Bo - Bringing Mashiach: Letting Go Of Expectations, Holding On To Hope

2:23 Second question is We sort of know why we do everything that we do at the Pesach Seder. For example, why do we eat maror? Because the slavery was very bitter. Why do we eat the carbon Pesach? We know that it took a tremendous amount of courage for them to shecht the carbon Pesach, which was a god to the Egyptians. It makes sense that there's a carbon Pesach. We say pesach matzah maror. Remember that by the way, the Rebbe Gamliel. If you don't say pesach mar matzah mar, you're not yotzei. We know why carbon pesach. We know why maror. But matzah represents what? Poor planning. What exactly does matzah represent here? That they didn't have the foresight to actually think we're going to need to take something when we leave Mitzrayim. And the obvious question is why didn't they prepare? It wasn't like a week. It wasn't like Dan's Friday at Kinen Arav. It wasn't like the Makos happened in a week. It was happening for a while. So they must have known that they were going to be leaving. Why didn't they actually prepare food in advance? I remember when the war started, when October seventh happened.

3:38 It took a couple of days for the Israeli army to mobilize. Every Jewish girl in this country started to bake for the soldiers. She started the soldiers had more baked goods than you could possibly imagine. They went into Gaza armed with their M16s and their combat training and their fatigues and muffins. They went. They mamish went taking care of. I'll tell you, I went. A week after October seventh, I drove with my daughter to Ofakim. My daughter was in seminary in Ofakim. Ofakim is ten minutes from Gaza. My daughter was in seminary ten minutes from Gaza. In fact, there's a crazy story. We won't go into all the details now of all the unbelievable things that happened on October seventh. Obviously, a tremendous amount of tragedy, but also a tremendous amount of miracles. The mechablem, the terrorists, they drove down the street. Past my daughter's seminary, Baruch Hashem, she wasn't in seminary. She was with me in Mevaser for some Chas Torah. There was a woman whose name was Safder Achel.

4:49 Safder Achel Her house is three blocks from my daughter's seminary. For those of you that don't know the story, Safder Achel had these two terraces that came into her house. And she went into Jewish babby mode and she started baking for them. And she started tending to them, and she was at the same time sending messages to her children, who were I think police officers, and they came and they rescued her and took out the terrorists. There's an unbelievable story. And then everybody in Israel was making Safra Rachel's recipes for the cookies that she baked for the terrorists that tried to kill her. It was like in all the bakeries throughout Israel for a week, everyone was making Safra Rachel's cookies. When I was driving my daughter, we drove right by her seminary. We made the right hand turn, and my daughter goes. That's where Safdar Achel lives. Literally, this close to her seminary. It was the only time I've ever had this. In ways, I put it into ways to go to Ophakim, and ways said, 'This is a dangerous place. Are you sure you want to go?'

5:45 And I clicked yes, which is a very strange feeling. When we got to Ophakim, we saw obviously a lot of Israeli soldiers were there, just because it's on the border of Gaza. And these soldiers were sitting at the entrance to the town of Ophakim, and I felt so proud to be a part of this nation where these young Jewish boys were standing a post and protecting our town. I went to the bakery and said I just wanted to get baked goods for them. They should have something to eat while they're sitting there. And so we bought a couple hundred shekel worth of baked goods and we took it out to the outpost right outside of Ophakim. And when I got there, I should have looked beforehand. Apparently, everybody had the same idea that I did. So these couple of soldiers were sitting there, armed at a post. And right behind the post, they had mountains of boxes from this bakery in Ophakim. This baker was making a fortune. Everybody was buying for the soldiers, but the soldiers had so much food. This is what Jews do. Jews eat, right? Every single Yom Tov. Somebody tried to kill us. Let's eat, right? So how could it possibly be?

6:58 How could it possibly be that they didn't have food to take with them? That's the least Jewish thing I've ever heard. So number one, matzah has become the symbol for Pesach And yet it's just a very simple thing. They didn't have time for the dough to rise. We don't exactly know what it represents. It's just poor planning. But why didn't they have foodie? I want to make a hard right turn and totally ask a different question. We also have in this week's parsha some of the questions that we have from the four sons at the seder. Now we know there are four sons. There's the Ein Yodea Lishol. He doesn't ask a question. So there's three questions that are asked. There's the Chacham, the Tam, and the Rasha. The Rasha and the Tam are in this week's parsha. The Chacham's question is all the way much later in Sefer Devarim. See if you can catch the difference. I will highlight the word that is different.

7:56 Ki yishalcha. This is the first one. This is the chacham from Sefer Dvarim. Ki yishalcha b'inchat machar lemar. If your son asks you tomorrow Saying that's the chacham. The Tam says v'ha'yakhi yishalcha b'inchat machar lemar mazos. It will come to pass that your son will ask you tomorrow. Mazos. What is this? When it comes to the Rosh Hashanah, it says, "V'haya ki yom roalechem banechem ma avodazos lachem." What's missing from the Rosh Hashanah's question? What's missing is the word "tomorrow." Isn't that interesting? The Chacham will ask when tomorrow. The Tam will ask when tomorrow. The Rosh Hashanah asks We don't know when. Doesn't say. So when we're contrasting these three questions. The Roshes' question is not tomorrow. The Chacham's question is tomorrow. The Tam's question is tomorrow. The Roshes' question is not tomorrow. The question is why. So those are the three questions we have for tonight.

9:02 I want to share with you a concept that you really learn well This will be a game changer for you practically in your everyday life. It's a sophisticated concept. It's a subtle concept, and most people don't even realize that it's happening in their life. What does Gullus Mitzrayim represent? I think we already started to say this last week. Mitzrayim represents the imprisonment of the self. It's to be constricted, Meitzar. It's to live in a constricted way with the tyrannical ego of Paro running your life. I want to share with you an unbelievable idea. If you are living in a state of Mitzrayim, because all of us are living on some level in a state of Mitzrayim The thing that you will suffer from, perhaps more than anything else Is a concept called expectations. Expectations are an expression of the ego's need to control. Most people don't even realize it.

10:11 Expectations are premeditated disappointments. You ever hear that line before? You expect something. What does it mean if you expect something? You're gonna be disappointed. And that's why people will go through life and tell you in a very sad way. I just honestly don't expect anything from them anymore. This way, I can never be disappointed. It's very sad when somebody says that in a relationship, because what do they really mean? They really mean I've given up on this relationship. But expectations are premeditated disappointments. I want to share with you an unbelievable idea, and this is going to give us a deep psychological insight. When the first plague hit This is what happened to Israel. Imagine you're a Jew. You've been in slavery for hundreds of years. Your father was a slave. Your grandfather was a slave. Maybe your great grandfather was a slave. This was tough. You were born into a state of slavery. And now Makkas Dam hits.

11:14 So think about that. The Nile River turns red, and it doesn't turn red like liquid. It's not like a liquid dye. Does your dad do that at the seder? That kitschy thing where they put some food coloring into the water and they go, ooh, it's blood. Every dad has their corny dad thing that they do at the seder. Some dads like to throw frogs. Everyone has their shtick that they do. We're gonna beze Hashem. Your husband beze Hashem is gonna have lots of corny jokes at the seder. So that's what gets an amen in this place. I love it. This was blood. That means blood is thick. Could you imagine being a Jew and watching the Nile River run red with physical blood? And this was the symbol of the Egyptian god. What did you think in that moment? You thought, "That's it, we're out." Yeah, Mashiach is here. There's no question. We are leaving. We're going.

12:22 They baked their brains off. They went home. They said, "Kids, gather round. We are leaving Eretz Yisrael. Look what Hakadosh Baruch Hu did. An Egyptian's holding a cup of water, and it turns to blood. They get it. They give it to a Jew. All of a sudden, it turns to water. This is miraculous." This is our time. Moshe Rabbeinu has come back from Midyan. Moshe Rabbeinu comes and he says, "I'm your Mashiach." He goes to Paro, blood hits. People say, "This it. This unbelievable. This what the prophecy told us." We know we had a tradition from Avram Avinu that he had a covenant from Hashem called the Brisk Bein Abazarib, and he was told, "Your children will be slaves in Mitzrayim, and I will take them out with great wealth." Avram passed it on to Yitzchok. Yitzchok passed it on to Yaakov. Yaakov passed it on to the Shvutim. The Shvatim told their children, who told their children, blood hits, we out.

13:10 They baked like crazy, they were ready, and they know what happened? Nothing. Nothing happened. Next month. And then Sfardeya came. You can imagine what that must have been like. Frogs everywhere. The noise was crazy. An Egyptian opened his mouth, a frog jumped in. They opened up their ovens, frogs all over the oven. They couldn't do anything. Frogs destroyed their lives. This was huge. And the Jewish women were like, 'This is unbelievable' And they started baking. And then you know what happened? Nothing. And this is how it goes. It's an unbelievable thing that happens. How many times can you go through the emotional whiplash of expecting to leave Mitzrayim But then it doesn't happen? You know what happens? You become totally exhausted. You become disenchanted, not hopeless. But you stop preparing because you're like, what's the point? Every time I think something is going to happen, every time I expect Mashiach to come, he doesn't come. So why should I bother preparing?

14:17 They weren't lazy. They were just broken. So when it came time to actually leave, the Torah makes such a big deal that they didn't have their matzah ready to go because the Torah is highlighting something about their psychological state. All expectations were absolutely gone. They weren't prepared, not because they didn't know that eventually it was coming, but because how many times can I be disappointed? Have you ever been in a relationship like this, where he promises? I'm sure none of you have ever been in a relationship, but just in case, yeah. Have you ever been in a relationship where he just promises it's going to be different next time, and you're like, okay, I spoke to him, I spoke to some rabbits, and then she told me that we have to work on our communication. So I communicated to him clearly, and I told him what my needs are.

15:03 And I feel really seen. Now I just feel like he's going to change, but then the following week it's back to the same old ways, and he keeps promising and promising. Eventually, what happens when he promises he's going to change? You go, I don't expect anything from him. Why not? Because how much emotional whiplash could I possibly have? I'm exhausted from this relationship. This is the way Kallah Yisrael felt. So they stopped believing that they could actually predict or prepare for when Mashiach would actually come. Was that a good thing or a bad thing? It's not obvious. We're going to have to unpack. Is it a good thing to let go of expectations? So let's think about perhaps the following concept. Let's see if we can play with this idea a little bit to arrive at a deep truth that the Torah is telling us.

15:58 Not everybody is going to use the word expectation the way that I'm going to use it tonight. So if you hear it from another rebbe and he says something positive about expectations, it could be that we're agreeing. I'm just going to use the word expectation tonight in a negative way because when I say expectation tonight, what I mean is expectation that's driven by ego. So I want to put. We have a marker here. It's not necessary. In the box. I want to share with you tonight. This looks like a deep share. I want to raise it. I want to share with you tonight. Expectations tonight are going to be different than hope. Yearning, and anticipation. For tonight, we're going to say that expectations come from ego. Whereas hope Yearning, and anticipation come from the soul. This is the split that we're going to make: the difference between ego, which is driven, which gives us expectations, versus the neshama, that gives us hope, yearning, and anticipation.

17:22 What exactly is ego-driven about an expectation? This is where it gets very subtle. You ready for this? Expectation is a form of control. Let's unpack this. A parent who says to their child I expected better of you Why does that cut us so deeply? Why does that, in a certain sense, work when a parent sets expectations? What does the child feel? The child feels disciplined. The child feels like very good. Child feels like there's something that I'm expected to do. And if you've ever been the child that had to live up to your parents' expectations, you know that can be a very difficult thing to do, because either you do it Which sometimes feels us leaves us feeling how should we say this? A little empty inside. Imagine a person that has to live up to their parents' expectations to become a doctor, but they don't want to be a doctor. They want to be a musician. So they're leading somebody else's life. How do they feel about their parents? They feel controlled by their parents because they had to live up to their parents' expectations, and they actually live life this way. Some people have the opposite. Since they can't meet their parents' expectations, what do they do?

18:43 They just go in the exact opposite extreme, and they'll say, "My parents are so controlling. They expect me to do X, Y, and Z." So expectations, when communicated, can be a very subtle form of control. And why do we need to control? Because we are all afraid of death. That's where the ego lives. The ego lives knowing that it will one day die. Very different than the neshama. The neshama will never die. The neshama was a neshama before it was born into your body, and it will continue to be a neshama after it leaves your body. So the neshama is eternal, but the ego will only exist for a couple of years while we're alive in this world. So what is the ego afraid of? The ego is always afraid of the end. So what does the ego need to do while it's alive? It tries to control as much as possible. Do you know that today people are literally doing this? People are doing the craziest things to their bodies. In order to live longer, do you know that people are resequencing their own genetic code in the hope of adding on a couple of years to their lives?

19:51 Because they say, for every year that I live, if you're born today, think about what medical marvels might exist thirty, forty years from now. Imagine if somebody has a heart attack and we can just 3D print a heart for them that will work for eternity. Imagine if we can do real brain transplants that could allow you to live for eternity. So people are trying to resequence their own genome in order to gain five, ten years because we don't know what medical miracles will come around the corner, and you'll literally be able to live forever. The challenge of this, psychologically speaking, is how those people live their lives. If you're in such a deep state of control that you need to control every outcome of your life, probably your life is miserable. And if your life is not miserable, I can pretty much guarantee you that the people living around you are miserable. Because if you have such a deep need to control, it's probably not going to work out very well in your life.

20:43 So expectations are a subtle form of control, and here's the thing: it comes with timing. Expectations always come with a time frame. If you have an expectation, it always comes within a certain time frame, and God forbid if you miss that time frame, somebody's expectations are going to come raining down upon you. I expected this to be done by tonight, and it's tonight, and it hasn't been done. So expectations are always tied to timing and predictions. I'm timing that this is when it's going to happen. And we have this even in our own personal growth. Can I give you girls a subtle example of that? How many of you are disappointed by your unmet expectations of your growth this year? It's January. You're sitting there going like I was hoping it was going to be a great year. I expected it to be a great year. I shouldn't say hoping. I expected it to be a great year. And by the time January rolled around, I expected of myself that I would never do an avera again. That I was going to come back for Pesach.

21:59 This move where you come back for Pesach and everybody can see how well you did. They decide if you're from enough, I'm talking about. You have to dress in a certain way, your hair has to be a certain way, and you have to talk in a certain way, and all of a sudden you have to. Like a little like. So good to be back. I had an excellent year in Baymaria. It was life changing. It's like, where'd you go? But we have this expectation that I'm going, and it has been a great year. But were there disappointments? Are we disappointed in ourselves? I thought by this time, how many guys in yeshiva have said that to me? I thought by January I had already known half of shas. Why do you think that? You've only been in yeshiva for four months. But expectations always come. It's a form of control, and it always comes with a prediction. It always comes within a time frame.

22:57 Here's the thing. The ego. And its expectations on some level will always crash. It's true. Expectations really are premeditated disappointments. And the thing is, as long as you are crashing, you're going to be miserable. So people who have expectations around change, it never really works out for them. Because if you start to think deeply about this, they go like, okay, I expected of myself that by the time I was 30 years old, I wasn't going to be struggling with Fill in the blank anymore. So you see the prediction, you see the time frame, you see the expectation. Now I'm 30 and I'm still struggling. I expect that by the time I'm 35, I'm not going to be struggling with this anymore. But 35 comes and goes. I expect that by the time I'm 40, I'm not going to be struggling with this anymore. How much crashing can a person take? The answer is not that much. Eventually, people just give up.

23:53 But that's actually not a bad thing. Because redemption can only come when you give up expectations. Hakadosh Baruch Hu redeems us. This is the crux of the shir. You have to get this point clear. Hakadosh Baruch Hu will miraculously save your life from above. Redemption will come from outside of you when your ego gets out of the way. There's no space for God in our lives. Because our lives are filled with our own ego. You know what ego is, Rashi Tevos? Edging God out. It must mean you know somebody who's in the 12 step program, right? Ego is Rashi Tevos for edging God out. There is either space for your ego or there's space for Hashem, but there cannot be space for both. And remember, girls, marriage is a perfect muscle for our relationship with Hashem. If a girl is in a marriage and she goes, "I just don't know why our marriage isn't going well. Why are we having trouble connecting?" I can tell you the answer. Ninety-nine point nine percent of the time, maybe even a hundred percent of the time, you know what the answer is? There's too much ego.

25:04 Marriage exists in a shared space. Think of marriage as the three rings of the Olympics, except the Olympics are four. This is where the marriage occurs, right there in the middle. If you fill the entire space, or he fills the entire space with ego, then there's no room for the marriage to occur. Hakadosh Baruch Hu says the same thing. I want to redeem you from Eretz Yisrael, but I can't because what you are trying to do is manage this redemption. And that's not the way Geula happens. Geula, by its very definition, is Hashem says I will take you out. As long as you are trying to take yourselves out, I cannot take you out. And this is the catch-22 of change, because everyone's like, "I'm working on it. I'm working on myself." Maybe that's exactly the problem. Maybe the problem is that you are working on yourself as opposed to giving it over to God.

26:04 Maybe the problem is that we are the ones standing in the way of our own redemption. Think about it from an Alcoholics Anonymous perspective. What does an alcoholic have to do? Let go and let God. Why do they have to do that? Because they say, listen, clearly I'm an addict. I cannot take myself out of my addiction. How do you know you can't take yourself out of your addiction? You know what the answer is? If you could have, you would have. How many times did you try to stop drinking and you just ended up right back in the same spot? Maybe the problem is when we say I'm working on myself. Maybe the 'I'm' is exactly the problem. You think you can take yourself out of jail, but you can't. Only Hashem can take you out of Mitzrayim, and that's what the Gemara says: Ain chavush matir atzmo mi beis asurim. A person in jail cannot take themselves out of jail. They're trapped. How does somebody break out of jail? Somebody's got to come throw that stick of dynamite at the wall, and then you walk out of jail.

27:01 As long as you are sitting there, this is a very subtle point. What happened by Dam? They said, "Whoa, blood!" Redemption is coming. We have to prepare. We have to make this happen. Once they did that, what happened? Redemption can't come. Sfardeya, great! Redemption is happening. Let's get started. Let's get ready. Let's make everything happen. That's not the way redemption occurs. So only when—and this is a very subtle point—at the very end of the story, when they're totally unprepared for redemption, what happens? Now redemption occurs. They suffered from such a deep emotional whiplash that they let go of all ego. They said, clearly, we are not in control here. Now that you're not in control, now Al Kadosh Baruch Hu can take you out of Mitzrayim. I'm going to ask you to hold off on the questions, just because it's very possible that your questions are going to be answered in the next round.

27:56 Let's shift now from ego The expectations into the soul, hope, yearning, and anticipation. Girls, you know that the Chafetz Chaim kept a bag packed at his door with all of his clothing for Mashiach. Doesn't that sound like exactly the opposite of what I just taught you? It sounds like a good question though. It sounds like everything we know tells us that we're supposed to. We're supposed to be ready for when Mashiach comes. We're supposed to have our bags packed and ready to go. Listen, right now you're here, so it's great. Mashiach's going to come tomorrow, best Hashem, and you're all going to be here. But your families—they're going to have to pack up. They're going to have to sell. It's going to be quite a schlep for them. But right now you're here. As Hashem, Mashiach will come before you go home, and then you'll not have to schlep. I will not have to schlep. Baruch Hashem.

28:51 I'm a platinum member on Alal. I'm happy to give out my points for anybody that gets stuck in America to bring them here from Mashiach. Lamaisa. What did you say? That was a flex. I said I take dibs. You take dibs. Good. But it's actually in Israel. You'll still be here. But for your family. Can't figure out what to do with my points. I know people sell them, but I'm not that Jewish. Is it that we have to let go of all expectations because that's a form of control, and only Hashem can take us out of Eretz Yisrael, or is it be the Chavetz Chaim and keep a bag packed, and also like everything we know? Like Labavitcher Rebbe, we want Mashiach now. And doesn't the Gemara say that one of the questions that were asked, Gemara and Shabbos thirty-one A, doesn't the Gemara? I'm sure this is what you were thinking. You were throwing, you were flying through all of Shas in your head. Especially the girls that have returned from America, the alumni that are back, their kumad all finished with Shas. And they're teaching Shas to their talmidot.

29:53 So there you go. What do you mean, Rabbi? The Gemara and Shabbos. Thirty-one A says that one of the questions that were asked after a hundred and twenty were asked questions like, 'Did you have set times for learning?' One of the questions is, 'See, peace of Yeshua.' Did you anticipate? Did you yearn for redemption to come? So it sounds like we're supposed to yearn for redemption to come. So which one is it? Here's what I think we have to make a split. The split goes like this. Hope is different than expectations. What is hope? Hope is an orientation. Hope is a lifestyle choice. Hope is the belief that life will certainly change. Even though it's never actually changed before. If you think about it What do we believe when it comes to Mashiach? We believe Mashiach is going to come. Has Mashiach ever come? No. Versions of Mashiach have come. Moshe Rabbeinu took us out of Mitzrayim, right? We returned after the first Beis Hamikdash, right? There was the first Beis Hamikdash built, right? We entered into Eretz Yisrael. Things have been unbelievable, but has a Mashiach ever come that restored world peace?

31:19 That brought us to a place where the third Beis Hamikdash will be rebuilt and never be destroyed again. Have any of us ever seen anything like that? The answer is no. So what does it mean, ani ma'amin? What does it mean that I have a deep faith? Faith creates hope. Hope is the belief that life will certainly change, even though I've never seen it happen before. And that's what the Rambam writes. Even though he may tarry, even though Mashiach may take a long while to come, nevertheless we wait for Mashiach to come. We hope Mashiach is coming. Why? Because hope is different than expectation. Hope is not about control. Hope has nothing to do with an outcome. It's not about managing. Hope is not an emotional thing. You don't get emotional whiplash when what you hope to happen hasn't happened yet. Hope has nothing to do with time because hope has nothing to do with control.

32:17 A healthy parent-child relationship isn't working off of the expectations of ego. It's working off of hope. The difference is: imagine that you're a parent. Imagine you're a parent, or that your parents parented you in this way, rather than saying the expectation of our family is this, which feels like control. Imagine if a parent, in a very gentle and beautiful way, says, 'I hope that you will become the person you're meant to become.' I hope that you will become your truest version of yourself. I hope that you will have the courage to be the person you were born to become. Do you hear the difference? If you're the child of parents who hoped for you, that ennobles you. That tells you're awesome. That tells you're dignified. Notice how when they have hope for you, it doesn't say, 'I hope that in five years.' If they say, 'I hope in five years,' what is that really? Thanks. That's expectations, right? Hope is.

33:18 It may not have ever happened before. But I hope that it will happen. I believe deeply in your capacity for change. One second. I know you've got great questions. Let me just make sure I get all through this. Feel free to ask me afterwards. Did you girls know that it's usser to predict the coming of Mashiach? It's a Gemara Sanhedrin 97b. It's usser to predict the coming of Mashiach. Now you should know that many people throughout history did predict the coming of Mashiach. The Rambam, the Ramban, the Arizal, the Alter Rebbe, the Vilna Gaon—many times throughout history, they have predicted the coming of Mashiach. How could they have predicted the coming of Mashiach when the Gemara says you're not supposed to predict the coming of Mashiach? And what's the problem with predicting the coming of Mashiach? The Gemara says: If you predict the coming of Mashiach and you say Mashiach is going to come by this date, then what happens when he doesn't come? People are going to get disappointed. They're going to go. I guess Mashiach is never coming.

34:17 So then how did the Rambam and the Ramban and the AriZal and the Alter Rebbe and the Vilna Gaon give dates? A lot of answers are given to that question. I'd like to give an answer tonight. What is the problem when you predict the coming of Mashiach? People will think that's an expectation. They go, 'Oh, Mashiach is coming by the first day of Elul, right?' You had this a couple years ago in Israel where Rav Chaim Kaniewski said Mashiach is going to come before the next elections, and everybody said Mashiach is coming before the next elections. And it's like this is great. We don't have to do anything. Mashiach is coming for the next elections. The next elections came and went, and Mashiach didn't come. I'm not sure what Rav Chaya meant when he said it, but I think what the Gemara is telling us is if you set an expectation, expectations become premeditated disappointments. The difference was when the Rambam and the Ramban and the AriZal and the Alter Rebbe and the Vilna Gaon and others.

35:06 You know what happened when they predicted when Mashiach was coming? They weren't predicting when Mashiach was coming. You know what they were doing? They were hoping. They were yearning. They were anticipating. So for them, when they expressed it, there's a lot of different answers to this question. But for them, when they expressed it, it wasn't like an emotional whiplash. If it doesn't happen by this date, in fact, for them, it was the opposite. What were they trying to tell the Jews living at that time? Messiah is coming. And by the way, there are those that say that on those dates, even though Messiah didn't fully come, another stage of the process was finished at that time. So it's a fascinating thing. By the way, even the Gemara predicts when the Messiah comes. So how could the Gemara contradict itself? Are you allowed to predict? Are you not allowed to predict? The answer is expectations are unhealthy.

35:57 Hope Hope is healthy. So did the Chafetz Chaim do the right thing or the wrong thing by packing a bag? The answer is absolutely the right thing. All of us should have bags packed. But when the Chavetz Chayim packed his bag, I can promise you, he never unpacked it when Mashiach didn't come. That's the difference between the Chavetz Chayim and the people that were living through the Makos. When they packed their bags, when they started baking, they said, 'We expect that we're leaving tomorrow.' When the Chavetz Chayim packed his bag, he said, 'I hope to use this bag' Whenever that day is. He wasn't managing. He wasn't controlling. It wasn't about his own ego. It was just, I know this is going to happen, so I'm going to be prepared. But their redemption came. Their redemption came when they let go of all expectations. That's the difference. You have to lose all expectations, totally release your ego, and in that space of surrender, only when you're hoping and yearning and anticipating Mashiach coming.

37:09 That's soulful. That's not desperate. That's coming from a deep place of self, from an abundance mentality. Now we know an unbelievable thing. Chometz means what? What does chometz mean? Chometz is all about your ego. It's inflated bread. So chometz is all about control. So what do we do on Pesach? No chometz. In order for redemption to come, you have to get rid of all of your ego. Instead, what do we have? Matzah. What's the value of matzah? Let's go back. Matzah means no swelling. No predictions, no management, no control. I'm ready to move when you tell me. So once Moshe Rabbeinu comes and he says, "We're out, let's go." What do they say? Ready. I was not ready. We're going to have to bake along the way. We're ready. That's the difference between hope and expectations. Let's go to the Rasha. The Chacham. When does he ask his question?

38:08 When does the Chacham ask this question? Girls, anyone remember when the Chacham asked this question? Tomorrow. When does the Tam ask his question? When does the Rasha ask his question? Why? Why? Because the Chacham and the Tam believe in tomorrow. And the Rasha doesn't. What's Tam? Tam is a simple person. And for us, simple doesn't mean foolish. Simple means just like very in self. Very like still. I'm saying nothing fancy, just pure. So the chacham and the tam, what's the godless? What's the genius? What's their greatness? I'll ask you my questions tomorrow. You know why? Because tomorrow is absolutely coming. For sure. Come for sure, tomorrow is coming. But some people have given up hope on tomorrow. So the difference is as follows. There's three levels. We see three levels. What does it mean to be a tzaddik? A tzaddik lives with hope. What stops us from geula? What stops us from geula is ego, expectation, control. When do we get geula? When we let go of expectation and control. What's the lowest level?

39:23 The lowest level is the death of hope. That's the hardest thing in the world. Why does this matter today? How many girls are dating and they're giving up hope? How many guys are dating and have given up hope? Because what happens is as follows: they start off and they think they're deeply hopeful. I'm going to meet my husband. I'm going to meet my wife. But then you know what happens? They realize it wasn't hope. What was it? It was expectations. And how many times can I go out with a guy before I just want to stop doing this? You know how many times I hear this phone call, Berg? I just can't anymore. I can't imagine. If you're a girl, it sounds like this. I can't imagine getting dressed for another date. For guys, it's easy. You know how a guy gets dressed for a date? He doesn't. That's it. He just goes out of the house, whatever he's wearing. Girls, it takes you hours to get ready.

40:23 And for guys that don't even notice. Do you know that when I showed up to my wife's house when we were engaged, I showed up at the door. She comes to the door. She goes. Notice anything different about me? No. She's like, are you serious? No. I'm wearing a shetel. I was like, looks nice. I push it. Didn't notice. Guys don't notice anything. I'll tell you an amazing story. This is a true story. My wife and I almost didn't make it. We almost had to break up. We almost had to break up. You know why? There was one date. It was the worst date we had. A seven hour date. I said for sure we're breaking up after this date. I didn't know if I was going to break up with her first or she was going to break up with me first, but there was no way we were going to make it. Everything, it was like just no chemistry, and I couldn't figure out what was going on. I thought I was being so nice, and she didn't have a car, so I was driving her to pay a shiva call, and I stayed outside in the car while she was paying the shiva call. This date, a seven hour date, it was just terrible.

41:27 Nothing could go right. At the end, I thought it was over. Turns out that my wife was wearing a skirt that had blue and brown in it, and she had two of the exact same pairs of shoes, one in blue and one in brown. And before the date, she put on both, one blue and one brown, to see which one matched better. And when she got in the car, she realized she was wearing one blue shoe and one brown shoe. So the entire date, she's got one foot behind the other to make sure that I wouldn't see. I was like, "What are the chances a guy would notice that she's wearing two different shoes? And even if a guy did notice that, he'd probably think it was a style thing. Like, I guess that's what's in style now, because it literally was the same shoe. So girls wear two different shoes now. I guess that's a thing."

42:20 I just can't, Rabbi. I just can't do anymore. I can't sit there for hours getting myself ready, getting myself excited to go out on a date to meet this guy who's such a loser, who's such a nerd. It's not gonna work. And there's normal guys out there anymore. Every guy is messed up, right? Every guy is weird. How come there's normal guys? By the way, the guys tell me the same thing. There's normal girls. I say, I have a shidduch for you. This girl thinks there's normal guys. You think there's no more girls. You guys should get together. They go on the date, they come back terrible. Neither of them is normal. That's expectations. The reason why people don't have the emotional stamina to go through the dating process, the reason why people don't have the emotional stamina to actually make a change in their life, is because they're living from the impoverished mentality of expectations, which is a form of control, and control never works. Who wants to marry somebody who's trying to control the dating process? It's miserable to be with someone like that.

43:23 Moving from expectations to hope. If you actually do it, not being the Russia that says there is no tomorrow, hope is the belief there will absolutely be a radically new tomorrow. Imagine you show up to a date with a guy, and the way that you show up to the date is I know I'm getting married. The only question is when, but I'm not even nervous about the date. I know I'm getting married. The only question is, is it you? You show up to a date with a person like that. That's deeply attractive. You show up to a date with a girl who's like Here we go again. Expectations are premeditated disappointments. I don't ever let myself get excited because even if I do, and he's somebody worth marrying, he won't want to marry me because I come from wherever and I've done this and my family is that. All the different excuses, so people are living out the self-fulfilling prophecy of expectations being premeditated disappointments, and nobody's actually living the life that they want to lead.

44:16 This is the avoda of our generation to stay in hope. Matza is not about strength. Matza is the celebration of the time when strength runs out. That's the godless of matzah. I'm no longer trying to control this. Geula doesn't come when we feel ready. It comes when we stop trying to make geula happen. In the blink of an eye Mashiach comes and says Let's go. And then we say "But we have nothing to eat because we stopped trying to manage our expectations." So we quickly take our matzah. And we run, and be'ez Hashem, that's exactly how we greet Mosheh Zakein. The girls are beautiful.