Rav Yosef Dov Halevi Soloveitchik on Yat Kislev

2:32 The legend tells us that an Alter Rebbe, the King of the Barocho, came to Vilna accompanied by his Mechudim. Of course, it was not the Mechudim that had it, but later it became his Mechudim, Rebbe Levit and Rebbe Ditcher. Even though he had been told, he had been informed ahead of time, that the Gaon will not receive him. and that will not be welcome in the glories of the Gaon study. Indeed, however, regardless of the anticipated unpleasant reception which awaited him, come, as I said, accompanied by his colleague, comrade in arms, and particularly, I mean, his haver, since the days of the Mezzaritcha Magid. As a matter of fact, it's Yad Kisra Hiba Yod, the head of the Mezzaritcha Magid.

3:37 I'm a clandestine Chabadnik. Because I, even though I'm a member of a synagogue family, I studied as a young child under a Chabad teacher, the Lamed. Matter of fact, he was a descendant of Bala Tanya, the head of the Bokhian Kibrizgah. And he tried to prompt me, I mean, to see this as much as possible. I mean, he concentrated particularly on me. It's all about a hundred boys, you know. There are many classes. But actually, he concentrated on me. I mean, he simply wanted to show Brizg that one of their members has betrayed the tradition of the Gaon and joined Chabad. Whether he succeeded, you judge. That's how I conclude my speech.

4:45 Yes, so together it is Mechutim. A comrade in arms, a fellow preacher of Hasidism, a champion of the Hasidic Baal Shantayt of the Yitzchak Bar Yitzchak presented himself, both presented themselves, in the Besa Medrash of the Goyim and began to climb the staircase leading to the attic where the Gaon studied day and night. The Gaon, upon sensing that somebody is trying to intrude upon him, frightened to the very mouth of his bones, locked the door and barricaded himself. The Balatanya of the Yitzchak Bar Yitzchak knocked on the door and asked permission to enter. They begged the Goyim Adume.

5:47 They call them the Chosidaguner. Basically, the village was known not as the Gornaguner, but the Chosidaguner. The Chosidaguner, they said to him, we implore you, please open the door. We want to prove to you the unfounded charges that were made against us. The Gornaguner, the legend tells us, he put the crack in the door and saw the handsome, smiling, spellbinding, and fascinating countenance of the time. One of the finest countenances and faces I've ever seen in my life. The story that it was in prison, in Petersburg, is a leading... If I'm not mistaken, it's Reyn over there, the living artist-painter of Russia, the living artist-painter of Russia, I believe his name was Reyn, if I'm not mistaken, painted him, painted him, this portrait of him, and that's what we have of Netanyahu, I mean, if you've seen the picture of Netanyahu, actually, the true, the true portrait of him, because it was painted by an outstanding artist, I mean, without Netanyahu being protested against, the story is that, I don't know, without the knowledge of Netanyahu,

7:17 he succeeded in painting this portrait. He saw the spellbinding, fascinating face of Netanyahu, his exceptionally big forehead, his rounded-out corners, and the deeply set, sparkling eyes. and the patriarchic beard, and he remarked to himself, I don't know who ever heard him say it to himself, but this is his story, he remarked to himself, it's too much beauty, there's too much beauty to his face, there is too much magnetic power to his personality, I'm afraid if I open the door, I will not be able to withstand his charm, I'll yield to him, to his commanding eyes, if I should open the door, I believe he'll walk out with me, and in heaven, both proclaiming and preaching halal. And he wants to seduce me. Let me flee. And the story continues, goes, that the Gaon fled, indeed, through a window. His old mother helped him climb through the window.

8:51 She put up the ladder and hid for several months in a small town called Kaidan, near me. The Gaon escaped from the way in order not to meet with the Balatani, as I said before. And with his flight from Vilna, the great vision of the Aviyas HaMashiach has receded. In Plain and Habakkuk, as they used to say, if the Gaon had opened the door, and the Talia entered his attic, and they embraced each other, Moshiach would have arrived. If these two titans, giants, had met, the Redeemer would have appeared in Vilna and joined them.

9:57 Of course, I told you before, it is hard now to discriminate between fact and fantasy, between historic truth and legendary dreamings or adornments. It's hard. However, my feeling is, and usually I have this thought for my father and for my mother, and she told me that she had it for my grandfather, usually the stories which have been handed on in Greece, in Russia, were more or less, I mean, corresponded more or less to that. However, my feeling is, and as much as I could gather, From my conversations with my father, my uncle, and other disciples of Elohim, the salient parts of the story are more or less true. It is true that a golem accompanied by Rabbi Yitzhak Bar Yitzchak came to the yule, they knocked on the door. It's also true that a golem knocked on the door, barricaded himself,

11:04 and then finally the door was opened because people were fighting. He didn't go there. And the door was forced in and opened, so the golem was gone. Through the window, and that he spent a couple of months in the dark, being afraid to return to the yule. And the golem, I mean, saw his face, threw a crack in the door, he was afraid he would not be able to resist Yitzchak. This is an Islamic version. What's your version? I don't know. Let me tell you, it was a pitter. A ruthless struggle, ruthless, cruel struggle. No pardon was asked, and none was given. They're gone a year and a half, or not even a year and a half, a year and a couple of months, excommunicated, condemned, and inconsiderate, found Chabad guilty.

12:12 And of course, guilty of treachery, apostasy, and events began to unfold, posthumously, after the golem had died, with an elemental force and tremendous speed, leading to the imprisonment of the Tangiers of Heinrich Roche under charges of conspiring with a foreign power, Turkey. against Russia, and training young boys in the skills and the art of revolution. What the punishment for such crimes was at the turn of the 19th century, I do not have to tell you. It's still a horrible crime in Russia. And as I said before, it was a struggle between two titans, giants, the sheikh of Umar al-Mughalam, having shoulders above the average scholar Lithuanian. The guard was an intellectual, a giant, a legendary saint.

13:28 His authority in Lithuania was unlimited. He was actually the ruler of Lithuanian and white Russian Jewry. The word by the Gaon was in order for hundreds of thousands of Jews that this titan, this giant, declared war on another intellectual titan-giant who was, as I said before, head. and shoulders above his contemporaries. They both wrestled, unfortunately, for no reason whatsoever. It was not only a titanic struggle, but it was a very tragic struggle. It was tragic because they concurred in many basic tenets, very strange, and views.

14:31 It was tragic because it was not warranted. Since the area of agreement between the Goyen and the Tanya was by far larger than that of controversy. The area of concurrence actually was by far larger than that of contradiction. Rav Chaim Bar-Lozner knew very well that Rav Chaim Bar-Lozner, of course the book was published later, but the Goyen instructed Rav Chaim Bar-Lozner to write the Nefesh HaChayim. Write the Nefesh HaChayim specifically to contradict and to refute the Tanya. This was the single objective which he had in mind while writing the book, simply to prove that the Tanya's philosophy is wrong, groundless and without any foundation. And that the fundamentals of Chassim, as they have been formulated by the Tanyer, are contrary to the basic, traditional Jewish view. What happened? Something very ironic and very strange. 75% of the ideas expressed in Tanyer were not only not refuted by the Tanyer, but on the contrary, confirmed and accepted.

16:11 For instance, the sensitive issue, which raged at that time, about the relationship between Teire and Avede, between Limni Teire and Furet, the relationship between study and prayer. Or, for instance, the problem of Yehudah Tatoi and Yehudah Eloi, to which the Tanyer has been devoted. in his God is sustaining the world. God is actually pervading the world and God transcendent to the world and remote and far from the world then the problem of centrality of man in the spiritual hierarchy who were treated by the prime and by the time in almost, of course.

17:17 there is individuality and uniqueness not only to a face but also to thought two great minds, And two exalted, sensitive souls must think differently, express themselves differently in two singular ways, each coining his own terms, his own categories, forming his own conceptions. Chazal of all of them. There are no doubles as far as spaces are concerned. There cannot be two identical beings. Therefore, a casual reader, who just casually reads the Tanya read, you have to study, studies the Tanya, studies Nefesh HaChayim, isn't used to think that Nefesh HaChayim and the Tanya are worlds apart. Yet it is not so. It isn't. The differences and the incongruities are of marginal significance, mostly limited, mostly, to semantics and terminology. The central motifs are the same.

18:54 Those who, when portraying the focal role of Talmud in our religious life, operate with the idea, as I just mentioned, of the Samaskal, the Muskal, with the Tanya, as well, from the Rambam, from the Mernubukhin. And I want you to know that Tanya was perhaps the first thinker who dared to quote the Mernubukhin. No one before him there. Rabheim doesn't know. But that Tanya had the courage to quote the Myrna Rukhin and to say, when he quotes the Ramban, Ardus Amaskil Varmusko, He means the Cordovara, the Meshach Cordovara. And actually, this principle of Ardus Amaskil Varmusko plays in the Tanya a central role. Also, a time without mentioning the Ramban, the Myrna Rukhin also speaks in similar terms.

19:58 about the unity of the knower and the known subject. Both are cognizant of the unlimited opportunities confronting men. And both know that men, men's personality, of course, as Rabbi Fogelman says, if he can choose freely... His personality, then, will transcend the angels, and they also knew about tragic fall of man into the abyss of nihilism. And both portray man as a part of the universe of creation, of nature, and as a singular being who communes separately with his maker. If you read at Rosh Hashanah, how the man can use a shortcut, I mean, to the rabbinical Lord. He does not have to approach him through the world, through Atzius, through the Bria.

21:15 But he had a direct approach to the Bria, and exactly the same thing has been expressed by Nebuchadnezzar. Both knew... of the method of bitlayesh, which plays such an important central role in Chassidus' Chabad, and the spiritual sacrifice with which Tfila is inseparably intertwined. In a word, they lived in the same religious, mystical world, and yet Chabad was denounced and excommunicated, by the great teacher, servant, and saint, the Gaon of Europe. The question arises, why? What is it about? There is no doubt, I have no doubt about it, and you will agree with me, that a very significant contribution to the cause of Pyrrhus of Ares, for certain people it is the cause of Pyrrhus of Ares. splitting the Klal Yisroel and dividing the community into two hostile camps. This contribution was made by go-betweens, by troublemakers, slander mongers, ruthless and corrupt people, psychopaths who find malicious delight in feud.

22:48 and the promotion of hate and bigotry. I don't want to mention names. I know, I remember from my childhood years back, I mean, Yad Kislev arouses in my mind many memories. I look up on Yad Kislev, it's nostalgia, because as a child I used to celebrate Yad Kislev. But my father was a rabbi in Haslavich, Haslavich was a fortress of Chabad Chassidus. There's a known song, I don't know how to sing it. Ful Haslavich, Kareli Barich! Because it says that he travels back and forth with Haslavich and Ravich and doesn't care for the whole world, which expresses a bit like yesh. And I must tell you, Chassidus in Haslavich, the Hasid of Haslavich were a great Amideh HaKhomi, a great Jireh Hashem. But Haslavich had a very strange tradition. I'm just getting off track. I want to tell you something. Haslavich had a very strange tradition. The whole, I would say, district, which was not far from the Smolensk and the Dnieper, was between the Surge and the Dnieper, was on the border separating the light Russia from Russia itself, was populated by Chabad. And Chabad had the finest, the finest on the London.

24:17 in those communities, who were Hasidic Chabad, Hasidic village. And it's a very, it was a very strange, something very strange, was, I mean, I mean, through the attention of historians, all, all communities used to select or elect Hasidic rabbis. But you know that in Chabad, the rules never come, so, either that or not. Dayan said it for Megan. Megan, who had Rav, Rav, who was only on the reserve for, for the Rebbe. Rav and Rebbe, he said. So all communities around Hasidic, Monastery, Sinai, Petrovich, and Tislam, and so forth, I don't know, I don't know much, had no, no misnachdition of Rav, but he had brought that from us. Heslavitch was the only town, even though Heslavitch was the fortress of Chassidus, it was the only town which never has elected a Chabadim as a Rav, as a Dats and a Mats. Only Mishnat. There was a tradition in Heslavitch that a Rav can only be a descendant of a Chayiv HaMoshner, or a Talmud, a disciple of HaMoshner.

26:02 It is said that the Chayiv HaMoshner is the only Chayiv HaMoshner who can be a descendant of a Chayiv HaMoshner. I don't know if I ever realized that I suck at this. Second of all, now you ruined it for me. I know, I feel like... I'm never going to be able to do that again. Nobody else heard me. But I'm just going to be like. before any other time, I'm going to be like, I was like, you were doing fine. Now you know that when he drinks, I do it a lot. I think every second. Now you can. Shhh. I'm in. Thank you.

27:18 Yosef HaTzadik. Yosef HaTzadik has revealed himself to his brothers and now the brothers are charged with the mission of going down and telling Yaakov Avinu that Yosef is still alive and they told Yaakov Avinu Yosef is still alive and he's become a leader. in all of Eretz Mitzrayim, but his heart rejected what they were saying to him, he didn't believe them. and then. They told him all of the things that Yosef said to say. Vayar es ha'agolos and he sees the wagons. One more time.

28:37 Vayar. It's okay. Vayar es ha'agolos and he sees the wagons that Yosef had said to send that Yosef sent to do so and Yosef sent to do so He sees the wagons that Yosef had sent to bring them to Mitzrayim and all of a sudden, Yaakov Avinu was revived. The spirit of Yaakov Avinu comes alive. There's an obvious question here. The Medrash asks this question and you all know the answer. We can understand when Yosef HaTzaddik sends words to Yaakov, that Yaakov hears them and he's revived by that. But what was it about seeing the agalot? What was it about seeing the wagons? Everyone knows the medrash, we're going to say it out anyway. Everyone knows the medrash of there was something deeper going on. What was going on? Yosef HaTzaddik sent a hidden message. A hidden message to Yaakov Avinu. When Yaakov Avinu sent Yosef all those years prior,

29:46 over 20 years prior, when he sent him to go search out his brothers, they were in the middle of learning a particular sugya. The sugya was the sugya of the Agla Arufa. What is the sugya of the Agla Arufa? We're going to discuss in a minute. But the message was as follows. Again, at the first glance, the message was as follows. Tati. 22 years ago when we left each other, we were learning this sugya. 22 years later, what's my message to you? How do you know that authentically I am still alive? I'm sending you the agalot, I'm sending you the wagons, as a reference to the egla arufa. But there's some problems here. Again, before we get into the depth, there's some obvious problems. That seems to be a pretty tenuous connection. Connection. Egla arufa, egla means a calf, right? Agalot is a wagon. What does one have to do with the other?

30:50 That's like a really, like, it sounds like a bit of a reach, no? Egla arufa, it's just like we were learning agla arufa, I sent you agalot. He sees the wagons and what does he think to himself? Ah, agalot, egla arufa. Why? That sounds like a little far-fetched. But more than that. What was it about the sugya of the Egl Arufa that's a message back to his father? And furthermore, what was the message of the Egl Arufa. that Yosef HaTzadik was sent away on that sugya? In other words, there's something about Egl Arufa that has a certain message that Yaakov sent Yosef and that Yosef is now sending back to Yaakov. Yaakov sends Yosef, what does that mean? Yaakov's saying to Yosef, go search out for your brothers. What's the last thing we should learn? Egl Arufa. Yosef is now saying to his father, I'm still alive. What's the proof? Egl Arufa. What's going on in the sugya of Egl Arufa that there's some sort of hidden communication here.

31:50 between Yosef HaTzadik and Yaakov Avinu? Obvious questions. Now let's look at what actually happens in the Egl Arufa. Again, it's not going to make it any clearer, but I want you girls to get the basic information. The Pesach says as follows. Let's say you find a dead body in a field, okay? And it's not known who murdered this person. Clearly, dead body in the field, person has been murdered. We don't know who murdered this person. So there's a very interesting prescription that the Torah gives us. Prescription is as follows. The first thing we need to do is we need to measure, if this person is between two cities, we need to measure which city the dead body is closer to, okay? How do they do that? So five members of the Sanhedrin, Girls, do you understand what this means? The Sanhedrin. These are the biggest tzaddikim, the best dayanim that we have in Klal Yisrael.

32:55 They have to leave the Sanhedrin in Yerushalayim to travel to whichever city this is between, right? And they themselves, the members of the Sanhedrin, have to measure which city the body is closest to. Right away, that should pique your interest. This is such an important thing that we need to bring the Sanhedrin to measure. We can't just have the regular bezden that sits in that city, the local rav. No, Sanhedrin itself needs to be represented to go see which city the body is closest to. Okay, now they find out, okay, let's say it was closer to city A. Okay, so now what do they do? The elders of the city, they go out and they have to shecht this egel as a karbon, and they have to basically say, this is an atonement for the fact that you died. Why? Because they would say, our hands, according to the pasuk now, our hands have not spent, And our eyes have not witnessed it. And then the Qohanim would say, Forgive your people. Do not allow the guilt for innocent blood to remain with your people Israel.

33:58 Why? As follows. There's many reasons for the Egl Arufa. I'm going to speak about two of them. The first reason, the common reason that's given, is because the Egl Arufa was basically letting everybody know that somebody just died. And this was a way, a very functional way, of making like a big deal. The elders of the city came out. The Qohanim came out. Now everybody was on the lookout for what? Everybody was on the lookout for the murder. So it was a very easy way of heightening awareness. But there's a problem with this. What's the problem with this answer? No, we're assuming that it was the case that someone was murdered. Okay, that's an interesting, that's like a, you got to really be like a thoughtful Halachic murderer. Let's see where we can get it closer to. Only a small sip for a small laugh.

35:02 Girls, there's an obvious problem here. Why do I need Sanhedrin for that? Yeah, you want to make a big deal, put posters up. What are we talking about here? There's a second reason that's given. Second reason is a little more interesting. Not that the first reason isn't true, but the second reason piques our interest a little bit more. Second reason is as follows. It's going to hit, in a certain way, Chazal say, if a person is murdered in a field, we might be a little responsible for it. Why? Because had we sent him off properly, again, we're going to discover the depth of what this means, had we sent him off properly, perhaps he would not have been murdered. The fact that he didn't leave with the confidence, that we were coming with him, in a certain way that led to his murder.

36:05 We're going to discuss what that means. In order to explain this, I want to tell you a story. This is not my story. The story is from Rabbi Krohn. But when I read this story for the first time, which already goes back probably over 20 years ago, this story, Mamish, moved me to my core. And I would ask all of you, just for a second, especially for those that may be engaged in technology, maybe just to put away the technology for a couple of minutes, because A, I'm not blind, and B, just be real, right? And it's worth hearing the story. There's a young boy in class, and he never raises his hand. It's a true story. He never raises his hand. You know that kid that sits in the back and he's quiet, and he doesn't say much, doesn't speak to many friends, pretty quiet kid, kid had a hard life. It's a true story. Kid had a hard life. His father left. His father left, divorced his mother, left. He has nothing to do with the family. Here's a little kid that's growing up in such a home. He never raises his hand. And the Rebbe comes to this week's Parsha. The Rebbe is teaching this week's Parsha,

37:39 and the Rebbe asks a very famous question. What's the question? The question is... Why does Yosef say, אני יוסף, I am Yosef as my father is still alive. He obviously knew his father was still alive. How did he know? Because how many times throughout the story do the Shvatim reference Yaakov Avinu? Yosef knew that his father was alive. So what was the real question? That was the question that the Rebbe asked, I think it was like third or fourth grade, that was the question that the Rebbe asked to his class on that day. And this kid who sat in the back of the class, quiet kid who never spoke, he raises his hand. You know, if you're a Rebbe and you have a kid who never raises his hand and then the kid raises his hand, what do you do? You got to call on that kid, right? So it didn't matter if there was going to be better answers and it didn't matter if the smartest kid in the class was going to contribute, you know, the brisker of terrets to this question. If that kid raises his hand,

38:41 you got to call on that kid. So right away the Rebbe goes, yeah? So the kid said, listen to the words that he said, maybe he was asking, not is my father still alive? Of course, my father's still alive. Maybe he was asking, does my father still think about me? Is he still alive in the sense of like, is our life deeply connected with each other? Because, you know, after 22 years of not seeing each other, I know my father is alive. You told. me he's alive, but do I still matter to him? Sometimes when you're a Rebbe in that situation and you know what's really going on behind the scenes, you know that what was this kid really saying? He wasn't just speaking about an answer in Chumash. He was speaking about himself. He was saying, Ani Yosef, I am Yosef, but my father has left me. It's such an exceptionally profound answer to this question. Because.

39:45 At the core of the answer is a very basic pain. And it's a pain that every one of us on some level experiences throughout our life. I am Yosef, but is my father still alive? Am I still connected to Hashem? I want to give you the reasons why we ask this question. Reason number one, I'm in exceptional pain. Tragedy surrounds my life. I am Yosef, and I am sent away to Mitzrayim. The suffering is exceptional. How could it be that my father is still alive? Where is Hakadosh Baruch Hu in my life when there's exceptional suffering? I'll tell you a true story. I'm going to change small details, insignificant details, but just to protect this person's identity. Young man comes from a very poor family, exceptionally poor. And we're talking about davening. And the kid says to me, Rebbe, I have a hard time davening, because as much as I keep saying thank you to Hashem, I don't feel like I'm getting a you're welcome. I don't feel like I'm getting a response that says I really appreciate the fact that you're thankful for what I've given you. What's he really saying?

41:18 He's not talking about davening. Could you imagine how obtuse a Rebbe would have to be to start talking to him about the philosophy of davening? How could you talk to somebody about the philosophy of davening if they're telling you I'm in pain? You have to be smart enough to know the words that are really coming out of their mouth. Are we talking about davening? No, we're talking about the fact that his family is mamish suffering and he feels so disconnected from God that it's hard to talk to him. It's not a musser schmooze in davening. It's nothing to do with davening. Many, many years ago, a young man got up at a panel, a bunch of Rebbeim sitting in the front, and he asked, is it okay to be angry at God? And all the panelists started giving these hashkafic answers. Is it okay, is it not okay to be angry at God? I didn't answer. Afterwards, I went over to him and I said to him, so why are you angry at God? And he told me my grandmother died, who I was exceptionally close with, and honestly, I miss her so much. It's not a hashkafa. To sit there and talk with people about hashkafa.

42:23 when they're in pain is the most ridiculously stupid thing you could do. That's why people make such terrible mistakes when they go to shiva houses and they say things like, he's in a better place now, she's in a better place now. This was all meant to be. Don't say stupid things. Don't say stupid things in general. Don't say stupid things to people at shiva houses. How can you be so dumb? It's not a time for hashkafa. A person is in pain. I am Yosef experiencing some of the most terrible, horrific suffering. I've ever experienced in my entire life. Could it be that my father really cares about me? That's the question. Question number one. Let's say it a little differently. It's not because I'm suffering. That's for some people. I'll give you a different one. Ani Yosef ha'or avichai. Does my father still think about me? I feel so disconnected from him. Why? Because I consistently do things that I know don't make him proud.

43:25 I consistently do things that I know. We're not talking about nuances. I know Hashem wants me to do this, and I'm choosing to do the opposite. Is He still interested in me? How many people have thought the following? Don't raise your hands. The answer is everybody on some level. How many people have thought the following? If I was this obnoxious to a parent or to a sibling that I constantly and consistently, did the thing they asked me not to do, what would our relationship look like? Let's say I had to room with my brother, and my brother said to me, listen, do me a favor. I've got to get some sleep. I know you like to read at night, but just use a flashlight or something. When you keep the big lamp on, it doesn't allow me to go to sleep. All right, well, I'm going to do that anyway. If you do that every single night, what's your relationship with your brother going to look like after 20 years? I'm not interested in being a part of your life. You hurt me. You clearly could care less about me. Why should I care about you? How many people have thought, the answer is everybody, so you don't have to raise your hand. How many people have thought,

44:29 how could God really care about me after all that I've done? Look how far I've fallen. Look how many things I've done that are obnoxious. I'll give you one last one. And this, on some level, might be the most difficult one. Does anyone really care about me? Not because of my others. Not because of my suffering. Does anyone really care? I'll tell you what it sounds like when you talk about it academically, and then we'll talk about it for real. This is what it sounds like when you talk about it academically. Does God care, and I don't know why it's almost always this example. Does God really care if I'm not careful about bo'er on Shabbos? I don't know what it is about bo'er that it became the litmus test for every Jew who asks me this question. Does God care how I separate my food on Shabbos? What is that really saying? What it's really,

45:31 it's not about bo'er. Can you imagine how stupid it would be if somebody came to me and said, does God really care about bo'er on Shabbos? And I started discussing with them the halacha of bo'er. Why would that be so stupid? It's not about bo'er. You girls, have you ever seen the video It's Not About the Nail? It's not about the nail. It's not about bo'er. If you haven't seen It's Not About the Nail, I'm giving you a homework. After. You guys know what after means? After the shiur. Not now. After this year. Take out your phones, that I'm sure are filtered up the wazoo. Yeah? And type it on YouTube. It's not about the nail. Trust me, it's worth two minutes of your life. Yeah? It's not about the nail. It's not about borer. What are they really saying? Does any of this really matter? Does God really care if I do borer on Shabbos? What is that really saying? Ani Yosef ha'od avichai. Is there a life here? Is this a life? See, if I do something for my kids,

46:32 right? I know my kids care. How do I know? I get the feedback. What's the feedback? The feedback is, that was really good. We made a bas mitzvah last week. I made a bas mitzvah for my daughter. You girls were on Hanukkah break. It was a perfect time to do it. Do you know what it means to go the extra mile? See, in Eretz Yisrael, the way we do it here is my daughter's bas mitzvah is in my house. and we decorated the house and we cooked all the food ourselves and we invited friends and family and then there's like dancing and there's like a video afterwards and then there's dessert and then there's clean up. Now, I was in charge of buying the decorations. Why? Because I went to America and I can go to Party City and in Party City, it's like today in the five towns, they have a Party City and it's like the Costco of Party City.

47:35 This thing is like, it's like a Sam's Club. It's massive. So I went to the cashier and I asked her, I said, do you have emoji stuff? Because the theme of the bas mitzvah was black and gold were the colors but because my daughter is such a character and this daughter is like really a character. So the dessert section all had like emoji stuff. So she said sure aisle six is emoji stuff. So I went to aisle six which is like twice as long as Tomer Devorah. Yeah. And there's an entire, every emoji thing you could possibly think of. So when I came back and I had gone the extra mile, I had gone the extra mile. I had an extra measure of buying a black and gold chandelier and black, like I bought everything. I must have spent, I must have spent two, three hundred dollars just on decorations. Now tell me, do we spend two, three hundred dollars on decorations because of the way, because of the way the house is going to look? Of course not. We spend it because of the look on my daughter's face when I opened up the suitcase and half the suitcase is decorations.

48:51 What's the feeling? My father really cares about me. Not because of two, three hundred dollars, but because look how much he got for me. And when we spend that day decorating the house and we're makbed that everything should look great. And by the way, decorations are still up. Why? Because every time she comes downstairs, the chinuch move, every time she comes downstairs, it's my bas mitzvah. And when you write your daughter's bas mitzvah speech with her and you don't just hammer it out in five minutes, but you sit there with her and you work out all the jokes. She didn't have a sip of water, but we sat there and we worked out all the jokes. Really ruined it for me. And we're sitting there and trying to craft, like, this daughter, again, she's wonderful, she's amazing, but she is a character to the max. And she, from the time she's little, from the time she's like in first grade, she's been fighting with kids that are older than her. She was the kid who in first grade, everybody in eighth grade knew.

49:52 You know what I'm saying? Like, she was that kid. When my daughter was in eighth grade, and she was like in, I want to say, third or fourth grade, she started a fight against the entire eighth grade class, because they were in their section for kickball or something, I don't know. Whatever, like, games they had. And she came to my daughter, who was in eighth grade, and she's like, tell them they're doing the wrong thing. And my daughter's like, stop embarrassing me in front of my entire grade. You know what I'm saying? She's that kid. So, when we, yeah, everybody likes Rachaeli. She's like, because she's, I'm a sugar. So, when she thanked her sisters, she said, again, and we worked on the joke together, the joke was, thank you to, you know, my sisters, Bracha, Hana, and Shira, and Miriam, and I know that sometimes I bother you, but let's be honest, sometimes you bother me too. And you deserve everything I give you, right? So that was the thank you she came up with, and we sat and we worked on it together. When she said it, so I was watching, when she said it, she wasn't just saying a line, it was just stoma line, it was the line we wrote, it was the line we wrote, right?

50:56 So why do we go above and beyond for our kids, why do we go above and beyond for the people we love? Because it's clear and obvious to us, it makes a difference, right? But what if it's not clear and obvious? What if every time I feel like I'm doing something for G-d, nothing happens? Not because I'm suffering, but because honestly, I just don't see the connection. HaOravichai, is my Judaism alive? How many girls honestly want to be able to daven with passion? But daven with passion? I feel so disconnected. Not because I'm doing. so many other areas. I'm generally a good girl. But L'maysa, we feel disconnected. It's so hard to connect to G-d. And wouldn't it be so much easier if we could just do whatever we wanted? Just now I got off the phone with a Talmud. And he said, this is his question. Just now, as I was walking in. This is his question. Does it really make a difference three hours or six hours? Does it really make a difference? I want to go three hours because honestly it's easier. Who wants to wait four or five hours? I'd rather go three. Isn't three an acceptable minute? So I asked him a question.

51:57 I said, you're asking me a halakhic question or are you asking me an emotional question? He said both. I said, let's talk about the emotion for a second. What's the emotional question? He goes, I know what I'm really asking. I'm lazy. I don't really care about this. I want to do the bare minimum. I said, right. If we feel disconnected, what do we want to do? We want to do the bare minimum. When we feel connected, what do we want to do? We want to do the maximum. So the question really, if you put all three of these together, what's really the question? If I'm suffering, if I've done so many Iveyras that there's no way God could love me, or honestly, if I just don't feel like any of this matters, the one word that ties all of this together is connection. If I'm suffering, I must not be connected because you did this to me. That's fair. If I've done so many Iveyras, I must not be connected. Who could possibly stand? Even an infinite God couldn't stand as obnoxious as I am. And last but not least, I just don't feel connected. Let's take this young man's response and let's now go back to Egla Arufa, and I want you to see something unbelievable.

53:05 You know what the Halach of Egla Arufa says? Halach of Egla Arufa says a simple thing. You were leaving the city. What was the feeling you felt when you left? Did you feel protected? Did you feel cared for? Were we malava you out? When you left, did we hug and say goodbye? Did we make sure that you had food and shelter for the road? Or did you leave as if you didn't matter? How many people go off the deruch not because they don't believe, but because nobody ever let them know that they mattered. How many people go off the deruch because they never had a teacher, they never had a Rebbe, maybe they never even had a friend that put their arm around their shoulder and said to them, you know, you're the most important person in the world to me right now. Rabbi Yaakov Horowitz, I don't know if you've heard of him, he was the head of project, I think he still is, the head of project YES.

54:10 When he sits down with kids that are off the deruch, he has a move. You know what his move is? His move is, he keeps his phone on, and when they walk into the room, he turns off his phone. He says to them, I'm turning off my phone. Why does he turn off his phone? Because the first thing that this kid needs to know is everything that you say has my undivided attention because you matter. He doesn't need to tell them you matter. He acts as if they matter. I've said this before, I've probably said it here, and I'll say it again. There's a famous story, I think, everybody tells it in their version, right? But of the mother who's washing dishes and the kid who's trying to get their mother's attention so she could show her the book report that she got back. Mommy, mommy, look at my book report. Very nice, sweetie, very nice. She continues washing the dishes. Mommy, mommy, look at my book report. I looked. Mommy, mommy, can you look with your eyes? Actually look. Put down the phone. You know what the most obnoxious thing you could do is? The most obnoxious thing.

55:12 When somebody's talking to you, yeah, I'm listening. No, you're not. I can type and listen at the same time. Who cares that you can? Do you know how rude that is? Do you know how obnoxious that is? Just imagine if you were a kid trying to talk to somebody who's saying, yeah, I'm listening to you. No, you're not. You might be listening to me, but you're not listening to me. There's a fundamental difference. I know you can hear the words that I'm saying with your ears. How many people do this? How many people, like, have they ever been called out in class? And they were spacing out. And the teacher says, okay, tell me the last thing I said. So they can go back in their mind and somehow they can pull out the last seven seconds of what the teacher said. They don't actually know the sentence, but they're able to say, like, there was a war in England, right? They can pull out that last thing. Why? Why can they pull that out? They're not paying attention. They just have the words. And paying attention to somebody doesn't mean hearing the words that they've said. It means letting them know that they matter.

56:15 You know why this person was killed? This person was killed not because they weren't able to defend themselves. This is what the Pasuk is telling us. It's not because they didn't have a knife on them that they could have staved off their attacker. It's because they didn't believe in themselves to stave off their attacker. And you know why they didn't believe in themselves? Because whoever told them that they mattered. Why is it that, and again, I don't think I'm saying something crazy, but why is it that so many people feel, so many people feel that they're getting twice, three times, four times the amount of negativity thrown at them as they are positivity? The comments on our dress, the comments on our behavior, the comments on our classwork, the grades that we get. Where's the enthusiasm? Where's the positivity? Where's the, you're awesome, we're so happy to have you here. Here's a crazy line. I shouldn't say it, but I'm obviously going to say it anyway, yeah? Could you imagine what education would look like in the orthodox world if we treated it like Kirov? Wouldn't that be awesome? Wouldn't it be awesome if when you showed up to school, somebody said, we're just so happy to have you here, instead of, you didn't do this, you didn't do that.

57:21 And I'm not saying we shouldn't say those things. I feel absolutely comfortable, 100% comfortable, if somebody's doing something inappropriate in the sheer of mind, I feel absolutely comfortable to call that person out. You know why I can't? Because I don't have enough trust in the bank with you girls. I don't know you. I come here once a week, I give a sheer, I laugh, I take a sip of water, we move on. We don't know each other. So what happens if I call one of you out? It's over. It's over. You don't know me. And I don't know you. It's not nice. So I, the person might be doing something that's exceptionally disrespectful, I can't say a word. I don't have enough credit in the bank. I can't make a withdrawal if I haven't made a deposit. And I know, I'm smart enough to know that getting up here once a week and sharing with you, Torah, is not a deposit. You don't have to be here. You could leave. Maybe Revo will write you down. Maybe she won't. But that's not what it's about. This is not a deposit. A deposit is a personal relationship. When I have a personal relationship with somebody, I'm thrilled to say to them, you're doing the wrong thing. But if I don't have that personal relationship, how can I do that? The Eglah Arufa was the following statement. The Sanhedrin needs to come for it.

58:29 We made a terrible mistake. You were killed because we didn't tell you that you mattered. The Torah of today's generation is a Torah that must be, every single sense, you matter. Yes, people are suffering exceptionally. You know the message? Listen, if they're getting hit on the head from Hakadosh Baruch Hu, you know the message that has to be from us as a community? You matter. Person dies, what do we have? Shiva. Who comes? Everyone. And again, Baruch Hashem, I've never had to sit Shiva. But my best friend has had to sit Shiva twice. I flew in from Israel for the last one. When you sit at Shiva for long enough, you hear the same thing over and over again. And you hear the same stories. I asked my friend, how can you tell the same story over and over again? He goes, you know why? Because people cared enough to come. When we suffer, we suffer as a community. It eases the burden because we tell people that they matter.

59:29 When a person feels disconnected because of all the avayers that they've done, what is the only message that every Rebbe, every teacher should be giving over in every single Shia that they give? You are infinitely connected because you are a piece of God. Just like a son or a daughter cannot truly run away from a parent because no matter how far they run, they're essentially connected. That has to be the message of every single halacha, every single hashkafa, every single musr, every single shir you get. You have to walk away with the feeling that I am beloved by Hakadosh Baruch Hu. infinitely. And if you leave a shir ever feeling worse about yourself, you should know that Torah is toxic. It's disgraceful Torah. Torah. It's Torah that can poison a person. You have to know that no matter how far you stray, you're deeply connected. It's our responsibility as a community to do that. And here's the last one. If somebody feels disconnected from their Judaism because they say, does God really care? The answer is not a hashkafa shmuz on borer. You know what the answer is? The message of the Egl Arufa. If you feel like you're distant,

1:00:32 if you feel like you're far out, if you feel like it doesn't matter, you should know it matters. It matters. Why it matters to G-d, I have no idea. Why He cares how I separate the food like this, I have no idea. But I know it matters. And you have to know it matters. And best way to teach you to know that it matters, is you matter. Now let's go back and we're going to hear something unbelievable. If you grapped what I'm saying until now, it's going to change your whole view of the story. Yaakov sends Yosef down to his brothers, and he knows that the brothers hate him. And he knows that he's sending him out there, that it's going to be misubach. It's going to be complicated. It's going to be complex. What's really going to happen? He knows all of that. What's the message that he sends them off with? I know that you're about to go to a place of disconnection. I know that you're about to go to a place where it could be that Mitzrayim is awaiting for you. And you're going to fall so deep that you, Yosef HaTzadik, the paradigmatic Tzadik, might find yourself in the home of Ashes Potiphar. You might find yourself in the midst of that Aveiro. You might find yourself in jail. You might find yourself as the Viceroy of Egypt.

1:01:34 And every woman is saying, I want to be with Yosef HaTzadik. You might find yourself in all of those places. You should know one thing. You're deeply connected. You matter. So Yosef HaTzadik's response then is unbelievable. What's his response to his father? His response to his father is twofold. But you got to get the genius here. The genius was that he was saying to his father, I am still alive. How do you know I'm still alive? Because I'm only alive because you told me I matter. I'm only alive today. I'm only Yosef HaTzadik because the message that Yaakov Avinu told Yosef HaTzadik over and over again when he was a kid was you are the most important person in the world. Do you remember the feeling that you had in your heart the first time you felt like I don't matter? The first time someone important in your life really spoke in like a terrible way to you? Maybe it was a parent who was like so disappointed in you. Do you remember the feeling, the sinking feeling in your heart of like, Oh my gosh, I'm so unworthy. You know that feeling? Yosef never had it from his father.

1:02:37 Never once. How do you survive 22 years in an alien culture? If you had a father who raised you to know that you were the most important person in the world to him, you can survive. If not, it's fast. It goes so fast. Why do we have 13-year-old kids, 12-year-old kids that are going off to Derech today? You think it's because they have big hashkafa questions? All of a sudden a 12-year-old, you know, you remember what it was like to be 12? It wasn't that long ago. Remember what it was like to be 12? You're a big philosopher. I don't know if I believe in this. No. It's because nobody told you to believe in yourself. Nobody told you you mattered. That's why all these programs today, they're wonderful. You know why? Because the programs are basically designed to say, you matter. An old acquaintance of mine, a guy who I grew up with, he started a program called Our Place. You've heard of Our Place? Our Place is in Brooklyn. It basically takes kids off the streets. You know how he gets them to come in? He offers them hot food.

1:03:40 Because they haven't had hot food in so long. Because they left their parents' house. They have nowhere to go. They don't know where the next meal is coming from. Just by offering them hot food, he gets them to come in. You know what the message is, though? We have food for you. Not we have food. We have food for you. You matter. That's how they rebuild lives. So the first thing that Yosef said to Yaakov is, I survived because you told me you mattered. And then Yaakov knew that it was real. But there's something deeper. If you look at the puzzle carefully... I'm going to read it to you one more time, something unbelievable. The symmetry is just stunning, but you've got to really hear it again. You've got to hear it with your heart, because it's a beautiful one. What were these agalot? Remember we asked the question that these agalot, it seems like such a thin connection. Egil, agalot, wagon, a calf, what's the connection here? These were the agalot that Yosef sent, to bring Yaakov down to Mitzrayim.

1:04:46 What was the message Yosef was sending to Yaakov? You also, you also, my father, I paved the way. I paved the way, what was the way? You told me I matter, so I was able to survive. But now Yosef is saying something back to his father. You matter too, you matter too. Sometimes we have the capability of giving a gift to our parents. Yaakov was about to go down to a Golis that he knew, because it was from Brisbane Abbasarim. When Yaakov leaves, what does that mean? It means all of his children are going into Golis for hundreds of years. Right? At the end of the parasha. That's already what's going on. Do you hear it girls? Could you imagine the feeling that Yaakov Vinu has as he's walking down to Mitzrayim? He must have dreaded every single step. Why must he have dreaded every single step? Because he knew, he's imprisoning his grandchildren, his great-grandchildren, his great-great-grandchildren are going to go through some of the most horrific suffering in the world. How could this happen?

1:05:51 After all, what did Yaakov want? Beke Shelei Shev Beshalva. He wanted serenity. And instead, what is he getting? His children are about to go into Golis Mitzrayim. So what's the message that Yosef Hatzadek says to him? Don't be afraid. Don't be afraid, because the message you gave me, it was true. And now I'm giving it back to you. These agalot that are going to take you down to Mitzrayim, they have in them the egla arufa. They have in them the capacity. Don't ever forget, Yaakov, as you're coming down to Mitzrayim, you have the capacity to tell Klal Yisrael right now, we're going to get through this together. You know why? Because we matter. That was the sensitivity. Girls, could you imagine, let's go back to that story. Could you imagine what it was like to be that kid whose father left? Can you imagine? What's the feeling? Is the feeling, I don't have a dad by Little League when everybody else does? When everybody else's father has a dad that's there cheering them on, I don't have a dad, is that the feeling? I don't think it's about the dad being by Little League. When it's, everybody else has a dad that they sit next to in Shul,

1:06:57 and I have to sit with a friend's father. Is that what he wants, someone to sit next to him in Shul? I don't think so. Those are symptoms. You know what the root cause is? Somebody abandoned me. Somebody literally said, I don't matter. So he said, Ani Yosef HaOravichay. Chaval. Chaval to communicate anything else to the people that we love, to the girl that's sitting next to you right now, to the girl that's in the dorm, the one that's suffering. Chaval to communicate anything other than, you know, you matter infinitely. Because at some point, that Musser of Ani Yosef HaOravichay, it's going to come around to us. When somebody looks at us and says, do I matter? It's going to be an indictment on us. Did we let them know? Were we proactive? Did we let them know that they mattered? Everyone talks about this year of growth. I have to focus in words, whatever that means. How could it be that growth could happen without us looking at the person next to us and saying, this person may not know that they matter enough. They may not know. It's our responsibility. Call Yisrael Aravim, Zelazah. It's our responsibility to be an Egu Arufa for every single person.