This article first appeared on meaningfulminute.org “Is Hashem going to forgive me if I know I will end up doing the aveira again?”
“I’ve done Teshuva so many times, and I keep falling into the same old patterns. Is my Teshuva even meaningful anymore?”
“If someone wronged me and then apologized only to wrong me again in the same exact way, I will not be so quick to forgive them. Now imagine this pattern repeating itself consistently for years and years. Only a fool would continue to forgive the perpetrator. Hashem is not a fool; why would He forgive me?”
I have received different variations of this question repeatedly every year during Elul. It’s a good question, and it deserves a good answer. It also speaks to the pain and frustration we feel around our relationship with Hashem. The honest person is deeply aware of their inadequacies. They cannot fool themselves into thinking this is the last time they will ever do an aveira. Perhaps they will make some progress, and the regret they experience is undoubtedly honest. But what they want most is an authentic relationship with Hashem, and they know they are not showing up as required by halacha. How can we be in a real relationship with Hashem when we are consistently going against His will?
The Purifying Impact Of An Incomplete Teshuva
Any serious treatment of Teshuva must begin with an examination of the Rambam. On a surface level, the Rambam seems to imply that until one never does the aveira again, they have not done Te
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