself in davening. That's what it means. Vaani tefila. Let's return to our original question. You know why God never tells us where Israel is. You know where God never tells us where Harabaya is.

It's because you have to find it for yourself. And where do you find it? Inside. Like Tyler, like that girl that started keeping Shabbos. It wasn't because they had this amazing She'er where God was proved to them conclusively. It's because they're in touch with their soul, and their soul is Jewish. And they're like, "I'm Jewish, so I got to live in Israel. I'm Jewish, so I got to keep Shabbos." And we need to become more soulful people. We need to become more cognizant of what's going on inside of us. Vaani tefila, we need to become a little bit more prayerful. So tonight, in just a couple of minutes, where are you going? You are not going to Cotell Plaza. It's not where you're going. It's much bigger than that. You're going to the place where, for thousands of years, Jews have always journeyed to discover that which is inside of themselves.

God can't tell you where that is. The journey for truth has no destination. You can't say, "I'm a Republican looking for truth," because then you've already decided you're a Republican. If you want to be looking for truth, you've got to start at ground zero. I am nothing, and I'm here to search. And where do we search? We don't search outside of ourselves. We search inside of ourselves. That's what it means to become authentic. That's why you're here this year. You are here for one very simple reason: there is a gap between who you are and who you already know you want to be. And the mission of this year is to bridge that gap. To be more passionate about your Judaism, to be more connected to who you are, be more connected to people around you. When you are, you become a nuclear reactor for connection. When you're yourself, people will migrate to you. It's an amazing thing.

And when you're playing the role of somebody else, and everybody on some level is when we're putting on those masks and pretending that we're somebody else. Naturally People don't want to be around you because they want to be connected to you, not a version of yourself that you choose to show. That's where you're headed tonight. You're headed to Daven at the Kotel. That's the destination that we want to end up at. So Sof Masav a Machshava Tchila. If that's where we're going to end, then that's where we should begin. My bracha to all of you tonight, and I hope you'll bless me back. As we begin this journey of Torma Devora, and as we really do our best to strive to find out who we really are this year and to make the most of our year, let's make it an authentic journey. Let's not do this because our teachers and our Rabbayim and the Shirum that we heard are inspirational. Let's do it because this is who we truly are. Have a great time, girls. Hi, girls. Hi, Mr. Master.

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